Chapter 9 Do not criticize, blame or complain about others

Criticism is like domestic pigeons, they always come back.If you and I want to create an antipathy tomorrow that lasts decades until death, all it takes is one spitting out a vicious remark. On May 7, 1931, one of the most sensational banditry incidents in the history of the city took place in New York.After several weeks of searching, the police finally captured Crowley, known as the "Two-Gun Killer", in his lover's apartment on West End Street. people. 150 police officers and detectives surrounded Crowley's top-floor stash.They dug a hole in the roof, planned to force Crowley out with tear gas, and set machine guns on surrounding buildings.After the two sides had been in a stalemate for more than an hour, gunshots rang out in this beautiful and quiet New York high-end residence, as well as the sound of machine guns "da-da-da-".The "police nemesis" Crowley was crouching behind a large sofa full of sundries, shooting at the police.Thousands of excited citizens took to the streets to watch the shootout, an intense and spectacular scene unprecedented in New York City.

After Crowley was captured, New York City Police Chief Mallory said in a speech: Crowley is the most threatening criminal in the history of New York. "He shot and killed people at every turn. When he killed people, he didn't even blink his eyes." The director said so.But what did the villain think of himself?On the day that the besieging police opened fire on the apartment, Crowley was writing an open letter in which he wrote: "Under my coat is a weary heart, a good heart, a Will not break anyone's heart." As he wrote the letter, the blood from the wound stained the paper crimson.

Just before Crowley was arrested, while he and his girlfriend were driving on a country road in Long Island to have fun, a policeman suddenly stepped up and said to Crowley: "Please show your driver's license." Without saying a word, Crowley drew out his pistol and fired several shots at the policeman.The policeman was shot several times and fell to the ground. Crowley jumped out of the car, retrieved the revolver from the policeman, and fired another shot at the policeman.Is this what he himself said, "Under my coat hides a weary heart, a good heart, a heart that does no harm to anyone"?

The murderous villain was finally sentenced to death - sitting in the electric chair.When he arrived at Sing Sing prison where the electric chair was placed (a prison for felons in the United States), did he say something like "This is the price I pay for killing people"?No!Instead, he said, "That's what I did in self-defense." Crowley saw nothing wrong with him until the last moment of his life. Alcap, the famous American underworld leader, once said: "The reason why I became a desperado is because I spent the best years of my life to bring happiness to others, so that everyone can have a happy life." Happy times, but unfortunately I was insulted and reviled." The gangster was later executed in Chicago, and he never blamed himself for his actions.He thinks he benefits the people - it's just that the society misunderstands him and doesn't accept him.

Dutch Schultz is also a person of the same type. He was notorious and was called the "Rat of New York". He was later killed by his enemies due to grievances in the world. A good man of the people. I have written several times with Lewis, the superintendent of Sing Sing Prison in New York, on this subject.He said: "Inmates at Sing Sing Prison rarely see themselves as bad people.They are human beings, like you and me, and will justify themselves.They would explain why they broke into safes, why they shot people.Most people can find reasons for what they do, whether they are really justified or not, and they always have to justify their evil actions.Therefore, they concluded that they should not be in prison at all.

If outlaws like Alcap, Crowley, Dutch Schultz, and many desperadoes in prison never blame themselves for their actions, how can we demand what we do every day? Ordinary people in contact with? John Wanamaker, who has passed away, once admitted: "30 years ago, I already understood that it is stupid to criticize others. I don't blame God's uneven distribution of wisdom, because it is very difficult to overcome my own shortcomings. It's difficult." Wanamaker figured this out a long time ago, but it took me more than 30 years in this indifferent world to realize that no matter what a person does wrong, 99 times out of 100 they don't blame themselves, and no matter what How serious was his mistake.

The world-renowned psychologist Shkinler conducted experiments on animals, and the result is that animals that are rewarded for good behavior learn faster and last longer; animals that are punished for bad behavior do not. Poor speed or sustain.Research has shown that this principle has the same effect in humans.Criticism will not change the facts, but will only lead to resentment. Another great psychologist, Shiller, also said: "More evidence shows that we always want to be praised by others, and we are also afraid of being criticized." Criticism is useless, it only makes a person put on the defensive and often go to great lengths to justify his mistakes.Criticism is dangerous because it often hurts a person's precious self-esteem, hurts his sense of self-esteem, and provokes him to rebel.The embarrassment that comes with criticism often demoralizes employees, relatives, and friends, and does nothing to help the factual situation that should be corrected.Criticism does not improve things in any way, such examples are common in history.

George Johnson of Oklahoma is a safety inspector for a construction company. One of Johnson's responsibilities is to check whether workers on the construction site are wearing hard hats.According to his report, whenever he found workers not wearing safety helmets at work, he would use his authority in his position to ask the workers to make corrections. Take the hat off. Johnson later decided to change his approach.When he sees workers not wearing hard hats again, he asks if the hats are uncomfortable to wear, or the size of the hats is not suitable, and reminds the workers in a pleasant tone of the importance of wearing hard hats, and then asks them to be safe when working. , it is best to wear a hard hat.This effect is much better than before, and no workers seem unhappy.

There are countless incidents like this.Now let's take another example: There was a well-known quarrel between Theodore Roosevelt and President Taft—a quarrel that split the Republican Party, put Woodrow Wilson in the White House, and wrote the Brilliant page. Let's briefly review this period of history: In 1908, Roosevelt moved out of the White House, Republican Taft was elected president, and Roosevelt went to Africa to hunt lions.When he returned to the United States, he saw that Taft's ruling style was very conservative, and he couldn't help being furious.In addition to blatantly criticizing Taft, Roosevelt was also ready to run for president again and planned to form another "Progressive Party".But it almost led to the collapse of the Republican Party.Sure enough, in the ensuing election, the Republican Party won only two districts, Vermont and Utah, an unprecedented defeat for the Republican Party in its history.

Roosevelt condemned Taft, but did Taft admit that he was wrong?Of course not, but justified himself with tears in his eyes: "I don't know what's wrong with what I've done." Now let us revisit an important incident, which has been criticized by public opinion for many years and shocked almost the whole country.There has been no such scandal in American politics in living memory.This event is: the oil field fraud case.The facts are this: President Harding's Secretary of the Interior, Albert Fall, was then tasked with overseeing the lease of the government's Ark Hills and Teapot Cover fields, which were reserved for future naval oil use.Did Secretary Fall conduct a public tender?No, he simply handed over this lucrative contract to his friend Dumaker.And Dumec "loaned" Secretary Fall a "loan" of $100,000.Secretary Fall then used his authority to have the U.S. Navy enter the area to drive away those interested bidders, lest the surrounding oil wells suck up the crude oil of the Arker Hills.These competitors were forcibly removed, and they had to go to court to expose the $100,000 teapot cover oil field fraud.The scandal rocked the nation, nearly ruined President Harding's administration, nearly collapsed the Republican Party, and sent Secretary Fall to jail.

Secretary Fall has been condemned by the public more strongly than he has ever before in his public service.So, did he go back on his word?No, not at all!Even those around him. Many years later, when President Hoover mentioned in a public speech that President Harding's death was due to nervous overstimulation and anxiety, because a friend had betrayed him.At that time, Mrs. Fall jumped up from the chair. She yelled loudly, cried bitterly, and clenched her fists and said, "Has Harding been betrayed by Fall? No, my husband has never failed anyone. Even if this The whole house is full of gold, and my husband will not be betrayed. He was crucified as a sacrifice when he was betrayed." Speaking of this, you may understand that this is the nature of human beings!After doing something wrong, I only know to blame others, never blame myself.In fact, each of us is like this.So when you and I feel like criticizing people in the future, don't forget about Alcap, "Two Gun" Crowley, and Foer.We have to understand that criticism is like domesticated pigeons, they will always go home to find their masters.We should also be aware that those we correct and blame will always defend themselves and blame us; the milder ones may say, like President Taft, "I don't know what I can do to It's different from what I've done before." In the early hours of Saturday morning, April 15, 1865, Lincoln lay dying in his bed in a cheap inn across from Ford's Drama Theatre, on the brink of death.Someone had shot him in the theater, and Lincoln's slender body lay reclined on the short bed, above which hung a cheap reproduction of Rosa Bonen's famous painting "The Horse Faire," and a gas lamp in the room flickered dimly. yellow halo. When Lincoln was about to die, Secretary of the War Department Stanton said: "Here lies the most perfect ruler that mankind has ever seen." What is the secret of Lincoln's success in dealing with people?I have studied Lincoln's life for 10 years, and spent 3 full years writing and embellishing a book "The Splendor of Humanity".I am sure that I have done all possible things in the world, and made a detailed and thorough study of Lincoln's character and family life, especially about Lincoln's way of dealing with people and the world.Did Lincoln like to criticize people?Indeed, when he lived in Bay Valley, Indiana, when he was still young, he not only liked to comment, but also wrote letters and poems to satirize others.He often left the written letters on country roads where the parties could easily find them. When Lincoln was a trainee lawyer in Springfield, Illinois, he still published articles in newspapers publicly attacking those who were hostile to him. In the autumn of 1842, he wrote another satirical article on a self-important politician, James Shirs.Lincoln published an anonymous letter in the Springfield Times satirizing him, which made the town laugh.Sears, a sensitive and proud man, was furious when he saw the letter, and finally found out that it was written by Lincoln. He jumped on his horse, went to Lincoln, and challenged him to a duel.Lincoln was compelled by circumstances and to preserve his honor to accept the challenge.He had the right to choose his weapon. Because of his long arms, he chose the cavalry longsword and learned fencing from a West Point graduate.On the day of the duel, they met on the banks of the Mississippi River to prepare for a duel, but fortunately their companions prevented the duel at the last moment. This was the most thrilling event in Lincoln's life, and it also taught him an invaluable lesson in life.He never wrote an insulting letter again, he stopped making fun of anyone, and he hasn't criticized anyone for anything since then. During the American Civil War, Lincoln changed the generals of the Army of the Potomac several times, but these generals were defeated one after another, which made Lincoln extremely disappointed.Half of the people in the country were scolding those bad generals, but Lincoln didn't say a word and didn't make any statement.One of his favorite quotes is: "Don't judge others, so others won't judge you." When Mrs. Lincoln and others criticized the Southerners, Lincoln replied, "Don't criticize them. If I were in the same situation, I would probably be like them." In the first three days of July 1863, the Battle of Gettysburg started. On the night of July 4th, when General Lee in the south began to retreat to the south, the clouds were thick and the rain was pouring down.When he retreated to the Potomac with his defeated army, he found that he was facing a swollen and impassable river, and behind him was a victorious Union army.General Lee was surrounded and he could not escape.Lincoln saw this—a divine opportunity, a chance to wipe out Lee's army and end the war immediately.So Lincoln hopefully ordered Grant not to call a council of war, but to attack Lee immediately.Lincoln ordered by phone and sent a special envoy to Grant for immediate action. And how did General Grant do it?He did exactly the opposite of what he was ordered to do.He defied Lincoln's orders and called a council of war.He hesitated, procrastinated, called Lincoln, and, using every excuse, refused to attack Lee.Finally, the river receded, and General Lee led his army across the Potomac River and fled south smoothly. Lincoln was furious. "What's the matter?" Lincoln snarled at his son Robert. "For God's sake, what's the point? They're in our hands, we just hold out our hands, and they're ours; but no matter what I say or do Nothing, nothing will move our army. In that situation, almost any general could beat General Lee. If I was there, I could make him go without a fight." Angry and disappointed, Lincoln sat down and wrote a letter to General Grant.Don't forget that during this period, Lincoln's words and expressions were more conservative and restrained than before.Therefore, this letter written in 1863 has expressed Lincoln's extreme dissatisfaction. my dear general: I don't think you can appreciate the serious misfortune caused by General Lee's escape.He was already within easy reach of us, and as soon as he was captured, coupled with our recent victory, the war could be declared over at this point.But now, the war may continue indefinitely. You couldn't successfully capture General Lee last Monday. Now that he has fled south of the Potomac, how can you guarantee success?It's unwise to expect you to be successful, and I don't expect you to do better now.I am deeply regretful that the opportunity was lost forever. How do you think Grant would react if he read this letter?In fact, Grant never saw the letter because Lincoln never sent it.The letter was found among Lincoln's files after his death. "My guess is . . . and this is only my guess . . . . . . " After Lincoln finished writing the letter, he looked out of the window and thought, "Wait a minute, maybe I shouldn't be so hasty. Sit in the quiet It's very easy to give orders in the White House, but if I had been in Gettysburg, if I had seen the blood that Grant did last week, if I had heard the wailing of the wounded, maybe I would not have done so Anxious to attack. Maybe I'm as weak as Grant, and I'll probably act like him. Anyway, it's done now. If I send this letter, it's true that I can vent my displeasure, but otherwise For nothing else, Grant would defend himself and attack me in return, which would only upset everyone, and would even undermine his effectiveness as a commander, and perhaps force him to resign altogether." So, as I said above, Lincoln put the letter aside because he had learned by painful experience that harsh criticism and reprimands are almost never helpful. President Theodore Roosevelt said that during his presidency, whenever he was faced with a difficult problem, he would lean back, look up at the huge portrait of Lincoln that hung on the wall of his White House office, and ask himself: "If Lincoln was in the same situation as I am, what would he do? How would he fix it?" When I was very young, I always liked to express myself in front of others, trying to impress others, so I wrote a ridiculous letter to Charhardine Davis, who was once popular in American literary circles. Purple, I was working on a magazine article about writers, and I asked Davis to tell me about his approach to writing.Before that, I received a letter from a person. At the end of the letter, I wrote: "A dictated letter, I haven't read it yet." This statement left a deep impression on me, showing that this person is a great busy person and important.So, I also added this sentence after the letter to Davis. In fact, I was not busy at all at the time, and I just wanted to impress Davis. Davies didn't even bother to reply to my letter, but just returned it, scribbling at the end: "Your insolence cannot be overstated." Yes, I did self-defeating, and I deserved it.Yet, as a mortal, I was somewhat annoyed at the time, and even 10 years later, when I learned of Davis' death, I was still thinking about the hurt he had caused me. If you want to cause a death-defying grudge, it's a very easy thing to do, all it takes is a bit of a snarky opinion. We have to remember that when we are with other people, we are not dealing with perfectly rational animals, but with things full of emotional changes, prejudices, ego and vanity. Harsh criticism once made the famous British novelist Thomas Hardy give up writing.Criticism drove English poet Thomas Chatterton to suicide. Benjamin Franklin was not very sociable in his youth, but he later became diplomatic and so adept at dealing with people that he became the American ambassador to France.The secret of his success is: "I don't say bad things about anyone, only good things about them." Only those who are not smart enough criticize, blame and complain about others - and indeed, many stupid people do.However, empathy and forgiveness can only be achieved through the cultivation of self-control. Thomas Carlyle said: "A great man expresses his greatness by the way he treats little men." Bob Hoover was a famous test pilot who often performed aerial stunts at air shows.Once, after performing in San Diego, he was about to fly back to Los Angeles.As described in "Flight" magazine, at an altitude of 300 meters in the air, both engines suddenly went out.With his skilled piloting skills, he managed to save the day and maneuver the plane to land. Fortunately, no one was injured, but the plane was seriously damaged. After the crash landing, Hoover's first action was to check the plane's fuel.As he expected, the propeller plane he was driving during World War II was not filled with gasoline, but jet fuel. Back at the airport, Hoover asked to see the mechanic who maintained his plane.The young mechanic regretted the mistake he had made.When he saw Hoover, tears rolled down his cheeks.Not only did he destroy an expensive plane, but he nearly killed three people. You can imagine Hoover's outrage at the time, and guess that the famous pilot with a high honor and precision in everything must have denounced the careless mechanic.But instead of scolding and criticizing him, Hoover put his arms around the mechanic's shoulders and said to him, "To show that I trust you to make no more mistakes, I want you to service my F-51 tomorrow. " Let's try to understand others instead of scolding!Let's try to put ourselves in their shoes and wonder why they did it.This is more beneficial than criticism, and it breeds compassion, tolerance, and kindness. "To fully understand is to fully forgive." As Dr. John also said: "You know, even God will not judge the world lightly until the end of the world." Why do you and I have to criticize others?