Chapter 17 Chapter Seven Learn to Like Yourself

One of the outward symptoms of people who don't like themselves is excessive self-criticalness. Solitude is as good for our mental movements as fresh air is for our bodies. Dr. Smiley Brandon wrote in a book: "An appropriate degree of 'self-love' is a very healthy expression for every normal person. In order to perform a job or achieve a certain goal, a moderate concern for oneself is Absolutely necessary." Brandon was right.To live a healthy and mature life, "like yourself" is one of the necessary conditions.But is this a sign of self-satisfaction "full of lust"?no.This is supposed to mean "self-acceptance" - a sober, practical self-acceptance with self-respect and human dignity.

Is liking yourself as important as liking others?Let's just say that people who hate everything or everyone just show their frustration and self-loathing. Today, more than half of the hospital beds in the United States are occupied by people with emotional or mental problems.According to reports, these patients do not like themselves and cannot live in harmony with themselves. People should adjust themselves to adapt to the environment, but few people have the courage to stand alone or face the real situation.We are conditioned by sociocultural and economic concepts before we act.From what we eat and what we wear to how we live and think, we are so similar to our neighbors.Whenever we behave differently from this environment, we become nervous or neurotic, and even loathe ourselves.

One woman I know married an ambitious, pushy, domineering politician, so the couple's social circle weighed people by the amount of money they had.This woman is gentle and virtuous, with a humble character.In this environment her strengths are replaced by what others perceive as her weaknesses.She became more and more inferior until she hated herself. It seemed to me that the crux of this woman's problem was not her inability to fit in, but her inability to fit in and accept herself, to accept herself calmly and happily.She did not fully understand that a person can only act according to his own character and cannot act according to another person's character.

The first thing she has to do is not to measure herself by other people's standards.She must clarify her own values, and then live confidently, and be good at getting along with herself, and eliminate the emotions of hating herself. Exaggerating the extent and scope of one's mistakes is one of the things people who hate themselves often do. Proper self-criticism is a good thing and conducive to a person's growth.But when it becomes an obsession, it can paralyze us and prevent us from gathering the strength to do positive things. A female student in my class said in the class: "I always feel timid and inferior. Others seem to be calm and confident. I feel discouraged when I think about my shortcomings, so I can't speak freely."

Everyone has their own shortcomings, but the key to the problem is not your shortcomings, but how many advantages you have. The final factor that determines a work of art and a person is not a flaw.Shakespeare's works are full of errors of basic common sense of history and geography, and Dickens tries his best to render a sentimental atmosphere in his novels.But who counts?The shortcomings do not prevent them from becoming first-class literary masters, because the advantages are the final decisive factor.When we make friends, we also feel the existence of each other's shortcomings, but we like to associate with them because we like their good points.

The realization of self-improvement depends on making full use of your strengths and learning from each other's strengths, rather than thinking about your own shortcomings all day long. To learn to like and accept yourself, you must first tap your tolerance for shortcomings.Tolerance does not mean that we should lower our requirements on ourselves and then sleep in bed, but understand that no one is perfect.It is unfair to blame others for perfection, and it is an extreme self-centeredness to demand perfection of yourself. One woman I know is an absolute perfectionist.She asked herself to do everything without omission.But in the eyes of others, she is a failure.She needs to toss for several hours for a simple report, wasting the time of herself and others; she has to cover and explain everything in a keynote speech, which results in boredom for the audience; she never accepts temporary visitors because she does not have any Prepare.She racked her brains for perfection, and in fact, she did achieve a formal perfection, but at the immediate cost of destroying understanding, spontaneity, and joy in life.In fact, the perfection she pursues is not perfection itself, but she wants to surpass others, because she does not want to be on the same level as others in terms of merit.She wants to be the center of attention, so she doesn't do things out of the talents she already has.She can't enjoy the joy of work and life, just to surpass others and let herself hold her head high on the high shelf of perfection.

No one is perfect, and if the compulsive pursuit of perfection is unsuccessful, the person will become resentful and even hate himself. People can't be in a particularly serious state all the time. One of the prerequisites for learning to like yourself is to be able to slow down and appreciate yourself occasionally. Solitude enables us to discover our inner harbor of rest, to have objects to refer to, and it is the basis for our contact with the outside world.Being alone allows us to see our own lives more objectively.Solitude is really good for our souls, as fresh air is good for our bodies.

If we depend on others for our happiness and fulfillment, we are burdening others and affecting our relationships.To like, respect and appreciate ourselves will not only cultivate a healthy and mature personality, but also improve the ability to get along with others.