Chapter 19 genuinely interested in others

A man who is genuinely interested in others will make more friends in two months than a man who wants others to be interested in him will make in two years. Why read this book so you know how to get friends?Why not study the techniques of the greatest friend-maker of all time, the world?Who is he? There's a good chance you'll come across it tomorrow when you're walking down the street.When you come within 10 feet of it, it will start wagging its tail.If you stop and pet him, he will hop around and let you know how much he likes you.And you know that behind this display of enthusiasm, there are no other motives hidden: it is not to sell you a piece of land, or to marry you.

Have you ever wondered if dogs are the only animals that don't have to work to live?Hens need to lay eggs, cows need to produce milk, and canaries need to sing.But a dog only needs to be loved by you to make it depend on in life. When I was 5 years old, my father bought me a little yellow-haired dog for 50 cents.I call it Tibby, and it was a source of light and fun in my childhood.Every day around 4:30 in the afternoon, it would sit on the front porch, quietly watching the outside of the house with its beautiful eyes, as long as it heard my voice, or saw me shaking the lunch box through the bushes, it would He would come running like an arrow, panting up the hill, jumping and screaming to meet me.

Tibby and I have been best friends for 5 years.But then, one tragic night—one I will never forget—he was electrocuted to death just 10 feet away from me.Tibby's death was an unforgettable tragedy in my childhood. Tibby, you never read psychology, and you don't have to.You can know this through your intuition. A man who really cares will make more friends in two months than a man who is always trying to make others care about him will make more friends in two years.Let me repeat: You will make more friends in two months by caring about others than a man who needs caring about himself will make more friends in two years.

But you and I both know that there are people who just can't figure it out all their lives and want to be shown that they care. Of course, this approach is useless.Because they are not interested in other people.They only care about themselves—whether in the morning, at noon, or after dinner. The New York Telephone Company conducted a detailed study of telephone conversations to see which words were mentioned most often.I think you've guessed it, that's the first-person "I," "I," "I."The word was used 3,990 times in 500 telephone conversations. When you look at a group photo with you in it, who do you look at first?

We'll never have many true and sincere friends if we're just trying to show ourselves to other people and get them interested in us.Friends, real friends, are not made in this way. Napoleon tried this, and on his last meeting with Josephine he said: "Josephine, I am the luckiest man who ever lived in the world; but, at this moment, in this world you The only person I could count on." And historians doubt he could have relied on her. The late famous Viennese psychologist Alfred Yadler wrote a book called "The Meaning of Life".In that book, he said: "The man who is not interested in other people has the most difficulties in life and the most harm to others. All human failures come from such people."

Maybe you have read dozens of books on psychology, but you can't find anything more important to you and me than this sentence.I don't like repetition, but Adler's words are so profound that I wish to reproduce them below: "The person who is not interested in others has the most difficulties in his life and the most harm to others. All human failures come from this kind of person." I took a class at NYU on short story writing.In this class, an editor from the "Clair" magazine came to the class to teach us.He said that when he picked up any of the dozens of novels delivered on his desk every day, he only needed to read a few paragraphs to get a sense of whether the author liked someone. "If the author doesn't like people," he said, "people won't like his novels."

The excited, seasoned editor stopped twice in his lecture to apologize for the big things he was saying. "Now what I tell you," he said, "is exactly the same thing as what your pastor told you. But remember, if you're going to be a successful novelist, you have to be interested in other people, to care about others." other people." If this is the case when writing novels, then it should be even more so when dealing with people and dealing with the world. When Jeston was on Broadway for the last time, I spent an evening in his dressing room.Jeston is widely regarded as the magician's magician.For 40 years, he traveled all over the world, creating illusions again and again, confusing the audience, and making everyone breathless with surprise.More than 60 million people bought tickets to his shows, and he made almost $2 million in profit.

I asked Mr. Jeston to tell me the secret of his success.Of course his schooling had nothing to do with it, for he ran away from home at a very young age and became a homeless man, hitchhiking in wagons, sleeping burdocks, begging in the streets, and looking out on the railroad tracks from his car Along the signs on the road, I learned to read and write in this way. Was his knowledge of magic particularly superior?No, he told me, there were hundreds of books on magic tricks, and dozens of people who knew as much as he did.But there are two things about him that other people can't match.First of all, he can show his personality on stage.He's a master showman who understands human nature.Everything he did—every gesture, every tone of voice, every movement—had been carefully rehearsed beforehand, and his movements were perfectly timed.But beyond that, there's the fact that Jeston is genuinely interested in other people.

He told me that many magicians, facing the audience, said to themselves, "Well, those people sitting down there are a bunch of idiots, a bunch of idiots, and I can fool them around." But Jeston was completely different from them. different.He told me that every time he stepped on stage, he said to himself, "I'm grateful because these people come to see me perform. They make me live a very comfortable life. I'm going to try to put on my best show." Show them." He told me that every time he walked up to the stage, he always said to himself, "I love my audience. I love my audience." Ridiculous?Absurd?You can make any praise or criticism.But I am merely telling you, without comment, a method employed by the most famous magician of all time.

Mrs Suman Heike said the same thing to me.Even though life was full of hunger and heartbreak, even though life was full of tragedies that on one occasion nearly killed her baby with her - despite all the misfortunes, she kept on singing , and eventually made her singing career reach its peak with amazing skills until she became the most famous singer of Wagner's works.And by her own admission, one of the secrets of her success is her great enthusiasm for others.George Deckard of Warren City, Pennsylvania, had to retire early when his service station was taken away by a freeway.Before long, the boredom of retirement became too much for George, and he began picking up his old violin again to pass the time.Then, George traveled around to listen to music and consult those highly cultivated violinists.Although he was not a great violinist, he made many good friends with his humble and friendly attitude.

Later, George started competing again.He competed so many times that "Uncle George" was quickly known to country music fans in the Eastern United States—by this time he had become a fairly well-known fiddler.At 72 years old, George is still enjoying every minute of his life—with a continual passion and interest in others, he creates for himself when most people think he is dying. a new life. This is one of the secrets of President Theodore Roosevelt's extraordinary popularity, even by his servants.His black valet, James Emerson, wrote a book about him called Theodore Roosevelt, His Servant's Hero.In that book, Emerson makes an instructive mention: "My wife once asked the President about the quail bird, because she had never seen one. He gave her a detailed description. Not long after, the phone rang in my house (Emerson and his The wife lives in a cottage at the Roosevelt House in Oyster Bay). My wife answered the phone, and it was the President. He said he was calling to tell her that there was a quail bird just outside her window, and if she You might be able to see it if you look out of the window. He does little things like that from time to time, which are the hallmarks of his warmth. Every time he passes our cottage, we can always hear him, though he can't see us' Oh, oh, oh...Anne!' or 'Oh, oh, oh...James!' That was one of the friendly greetings he greeted us as he passed us." How could a servant not like a man like him?How could anyone not like him? One day, Roosevelt went to the White House to visit President Taft, and it happened that President Taft and his wife were not there.His sincere love for the humble and kind-hearted character was fully displayed at this time. He greeted all his former errand partners in the White House, even the maids who did chores, by their names. "When he saw Ellis, the kitchen maid," records Archibald, "he asked her if she still baked cornbread. Ellis told him she sometimes made it for the servants, but upstairs Nobody eats it." "They don't eat well," Roosevelt said with some injustice, "When I see the President, I'll tell him." Ellis took a piece of cornbread on a tray and handed it to him, and he ate it as he walked all the way to the office.Say hello to those gardeners or laborers as you walk past them... He treats everyone as he is used to.People still whispered about it to each other.And a man named Ike Hoof said with tears in his eyes: "This is the only time we have been really happy in the last two years. None of us would want to exchange it for a $100 bill." It is this deep concern for others that has made Dr. Charles Iliad the president of one of the most successful university administrations of all time.He served as president of Harvard University from the fourth year after the American Civil War until the first five years before the outbreak of the First World War.Here's an example of Dr. Iliad's way of doing things. One day, a first-year student, Clayton, came to the principal's office and wanted a $50 loan from the student fund.The loan was approved by the Principal. "Then, after I had said how grateful I was, I was about to back out," — Clayton recalled — "and then Principal Iliad said, 'Please sit a little longer.' And he surprised me. And say solemnly: 'I heard you cook your own food in your dorm room. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, if you cook well and don't waste it. I did that when I was in college. Have you ever made meatloaf? If Beef is stuffed, and if you boil it well enough, it tastes good. I used to do that a lot.' Then he told me how to choose the beef, and how to cook it slowly so that the soup gradually evaporated into Aspic, then cut into slices and pressed into a ball, let it cool before eating." There is another similar thing. A seemingly insignificant man did a great favor to Edward Hickey, the sales representative of Johnson & Johnson in the United States, and won him back an agent. "Many years ago," recalls Sikay, "in the Massachusetts area, I visited a customer for Johnson & Johnson. The distributor was at Yeam's grocery store. Every time I went into the store, I always went in with the seller. The cold drink clerk chats for a few minutes before talking to the owner about the order. One day I was about to talk to a store owner when he suddenly asked me to leave him alone. He no longer wanted to buy Johnson & Johnson products. Because he Feel like Johnson & Johnson is doing a disservice to small grocery stores like them by concentrating their activities on food and discount stores. I walked away in disgrace and wandered the city for a few hours. Later, I decided to go back, at least Explain our position to him. "When I went back, I greeted the soda seller and other shop assistants as usual. When I walked up to the owner, he smiled at me and welcomed me back. After that, he gave me two more than usual. times order, I looked at him in surprise and asked him what had happened the few hours I had just left. He pointed to the young man next to the soda machine and said, after I left, the young man said: 'It's very It's rare for a salesman to go to the trouble of saying hello to him and the others when he comes into the store.' He told the shopkeeper that if anyone was worth doing business with, it would be me. The shopkeeper felt right, so he went on. Be my customer. I'll never forget that a genuine interest in people and a due interest in them are the most important qualities a salesman can have - the same for anyone, at least for this one .” I have also found from personal experience that if one genuinely cares about others, one can gain the attention, attention, time and cooperation of even the busiest people in America.Let me illustrate. Many years ago, I taught a fiction writing class at the Brooklyn Academy of Arts and Sciences.We intend to invite well-known and very busy writers such as Katherine Norris, Fanny Hurst, Ida Tarbell, Abe Dern, Rube Hughes, and others, to Brooklyn Their writing experiences tell us.We wrote to them, expressing our admiration for their work, and deeply hoping to obtain their guidance and advice, and learn from them the secret of success. Each letter was autographed by approximately 150 trainees.We said we knew they were busy—too busy to prepare a speech.Therefore, we included a series of questions about themselves and their writing methods in the letter for them to answer.They love that we do it, we do it with such thoughtfulness, who wouldn't?So they all came to Brooklyn from home to help us out. In the same way, I have invited Leesley Shaw, Secretary of the Treasury under Theodore Roosevelt, George Wigershaw, Attorney General under Taft, William Byron, Franklin Roosevelt, And many other big names come to my speech class and talk to the students. All of us - whether it's a butcher, a pastry chef, or a king on a throne, anyone loves someone who shows respect to others.Let us take the example of the Kaiser of Germany.At the end of the First World War he was probably the most despised man in the world, because even the citizens of his own country were against him and hated him when he tried to flee to Holland to save his life.Thousands wished to tear him limb from limb, or to burn him at the stake.At this time when the fury of popular opinion was uncontrollable, a child wrote to the Kaiser a simple and sincere letter, full of kindness and admiration. The boy said that no matter what the others thought, he would always want the beloved William to be their Emperor.His letter deeply moved the German emperor and invited the little friend to come and see him.The child came, and so did his mother—and finally, the Kaiser married her.There is no need for this kid to read a book on how to make friends and influence people because it is all in his nature. If we want to make friends, we should step up and do things for others—doing things that take time, energy, heart, and thought.When Edward, Duke of Windsor was still the Crown Prince of England, he arranged his schedule and planned to travel to South America.Before he set off, he spent several months researching and learning the Spanish language so that he could give public speeches in the native language.South Americans liked him for it, too. For years, I've been asking about friends' birthdays.How to inquire about it?Although I don't believe in astrology at all, I will first ask the person if he believes that a person's birthday is related to a person's personality and temperament, and then I ask him to tell me his birthday.For example, if he says November 24th, I keep repeating to myself, "November 24th, November 24th." As soon as he turns around, I immediately write down his name and birthday , and then transferred to a birthday child.At the beginning of each year, I mark these birthdays on my calendar so they automatically come to my attention.When someone's birthday came, a letter or telegram would come from me.What an amazing effect!I'm often the only person in the world who remembers their birthdays. If we are to make friends, we must greet others with joy and enthusiasm.Tap into that same psychology when someone calls you.The way you talk to him, show how happy you are that he called you.The New York Telephone Company taught a class in which their operators were trained to say "Good morning, I'm glad to serve you" when they said "What's your number?"We should also keep this in mind when we answer the phone tomorrow. Showing your interest in others not only allows you to make many friends, but also increases the trust of customers in your company.Does this philosophy work in business?We could cite dozens of examples, but we only have time to cite a few. A letter from a depositor, Madeline Rosedale, appears in a publication of a North American National Bank in New York.The letter said: "I really hope you can know how much I appreciate your company's employees, because each of them is so warm and courteous. When I was in a long queue, a clerk came It is very pleasant to greet me cordially. "Last year, my mother was ill and stayed in the hospital for 5 months. I often met Ma Yi, an employee of your company. She cared about my mother very much and asked about her condition and recent situation." There is really no need to doubt that the bank will continue to do business. Charles Walder, a clerk of a large New York City bank, was once ordered to prepare a confidential document concerning a certain company.He knew someone who had the material he needed so badly.Walter then went to see this man, the chairman of a large industrial company.Just as Wald was being ushered into the chairman's office, a young woman poked her head in from the door and told the chairman that she had nothing to give him today. "Well, I'm collecting stamps for my 12-year-old son," the chairman explained to Wald. Walter explained his purpose to him and began to ask him some questions.The chairman's answer was very vague-obviously, he didn't want to speak out what was in his heart, and no matter how hard he tried to persuade him, it was useless. "Frankly, I didn't know what to do at the time," said Mr. Walder, who brought the matter up in class, "and then I remembered what his secretary had said to him—stamps, 12-year-old Son...I also think about the collection of stamps in the foreign department of our bank—stamps taken from letters from all over the world. "The next afternoon I went up to him again and had word passed that I had some stamps for his son. Was I being cordially brought in? Yes, man. Even though he was running Congressman, I couldn't have shaken my hand more cordially. He was all smiling and polite. 'My George will like this,' he kept going, fiddling with the stamps, 'Look at this one! It's a priceless one.' "We spent an hour talking about stamps and looking at pictures of his son. Then he spent more than an hour talking about everything he knew and calling in his subordinates to ask questions. He also called Some of his colleagues. He gave me facts, figures, reports, and letters. In the words of a journalist, I learned a lot." Here's another example: For years, Mr. Knafel of Philadelphia had been trying to sell coal to a large chain company, but the manager of the company ignored him and was still willing to pass Mr. Knafel's office door and sell coal to a coal company outside the city. Merchants buy coal.One night Mr. Knavere gave a talk in my class where he slammed the chain into a scourge of the country. Still, he didn't know why he couldn't sell them coal.So, I suggested that he try to use other means different from the past.In short, this is what happened afterwards.I divided the students in the class into two teams for a debate. The topic of the debate was "The widespread distribution of chain companies does more harm than good to the country." On my suggestion, Mr. Knafel joined the opposition by agreeing to defend the chain.So he went straight to a senior employee of the chain he hated and blamed, and said, "I'm not here to sell you coal. I'm just here to ask you to do me a favor." busy." So he told the manager that he was going to enter a debate competition and said, "I'm here to ask you for help, because I don't think there's anyone better suited than you to give me the material I need. I really want to win this Debating, whatever help you can give me, I will be grateful." The following is Mr. Knavere's introduction to the subsequent situation: "I asked him to give me a minute. It was because of this condition that he agreed to see me. But after I explained my purpose, he sat me down and talked with me for 1 hour and 47 minutes. He Also called in another senior clerk who had written a book on franchising and told me about it. He also wrote to the National Federation of Franchise Companies and asked for a copy of it for me. He felt The chain store is a true service to humanity. He is very proud of what he has done for the people of hundreds of areas. His eyes light up when he speaks. I must admit, he made me see Something I never even dreamed about before, he changed my whole mind. "When I was about to leave, he walked me to the door, put his arm around my shoulders, wished me the victory of the debate, and asked me to visit him again and tell him the result of the debate. The last thing he said to me was A few words are 'Please come back to me in late spring. I would like to place an order for your coal.' "It was nothing short of a miracle for me. I didn't say a word, and he offered to buy my coal. I spent more time in two hours than I did in 10 years because I was deeply interested in him and his problems. I have gone farther to get him interested in me and my coal." Mr. Knavr actually did not discover another new truth, because a long time ago, 100 years before the birth of Christ, Silas, a famous ancient Roman poet, said: "When we become interested in others, , which happens to be when people become interested in us.” Showing that you care about others works the same way in other relationships: and your caring has to be genuine.This not only makes those who care about get rewarded accordingly, but also those who receive this kind of care will also gain something.This is a two-way street, and both parties will benefit. Martin Ginsberg is a native of Long Island, New York. He once said that the care given to him by a nurse deeply affected his life."It was Thanksgiving, and I was 10 years old, and I was admitted to a hospital in the city because I was sick, and I was going to have surgery the next day," he said. Movement will also be restricted. My father has passed away long ago, and only my mother and I live together in a small apartment, living on social assistance. But that day, my mother was unable to see me because of something, which made my young heart prepare. Shocked. I was plunged into a world of loneliness, disappointment, and fear. "I also know that my mother is worried about me, and she is alone, and she has no one to eat Thanksgiving dinner with her. But I just can't help but want to cry. The tears keep rolling in my eyes, and I hold back. I buried my head under the pillow, but my whole body was shaking with pain. "At this time, a young trainee nurse heard me crying and came to see me. She took the pillow from my head and wiped my tears. She said she was also very lonely because She has to work in the hospital every day and cannot be with her family. She asked me if I would like to have dinner with her, and I nodded. She brought two plates of food: turkey slices, mashed potatoes, strawberries Sauce, ice cream desserts, etc. She chatted with me and tried to calm my fears. Even though she was supposed to get home from get off work at 4pm, she stayed with me until almost 11pm. She played games with me , chat, and leave after I fall asleep. "I had many Thanksgivings before I was 10, but this one will be the one I will never forget. I remember the loneliness, the disappointment, the fear. Suddenly the tender care of a stranger made all that change. I can still remember that feeling as if there was nothing there.”