Chapter 41 don't expect gratitude from others

It is human nature to forget to be grateful. If we keep expecting gratitude from others, we are probably asking for trouble. I recently met an angry man and I was warned that within fifteen minutes of meeting him I would be talking about it.He did.The incident that made him angry happened eleven months ago, but he still gets angry when he mentions it.He could hardly talk about anything else.He gave thirty-four employees $10,000 in Christmas bonuses—almost $300 each—and no one thanked him."I'm sorry that I actually gave them bonuses," he complained. "An angry person is covered in poison." I sincerely sympathize with the poisoned person in front of me.He is sixty years old.Insurance companies stat that our life expectancy is two-thirds of the difference between our current age and eighty.This fellow—if he's lucky—has about fourteen or fifteen years to live.As a result, he wasted almost an entire year of his limited remaining years, resenting the past.I really sympathize with him.

In addition to resentment and self-pity, he can ask himself why people don't appreciate him. Is it possible that the pay is too low, or that the staff feel that the Christmas bonus is part of their due.Perhaps he himself is a picky and ungrateful person, so that others dare not and do not want to thank him.Maybe everyone thinks that most of the profits have to be taxed anyway, so it is better to treat them as bonuses. But on the other hand, it could also be that the employee is really selfish, mean, and rude.Maybe this, maybe that.I don't know the whole situation better than you, but I do know that Dr. Johnson in England said: "Gratefulness is a product of great education, and you can't get it from ordinary people."

My point is this: It is a common mistake for him to expect gratitude from others, and he simply does not understand human nature. If you saved someone's life, would you expect him to be grateful?You might—but Bowerwich was a well-known criminal lawyer before he became a judge, and saved seventy-eight criminals from the electric chair.Can you guess how many of them have come to say thank you, or at least sent a Christmas card?I think you guessed it - not a single one. Jesus made ten paralyzed men walk one afternoon—but how many returned to thank him?Only one: Jesus looked around at his disciples and asked, "Where are the other nine?" They all ran away, and disappeared without a trace without thanking them!Let me ask you: Why should an ordinary person like me wish to be more grateful than Jesus for giving a small favor to others?

If it's about money, then there's no hope!Jack Schwarber told me that he once helped a bank teller who misappropriated bank funds to buy stocks and caused losses. Schwarber helped him make up the amount to avoid lawsuits. Did the teller thank him? ?Thanked him, but only for a while, and then he turned against the man who had helped him out of prison. If you give your relative a million dollars, he should thank you, right?Andrew Carnegie sponsored his relative, but if Andrew Carnegie came back to life, he would be shocked to find that this relative was cursing him!Why?Because Carnegie bequeathed more than $300 million in philanthropic funds—but he only inherited $1 million.

That's how things are in the human world.Human nature is human, and you can't expect it to change, so why not just accept it?Rome had one of the wisest horse emperors, Mokuz Alylius.He wrote in his diary one day: "I meet talkative people, selfish people, self-centered people, ungrateful people today. I don't have to be surprised or bothered because I can't yet imagine a world without these people, what a world it would be what a world. Isn't what he said very reasonable?We complain every day that others don't know how to reciprocate, so who is to blame?Is this human nature — or are we ignoring it?

Stop expecting others to be grateful.It would be a pleasant surprise if we were occasionally thanked by others.If not, then don't feel bad.It's human nature to forget to be grateful, and if we keep expecting others to be grateful, we're probably asking for trouble. I know a woman who lives in New York and complains about being alone all day long.None of the relatives would approach her, and if anyone visited, she would spend hours babbling on and on about how she cared for her nephews when they were little.They got measles, mumps, whooping cough, she looked after them, lived with her for many years, sponsored a nephew through business school, and lived with her until he married.

Do these nephews come back to visit her?oh!some!sometimes!Purely because of obligation.They were all afraid to go back and see her because of the thought of sitting for hours listening to the same old tunes, endless whining and self-pity.Later, when she found that coercion and bribery were not enough to get her nephews to come back to see her, she resorted to her last resort - a heart attack. Is this heart attack faked?Of course not, the doctor also said that her heart was quite nervous and she often had palpitations.But the doctor couldn't do anything, because her problem was caused by bad mood.

What this woman wanted was gratitude from others, but she probably never got it. Parents have always resented their children for being ungrateful.Even King Lear, the hero of Shakespeare, couldn't help shouting: "The children of ungrateful people are more painful than the sharp teeth of vipers." But if we don't educate them, how can children of human beings know how to be grateful?Ingratitude is nature, it grows like weeds everywhere.Gratitude is like a rose, which needs to be carefully cultivated and nourished with love. If children are ungrateful, who is to blame?Maybe it's us who are to blame.How can we expect them to thank us if we never teach them to thank others?

I know a friend who lives in Chicago.He worked hard in a carton factory, earning no more than forty dollars a week.He married a widow who convinced him to borrow money to send the son of her second husband to college.His weekly wages are used to pay for food, rent, fuel, clothing and to pay arrears.He toiled like a coolie for four years and never complained. Does anyone thank him?No, his wife took it for granted, and the two sons certainly did the same.They didn't feel owed the stepfather at all, even if it was just a thank you. Who is to blame?The two sons?Maybe!But isn't this mother even more inappropriate?She believes that these two young lives should not have the burden of this obligation, and she does not want her son to start their lives "in debt".So it never occurred to her to say, "What a nice guy your stepfather is sponsoring you for college!" Instead, her attitude was, "Oh! That's the least he should have done."

She thought she was putting no burden on them, but in fact she gave them the dangerous idea that the world had an obligation to keep them alive.Sure enough, later, a boy wanted to "borrow" some money from his boss, but ended up in jail. We must remember that children are what we make them.For example, my aunt never complained that her children were ungrateful.When I was young, my aunt took her mother into care and also took care of her mother-in-law.I still remember the scene of the two old men sitting in front of the fireplace.Did they bother my aunt?I suppose it must have been quite a lot, but you couldn't tell from her attitude at all.She really loves them, greets them with care, and makes them feel at home.And she has six children of her own, but she never feels like she's done anything great.To her, all this was just the most natural thing, the right thing, and the thing she wanted to do.My aunt has been widowed for more than 20 years, and her five grown children welcome her and hope she can live with them.Her children loved her and never bored her.Is it out of "gratitude"?Of course not!This is real love!These children lived in an atmosphere of charity from childhood.Now it is their mother who needs to take care of them. Isn't it natural for them to return the same love?

Let us not forget that if you want to have grateful children, you must first become a grateful person.Everything we say and do matters more and more.In front of children, never slander the goodwill of others.And don't say, "Look at my cousin's Christmas presents, she made them herself and wouldn't spend a dime!" This reaction may seem trivial to us, but the kids listen.So it’s better to say something like, “My cousin must have spent a lot of time preparing this Christmas present! She’s so nice! We’ll have to write to thank her.” In this way, our children are also unconsciously learning to appreciate got used to it. Love doesn't happen overnight, it needs continuous investment.Sometimes, it seems completely hopeless.But the more this time, the more you need to persevere.Let us not grow weary in doing good.If you do not lose heart, you will reap in due time.