Chapter 23 Listen attentively to others

It is most important to pay attention to the person who is speaking to you.As for successful business dealings, there is no mystery--there is nothing more pleasing to the eye than that. Recently, I was invited to a bridge party.I can't play bridge, and there happens to be a beautiful lady who can't either.We just sat down and chatted.She knew that I had been Mr. Thomson's personal assistant before he entered the radio business.At that time, Thomson was traveling all over Europe, and I was going to give him a lively travel speech that was about to be broadcast.So she said, "Oh! Mr. Carnegie, I want you to tell me about all the places and beauties you have been to."

When we sat down on the couch, she said she and her husband had just returned from a recent trip to Africa. "Africa," I said, "this is a very interesting place! I've always wanted to see Africa, but I've never been anywhere except 24 hours in Algeria. Tell me, have you ever been to the Beast Haunted country? Is it? How lucky! How I envy you! Please tell me what you have seen in Africa!" As a result, that conversation lasted 45 minutes.The lady stopped asking me where I've been!Don't ask me what I've seen any more.In truth, she didn't really want to hear me talk about my travels, all she wanted was an attentive listener who could take the opportunity to expand her sense of self by telling about the places she'd been.

Are people similar to this woman rare in real life?No, in fact, many people are like this. For example, recently I met a well-known botanist at a banquet given by the famous publisher Glebe in New York.I had never talked to a botanist before, and I found him extremely alluring.I literally sat in a chair and listened quietly to his introductions about marijuana, the great botanist Bolbon, and indoor gardens.He also told me many amazing facts about cheap potatoes.Since I have a small indoor garden of my own, I often run into some problems, so he was very enthusiastic about telling me how to solve them.

As I have said, we are at a banquet.There were of course a dozen other guests present, but I violated all etiquette rules and ignored them while talking to the botanist for hours. Late in the night, when I was taking my leave, the botanist, turning to his host, complimented me on being "the most inspiring person" and finally said that I was "the most Interesting talker". An interesting conversationalist?it is me?In this conversation, however, I said very little.If I didn't change the subject, I wouldn't be able to say anything if I had the chance, because I know as little about botany as I do about penguin anatomy.But notice, I already did this: I was already listening to him carefully.I listened intently because I was really interested in it.Of course, he was aware of this too, and it obviously pleased him.It can be seen that attentive listening is one of the best compliments we can pay anyone.

"There are few who can resist the compliment that is concealed in attentive listening," Woodford wrote in his Lovers.And I went one step further than concentrating.I am "sincere in praise, lenient in praise". I told the botanist that I had been well received and guided—and I really felt.I told him that I really wish I was as knowledgeable as he was—and I really do.I told him I wished to go roaming in the fields with him--I really hoped so.I also told him that I had to see him again—I really had to see him again. Because of this, the botanist thought I was a very good talker.But honestly, I was just a good listener and encouraged him to talk.

What's the secret to a successful business meeting?According to Elijah—and this is a very pragmatic scholar—that "there is nothing mysterious about successful business dealings—the most important thing is to listen intently to the person you are speaking to. Nothing else Something would be more enjoyable than that." The truth is obvious, isn't it?You don't have to go to Harvard for 4 years to understand this truth.But you and I also know this situation, that is, some businessmen rent luxurious storefronts to do business, with attractive window designs, and they don't hesitate to invest huge sums of money in advertising, but most of them hire people who don't know how to listen. The waiters - these waiters will even interrupt the customer's conversation, contradict their point of view, provoke them, and some even drive the customer out of the store.

Walton's experience serves as an excellent example of this.He told my class a story about buying a suit in a department store in Newark, New Jersey, near the ocean (an entrepreneurial city).But when he put on this new suit, he was disappointed because the color of the jacket was faded and his shirt collar was blackened. So Mr. Walton took the suit back to the department store, found the clerk who sold him the suit, and told him about it.But before he could finish what happened, he was interrupted by the clerk. "We've sold thousands of these clothes," the clerk retorted. "You're the first to find fault." His voice seemed to say, "You're lying. You want to Bullying us, isn't it? Well, I'm going to show you some color."

While the two were having a heated debate, another clerk joined in. "All black clothes fade at first," he said. "There's no way that's going to happen. That's the way clothes are at this price, it's the paint." "At this point, I couldn't bear it anymore, and I was very angry." Mr. Walton related his incident. "The first clerk doubted my honesty; the second suggested that I had bought a bargain. I was annoyed at the time. I was about to yell at them when the manager of the sales department walked up. Obviously, he understood the importance of his position and he made a complete change in my attitude. I went from an angry customer to a satisfied customer.

"And how did he do it? He took three steps: First, he listened quietly to me telling the story of what happened to me from beginning to end without interjecting a word. Then, when I had finished speaking, he At that time, the two shop assistants wanted to express their opinions again, but the manager argued with them on my side. He not only pointed out that my collar was obviously stained by the suit, but also insisted that the product could not satisfy the customer, It shouldn't have been sold by the store. Finally, he admitted that he didn't know what was wrong, and said to me frankly: 'What do you want me to do with this suit? We can do whatever you want.'

"A few minutes ago, I was thinking of letting them keep that damned suit to themselves, but now I reply, I just want to hear from you. I wonder if this situation is temporary, or there is Is there any way this can be resolved. "So, he suggested that I try on the suit for another week. He said, 'If you're still not satisfied by then, we'll get you another suit that you're satisfied with. To put you in such trouble, we very sorry.' "I walked out of the store satisfied. After a week, nothing else was wrong with the garment and my trust in that store was fully restored."

The nitpicker, even the fiercest critic, tends to soften in the presence of a patient and sympathetic listener -- when the angry provocateur is like a serpent ready to bite , the listener should also remain silent and just listen carefully. For example, the New York Telephone Company dealt with a customer a few years ago who verbally abused an operator.He was really cursing.He was almost hysterical, and even threatened to destroy the telephone line.Not only did he refuse to pay certain charges he considered unreasonable, he wrote letters to various newspapers, made numerous complaints to the Public Service Commission, and sued the phone company in court several times. Finally, the phone company sent one of its most skilled mediators to see the recalcitrant customer.When the mediator arrived at the customer's home, he didn't say anything, just listened quietly, letting the argumentative old gentleman whine, keep saying "yes" and expressing sympathy. "He continued to babble on and on. I listened in silence for nearly three hours," the mediator said as he recounted his experience to my class. Just listen to him. I've interviewed him 4 times and by the end of my 4th visit I've become a lead member of an organization he's starting. He calls it 'Phone User Protection' Association'. I am still a member of this organization. Interestingly, however, I am the only member of this organization in the world other than this old gentleman, as far as I know. "Throughout these visits, I have always listened to him and agreed with everything he said. I never talked to him the way other people at the phone company did, and he became friendly. I was When I visited him for the first time, I didn't mention the purpose of meeting him, and I didn't mention my purpose in the second and third times. But in the fourth time, I ended the incident satisfactorily—— The old man paid all the bills owed and made him withdraw his appeal to the Public Service Commission for the first time since fighting the phone company." Undoubtedly, this old gentleman thinks he is fighting for justice and protecting the rights of the public, and he is unwilling to be ruthlessly deprived.But he's actually chasing a sense of self-respect.He first gained this sense of self-esteem by being critical and complaining.But all his unrealistic grievances vanished as soon as he got a sense of self-respect from the phone company representative. One morning several years ago, a customer stormed into Dedimond Monny Co. - the company that became the world's largest supplier of woolen materials to the apparel industry - in a fit of rage. Mr.'s office. "This man owes our company $15," Mr. DeDimond explained to me. "Even though the customer wouldn't admit it, we knew he was wrong. So our corporate credit department insisted that he pay. After receiving a few letters from our credit department, he came to Chicago fully dressed and stormed off in a rage. Come into my office and tell me that not only is he not going to pay that money, but he's never going to order even a dollar from De Dimond's again. "I listened patiently to everything he had to say. I wanted to cut him off several times during the process, but I knew that wasn't going to solve anything, so I just let him vent. , when I was able to calm down and listen to other people's opinions, I calmly said to him: "You came to Chicago and told me this. I have to thank you. You have done me a big favor, because if our credit department If it makes you unhappy, they might make other customers feel the same, and that's a really bad thing. You've got to believe me, I want to hear about it more than you do.' "When I say this, it's a big surprise to him. I think he might be a little disappointed because he came to Chicago with the intention of 'making a big fight' with me. But I'm here to thank him instead of He argued. I told him plainly that we were going to write off the $15 and forget about it. I also said that because he was a very careful person and it was only about this one account and our employees But he is responsible for thousands of accounts, so he is less likely to make mistakes than our employees. "I told him that I knew exactly how he felt; if I were in his shoes, I would feel exactly the same way. Since he didn't want to buy our products anymore, I recommended him to a few other companies. company. “Whenever he came to Chicago, we used to have lunch together, so I bought him lunch that day as always. He reluctantly said yes. But when we got back to the office, he ordered many times more than usual , and went back calmly. In order to repay us for treating him so graciously, he checked his bills, and a bill that he had misplaced before was found. So he sent our company a A check for $15 and an apology to us. "Then his wife gave birth to a boy, whom he named Dedimond. He remained a friend and customer of our firm until his death 22 years later." Many years ago, there was a poor teenager who immigrated from Holland. He cleaned the windows of a bakery after school every day, so that he could earn 50 cents a week.His family was very poor, so every day he had to carry a basket and go to the street to pick up the broken coals that fell into the ditch from the coal truck.The boy's name was Buck, and he had only received six years of schooling in his life, but he finally made himself the editor of one of the most successful magazines in American journalism. How did he succeed?It's a long story, but we can give a brief introduction about how he started.He used the principles presented in this chapter as his start to success. Buck left school at age 13 to work as a child laborer at Western Union for six dollars and twenty-five cents a week, but he never gave up seeking an education.So, he began to study hard and began to teach himself.To save money, he saved his car and lunch savings until he had enough money to buy a copy of "Who's Who"—which led him to do something no one has ever heard of before. things. After he read the biographies of these famous people, he began to write to them, asking them to send supplementary material about their childhood.And he's a good listener, imploring these celebrities to tell their own stories.He wrote to General Garfield, who was running for president at the time, asking if he had really worked as a tracker on a canal before, and Garfield wrote back to him.He also wrote to General Glyde, asking him about a certain battle. General Glyde drew a map for him, and invited the 14-year-old boy to have dinner with him and talked with him a whole night.He wrote to Emerson, imploring Emerson to tell his own case. The Western Union messenger boy was soon in correspondence with the most eminent men in the country: Emerson, Brock, Shamson, Longrelow, Mrs. Lincoln, Alcott, General Sherman, and Day. Weiss. Not only did he correspond with these eminent persons, but he visited many of them on days off or holidays, and became a welcome guest in their homes—experiences which developed in him an invaluable self-confidence .So many celebrities inspired his ideals and aspirations, which changed his life path.And all of this, let me repeat, is simply the implementation of the principles we've discussed in this chapter. Maxson might be the best celebrity visitor in the world.He said: "There are many people who fail to make a deep and good impression on others because they don't pay attention to what others have to say. They are extremely concerned about what they have to say next, and they never listen carefully." What others have to say... Many great people have told me that they prefer those who are good listeners to those who are good at talking. But we seem to have less of the ability to listen than to any other ability. " It's not just the big shots who want to deal with people who are good listeners, it's the average person too.This is just as the "Reader's Digest" once said: "Many people go to the doctor because there is nothing serious about them. All they need is a good listener." While the American Civil War was in full swing, Lincoln wrote to a friend in Springfield, Illinois, asking him to come to Washington.Lincoln told the other party that he had some issues to discuss with him. The old friend arrived at the White House, and Lincoln talked for hours with him about the appropriateness of emancipating the slaves.Lincoln analyzed and studied various views in favor of or against this measure in detail, and carefully read some letters and newspaper articles condemning him. cause domestic chaos. After they talked for hours, Lincoln shook his old friend's hand good night and sent him back to Illinois without even asking for his opinion. In this interview, all the words were spoken by Lincoln alone, as if for his comfort. "He seemed a little more comfortable after the conversation," said the longtime friend. Lincoln did not ask for his opinion.All Lincoln needed was a friendly, sympathetic listener to whom he could vent his inner woes - and that's what we all need in times of trouble; and that's what those angry customers need ; the same goes for the dissatisfied employee, the hurt friend. If you want to know how to get others to avoid you, laugh at you behind your back, or even despise you, I have a good method here--never listen to others talk, but talk about yourself constantly; If you have an idea in the middle of a conversation, there is no need to wait for him to finish, because he is not as smart as you, why would you waste your time listening to his idle chatter?You can interrupt him as soon as you start talking about yourself. They are exactly the kind of people who are repulsive—repulsive people drugged by their selfishness and their sense of self-importance. Those who only talk about themselves think only of themselves.And "the man who thinks only of himself," said Dr. Badler, president of Columbia University, "is hopelessly uneducated." "He is an uneducated man," said Dr. Badler, "whatever What kind of education did you have?" So, if you want to be a good talker, you must first be a good listener.This is just as Mrs. Li said: "If you want to make others interested in you, you must first be interested in others." In fact, it is not difficult to do this, you may wish to ask others some questions they like to answer questions and encourage them to talk about themselves and what they have achieved. Never forget that the person you are talking to is 100 times more interested in himself, his needs, and his problems than in you and your problems.For example, he cares far more about a small mole on his neck than about 40 earthquakes in Africa.