Chapter 18 indirectly point out the fault of others

Perhaps because of the problem of face, most people can't stand face-to-face accusations.We often have such an experience: accusing others in person will only cause the other party's tenacious resistance, but subtly hinting at the other party's mistakes will be loved.A wise man will tell a man by his look, tone of voice, or gesture that he is wrong.Indeed, these are as effective as words, and you must not convince a man if you tell him he is wrong. In one of my classes, the student Jack Schab told us such a thing: One day at noon, Jack Schab accidentally walked into one of his steel plants and saw several workers smoking, and the workers were smoking on the wall. , is hanging a "No Smoking" sign.When encountering such a situation, some bosses would point to the sign and ask the workers, "Are you illiterate?" But Xia Bu would never do that.

He went up to the workers, took out a cigarette case, gave each of them a cigar, and said, "Brothers, I would appreciate it if you would smoke outside." The workers, knowing that they were breaking the rules, But they admired that Mr. Chabu not only did not blame them, but also gave each of them a cigar as a gift, which made the workers feel noble.Bosses like these command the respect of workers. If you want to prove something, don't let anyone know, do it indirectly, so that people don't feel it.John Wanamaker, owner of a large department store in Philadelphia, also likes to use this method.

On this day, Wanamaker came to his department store.He saw a female customer standing outside the counter, waiting to buy something, but no one paid any attention to her. It turned out that the salespeople had all gathered in the far corner of the counter, chatting there.Wanamaker pretended not to notice, and walked silently behind the counter to greet the female customer alone.Then he handed over the sold goods to the salesman who came to pack them, and he walked away without a word of criticism. Most of us are prejudiced, paranoid, they are trapped by prejudice, jealousy, suspicion, fear, jealousy and arrogance, and most of us are not willing to change their original thinking.Therefore, if you want to correct others, please read the following paragraph before breakfast every day, which is derived from the thought of Professor Robinson Mingzhe.

“We feel that we can change ourselves without any resistance: but if we are told we are wrong, we reject the accusation and ignore other people’s opinions. "How our beliefs are formed, we don't pay attention, but when anyone wants to plunder these beliefs, our consciousness will immediately be filled with abnormal rebellion. It is obvious that it is not how valuable the belief itself is to us, but our My self-esteem is threatened...." I once hired an interior decorator to make some drapes for my home, and I was taken aback when the bill came—the price was high enough. A few days later, a friend came to visit. She saw the curtains, and when the price was mentioned, she said triumphantly, "What? It's too shameful. You've been fooled by him."

really?Yes, she told the truth, but few people like to hear the truth that reflects their poor judgment.So, I tried to defend myself by pointing out that the best is the most expensive after all, that one cannot get the best quality and the highest artistic taste and so on for a low price. The next day, another friend came to visit. She appreciated the curtains, her tone was full of enthusiasm, and she expressed her willingness that she also had the financial resources to purchase such exquisite handicrafts for her home.My reaction was completely different. "Well, to tell you the truth," I said, "I didn't have the means to get those curtains either. I bought them so dearly that I regretted buying them."

The Reverend Peter, the best preacher, died.The following Sunday, Pastor Ebbald was invited to speak at the altar. He tried his best to make this sermon perfect, so he wrote a sermon in advance and prepared to use it when the time came.He revised and polished the manuscript again and again, and then read it to his wife.But the speech script for this sermon is not ideal, just like a normal speech script. If his wife does not have enough cultivation and level, she will definitely say to her husband: "Dear Ebold, this speech is terrible, how can I use it? People who listen to it will definitely fall into a drowsy sleep, because It reads as dry as an encyclopedia; you've been preaching for years, you should know it. Good God, why don't you talk like you usually do, why don't you speak more naturally?" Of course she could have said that to her husband!Just imagine, what would happen if she said this?

That Mrs. Abbald was very well-bred, so she knew how to hint her husband subtly, she said: "My dear Abbald, if that sermon speech is published, it must be a very good one. article.” She alluded to her husband, whom she admired for his masterpiece, but the speech was not a sermon.Abald took his wife's cue and tore up his laboriously finished speech.He prepared nothing and went to preach. We have to discourage one thing, always avoid positive criticism, this must be remembered.If it is necessary, we might as well hint at each other by insinuating.Positive criticism of a person, that destroys his self-respect, hurts his self-esteem.If you make insinuations, the other party will know that you are well-intentioned, and he will not only accept, but also appreciate you.

"When this guy insults me, throws a punch at me, tells me I don't understand business, I use up all my self-control and I don't argue and defend. It does take a lot of self-control, but it's worth it ...if I tell him he's wrong, we'll start arguing. Litigation, bad feelings, financial loss, loss of an important customer will ensue. Yes, I'm a firm believer that telling a guy he's wrong is never worth it. "I often say that.Let's take another example -- don't forget that these examples I've given represent the experience of thousands of people.

Crawley was a salesman for the Tyler Board Company of New York.Crawley admits he told veteran lumber inspectors many, many times over the years that they were wrong.And he had won debates, but it didn't do him any favors, "because these lumber inspectors," Mr. Crawley said, "are like baseball umpires, 'once it's decided, it's never changed.'" Mr. Crawley found out that his company had lost thousands of dollars because of his successful argument.So while taking my course, he decided to change tack and quit debating and stop trying to prove others wrong.

How is the result?Here is what he told his classmates: One morning the phone rang in my office and an irate man told me on the phone that he was very dissatisfied with the load of lumber we had sent to his factory, that his factory had stopped unloading, and that he demanded that we do something right away. Get the goods out of their yards.After unloading a quarter of the load, their lumber inspector said the lumber was 55% below standard grade, in which case they refused to accept it. I hurried to his factory immediately, thinking all the way how best to deal with the situation.Normally, I would cite the lumber grading rules and use my own experience and knowledge as an inspector to convince that inspector that the lumber did meet the standards and that he had misunderstood the rules, but I thought I would apply what I had learned in the class. principles of learning.

When I got to the factory, I saw the purchasing agents and lumber inspectors looking serious and unhappy, probably ready to argue and fight with me.We walked over to the trucks that were unloading and I asked them to continue unloading so I could see what was going on. I asked the inspector to carry out the inspection as usual, put the rejected ones aside, and put the qualified ones in another pile.After watching it for a while, I realized that his test was indeed too harsh, and that he had misunderstood the rules.The lumber was white pine and I know the inspector has extensive knowledge of hardwoods - but not a competent, experienced white pine inspector.White pine knowledge is my own forte. But am I outright denying his grading method?Absolutely not. I continued to observe, and gradually I began to ask why I was not satisfied.Not for one moment did I suggest that the inspector was wrong, and I solemnly declare that the only reason I asked was to get them exactly what they ordered in the future. Asking in a friendly, cooperative manner, and continuing to insist that they were right to separate the dissatisfied planks, I mellowed him down, and our mutual tension began to ease.Occasionally, I said a word or two carefully, which made him think that maybe among the rejected wood, there are actually some that meet their purchase standards, and they actually need more expensive wood.But I was careful not to let him know that I was pointing this out. Gradually his attitude changed, and he finally admitted to me that he did not have much experience testing white pine.He started questioning me as each plank was unloaded from the truck and I explained why such a piece met the specified standards, but I continued to insist that if the wood did not meet their requirements, they could still reject it. Here's what happened next: Every time he put wood in the rejected wood pile, he looked disturbed.At last he saw that it was their fault for not ordering the lumber as required. The end result was that after I was gone, he re-inspected the entire truckload of lumber, accepted it all, and we got a check for the full payment. In this matter alone, a small trick—that is, to avoid “directly” telling the other party that he was wrong—saved our company 150 yuan in cash. Money is measured. Incidentally, I'm going to tell you that 19 centuries ago, Jesus said, "Say yes to your opponent." In other words, don't argue with your customer or your husband or your opponent.Don't tell him he's wrong, don't provoke him, just use a little diplomacy.