Chapter 25 how to make someone like you instantly

Everyone you meet has something better than you, and one surefire way to win him over is to show him in a non-trivial way that he's someone important. I once stood in line at a New York post office to send a registered letter.I noticed that the post office clerk who handled the registered mail was very impatient with his job-weighing letters, picking up stamps, making change, issuing receipts...the monotony of doing this day after day after year after year And repetitive work. So I said to myself, "I've got to get this guy to like me. Obviously, to get him to like me, I have to say something that interests him. Not about me, but about him." So I Ask yourself, "Is there something in him worthy of my admiration?"

This question is sometimes not so easy to answer, especially when you are facing a stranger.But this time it was so coincidental that I soon discovered something worthy of my admiration in him. When he was writing me a letter, I said to him enthusiastically: "I really wish I had such good hair as you." He looked up at me in surprise, with a sincere smile on his face. "But it's not as good as before." He said modestly. I said to him sincerely, "It's a little less lustrous than before, but it's still as good. I really envy you for having such fine hair."

He looked very happy after hearing this, so we talked happily.Finally, he said to me, "Many people have said that my hair is beautiful." I bet he was very happy at lunch that night; he would happily tell his wife about it when he came home that night; Pretty." Once, in a public place, I spoke about this.One guy asked me, "So what do you get from him?" Yes, what do I get from him?What did I get from him? If we are so selfish and only want to be rewarded by others, then we will not give people any happiness, and we will not give people any sincere praise.If our tolerance is so small, then we will only reap failure and depression instead of any success and happiness.

Yes, I did want something from him, something hard to measure in money, and I got it!You see, I praised him and gave him a good feeling of happiness, but he couldn't return it to me-this feeling is priceless.You will still have it in your memory long after the event has passed, and you will have a beautiful and song-like experience. There is one law of the utmost importance in human conduct, which, if we obey it, will bring us happiness; if you violate it, you will be plunged into endless frustration.This rule is: "Always respect others and make them feel self-fulfilling." As Professor Dewey said: "Self-respect is the strongest impulse and desire in human nature"; also as Professor Jameson said: "In human nature, the deepest desire is to be valued by others." I have also repeatedly emphasized that this impulse is the characteristic that distinguishes us from animals, and it is this force that drives humans to create civilization.

For thousands of years, philosophers have been pondering the principles of human relationship, and finally realized an idea.This concept is not a new invention. In fact, as early as 3,000 years ago in Persia, 2,000 years ago in China, India, Jerusalem and other places, sages were spreading this concept. Don't do to others what you don't want; do to others what you want." You hope that people around you like you, you hope that your views are accepted, and you hope that you can be valued by others; you don't want to hear cheap flattery, but you are eager to get sincere praise.You want your friends and colleagues to be, as Scooper puts it, "honest with praise and generous with praise"...so do we all.

Let us, then, observe this rule ourselves: treat others as you would like them to treat you. How, when, and where do you do it?The answer is: practice anytime, anywhere, and it will work wonders for you. For example, I once asked a well-dressed guide at the Radio Mall where Mr. Shovel's office was.He articulated, "Showwell, (he pauses) 18th floor, (pauses again) room 1816." He held his chest up, his head up, clearly proud of the way he answered the questions . I walked to the edge of the elevator, turned back quickly, and said to the guide: "The way you answered me was really wonderful, and I want to thank you sincerely and congratulate you for that. Your The answer was very clear and accurate. You are such an artist, it is truly amazing!"

He was refreshed after listening to me, and was obviously very happy.He told me why he paused every time, why he was so accurate with every sentence... You see, I made him so proud of my few words that he raised his head high.I was soon on the eighteenth floor, when it occurred to me that I had done something useful for the happiness of mankind that afternoon. In fact, you don't have to wait until you become a high-ranking official, do a great job or make a fortune before following this rule.You can use it almost every day and it will work wonders naturally. For example, we go into a restaurant, ask for French fries, and the waitress brings us a plate of mashed potatoes.At this point we might as well say, "I'm sorry to trouble you. But I prefer French fries." The waitress will say, "You're welcome, it's no trouble at all." Since we showed her respect, she Will gladly swap us for the fries.

"I'm sorry", "I have caused you trouble", "I have troubled you", "Please...", "Can you...", "Thank you"-these small and ordinary polite phrases are like daily monotonous phrases. The lubricant in our life will add a bit of color to our life and promote our interpersonal relationship.And this is also the embodiment of your good quality. Let's look at another example. Have you read Kane's novel "Christian, Judge, British Isle of Man"?Thousands of people have read his novels.Kane, the son of a blacksmith, only went to school for 8 years in his life, but when he died, he had become the richest writer in the history of the world.

How did Kane create such a huge fortune?The general situation is this: because Kane loves poetry, he read all the poems of the great poet Rosty.He also wrote a speech celebrating Rosty's poetic prowess and artistic achievement, which he gave to Rosty himself.Rosdy was, of course, very pleased. "Any young man who can have such an insight into my talent," said Rosdy, "must be a very bright man." So Rosdy invited Kane to his home and asked him to be his secretary.For Kane, this was an important opportunity to change the path of his life—because with this new identity, he came into contact with many famous writers of that era, received useful advice from them, and was encouraged and inspired by them , began his own writing career, which eventually became world famous.

Kane's hometown is Fort Gribar on the Isle of Man, England, which has now become a tourist attraction for tourists from all over the world.He left a whopping $2.5 million fortune!However, who knows, if he hadn't written the speech in which he sincerely praised Rosdy, he might have been poor all his life. This is the power of sincere praise from the heart, which is a great power! That Rosdy thought he was important was nothing new—almost everyone thought they were important, very, very important.And so is every country. Do you think you are better than the Japanese?But in fact the Japanese are more self-righteous and think they are much better than you.For example, when a conservative Japanese sees a white man dancing with a Japanese woman, he must be very annoyed.

Do you think you are smarter than Indians?that is your freedom.But thousands of Indians think they are smarter than you, and they don't bother to be with you, an infidel, and they don't want to touch the food that has been tainted by your shadow. Do you think you are better than an Eskimo?This is also your freedom.But do you really want to know what Eskimos think of you?Among the Eskimos, those idle, lazy hooligans are called "white people" by the Eskimos-this is the most contemptuous appellation they have. Almost every country thinks it is better than other countries, so patriotism is born from this, and wars are born from this. It is an undeniable fact that anyone you have ever heard of, you may feel that he is better than you in some respects.In fact, everyone has advantages, and there are places worth learning from others.Acknowledge the importance of the other person, and express it from the bottom of your heart, and you will gain his friendship. Always remember what Emerson once said: "All the people I meet are better than me. In this respect, I just can learn from him." But it's infuriating that people who do nothing but think they're successful spend their days masking their restlessness with disgusting rhetoric, bluffing, and having no sense of shame.This kind of person is just like what Shakespeare said: "Man! arrogant man! With such a little talent, he even behaved in the face of heaven, and deceived the angels to shed tears." Below I will tell three stories of business students in my classes who practiced these principles and found success. Let me start with the story of a Connecticut lawyer.Because of his relatives, he doesn't want others to know his real name, so let's call him Mr. R for now. Shortly after Mr. R came to my class for training, he and his wife drove to Long Island to visit some of her relatives.His wife asked him to stay and chat with her lonely elderly aunt while she visited several other relatives.Since Mr. R was going to give a lecture on how to use the law of praise in class, he planned to train his talents in this area from this old lady. Mr. R. looked carefully round the old lady's house, hoping to find something he could sincerely admire. Mr. R asked the old lady: "Your house was built around 1890, right?" "Yes," replied the old lady, "it was built in that year." "It reminds me of the house where I was born," said Mr. R. "It's so nice, so pretty, and so spacious inside! People don't build houses like that anymore, you know." "That's right, young man!" the old lady agreed, saying, "The young people these days don't care much about nice houses. All they want is a small apartment and a refrigerator, and then Drive the car carefree and go for a drive around." "This house embodies ideals and hopes." The old lady's voice was a little trembling, and she fell into memories.She said tenderly: "This house is the fruit of love between my husband and I. My husband and I conceived the design for many years before building this house. We didn't hire an architect. It was entirely our own. Designed and built." Then, the old lady led Mr. R to visit the old house.The house is full of souvenir treasures collected by the old lady during her travels around the world: Persian shawls, old English tea sets, Wig porcelain, French bedding, Italian oil paintings, and castle decorations that were popular in the French feudal dynasty. Silk curtains.She cherishes these things as much as her own life. Mr. R sincerely praised these things. "After the old lady showed me around the house," Mr. R said, "then took me to the garage. There was an almost brand new Buick luxury car." The old lady said in a low voice: "My husband bought me this car shortly before he passed away. I have never used it since he left me... Young man, you are very good at admiring beauty I decided to give this car to you." "Oh, no! Auntie!" said Mr. R. "I don't know what to say about that. I am naturally flattered and grateful for your kindness. But how can I accept something so valuable from you?" I'm not in your immediate family, and I own a car myself. Besides, it's likely that many of your relatives also like this beautiful Buick." "Relatives?!" The old lady became a little emotional, and she shouted, "Yes, I do have relatives. But they are all waiting for me to die, so that they can get my car naturally .But none of them can get it." "If you don't want to give it to your relatives, you might as well sell it to a used car franchise company." Mr. R told the old lady. "Sell it?!" the old lady said excitedly, "do you think I want to sell it? Do you think I'm willing to let strangers who don't know me sit in the car my husband bought me and run around Come and shop? Young man, I would never dream of selling it. I just want to give it to you, because you are a person who appreciates beautiful things." Although Mr. R tried his best to refuse to accept the old lady's car, he finally had to accept it, because his repeated rejection would only make her more agitated and sad. The old lady lived alone in this empty old house, and all she had was her Persian shawl, various English and French antiques, and her memories.Admiration and appreciation like Mr. R's was exactly what she longed for in this lonely and boring life.She was also young and beautiful, with many suitors.She and her husband jointly designed and built this house, which contains their eternal and warm love, and they also collected various treasures from various European countries to decorate this love nest. But now, the years had aged her, and in this old and lonely environment, she longed for a little human warmth, a little sincere admiration—but no one gave her what she needed.Now that Mr. R has given her the things she hoped for, her heart is full of gratitude like the earth that has been dry for a long time and it is full of rain, which makes her feel the long-lost feelings.Even giving Mr. R that Buick would not fully express her gratitude to him once she got what she wanted. Let's take another example. Mr. McMahon, a well-known horticultural expert in New York City, is the general manager of Villant.On one occasion he related the following incident from his own experience: One day, shortly after I had heard a talk on "How to Make Friends and Influence People," I was setting up the landscaping at the home of a famous judge. The judge suggested to me his idea of ​​planting some heather and rhododendrons. To get him closer, I said, "Mr. Judge, I hear you have a good hobby. I think your dogs are really beautiful. Don't you get to be held at Madison Park every year?" Dog beauty pageant medals? You must have got a lot of blue ribbon awards, huh?" These few short words of praise quickly received unexpected results! "Yes," replied the judge, "I do like my dog ​​very much. Would you like to see my dog?" So, the judge spent nearly an hour showing me his dogs and the various awards they had won.He even took out the dog's pedigree and explained to me their lineage.Then, he asked me solemnly: "Do you have a son?" "Yes, I have a son, sir," I replied. "Well, does he want a puppy?" the judge asked me again. "Of course he must really want to have a puppy." "That's great, I'm going to give him a puppy," the judge said loudly to me. He started teaching me how to feed the puppy again.But after a few minutes, he stopped again and said: "I just said it with my mouth. I think it may be difficult for you to remember. I'd better write it down for you." So he went into the house again and used the typewriter Carefully print out the dog's pedigree and feeding methods.The reason he gave me a valuable puppy — $100 and spent 1 hour and 15 minutes with me — time was precious to him was because I genuinely admired His hobbies and his achievements. Let's look at Eastman, the general manager of the famous Kodak Company.He invented the transparencies that made motion films a reality, making him a billionaire and one of the world's most famous entrepreneurs.And yet, even for such a big man, Eastman still craves the admiration that others give him, and even a little admiration can thrill him, just like you and me. Just a few years ago, for example, Eastman was planning to build the Eastman School of Music and the Kilburn Grand Theater in Rochester in memory of his late mother.After receiving the news, Adams, the manager of the beautiful chair company that operates the chair business in New York, decided to contract the chair business in these buildings.He called Yoto, the architect hired by Eastman, and the two agreed to visit Eastman in Rochester together. When Adams met the architect Joto, Joto told him, "I know you want the order. But I can tell you that Mr. Eastman is a pretty tough guy, and he's the busiest man in the world." ; if you take more than 5 minutes of his time, then you can't expect to get the business. So I suggest that you better keep the long story short, try to keep it short, finish it quickly and come out." But what did Adams do after meeting Eastman? Eastman was looking down at documents when he was ushered into the room.After a while, Eastman took off his glasses, raised his head, walked up to Joto and Adams, and said, "Hello, do you have any advice?" After the architect Joto gave a brief introduction to both parties, Adams said: "Mr. Eastman, I've been admiring your office while we've been waiting for you. I figured if I had an office like yours, I'd work hard too. I'm an interior carpentry, you know. Decoration industry, but I have never seen a better office than yours in my life." Eastman said, "Ah, if you didn't say that, I really missed the point. Isn't the office beautiful? Once it was installed, I was very happy with it. But I have a lot of it every day. I had business to attend to, and all I could think about was work, so I didn't notice this beautiful office of mine for a long time." Adams stepped forward, touched Eastman's desk lightly with his hand, and said, "If I'm not mistaken, this should be English oak, right? It's a little different from Italian oak in texture. .” "Yes," Eastman replied. "It's an imported English oak table. It was chosen for me by a friend of mine, who has a good study of hardwoods." Subsequently, Eastman showed Adams and Joto around the entire office, and gave him a detailed introduction to the size, proportion, color, fine carvings of various objects, and some of the decorations designed and completed with his participation-obviously , Eastman is happy to show these things to his guests. While they were admiring the wooden decoration in the office, they walked to a window and stopped.At this time, Eastman talked to Adams about some of the institutions he was going to donate to build, such as the University of Rochester, the public hospital, the homeopathic hospital, the charity nursing home, the children's hospital... When it came to these, Eastman was like that Humble and calm.Adams lost no time in expressing his admiration for his noble behavior of using the wealth he created to relieve human suffering from disease. After a while, Eastman unlocked a glass cabinet and took out an invention he had bought from an Englishman—the world's first camera, which he owned. Then, Adams asked Eastman about his early hard work in detail.Mr. Eastman then opened the emotional box and began to tell emotionally about his poor life as a child, talking about how he once worked as a salesman for an insurance company in order to earn 50 cents a day, and how his widowed mother struggled to make ends meet. In order to live as a family, he rented out the house and opened a hotel.Eastman suffered day and night in agony as poverty haunted him.He was determined to make money, make enough money so that his mother would be worn down and worn out without keeping the hotel. Adams listened quietly to what Eastman said, fascinated. Eastman talked to Adams about his experience of experimenting with film: In order to succeed in the experiment as soon as possible, he spent all day and night doing various experiments in the laboratory, and only closed his eyes when the chemicals were reacting. He took a nap; once he worked for 72 hours in a row, and due to exhaustion, he fell asleep unconsciously while wearing work clothes. Adams entered Eastman's office at a quarter past ten, and Yoto, the architect, had warned him not to exceed five minutes.But an hour passed, two hours passed... they continued talking. Finally, Eastman said to Adams: "Last time I bought some chairs from Japan and put them on the balcony of my house. But they were already peeled off by the sun, so I went to the street to buy some paint. Painted them myself. Would you like to come over to my house and see how I'm doing? Well, we're done, come over to my house and we'll have lunch and see the chairs I painted. what do you think?" Adams accepted Mr. Eastman's invitation.After lunch, Eastman showed Adams the chairs he had "personally" painted.In fact, these chairs are not worth much at all, but they are important things to billionaire Mr. Eastman, because he "personally" painted these chairs, and he is very proud of it. The chairs that Mr. Eastman wants to order this time are worth US$90,000. Many merchants have spotted this business and hope that they can contract it.Can you think of who got the business?Is it Adams, or his competitor? From that day until Mr. Eastman's death, he and Adams remained in very close contact, and they became the closest of friends. How do you and I apply this golden rule of complimenting others?Why not start with our own family?I don't know where else it would be needed more.Your wife must have had her qualities, or at least you thought she had some, or why would you have taken her as your wife?However, how long has it been since you last complimented her?Do you remember?How long has it been? A few years ago, I went fishing on the upper Miramichi River in New Brunswick.I was living alone in the only tent in the Canadian forest, and the only reading I could find to pass the time was a country paper.I read the paper from cover to cover, down to the advertisements and Dix's guide to marriage. It seemed to me that Dix's article was so well written that I cut it out and kept it.She said that she was extremely tired of hearing the words that admonished the bride, so she thought that someone should give the grooms some sage advice-if you don't know how to compliment others, don't get married; It is very natural, but it is necessary to praise women after marriage, and this is also related to your sincerity to your wife and family safety; marriage is not plain water, but a diplomatic place for emotions. So if you want to be happy every day of your life, don't blame your wife, and don't make inappropriate comparisons between her and your mother, which will only invite her resentment.Instead, you should always praise her for her housekeeping skills, praise her for keeping the house clean and orderly; and say in front of others that you are very lucky to have married a talented and beautiful wife.Even if she sometimes burns her steaks like cowhide and her bread as black as charcoal, you shouldn't have any complaints, but say that she just made a mistake for a while, so she didn't reach the usual level, then she must Will do her best to live up to your expectations of her. You can't start suddenly, though, or she might get suspicious. You should always buy her some flowers and sweets.Not just saying, "Yes, I should do that," but actually doing it!Then give her a gentle smile and say a few sweet words of love to her.If more couples could do this, I don't think there will be a failure of 1 in 6 marriages. Do you want to know how to make a woman fall in love with you?OK, here's a recipe, and it works.I didn't discover this, I learned it from Dix.She once interviewed a famous bigamist who had won the hearts of 23 women and their money in the bank (Dicks interviewed this man in prison, it should be noted).When she asked him how he got these women to fall in love with him, he said there was no secret, just talk to the woman about herself. For men, the same method works just as well. "Talk to a man about himself," said Disraeli, the wisest Prime Minister of Great Britain, "and he will listen for hours to a man about himself."