Chapter 28 How to keep criticism from hurting you

Smitry Patler said: Someone called me a yellow dog, a viper, a skunk... I wouldn't even turn around to see who was calling me. Once, I went to visit Major General Smitry Patler, nicknamed "Old Awl Eye" and "Old Hell Demon".Do you still have an impression of him?He is the general who knows how to play tricks and talks about style among all the generals who have ever commanded the US Marine Corps. As a young man, he told me, he aspired to be the most popular, to impress everyone.At that time, the slightest criticism would make him feel very uncomfortable.Thirty years in the Marine Corps had hardened him. "I've been scolded and humiliated many times," he said. "I've been called a yellow dog, a poisonous snake, and a skunk. Those swearing experts use almost every dirty word imaginable in English that can't be printed. Come and call me. Does it make me feel bad? Ha! Now if I hear someone say something behind my back, I don’t even turn around to see who’s calling.”

Maybe we'll think "Old Prickly Eyes" Patler is too indifferent to criticism.But one thing should be noted: Most people take these little things too seriously.Many years ago, a reporter from the New York Sun attended a demonstration session in one of my adult education classes and lashed out at me and my work.I was so pissed off at the time that I thought he was attacking me personally.I called the executive chairman of The Sun, Jill Hodges, and asked him to publish an article to clarify the facts and stop taunting me.I am determined to punish those who insult me. Today, I am ashamed of what I did then.I later learned that about half of the people who bought the newspaper would not see the article; half of the people who saw it would treat it as a small thing; Half of the people put the matter behind the scenes after a few weeks.

Now I understand that most people don't think about you or me at all, or care about what others say about us, they only think about themselves, from before breakfast to after breakfast, until 10 past 12 o'clock at night.They care 1,000 times more about their own minutiae than the ones that will kill you and me. Even if you and I have been told a lot of boring gossip, treated as a laughing stock and talking point, cheated, stabbed in the back, betrayed by our most trusted friends, don't let yourself feel sorry for yourself, but should Always remind yourself.Think about what happened to Jesus Christ, and think about the fact that one of the 12 closest disciples betrayed him, and the reward he coveted was only 19 U.S. dollars in the current currency value; Another, who publicly betrayed him when he got into trouble, confessed three times that he didn't know Jesus at all, swearing at the same time.One-sixth of all the closest people are those who betray themselves. This is the dilemma that Jesus encountered.Why do you and I wish we were luckier than him?

I discovered many years ago that while I can't stop people from criticizing me unjustly, there is one thing I can do, and perhaps a more important thing, that I can decide whether or not I want to be criticized unjustly. interference. And let me be clear, I don't mean to ignore all criticism at all, what I mean is to ignore unjust criticism.Once, I asked Elaine Roosevelt how she handled unjust criticism.Everyone knows that she has endured unparalleled pressures, and she has more passionate friends and fierce enemies than any woman who has ever been in the White House. She told me that she was very shy when she was a child, and she was afraid of other people's comments. The invisible psychological pressure caused by this fear made her have to seek help from her aunt, and she said to her: "Aunt, I want to do this. thing, but fear of being blamed."

The old Roosevelt's sister looked at her squarely and said: "No matter what others think, as long as you know it's right in your heart." This sentence had a profound impact on her. Even after she entered the White House, this advice is still her. motto.In her view, the only way to avoid criticism is to do what you know is right—you're going to be criticized anyway. "Doing is death, not doing is death, why not try it?" This is her advice to me. The late Matthew Brachu, when he was the president of an American company at 40 Wall Street, I asked him if he was sensitive to criticism from others?He replied: "Yes, early on I was very sensitive to other people's criticism. I wanted everyone to think that I was perfect. If they didn't think so, I would be filled with anxiety. So even if one When I have complaints, I will try to please him. However, I always make others angry when I please him, and when I try to make up for it, I will annoy other people. In the end, I found that the more I wanted to please others, The more I avoid criticism from others, the more enemies I have. So I said to myself, 'As long as you're good, you're going to get criticism, so let it be.' This idea helped me a lot. From then on, I decided to do things the best I could, put away the broken umbrella that covered me, and let the rain of criticism run off me instead of down my neck."

Dimes Taylor went one step further, letting criticism rain down his neck and laughing out loud in public.For a while, he hosted music review shows during the breaks of the New York Philharmonic's on-air concerts every Sunday afternoon.Once he received a letter from a female audience calling him a "liar, traitor, viper and idiot", but he was not dismayed by it.Later, Mr. Taylor wrote in the book entitled "People and Music": "I think she may only like listening to music, not to listening to speech." In the second Sunday radio program received the letter, Mr. Taylor read the letter to millions of listeners—yet a few days later he heard from the woman, "in which she did not change her mind at all," said Mr. Taylor, " She still insists that I'm a liar, a traitor, a viper and an idiot." It's admirable to take criticism with that attitude, and we admire that poise, unwavering attitude and sense of humor.

In a speech at Princeton University, Charles Schwerber said that the most important lesson he learned was taught to him by an old German worker at his own steel plant.The old German had an argument with other workers about the war and was thrown into the river. "He walked into my office," Mr. Schuweber said, "covered in mud and water. I asked him what he was going to do with the people who threw him into the river? He replied, 'I just laughed.'" From then on, Schweber took the old German's words as his motto: "Just smile." This motto is especially helpful when you are faced with unfair criticism.When someone scolds you, you can scold them back, but what can you say to someone who "just smiled"?

If Lincoln hadn't learned to ignore the swearing, he would have collapsed under the weight of the Civil War.His essay on how to deal with criticism has become a classic.During World War II, General MacArthur copied this article and hung it on the wall of the headquarters office; Churchill also framed this article and hung it on the wall of his study.The magic words are: "If I'm just trying to read -- let alone respond to all the attacks on me -- I might as well close the door and go about my other business. I do my best to do it right and get it done consistently. If it turns out If I'm right, it doesn't matter what other people say; if it turns out I'm wrong, it won't matter ten times as much to say I'm right."

When you and I are unfairly criticized, let us remember the second rule: "Do the best you can, and then put away the broken umbrella that covers you so the rain that criticizes you won't run down the back of your neck."