Chapter 30 It is more respectable to speak appropriately and expose shortcomings

There was once an American president who opened the White House when celebrating his re-election, and had cordial talks with more than 100 children. 10-year-old John asked the president which subject was the worst when he was a child, and whether he was also criticized by the teacher.The president told him: "My moral class is not very good, because I love to talk and often interfere with others' learning. Of course, the teacher will often criticize." His answer made the atmosphere very active. Then there was a girl named Mary who came from a poor neighborhood in Chicago.She told the president that she was terrified going to school every day because she didn't know what was going to happen and was afraid of meeting bad people on the road.At this time, the president put away his smile and said solemnly: "I know that the life of the children is not very satisfactory now, because the government has not handled the problems related to drugs, guns and kidnapping satisfactorily-I hope you will study hard and have the opportunity in the future Participate in the just cause of the country. Only when we unite to fight against the bad guys can our lives be better."

The president's words firmly grasped the children's hearts, making the children think that the president and them are good friends.Even adults outside the court will feel that the president is a kind person when they see such a dialogue scene.From a psychological point of view, what the president showed is not only friendly words and actions, but also the trait of "empathy" in interpersonal relationships.He used this trait to reveal to the children that his past was just like them, and he was often criticized by the teacher, but as long as he worked hard, he would grow into a useful person.When the President agrees that children are worried about social security, he also encourages children to participate in the cause of justice, so that the power of the righteous will be greater.

Such conversations made the children discover that the president lives in the same country as them and thinks about issues from the same standpoint. In this conversation of the president, there is another interesting psychological phenomenon.When the president spoke, he frankly stated that he "didn't do well in moral class when he was a child, and he was often criticized by the teacher." His purpose was not only to bring him closer and facilitate communication, but also to create an image that is called "beautiful defects" in aesthetics. Psychologists point out that if a person who is close to perfection dares to admit his human flaws, his words and deeds will be more pleasing than that of a sacred and unattainable person.The main reason is that an overly tall and perfect character is likely to cause a sense of oppression in others' hearts, and sometimes makes people feel a little inferior.And the speaker invisibly alleviates the degree of oppression of the hearer by being frank about a small shortcoming or a shortcoming in the past.

When a big shot talks to ordinary people, showing affection or adopting an appropriate low profile will satisfy the self-esteem psychological needs of ordinary people. Of course, this kind of behavior is very welcome. The president's research on the psychology of the interviewee and the method he adopted to expose his shortcomings in the above story are worth learning in our life and work. Intentionally or unintentionally revealing one's own small shortcomings when speaking will reduce the tension of the conversation, let the other party have a sense of trust in you, and facilitate more in-depth communication and communication.