Chapter 3 Chapter Two Say Goodbye to Worry and Live More Happily

The great poet Dante once said: "Consider the day that will never come again. Life is passing with unbelievable speed, our space is speeding at 19 miles per second, but only Today is the most cherished period of time for us, and the only period of time we can grasp." Here are a few lines that you might be interested to guess who wrote them: This man is happy, and only he can be happy. Because he calls today his day. He can feel safe today and be able to say: "No matter how bad tomorrow is, I already have today." Do these lines sound modern?But it was created by the ancient Roman poet Horace.Some of us like to procrastinate in life - we are always dreaming of rose gardens in the sky, but we don't know how to appreciate the roses blooming in front of our windows today.This is really a very pitiful thing in our human nature.

What made us such poor fools? Stephen Leighock wrote: "What a strange course life is. When a man is a child he says 'Wait until I am a big boy'; but when he is a big child he says 'Wait for me After growing up'; when he grew up, he said 'after I get married'; after he got married, he said 'after I retire'. As a result, he retired. Looking back, it seems The cold wind blows and everything goes away, and he misses it all. People don't always get that sooner." Robert Stevenson also wrote: "No matter how heavy the burden is on the shoulders, everyone can last until the night comes; no matter how busy the work is, everyone can last until the sun goes down, and then it is sweet, Sleep peacefully. That's what life is all about."

You and me, each of us can only live in today.Yesterday has passed, and it is impossible to recover; tomorrow has not yet come, and it is impossible to touch it.We cannot live in yesterday and tomorrow, not even for a second.If you insist on doing this, the consequence can only be that you hurt yourself physically and mentally.Therefore, we should cherish and be content to be able to live in this moment.From this moment until we fall asleep at night, we should take it seriously. The late Mr. Edward Evans of Detroit City almost committed suicide with worry before he understood that "life is in life, in every day, every moment".

Edward Evans was born in poverty. He first made a living by selling newspapers, and later became a clerk in a grocery store.Because there were seven mouths waiting for him to support the family, he found a position as an assistant librarian.The salary of this job is not high, but he dare not resign, so he can only maintain the various expenses of the family in such a tight and stable manner. After 8 years, he finally had the courage to start his own business.He started his business with borrowed $55, and later made a career earning $20,000 a year. Unexpectedly, there are unpredictable things in the sky, and people have misfortunes. At this moment, Edward Evans met a terrible misfortune.He had written a large check for a friend who had gone bankrupt.The house leak happened to rain overnight, and as the saying goes, misfortunes never come singly, and another bad luck came—the bank where he deposited a large amount of money collapsed.As a direct result of this disaster, he not only lost all his money, but was also $16,000 in debt.

He couldn't bear the blow, he said to me: "I couldn't sleep or eat, and I kept getting sick because I was worrying all day. One day, I passed out on the side of the road, and I couldn't walk anymore. People put me in bed, My whole body began to fester, and gradually deteriorated to the inside of my body, so that I felt uncomfortable lying in bed. My body was getting weaker and weaker. At this time, the doctor told me that you only have two weeks to live at most. I was scared In a single jump, I wrote my will and waited to die with my festering body. In my opinion, worry and struggle are useless, I can only give up. Seeing that all disasters will leave me, I don’t care, the rest Instead, I relaxed and slept soundly like a child during the day. As the crushing worries faded away, my body began to recover and I gained significant weight.

"Unexpectedly, after a few weeks, I could walk with a cane on the ground. After 6 weeks, I could continue to work. I used to earn $20,000 a year, and now I can find a job that pays $30 a week. Work, enough to support myself. My job at the time was to sell the fenders behind the wheels of the boats that transported cars. After this illness, I have no worries, no regrets for past follies, and no future worries. All my time and enthusiasm, I put into the job of selling the tailgate.” Within a few years, Edward Evans was promoted to chairman of Evans Industries.The company is also a public company listed on the New York Stock Exchange.If you fly to Greenland, chances are you'll land at Evans Airport, named in his honor.Therefore, if Edward Evans did not understand the truth of "living in a completely independent today" until his death, he would never be able to die and make brilliant achievements again.

There was once a medical student at Montel General Hospital, his life was always full of worries, worried about what to do every day, how to pass the final exam, worried about where he would go after graduation, and how to have his own Clinic, worrying about how to live.Until the spring of 1871, when he read a sentence in a book, his life changed dramatically. It was this statement that helped him become the greatest medical scientist of his generation.He founded the world-renowned Johns Hawkins School of Medicine and became a visiting professor at the Oxford University School of Medicine, the highest honor a doctor can receive in British medicine.He was also knighted by the Queen of England.After his death, his life was told in two volumes of 1466 pages. He was Sir William Osler.

And what Sir William Osler saw in the spring of 1871 was written by Thomas Carley: "Our first thing to do is not to look into the distant future, but to do what is clear in the present. ’ It was these words that helped William Osler to be carefree for the rest of his life. Forty-two years later, on a spring night, on a campus full of tulips, Sir William Osler was addressing the students of Yale University: "Perhaps you will think that I should have a remarkable mind, because I I have been a professor in four universities and I have written a popular book. You can ask my good friends if things are as you think, they all know that my brain is actually nothing more than normal .Then you will definitely ask me what is the secret of my success.

"It's because I live completely in a 'today only capsule'. What does that mean? Let me tell you the following story! "A few months before I stand here addressing you Yale students, I crossed the Atlantic on a gigantic ship. I saw the captain standing in the wheelhouse, push a button, and immediately the ship went into a burst of mechanical motion. With the sound of the sound, the watertight compartment of the ship was immediately sealed and became several completely independent parts. However, any part of our human body structure is much more precise than that ship, and the distance you have to travel is much farther away. Therefore , I would like to admonish all the students here, you must also learn to control everything like a captain, use iron gates to separate the past, present and future, to separate the lost yesterday, to isolate the future that has not yet come, and to live in a sealed world that's only today. Only in this way you are safe. Because you only have today, yesterday's burden, plus tomorrow's burden, will become your biggest burden today. The waste of energy and mental depression are all because you put yesterday And tomorrow's burden is added to today's consequences. So cut off the front and rear compartments of the ship, develop a good habit, and live in the 'only today's sealed compartment'.

"When I say this, I don't mean not to look forward to tomorrow, let alone to say that you don't work hard for tomorrow. No! Absolutely not like this! Only by concentrating all your wisdom and energy and doing today's work flawlessly is your welcome. The only way to go tomorrow. "Maybe you will say, yesterday is gone, people can't have no memories, tomorrow is coming, how can people not look forward to it? Yes, we must think about tomorrow, and we must think, plan and prepare carefully, but Never worry about tomorrow." The thing is, all you have to do with worry is do what Sir William Osler said: separate the past, the present, and the future with an iron gate, and live in a capsule that has only today.

The deepest driving force in human nature is the importance of hope. Treat others how you want others to treat you. The great psychologist Alfred Adler often said to those suffering from mental depression: "If you follow my prescription, you will be cured in two weeks: just think about it once a day. Think about how you can make other people happy." Why does doing one thing every day to make others smile can have such a big impact on people?Because when we try to please others, we stop thinking about ourselves.When we think only of ourselves, it creates worry and fear, and depression. There is an old saying that goes like this: "Give a rose to your hand and you will always have some incense." The late Dr. Fred Lupe of Seattle, Washington, was bedridden with rheumatism for twenty-three years, but Stewart Whitehouse, a reporter for the Seattle Times, wrote to me: "I have interviewed Dr. Lu Pei several times. I have never seen anyone who can live a life as selflessly as he does." How can a useless person like him lying on the bed live a good life?I'll let you guess twice.Does he complain and criticize others all day long?No...was he full of self-pity, wanted him to be the center of attention, demanded that everyone take care of him?Nor is it.He did so by making the Prince of Wales' quote "I serve the people" his motto.He collected the names and addresses of many patients, and delighted them, and inspired himself, by writing them cheerful and encouraging letters.In fact, he created a correspondence club for patients so that they could correspond with each other.Eventually, he started a national organization, The Society in the Ward. While lying in bed, he wrote an average of 1,400 letters a year, radios and books donated to the organization, bringing joy to thousands of patients. What is the biggest difference between Dr. Lu Pei and others?It is that he has a kind of inner strength, has a purpose, has a task, knows that he is serving a noble and important ideal, and derives happiness from it; Centered, sick, miserable old guy who complains all day long that the world isn't making him happy." When I started writing this book, I offered a $200 bounty for the most helpful and inspiring true story on the topic "How I Be Happy." The three judges for this essay competition are Eastern Airlines chairman Eddie Reckenbacker, Lincoln Memorial University president Dr. Stewart McCollinan, and broadcast news critic Kattan Bonn.But in the end we received two very good stories, and even the three judges couldn't choose the first one.So we split the prize between the two authors. Here is one of the stories that won the first prize—by Mr. Burton of Springfield, Missouri. "I lost my mother when I was 9 and my father when I was 12," Mr Bolton wrote. "My father died in a car accident and my mother ran away from home one day 19 years ago, and I haven't been there since. Never met her, nor my two younger sisters who were taken away by her. She did not write to me until 7 years after leaving home. My father died in a car accident 3 years after my mother left home. He bought a coffee shop in a small town in Missouri with a partner who sold it while he was on a business trip and ran away with the money. A friend sent a wire to my father telling him to hurry back home. My father was killed in a car accident in Salina City, Kansas, in a hurry. I had two aunts who were poor, old, and sick. They took 3 of our 5 children to to their home. "No one wanted me and my youngest brother, we had to rely on the people of the town to help us get by. We were all terrified of being called orphans, or being treated like orphans, but our fears happened very quickly. Yes. I lived with a poor family in the town for a while, but life was very difficult. The master of the family lost his job soon, and they had no way to support me. Later, Mr. Luo Futing and his wife took me in and let me live. I live on one of their farms 11 miles from town. "Mr. Luo Futing was 70 years old at the time, and he was lying on a hospital bed with herpes zoster, commonly known as 'loin-clothed dragon'. He told me that as long as I don't lie, don't steal, and can obey my orders, I can live there forever. The three requirements became my holy order and I obeyed them completely. I started school, but for the first week I hid in the house like a baby and cried. The other kids came to make trouble with me and make fun of my big brother. Nose, said I was a fool, and said I was a 'little stinky orphan'. I was so sad that I wanted to beat them up, but the old Mr. Luo Futing who adopted me said to me: 'You must always remember that you can walk away without fighting He's a bigger guy than a guy who fights.' So I never got into a fight. Finally, one day, a kid in the school yard grabbed a handful of chicken shit and threw it in my face. I Beat him up so badly that you end up making several friends who say the guy is asking for it. "I really like a new hat that Mrs. Lofting bought me. One day, a big girl ripped my hat off and filled it with water, which ruined it. She said she put it in Water, to get that water to wet my big head so that my popcorn brain doesn't explode. "I never cried at school, but I used to come home and cry a lot. Then, one day, Mrs. Lofting gave me some advice that took away all my worries and worries and made my enemies She said, 'Roff, as long as you show interest in them and watch what you can do for them, they won't come to play tricks on you or call you 'little orphan' anymore.' I I took her advice. I started to study hard. Although I won the first place soon, no one ever envied me, because I always tried my best to help others. "I have helped many male classmates write essays, and I have also written complete reports for several male classmates. One child didn't want his parents to know that I was helping him, so he often told his mother that he was going to catch voles , then ran to Mr. Luo Futing's farm, locked his dog in the barn, and asked me to teach him to read. I also wrote a book report for a child, and spent several nights helping another girl study math. "Death came quickly to our neighborhood: two very old farmers died, and the husband of another old woman. I was the only man in the family of four, and I helped the widows Two years have passed. On my way to and from school, I would go to their farms, help them cut firewood, milk the cows, feed and water their livestock. Now, everyone likes me very much and no longer scolds me , everyone considered me his friend. When I came back from the Navy, they expressed their true feelings to me. "The first day I got home, more than two hundred farmers came to see me, and many of them even drove over 80 miles. Their care for me was very genuine, because I have always been happy to help others, so I have no worries. And I haven't been called 'little orphan' in 13 years." If you're a guy, you can skip this section because you probably won't be interested.Here is the story of how a worried, unhappy girl got several men to propose to her.And the girl is now a grandmother. I was a guest at her home a few years ago.I was giving a speech at the small town where she lived, and the next morning she drove me 50 miles to get a ride so I could transfer to Grand Central.We talked about how to make friends, and she said to me, "Mr. Carnegie, I'm going to tell you something I've never told anyone—not even my husband." She told me that she was born into a very poor family in Philadelphia, and that "the greatest tragedy of my childhood and youth," she said, "was that I was poor. I couldn't have as much entertainment as other girls, and I The material of my clothes was never the best, and I grew up too fast, so the clothes couldn't fit and they weren't in the trendy style. I always felt ashamed and wronged, and I often fell asleep crying. Finally , I came up with a solution in desperation, that is, every time I attended a dinner party, I always asked my male partner to tell me his own past experience, some of his opinions, and his plans for the future. "I didn't do it because I was particularly interested in what he had to say; I did it because I didn't want him to notice that I was wearing ugly clothes. But something strange happened very quickly, when I heard these young people talk to As I talked and got to know them better, I really started to take an interest in what they had to say. Sometimes I was so interested that I forgot how I was dressed. But the thing that surprised me the most, was Because I can listen to other people's conversations, and I can encourage those boys to talk about themselves, which makes them very happy, so I gradually became the most popular girl in our place, and finally 3 boys came to propose to me .” If we are going to "improve all things for others," as Dreiser preached, then let's do it quickly; there is no time to waste. "I can only walk this road once, so any good that I can do, and any act of kindness that I can do, do it now. Don't let yourself procrastinate or let me ignore, because I won't Let’s go through this road again.” Forget about yourself, do a good thing every day that can bring a happy smile to other people’s faces, what’s not to be happy about such a life?


George Bernard Shaw said: "The reason why people worry is that they have free time to think about whether they are happy or not." The fact is exactly what he said.So to get rid of worry, stop thinking about it, spit in the palm of your hand, keep yourself busy so your blood will start to circulate and your mind will be sharp – keep yourself busy, This is the cheapest and most effective cure for worry in the world. Mr. Charles Kettering has been the vice president of General Motors, in charge of the world-renowned General Motors Research Corporation, and he retired not long ago.However, back then he was so poor that he could only rent a barn piled with straw as a laboratory; the family's living expenses only depended on the $1,500 his wife earned from teaching piano.Later, he had to borrow $500 against his life insurance.I asked his wife, was she worried during that period? "Of course," she replied, "I was too worried to sleep, but my husband wasn't worried at all. He was so absorbed in his work that he didn't have time to worry." The great scientist Pasteur also once spoke of "the peace found in libraries and laboratories".Why find peace there?Because people who work in libraries and laboratories are usually so engrossed in their work that they have no time to worry about themselves.People who do research rarely have mental breakdowns, because they don't have time to enjoy this "luxury". How can something as simple as "keep yourself busy" be able to get worry out of your mind?Because there is such a theorem, this theorem is: No matter how smart a person is, it is impossible to think about more than one thing at the same time-this is one of the basic theorems discovered by psychology.Let's do an experiment: Sit back in your chair, close your eyes, and try to think about the Statue of Liberty and what you're going to do tomorrow morning at the same time. You'll find that you can only think about one of these things in turn, and it's impossible to think about two things at the same time, right?The same goes for your emotions.For example, we cannot be passionate about doing something exciting and at the same time procrastinating because of worry.One feeling drives out the other—a discovery so simple that some psychotherapists in the military were able to perform medical miracles in wartime. When some men retreated from the blows they received in battle, they all suffered from a kind of "psychological debilitating disease."Army doctors have mostly taken a "keep them busy" approach to this.These mentally distressed people are engaged in activities all the time except when they sleep, such as fishing, hunting, basketball, golf, taking pictures, planting flowers, or dancing, etc., which do not allow them to have Time to think back on those horrible experiences. "Occupational therapy" is a new term invented by modern psychologists, that is, using work as medicine to treat diseases.This is not a new method, because 500 years before the birth of Jesus, doctors in ancient Greece had already used this method to treat people. There is no time to worry, as Churchill once said.When the war was tense, Churchill had to work 18 hours a day.When he was asked whether he was apprehensive about such heavy responsibilities, he said, "A man is too busy to have time for apprehension." It was also used by the Quakers of Philadelphia in Franklin's day. In 1774, a man visited the sanitarium run by the Quakers. When he saw the mental patients busy spinning and weaving, he was shocked.He believes that those poor and unfortunate people are being exploited.Later the Quakers explained to him that they found that the patients really got better only when they worked, because it gave them stability. Any psychotherapist will tell you that work—constantly busy—is the best cure for mental illness.The famous poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow discovered this truth after the death of his young wife. One day his wife lit a candle to melt some envelope wax, and the clothes caught fire.Longfellow heard her cry and rushed to rescue her, but she died of burns.For a long time Longfellow was so haunted by the dreadful event that he nearly went mad. Fortunately, Longfellow also has three young children who need his care.Although he was very sad, he still had to be a father and mother.He took them out for walks, told them stories, played games with them, and immortalized their father-son relationship in the poem "Children's Time".During that time he also translated Dante's.All this work made him so busy that he completely forgot himself and regained his peace of mind. As Bennison once said on the death of his best friend Arthur Harlan: "I must immerse myself in my work, or else I shall be anxious and distressed in despair." I will never forget one night a few years ago when a member of my class, Marion Douglas, told us about a tragic tragedy that befell his family—not once, but twice. For the first time, he lost his 5-year-old daughter, who was very dear to him.Both he and his wife thought they couldn't bear the blow, but, as he said: "Ten months later, God gave us another little girl, but she died after only five days." The successive blows were almost unbearable. "I couldn't take it," the father told us. "I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I couldn't rest or relax. I was devastated mentally, and my confidence was gone." Finally, he went to see a doctor.One doctor advised him to take sleeping pills, while another advised him to travel.He tried both methods, but neither worked for him.He said: "My body is like being caught in a big iron clip, and this iron clip is getting tighter and tighter." That kind of sadness brought him too much pressure—if you have ever been Sad and numb, then you know what he's feeling. "However, thank God, we also have a child - a four-year-old son, who taught us to find a solution to our problems. One afternoon, I sat there sadly, and he asked me: 'Dad, would you Won't you build me a boat?' At the time, I wasn't in the mood to build him a boat. In fact, I wasn't in the mood to do anything at all. But my son was such a pestering little fellow, I had to follow his mean to do it. "It took me about 3 hours to build the toy boat. After the boat was built, I found that the 3 hours of building the boat became the first time I felt relaxed in this period of time. "This big discovery jolted me out of my trance and made me think a lot—the first time I've been thinking seriously in months. I've found that if you're busy doing something that requires planning and thinking, It was very difficult to have time to worry anymore. For me, when I built that boat, all my worries disappeared, so I decided to keep myself busy. “The next night, I looked at each room and made a list of all the things to be done. There were many small things such as bookshelves, stairs, curtains, door knobs, locks, leaky faucets, etc. that needed repairing. Let Incredibly, I made a list of 242 things that needed to be done in two weeks. “In the past two years, most of these things have been done. In addition, I have added inspiring activities to my life: taking adult education classes in New York City two nights a week and attending Now I’m chair of the school board, attend a lot of meetings, and help with fundraising for the Red Cross and other organizations. Right now I’m so busy that I hardly have time to worry.” For most people, "immersing themselves in work" probably won't be much of a problem when their day job keeps them busy.But as soon as get off work is done—when we are free to enjoy our relaxation and pleasure—the demon of worry begins to attack us.That’s when we often wonder about things like what we’re accomplishing in life, are we doing a good job, is there “something special” about what our boss said today, or are we starting to go bald… … When we're not busy, our minds often become a vacuum.Every student of physics knows that "there is no vacuum in nature".Break an incandescent light bulb, for example, and air immediately enters, filling what is theoretically a vacuum. So, to break your worrying habit, remember this rule: "Keep yourself busy. Worrying people must keep themselves immersed in work, or they will only struggle in despair."


Everyone knows a famous legal saying: "The law does not care about those little things." People should not worry about these little things, if you hope to find peace of mind.Most of the time, all it takes to get over the obsessions caused by small things is to shift perspective and focus—that is, to have a new perspective that makes you happy. A few years ago, I went to Teton National Park in Wyoming.I was there with Wyoming Highway Commissioner Charles Shepherd, and some friends of his.We were going to visit together a house that Rockefeller had built in that park, but the car I was in took a wrong turn and got lost.By the time I got to the house, I was an hour behind the other cars.Mr. Shepherd was already there, but he didn't have the key to the gate, so he waited an hour in that hot, mosquito-infested forest for us to arrive.There were so many mosquitoes that would drive a saint mad, but they couldn't beat Charles Sheffield.While waiting for us, he broke off a short aspen branch and made a small flute.Was he busy chasing away mosquitoes when we arrived?No, he was playing the flute in honor of a man who knew how to ignore little things. We are usually brave enough to face the big crises in our lives, but we can get overwhelmed by the little things.For example, Samuel White Busey wrote in his diary that he had witnessed the beheading of Sir Harry Pooh in London: when Sir Pooh went to the guillotine, he did not ask others to spare his life, but Ask the executioner not to hit the sore spot on his neck with a knife. And that's another thing Admiral Bader discovered on the cold, dark night in Antarctica—that his men were often angry about the little things, but they didn't care about the big ones.For example, they can face dangerous and hard work without complaint, and work in the cold of minus 80 degrees; They don’t talk, because they suspect that the other party has placed things indiscriminately and occupied their own space. I also know that there is a person in the team who is very particular. He insists on eating on an empty stomach and chewing carefully. Every mouthful of food must be chewed 28 times before swallowing ; and there is another person who must find a seat in the hall where he cannot be seen before he can eat." "In an Antarctic camp," said Admiral Bader, "anything can drive the best-trained man mad." In fact, Admiral Bader could have added: "Little things" if they happen to husband and wife In life, it can also drive people crazy, and even cause "half the sad things in the world". So be sure to break the habit of worrying before it destroys you.Remember the following rule: "Don't allow yourself to worry about little things that should be thrown away and forgotten. Remember: Life is too short to worry about little things." The following story may make you unforgettable, and it is very dramatic.The man who told this story was called Rob Moore. "In March 1945, I learned the most important lesson of my life," he said. "I learned it at a depth of 276 feet near the Indochina Peninsula. At that time, I was with 87 other people in the Beja SS Submarine 318. We saw a small Japanese convoy coming our way on radar. We surfaced at dawn and launched an attack. I spotted a Japanese fleet through the periscope. Destroyer escort, a tanker, and a minelayer. We fired three torpedoes at the destroyer escort, but none of them hit the target. The destroyer escort did not know it was under attack and kept going Let's go. We're going to attack the last minelayer again. "Suddenly, it turned its head and headed straight for us - a Japanese plane saw us from above at deep water and radioed our position to the Japanese minelayer. We immediately dived to a depth of 150 feet , so as not to be detected by it, and be prepared for depth charges: we added a few extra layers of iron bolts to all the hatch covers, and in order to keep our submarine absolutely stable when it sank, we turned off all Fans and the entire cooling system and all power generating equipment. "Three minutes later, there was a sudden catastrophe - six depth charges exploded around us, pinning us down to a depth of 276 feet. We were all petrified and attacked in less than 1,000 feet of water, It is a very dangerous thing - if it is less than 500 feet, almost all doom. And we were attacked in the water less than half of 500 feet, which is equivalent to only 1 It reached the knees of a person. The Japanese minelayer kept dropping depth charges for 15 hours. If the depth charges were within 17 feet of the submarine, the force of the bomb explosion could blow a bomb on the submarine. Big hole. About 10 to 20 depth charges went off just about 50 feet away from us and we were ordered to 'hold', which means to lie still on the bed and stay calm. I was so scared I could hardly breathe and I thought:' This is dead'. I kept saying to myself, '...this is dead...this is dead.' With all the fans and cooling systems turned off, the temperature inside the sub was almost up to Fahrenheit It was more than 100 degrees, but I was so scared that my whole body was cold. Although I was wearing a sweater and a jacket with a leather collar, I was still shivering from the cold. My teeth kept chattering, and bursts of pain came out all over my body. cold sweat. "The Japanese minelayer attack went on for 15 hours and then it stopped abruptly. Apparently the Japanese minelayer used up all of its depth charges before leaving. For 15 hours, it felt like Fifteen million years. My past life unfolding before my eyes, reminding me of all the bad things I've done and all the little things I've ever worried about. "Before I joined the Navy, I was a bank clerk and I used to worry about working too many hours for too little pay and not having many opportunities for advancement. I used to worry about not being able to buy my own house, not having money for a new car, not having money for my太太买好的衣服而忧虑过。我非常讨厌我以前的老板，因为他老是给我找麻烦。我还记得，每天晚上回到家里的时候，我总是又累又困，常常因为芝麻小事而跟我的太太吵架。我甚至还为我额头上因为一次车祸而留下的伤痕发过愁。 “在多年以前，那些令人发愁的事看起来好像全都是大事，可是在深水炸弹就要夺走我生命的那一刻，这些事情又是多么荒谬和微不足道。就在那时候，我答应自己，如果我还有机会再见到太阳和星星的话，我永远永远也不会再忧虑了。永远！永远！永远也不会！在潜艇里的那15个可怕的小时里，我所学到的生活道理，比我在大学4年所学到的要多得多。” 芝加哥的约瑟夫·沙马士法官在仲裁过4万多件不愉快的婚姻案件之后说：“婚姻生活之所以不美满，根本原因通常都是一些细小事情。” 纽约郡地方检察吉法兰克·荷根也说：“在我们的刑事案件里，有一半以上都是由于一些很小的事情引起的：在酒吧里逞英雄，为一些小事情而争吵，讲话侮辱人，措辞不当，行为粗鲁等等。就是这些小事情，结果引起了伤害和谋杀。很少有人真正天性残忍，即使那些犯了大错的人，也都是因为自尊心受到了小小的损害，或受到一些小小的屈辱，或虚荣心得不到满足，结果造成了世界上半数令人伤心之事。” 据说罗斯福夫人刚结婚的时候，“每天都在担心”，因为她的新厨子做饭很差。“可是，如果事情发生在现在，”罗斯福夫人说，“我就会耸耸肩，把这事给忘了。”太好了，这才是一个成年人的做法。就连凯瑟琳这位最专制的俄国女皇，在厨子把饭做坏了的时候，她也通常只是付之一笑。 Once, we went to a friend's house in Chicago for dinner.在他分菜的时候，有些小事情没有做好。我当时并没有注意，而且即使我注意到了，我也不会在乎。可是他的太太看见了，她立即当着我们的面跳起来指责他。 “约翰，”她大声叫道，“看看你在做什么！难道你永远也学不会如何分菜吗？” 然后她对我们说：“他老是犯错，简直就心不在焉。”也许他确实没有好好地做，可是我却实在佩服他能够跟他这样的太太相处20年之久。老实说，只要能吃得很舒服，我情愿只吃一两个抹了芥末的热狗，而不愿一面听她唠叨，一面吃北京烤鸭和鱼翅。 在碰到那件事情之后不久，我夫人和我请了几位朋友到家里来吃晚饭。就在他们快来的时候，我夫人发现有3条餐巾和桌布的颜色没办法相配。 “我冲到厨房里，”她后来告诉我说，“结果发现另外3条餐巾送出去洗了。客人这时已经到了门口，我没有时间再换了；我急得差点哭了出来。我当时只想：为什么我会犯这么愚蠢的错误，毁了我整个晚上？然后我又想到，为什么要让它毁了我今晚的心情呢？于是，我走进去吃晚饭，决定好好地享受一下。而我真的做到了——我情愿让我的朋友们认为我是一个比较懒散的家庭主妇，”她告诉我说，“也不想让他们认为我是一个神经兮兮、脾气暴躁的女人。而且据我所知，根本没有人关心那些餐巾的问题。”


多年前的一个晚上，我旅行途经黄石公园。一位森林管理员骑着马，告诉了我们这群兴奋的游客许多有关熊的事情。他告诉我们：有一种大灰熊几乎可以击倒西方所有的动物，除了水牛和另一种黑熊之外。但在那天晚上，我却注意到有一只小动物——只有一只——那只大灰熊不但让它从森林里跑了出来，还与它在灯光下共进晚餐。那是一只臭鼬！大灰熊很清楚，只需扬起它的巨掌，就可以一掌打死这只臭鼬，但它并没有那样做。why?因为它从经验里学到，那样做对它来说很划不来。 我也知道这个道理。当我还是个孩子的时候，曾在密苏里州的农庄抓过这种4只脚的臭鼬；当我长大成人后，在纽约的街头也碰到过几个像这种臭鼬一样的两只脚的人。我从这些不幸的经验中发现：无论招惹哪一种臭鼬，都不是明智之举。 “要是自私的人想占你的便宜，就不必理睬他，更不必报复他。当你想跟他扯平的时候，你对自己伤害的，远比对那家伙的伤害更多……”你猜这是谁说的？这段话听起来好像是什么理想主义者所说的，其实不然。这段话来自一份警察局通告。报复为什么会伤害你呢？它对你伤害的地方可多了。根据《生活》杂志的一篇报道，报复甚至会损害你的健康。“高血压患者的主要特征，就是容易愤怒，”《生活》杂志说，“愤怒不止的话，长期性高血压和心脏病就会随之而来。” 怨恨之心甚至会毁坏我们享受食物的美味。圣人说：“怀着爱心吃蔬菜，也会比怀着怨恨吃牛肉要好得多。”假如我们的仇人知道我们对他的怨恨使得我们精疲力竭，使得我们紧张不安，使得我们的外表受到损伤，使得我们心脏病发作，甚至可能使我们寿命减短的时候，他们难道不会拍手欢呼吗？ 即使我们不能爱我们的仇人，那我们至少也要爱我们自己。我们不能让仇人控制我们的快乐、我们的健康和我们的外表。这正如莎士比亚所说的：“不要因为你的敌人而燃起一把怒火，结果却烧伤你自己。” 当我写这一段文章的时候，在我面前有一封乔治·罗纳寄来的信，他住在瑞典的艾普苏那。乔治·罗纳在维也纳当了很多年的律师，但是他在第二次世界大战期间逃到了瑞典，身上没有分文，急需找一份工作。因为他会说并能写好几国语言，所以希望在一家进出口公司找到一份秘书的工作。但绝大多数公司都回信告诉他，因为现在正在打仗，他们不需要这一类人，不过他们会将他的名字存在档案中……不过，有一个人给乔治·罗纳写回信说：“你完全不了解我的生意。你既蠢又笨，我根本不需要任何人来为我写信。即使我需要，也不会找你，因为你甚至写不好瑞典文，你的信里全是错字。” 当乔治·罗纳看到这封信的时候，他简直气疯了。那个瑞典人自己的信就错误百出，可是他竟然写信来说罗纳不会瑞典文，是什么意思？于是乔治·罗纳也写了一封信，想使那个人大发一顿脾气。但他接下来对自己说：“慢。我怎么知道这个人说的不是对的？我学过瑞典文，可这并不是我的母语，也许我确实犯了许多我并不知道的错误。如果真是那样的话，那么我要想得到一份工作，就必须再努力学习。这个人可能给我帮了一个大忙，虽然他的本意并非如此。他用这么难听的话来表达他的意思，并不表示我不欠他的。所以我应该给他写封信，对他表示感谢。” 于是乔治·罗纳撕毁了他刚刚写好的那封骂人的信，又另外写了一封信，说：“你这样不嫌麻烦地给我写信，实在是太好了，尤其是你并不需要一个替你写信的秘书。我弄错了贵公司的业务，对此我觉得非常抱歉。我之所以给你写信，是因为我向别人打听到的你，而别人之所以把你介绍给我，因为他说你是这一行的领袖人物。我并不知道我的信中犯了些文法错误，我觉得很惭愧，也很难过。现在我打算更努力地学习瑞典文，改正我的错误，谢谢你帮助我走上改进之路。” 没过几天，乔治·罗纳就收到了那个人的回信，他请罗纳去他那里。罗纳去了，而且得到了一份工作。由此，乔治·罗纳发现“温和的回答能消除怒气”。 也许我们不能像圣人那样爱我们的仇人，但为了我们自己的健康和快乐，至少我们要原谅他们，忘记他们。如果我们能这样做，实在是聪明之举。 有句老话说：“不会生气的人是笨蛋，而不生气的人才是聪明人。”这也正是纽约州前州长威廉·盖诺所坚持的策略。当他被一份街头小报攻击得遍体鳞伤之后，又被一个疯子打了一枪，几乎送了命。他躺在医院，生命垂危，但是他仍然说：“每天晚上我都原谅所有的事情和所有的人。” 现在你该明白耶稣所说的“爱你的仇人”，不只是一种道德上的教导，而且是在宣扬一种医学。当他说“要原谅70个7次”的时候，他正是在教导我们如何避免患高血压、心脏病、胃溃疡和其他许多疾病。 最近，我的一个朋友严重心脏病发作，他的医生要求他躺在床上，不论发生任何事情他都不能生气。作为医生，都知道患有心脏衰竭症的人，一发怒生气就可能送命。 几年前，在华盛顿州的斯泼坎城，有一家餐馆的老板就因为生气致死。我面前现在就有一封寄自华盛顿州斯泼坎城警察局局长杰瑞·施瓦脱的信。他在信中说：“几年以前，有一个叫威廉·崔堪伯的人，他已经68岁了，在斯泼坎城开了一家小餐馆。因为他的厨师坚持用茶碟喝咖啡，而将他活活气死。 “事情发生的时候，那个小餐馆的老板非常恼火，抓起一把左轮手枪去追那个厨师，结果因为心脏病发作而倒地死去——而他手里还紧紧地抓着那支手枪。验尸员报告说：'他因为愤怒而导致心脏病发作。'” 当耶稣说“爱你的仇人”的时候，他也是在告诉我们应该如何改进我们的外表。我想，你也和我一样认识一些女性，她们的脸颊因为怨恨而布满了皱纹，因为悔恨而变了脸形，甚至表情僵硬。不管她们如何做美容，使她们的容貌更美丽，也不能让她的心里充满宽容、温柔和爱。 这样做是不是有些太理想了呢？是不是过于轻松、过于美好了呢？如果是这样的话，就让我们来看看德国伟大的哲学家、“悲观论”的作者叔本华的理论。他认为生命就是一种毫无价值而又充满了痛苦的冒险，当他走过生命中每一刻的时候，全身似乎都散发着痛苦，可是在他绝望的深处，叔本华说道：“如果可能的话，不应该对任何人产生怨恨。” 有一次，我问艾森豪威尔将军的儿子约翰，他父亲是否一直怀恨别人。“不，”他回答说，“我父亲从来不去为那些不喜欢的人而浪费他一分钟。” 因此我想说的是，如果你要培养平安和快乐的心境，请记住，我们永远不要去试图报复我们的仇敌，如果我们那样做的话，我们将会深深地伤害自己，不要把时间浪费在去想那些我们不喜欢的人上。


在你与人交往时，不要把对方都不在意的错误牢记在心，也不要指责别人，傻子才会那样做；而要尽量了解别人，那才是明智大度、超凡不俗的人。对方之所以会那样思考，会那样行动，自然有他的理由。如果你能找出那个隐藏着的原因，你就找到了理解他们的行为和人格的钥匙。 试着使你自己真诚地站在别人的立场来思考问题。 假如你对自己说：“如果我处在他的情况下，我将有什么感受，会做出什么反应？”那么你就可省去许多时间与不必要的烦恼，因为“如果对原因发生兴趣，我们就不会厌恶结果”。而且除此之外，你还可以大大增加你的为人处世的技巧。 肯尼斯·古德在他的作品《如何使人变得高贵》中说：“暂停一分钟，将你对自己事情的浓厚兴趣，和你对别的事的漠不关心做一做比较。然后你就会明白，世界上任何其他人也都是同样的态度。 “以后，你就能像林肯、罗斯福一样，把握住除看守监狱以外的任何工作的基础和机会。换句话说，为人处世之成功与否，全在于你能否以同情之心，接受别人的观点。” 萨姆·道格拉斯住在纽约州汉普斯特市，他以前总是数落他的妻子，说她在修整家中的草地、拔杂草、施肥和剪花草方面浪费了太多的时间。他批评她每个星期这样做两遍，可是草地看上去并不比4年前更好看。道格拉斯这种话当然让他妻子十分不高兴，因此每当他这样批评她时，那整个晚上家中就会笼罩着一层乌云。 在参加了我的辅导班之后，道格拉斯先生认识到了他这些年来犯的大错。他从来都没有想过，她在修整草地时，也会从中获得快乐，以及由此而得到的夸奖。 一天晚上，吃完晚饭之后，妻子说要去除杂草，并想道格拉斯去陪她。道格拉斯先是没有答应，但过后他想了一下，又陪她出去帮她拔草。她显得非常兴奋，两个人一同干了一个多小时，度过了一个愉快的晚上。 从那以后，道格拉斯经常陪妻子修整草坪，并夸奖妻子，说她把草坪修整得很好看，而且院子里的泥土地整得像水泥地一样光滑。结果他们俩都从中获得了快乐，因为他学会了从妻子的观点来看事情。 吉拉德·利奥德在他的作品《深入他人之心》中评论说：“当你认为别人的观念、感觉与你自己的观念和感觉同等重要，并向对方表示这一点时，你和别人的交谈才会轻松愉快。在谈话开始的时候，要尽量使对方提出这次谈话的目的或方向。如果你是个听者，你就要克制自己不要随意说话。如果对方是听者，你接受他的观点，将会使他大受鼓舞，能够与你开怀畅谈，并接受你的观念。” 多年以来，我常在离家不远的公园里散步、骑马，以此作为我主要的消遣。和古代高卢人的传教士一样，我很喜欢橡树，所以每当我看见小树苗和灌木被火灾毁灭时，就非常痛心。这些火灾并不是由粗心的吸烟者造成的，它们大都是那些到园中来过野外生活，而在树下做饭烧烤的孩子引发的。有时这些火烧得太大，不得不出动消防队。 在公园的一个角落里，有一布告牌，上面写着：“凡导致火灾的肇事者，将处以罚款及拘禁。”但这布告牌放在人迹罕至的地方，很少有人能看到它。虽然有一位骑马的警察在公园中巡逻，但他很不尽职。因此火灾时常发生并向四周蔓延。 有一次，我跑到那个警察那里，告诉他说公园里有一处失火了，火势正急速地蔓延，要他立即通知消防队。但他却冷漠地回答说，那不关他的事，因为那不是他的管辖区域。我立即急了，从那以后，每当我骑马去公园时，便自成“单人委员会”，来保护公园的公共财产。 最初，我根本不想了解孩子的观点。当我看见树下起火时，便非常不高兴，我急于做好事，但结果却做错了。我总是骑马过去，向这些孩子们警告，说这样会引起火灾并会被拘禁。我还用权威的口气，命令他们把火灭了，而且，如果他们拒绝，我便威胁要将他们抓起来。我只顾发泄我的怒气，全然不理会他们的想法。 The results of it?这些孩子虽然表面上遵从了，但心中的厌恨却更大。在我骑马跑过山后，他们很可能又重新生火，并极想把整个公园烧光。许多年过去以后，我对人际关系的知识有了更多的了解，更懂得从对方的观点来看事情。于是我不再下命令了，我会骑马来到火前，然后这样说： “孩子们，玩得高兴吗？你们在做什么晚餐？……当我还是个孩子时，我也喜欢生火，时至今日，我还很喜欢。但你们知道，在这公园中生火是非常危险的。我知道你们这些孩子会很小心谨慎的，但别的孩子可不像你们这样小心。他们走过来见你们生了火，于是他们也点起火来，回家的时候也忘了扑灭，结果火在公园中蔓延，烧毁了树木。如果我们不再小心些，我们这儿的树就会被烧得精光了。因此，生了这堆火，你们可能会被捕入狱。但我不想多说，也不希望干涉你们，扫你们的兴。我喜欢看到你们快乐地生活，但请你们立刻将旁边的枯树叶拨得离火远些，好不好？在你们离开以前，你们要小心多用些泥土把火盖起来，好不好？那就不会有危险了……多谢了，孩子们。祝你们快乐。” 这种说法有了很好的效果，孩子们非常合作，他们没有怨恨，也没有反感。他们并没有被强制服从什么命令，他们保住了面子，他们觉得能够接受，我也觉得很满意，因为我先考虑了他们的想法，再来处置这事情的。 当个人的问题显得更加急迫的时候，如果能从别人的观点来看问题，那么也能在一定程度上缓解紧张的气氛。例如，澳洲南威尔士的伊丽莎白·诺瓦克已有6个星期没有支付分期购车的钱款，这使她遇到了一些麻烦。 “在某个星期五，”伊丽莎白说，“一位负责分期付款购车的男人给我打来电话，很不礼貌地告诉我，如果我在下周一早晨还不缴付122美元的话，他们公司将采取进一步措施，由于到了周末，我自然筹措不到这笔钱。因此，到了星期一时，我一大早就接到了那个男人气冲冲的电话。不过我并没有对他发火，我是从他的立场来看这件事的。我首先真诚地向他道歉给他带来了这么大的麻烦，而且我已经不是头一次逾期未付款，因此我一定很让他为难。听了这些话，他的语气立即缓和下来，并说我根本不是令他头疼的顾客。他还举了好几个例子，说有些人更不讲理，不仅信口胡说，还躲着不见他。 “我没有说更多的话，就让他说出了心中的不愉快。然后，根本不需我请求，他就说即使我不能立刻缴付欠款也问题不大；还说如果月底之前我能先缴付20美元，然后在手头方便时付清余额，一切都好说。” 所以，当你明天请人熄火，或请他买一瓶你推销的“雅福达”清洁剂，或捐50美元给红十字会以前，为什么不先停一下，闭上眼睛，从对方的角度将整个事情想一想？问问你自己：“他为什么要这样做？”当然，那要费许多时间，但那能使你赢得朋友，培养情谊，并且减少摩擦，少惹麻烦。 “在与人会谈以前，我情愿在那人办公室外的过道上多走两小时，”哈佛大学商学院院长唐哈姆说，“而不愿贸然走进他的办公室，如果我对于我所要说的，以及他——根据我对他的兴趣及动机的认识来推断——可能会做出什么答复都没有很清晰的认识的话。” 如果你读完这本书后，只学到一件事——经常培养自己从对方的角度去思考，能从他人的立场出发，如同从你自己的立场出发一样——如果你从这本书只学到这一点，就足以为你的生活道路打开新的一页。 所以，请记住这一点：如果你要使别人同意你的意见，请真诚地从对方的观点来看待事情。
洛克菲勒在他一生之中做过三件让世人为之惊叹的事情： 第一，他赚的钱几乎是当时世界上最多的。他的第一份工作，是在炎炎烈日下给别人的马铃薯田锄草，一小时只赚4美分；然而，当全美国资产超过100万美元的富翁一只手都数得过来时，洛克菲勒的财富已经将近20亿。 在他还是个穷小子的时候，他喜欢上一个姑娘。然而那个女孩的母亲却看不上洛克菲勒，断定他将来不会有什么作为。她说如果自己同意了这门婚事，这不是让女儿往火坑里跳吗？她断然将这位未来的石油大王拒之门外。 第二，他花的钱比当时任何人所花的都多。他的一生总共花了7.5亿，换个方式表述也许更能让人感受深刻：自耶稣诞生以来，平均每分钟花掉0.75美元，或者说自从3500年前摩西率领以色列人民渡过红海至今，每天花掉600美元。 第三，洛克菲勒仍然健康地活着。他是最令美国民众忌妒的一个人；他曾经接到过数千封说要杀死他的匿名恐吓信；他的身边日夜都有全副武装的贴身卫士保护；他为创办和管理他的巨大产业费尽了心血。 有多少企业家因在事业上过度劳累而早早逝去啊，我随口就可以说出几个来：操劳过度的铁路大王哈里曼，在61岁就离开了人世；创办“五分一角”（Five-And-Fen-Cent）联合百货公司的富商伍尔渥斯，在67岁时因心力交瘁而死；资产数亿元的烟草大王杜克，去世时才68岁。 哈里曼、伍尔渥斯和杜克三人赚的钱加起来，也没有石油大王洛克菲勒一个人赚得多，然而他已经活了98岁。据有关资料统计，在100万的白人当中，只有大约3000人能够活到97岁；而且在这100万人中，没有一个能在96岁时还不用戴假牙。但是，在洛克菲勒的嘴里，你连半颗假牙也找不到。 那么，你也许会想，他能这样健康长寿，是不是有秘诀呢？也许这是天生的，也许和他的性格有关，他性情恬静，做起事来不急不躁。即使在他当了美孚石油公司的经理后，依然保持着良好的休息。在他的办公室里放着一张躺椅，每天中午他都要在上面睡上半个小时，无论当天有多么重要的事情。直到现在，他每天仍然要小睡5次。 洛克菲勒一生为世界医学的发展作出了巨大的贡献，这源于他55岁时突发的一场大病，当时他拿出数百万元的巨款作为医学的研究费用；后来，他的企业财团每年都要拿出100万美元提供给世界医学组织，这也为全世界人类的健康提供了非常大的帮助。 他的企业财团曾致力于消灭全世界的钩虫病；曾消灭了恶性传染病疟疾；曾发明了黄热病的注射药品。我们每个人都应该为此感谢他，这一点我可以用亲身经历做证。1932年，我在中国。当时中国发生了严重的霍乱，百姓们成批地死去。而给我打防疫针的医院，就是由洛氏财团所创立的北京协和医院。 洛克菲勒一生中所赚的第一笔钱，来自帮助母亲养殖火鸡。时至今日，他还在他的8000英亩的农场上养了一窝火鸡，只为唤起他对童年的美好记忆。 当年，他把母亲给的硬币小心地收藏在一个茶杯里。而且，他还为一个农场工作，每天能赚到0.37美元。就这样，他慢慢积攒了50美元。他把这50美元借给了农场主，并收取七厘的利息。结果他发现：他一年所得的利息，就相当于他做10天的苦力的工钱。于是，从那天起，他就下定决心：一定要让金钱做人的奴隶，而不是被金钱所奴役。 所以，洛克菲勒尽量不让自己的子女养成坐享其成的习惯。当他在修整自己住宅的栅栏时，就让他的儿子来搬木材，每搬一根栅木就给他一美分。那一天，他的儿子一共搬了13根栅木，因此得到13美分的工钱。洛克菲勒又让儿子帮他修理栅栏，每小时给他15美分。 而他的母亲向他学习小提琴，每小时也要给他5美分的酬劳。 洛克菲勒年轻时并不喜欢读书，在中学毕业之后，在一个商业学校只待了四个月。当他到16岁时，就完全放弃了学校的功课。然而在后来，他却捐了5000万美元给芝加哥大学。 洛克菲勒也没有休闲娱乐方面的爱好，他一生没有去过一次剧院，不会跳舞，不会玩牌，不会喝酒，也不会吸烟。然而，他对宗教却一直都很有兴趣，年轻时还在星期学校教过书。每顿饭前，他都要进行祈祷，他每天都坚持读一会儿《圣经》。 现在，洛克菲勒的财富正以每分钟大约100美元的速度在不断增加着，然而他唯一的愿望就是能活上一个世纪。他说，如果到了1939年7月8日——他的100岁生日——他还活着，那他一定要邀请一支乐队到庄园来，演奏那首《麦姬！当你我都还年轻时》。