Chapter 77 Don't let your her suffer from common diseases

Lonely people will never understand that love and friendship are not delivered like beautifully wrapped gifts.Popularity and acceptance are never easy to come by. Five years ago, my friend lost her husband. Since then, she has suffered from "loneliness". "What should I do?" she asked me one night, a month after her husband died. "Where should I live? How can I regain my happiness?" I answered her that her anxiety was due to the calamity that befell her, and that she should get rid of it in time.I suggested that she quickly get out of the shadow of the past and build a new life and new happiness.

"No," she answered, "I shall never be happy again. I am old, my children are married, and I have nowhere to go." The poor mother had a terrible case of self-pity, and she didn't know much about the cure for it. For five years, I have been following my friend, and the results are not optimistic. "Of course," I asked her once, "you're not going to let people feel sorry for you all the time, are you? You can start your life anew, meeting new people and developing new interests instead of the old ones." She just listened, but didn't take it to heart.She is so self-pitying.In the end, she decided to pin her happiness on her children and moved to live with her daughter.

This was a wrong decision, and later the mother and daughter turned against each other.She came to her son's house again, but did not get a good result. Her children had to get her a first-floor apartment for her to live in, but that didn't solve the fundamental problem.One afternoon, she cried and told me that her family had abandoned her. She wants the whole world to pity her so that she can never be happy.She is an incurable selfish woman. Although she has 61 years of life experience, she is still a child emotionally. Lonely people never understand that love and friendship don't come like beautifully wrapped gifts.Popularity and acceptance are never easy to come by.

One has to work hard to be liked by others.Love, friendship and good times cannot be negotiated. Let's face it!The spouse dies, but the law does not deprive the living spouse of the right to enjoyment.It's just that he (she) must understand that happiness cannot be taken for granted as a handout or handout.We have to find ways to make ourselves liked and popular. Imagine a passenger ship sailing the Mediterranean Sea, many happy couples and single couples are on vacation on board.Among these happy tourists, there is a spring-faced mother in her 60s who goes out alone. This is the first time she has tested the tricks of finding happiness at sea.She, too, was a widow who had grieved like my friend, but one morning she woke up, shed her grief, and threw herself into a new life.This is a decision she made after some deliberation.

Her husband had been her love and her life, but that must pass.Her original interest in painting re-entered her life and became the most important activity in her life.Painting not only accompanied her through those sad days, but also brought her the greatest reward—an independent career. During the initial period, she refused to go out and was ashamed to meet people because she lost her husband as a companion and strength.She was plain-looking and had no money, and during those days of doubt and despair, she asked herself what she could do to be accepted and welcomed. The answer is found - to be accepted by others, she must be willing to give, rather than begging for others to give.

She replaces sadness with a smile, she paints hard, and she goes out to visit friends. At this time, she reminds herself to always show a happy expression, she talks and laughs as usual, and never stays too long.Soon, friends began to compete to invite her, and the community activity center also invited her to hold art exhibitions. One day a few months later, she boarded the passenger ship in the Mediterranean in the evening.She soon became the most popular tourist on the ship. She showed her friendliness to everyone, but she could maintain a detached attitude, never intervening in other people's personal grievances, and never clinging to anyone.

The liner would be docking tomorrow, and on this evening the tourists had the happiest party in her stateroom.She humbly returns invitations from others on her journey. Later, the lady made several trips to sea like this.She has learned that if she wants to gain the friendship of others, she must first care about life and dedicate herself.In this way, no matter where she goes, she can create a harmonious atmosphere and is very popular with everyone. While medical and pharmaceutical research has been advancing at a rapid pace, our century has produced a new disease—mass loneliness. Lee Si White, president of Mills College in Oakland, California, once gave an excellent talk on this issue to an audience at a YWCA dinner.

“The major disease of the 20th century is loneliness,” he said. “As David Raisman said, ‘We are all lonely. Gradually fading away... We live in an impersonal world, the size of our business, the size of our government, the frequent movement of people, etc., resulting in us not being able to get lasting friendships anywhere, and that's just making millions of people It feels like the beginning of a cold new ice age." Dr. White then sums it up thus: "Love for God and fellow man can be called pure passion. With love we fight against the corruption of the soul and escape the loneliness of the universe, and cultivate a spiritual atmosphere."

One must work on creating what Dr. White calls a "mental atmosphere" if one wants to overcome loneliness.Wherever we go, we should create warmth and camaraderie in our own right. For us, if we want to overcome loneliness, we should stop feeling sorry for ourselves and step into the light to meet new people and share happiness with them. Although it takes courage, many people have done it. According to the survey results, both husband and wife are mostly women live longer than men.On the surface, once a woman loses her husband, it is no longer easy to start a new life.Men will force themselves to move forward because of their work. From the perspective of natural law, they are stronger and more aggressive than women.A woman has to do her feminine "duties": take care of her home and family.She was not prepared to go through her life path alone after widowhood and walk happily.But she can do it, if only she will learn to mature, not just spend the rest of her life in vain.

Of course, loneliness isn’t limited to widows or widowers. Bachelors and beauty queens can get it too, and perhaps it favors strangers in cities and soloists in country churches. A few years ago, a young bachelor went to New York to break out into the world.He was handsome, well-educated, and traveled all over the world.After entering the metropolis, he had sales meetings to attend during the day, but fell into loneliness at night.He is not used to eating alone, nor does he like going to the movies alone.He didn't want to bother with his married friends in town, and, let's just say, he didn't want girls who offered to flirt.

Clearly he wanted the kind of nice girl, but not the kind that came out of Greenwich Village bars, he didn't want to join the Lonely Hearts club, or go to a social referral service for his particular problems.As a result, he spent a difficult time in this city that was trying to seek development. I know that the city may make people feel more lonely than any country town, and I also know that a man has to work harder in the city than in the country to be easily accepted and popular.He had to think in advance what his interests in life after get off work would be, and then look for those places.He must be eager to be accepted by people with similar interests, but it is up to him to actively strive for it. There are many things one can do when one has just entered the city.He can seek friendship by joining church or clubs that align with his special interests; he can find fellowship in adult education classes, but he'll never find the friendship he craves by going to restaurants or clubbing alone.He has to figure it out for himself. A few years ago, I knew two girls who shared a one-floor apartment on the East Side of New York City.They were both lovely, had good jobs, and, of course, a desire to be popular.One of the girls, who was wiser than she should be for her age, took life seriously.Living in a big city as a single girl requires careful planning.She joined a church, attended every event, attended seminars, and took elective courses on character improvement.She worked hard to make friends with those good people, and exchanged sweat for a healthy and prosperous life. She enjoyed entertainment in moderation and organized her social life carefully so as not to be associated with any boy. Of course, she had felt lonely when she first came to New York, but she knew she didn't like it, so she took action. Now we are friends who meet often.She is content to marry a young and promising lawyer.She created her own happy life with her own hands. Note that I used the word "created". And what about her roommate?She is also lonely, but chose the wrong path.She made friends too, unfortunately all the friends she made were bar hangouts.Finally, she too had to join a club—the Alcoholics Temperance Club.