Chapter 20 think about others

When I started writing this book, I offered a $200 bounty for the most helpful and inspiring true story on the topic "How I Be Happy." The three judges for this essay competition are Eastern Airlines chairman Eddie Reckenbacker, Lincoln Memorial University president Dr. Stewart McCollinan, and broadcast news critic Kattan Bonn.But in the end we received two very good stories, and even the three judges couldn't choose the first one.So we split the prize between the two authors. Here is one of the stories that won the first prize—by Mr. Burton of Springfield, Missouri. "I lost my mother when I was 9 and my father when I was 12," Mr Bolton wrote. "My father died in a car accident and my mother ran away from home one day 19 years ago, and I haven't been there since. Never met her, nor my two younger sisters who were taken away by her. She did not write to me until 7 years after leaving home. My father died in a car accident 3 years after my mother left home. He bought a coffee shop in a small town in Missouri with a partner who sold it while he was on a business trip and ran away with the money. A friend sent a wire to my father telling him to hurry back home. My father was killed in a car accident in Salina City, Kansas, in a hurry. I had two aunts who were poor, old, and sick. They took 3 of our 5 children to to their home.

"No one wanted me and my youngest brother, so we had to rely on the people of the town to help us get by. We were all terrified of being orphaned, or treated like orphans, but our fears happened quickly. .I lived with a poor family in the town for a while, but life was very difficult. The master of the family lost his job soon, and they had no way to support me. Later, Mr. Luo Futing and his wife took me in and let me They lived in a farm 11 miles away from the town. Mr. Luo Futing was 70 years old at the time, and he was lying on a hospital bed suffering from shingles commonly known as 'loin-clothed dragon'. He told me that as long as I don't lie or steal, I can Do what you say, and I can live there forever. These three requirements became my holy order, and I obeyed them completely. I started school, but for the first week I hid in the house like a baby and cried. The other kids came to trouble me, made fun of my big nose, said I was stupid, and said I was a 'little orphan'. I was so sad that I wanted to beat them up, but the old Mr. Luo Futing who adopted me said to me:' You have to always remember that the man who walks away and doesn't fight is much greater than the man who fights.' So I never got into a fight. Finally, one day, a kid grabbed A handful of chicken shit was thrown in my face. I beat him up so badly that I ended up making several friends who said the guy was asking for it.

"I really like a new hat that Mrs. Lofting bought me. One day, a big girl ripped my hat off and filled it with water, which ruined it. She said she put it in Water, to get that water to wet my big head so that my popcorn brain doesn't explode. "I never cried at school, but I used to come home and cry a lot. Then, one day, Mrs. Lofting gave me some advice that took away all my worries and worries and made my enemies She said, 'Roff, as long as you show interest in them and watch what you can do for them, they won't come to play tricks on you or call you 'little orphan' anymore.' I I took her advice. I started to study hard. Although I won the first place soon, no one ever envied me, because I always tried my best to help others.

"I have helped many male classmates write essays, and I have also written complete reports for several male classmates. One child didn't want his parents to know that I was helping him, so he often told his mother that he was going to catch voles , then ran to Mr. Luo Futing's farm, locked his dog in the barn, and asked me to teach him to read. I also wrote a book report for a child, and spent several nights helping another girl study math. "Death came quickly to our neighborhood: two very old farmers died, and the husband of another old woman. I was the only man in the family of four, and I helped the widows Two years have passed. On my way to and from school, I would go to their farms, help them cut firewood, milk the cows, feed and water their livestock. Now, everyone likes me very much and no longer scold me Me, everyone considered me his friend. When I came back from the Navy, they showed me how much they really felt for me.

"The first day I got home, more than 200 farmers came to see me, many of them even drove over 80 miles. Their care for me was very genuine, because I have always been happy to help others, so I No worries. And I haven't been called 'Little Orphan' in 13 years." So did the late Dr. Frank Lupe, who lived in Seattle, Washington.He was bedridden for 23 years with rheumatism, but Stewart Whitehouse, a reporter for the Seattle Times, wrote to me: "I have interviewed Dr. Lupe several times. I have never seen Who can be as unselfish as him and live a good life like that."

How can a useless person like him lying on the bed live a good life?I'll let you guess twice.Does he complain and criticize others all day long?No...was he full of self-pity, wanted him to be the center of attention, demanded that everyone take care of him?Nor is it.He did so by making the Prince of Wales' quote "I serve the people" his motto.He collected the names and addresses of many patients, and delighted them, and inspired himself, by writing them cheerful and encouraging letters.In fact, he created a correspondence club for patients so that they could correspond with each other.Eventually, he started a national organization, The Society in the Ward.

While lying in bed, he wrote an average of 1,400 letters a year, radios and books donated to the organization, bringing joy to thousands of patients. What is the biggest difference between Dr. Lu Pei and others?It is that he has a kind of inner strength, has a goal, has a task, knows that he is serving a noble and important ideal, and derives happiness from it; A sick, miserable old fellow in the center who complains all day long that the world doesn't make him happy." Here is one of the most amazing statements ever made by a great psychologist, Alfred Adler.He often said to those mentally depressed patients: "If you follow my prescription, your illness will be cured within two weeks: just think about how you can make others happy every day." Adler The Ph.D. asks us to do one good thing every day, but what is a good thing?A good thing is something that puts a happy smile on someone else's face.

Why does one good deed every day have such a big impact on people?Because when we try to please others, we stop thinking about ourselves.When we think only of ourselves, it creates worry and fear, and depression. There's an old saying that goes like this: "Give a rose to someone's hand, and you'll always have some incense in it." If you're a guy, you can skip this section because you probably won't be interested.Here is the story of how a worried, unhappy girl got several men to propose to her.And the girl is now a grandmother.I was a guest at her home a few years ago.I was giving a speech at the small town where she lived, and the next morning she drove me 50 miles to get a ride so I could transfer to Grand Central.We talked about how to make friends, and she said to me, "Mr. Carnegie, I'm going to tell you something I've never told anyone—not even my husband."

She told me that she was born into a very poor family in Philadelphia. "The greatest tragedy of my childhood and youth," she said, "was that my family was very poor. I couldn't have as much entertainment as other girls, my clothes were never the best material, and I was too tall. Quick, the clothes don't always fit well, and it's not a popular style. I always feel ashamed and wronged, and I often cry myself to sleep. Finally, out of desperation, I came up with a solution, that is, every time I participate in At dinner parties, I always ask my male partner to tell me about his own past experience, some of his opinions, and his plans for the future.

"I didn't do it because I was particularly interested in what he had to say; I did it because I didn't want him to notice that I was wearing ugly clothes. But something strange happened very quickly, when I heard these young people talk to As I talked and got to know them better, I really started to take an interest in what they had to say. Sometimes I was so interested that I forgot how I was dressed. But the thing that surprised me the most, was Because I can listen to other people's conversations, and I can encourage those boys to talk about themselves, which makes them very happy, so I gradually became the most popular girl in our place, and finally 3 boys came to propose to me .”

If we are going to "improve all things for others," as Dreiser preached, then let's do it quickly; there is no time to waste. "I can only walk this road once, so any good that I can do, and any act of kindness that I can do, do it now. Don't make me procrastinate or ignore, because I won't Go through this road again." To overcome anxiety in interpersonal communication, remember to be interested in the other person and forget about yourself.Do a good thing every day that can bring a happy smile to the faces of others, and you must think more about others.