Chapter 28 sympathize with employees

There is such a magic sentence, which can not only prevent disputes and eliminate mutual disgust between people, but also bring harmony and make the other party pay attention to listening.Here's that magic line: "I'm not at all surprised you feel this way. If I were you, I'd feel the same way you do." Such a sentence can soften the most stubborn and violent people.And you have to do it all from your heart, because if you were the other person, of course you would feel exactly the same.Anyone who enters the White House will encounter various difficult problems almost every day.President Taft was no exception.He felt deeply the great value of sympathy in neutralizing disgust.In his book "The Ethic of Service," Taft gives an amusing example of how he turned an ambitious but disappointed mother from anger to moderation:

There was a woman in Washington whose husband was quite influential in politics.She came to me and pestered me for over 6 weeks to put her son in a position.She had the support of several members of the House of Representatives and invited them to meet with me and speak of their support for her.However, the position she requested required technical skills, and I had placed another individual on the recommendation of the minister. So I got a letter from this mother, saying I was the most ungrateful person in the world, and she went on to complain that she had gone to great lengths with her state rep to get a special case for me. The executive bill won all the votes, and I repaid her this way.

When you receive such a letter, the first thing that comes to your mind is, don't bother with someone who is rude or even reckless, you might write a letter back.Then, if you are a wise man, you should lock the letter in the drawer and take it out after two days--when you take it out after these days, it will not be sent. This is exactly what I do.So I wrote her back in a mildly worded letter, telling her that I was well aware that a mother would be disappointed in such a situation.But this matter can't be decided by my personal likes and dislikes, I have to choose someone with technical qualifications.I also expressed to her the hope that her son would do well in his current position to meet her expectations of him.This reply finally appeased her anger.

But the candidates I recommended had not yet been decided.After some time, I received another letter, supposedly from her husband, but in exactly the same handwriting as her first two letters.The letter told me that because she was too disappointed in this matter, she suffered a nervous breakdown, was bedridden, and suffered from severe stomach cancer.It asked me if I could take the first person's name off and put her son in, so that she could be restored to health. I had to write another letter, this time to her husband.I said I hoped the diagnosis was a misdiagnosis, and that his wife's condition must have seriously worried him, and I sympathized with that, but it was impossible to withdraw the names that had already been submitted.Soon, the person I appointed was finally approved.Two days after I got that letter, I gave a concert at the White House.At the concert, it was this couple who greeted my wife and me first, although the lady almost "died of a serious illness" not long ago!

S. Shurock can be said to be the first music manager in the United States.He has had close contacts with some famous artists in the world, such as Chaliabin, Duncan and Penlove, etc. for more than 20 years.Mr. Shrock told me that the most important first lesson in dealing with these capricious artists is the need to be sympathetic—to show more sympathy for their ridiculous eccentricities. Chaliapin was one of the greatest bass singers ever to fascinate the dignified audience at the Metropolitan Opera.But Chalyabin was like a spoiled child.In the words of Mr. Shurock: "He is a headache in every way."

For example, Chalyabin might call Mr. Shrock at noon on the day of the concert and say, "Shar, I'm not feeling well. I've torn my throat and I can't sing tonight." Did Mr. Shrock argue with him?Oh Nope.He knew that as an art dealer, he couldn't handle it that way.So he rushed to the hotel where Chaliabin was staying and expressed sympathy for him. "What a misfortune!" he would say sadly. "What a misfortune! My poor friend. Of course, you can't sing, and I'll cancel the concert at once. You'll only lose two or three thousand dollars, but it's nothing to do with your reputation." What is it compared to?"

At this point Chaliabin would sigh and say, "Perhaps you'd better come back in the afternoon. See how I feel by five o'clock." At 5 o'clock, Mr. Shurock came to the hotel again to express his sympathy for Chaliabin.He kept insisting on canceling concerts, and Chaliabin would sigh, "Okay. Come see me later! I might feel better then." At 7:30, the great bass singer finally agreed to sing on stage, but on one condition, that Mr. Shrock would go on the stage of the Metropolitan Opera House and announce to the audience that Chaliabin had a serious cold and his throat was broken. not too good.Mr. Shrock would lie about doing what he said, because he knew that was the only way to get the bass singer on stage.

Dr. Arthur Gates said in his famous book "Educational Psychology": "Human beings generally crave sympathy. For example, a child will even deliberately cut or injure himself in order to show the harm he has suffered, in order to gain a lot of sympathy." Compassion. For the same reasons, adults show their hurt to others, and describe details of their accidents, pain, and especially surgery. 'Self-pity' for real or imagined misfortune is actually It’s a common psychological phenomenon.” I feel even more that wise managers will use the power of empathy to employees or others to make themselves good managers.