Chapter 28 Twenty-eight smiles

Mistake: The famous British writer Thomas Hardy is about to celebrate his birthday. The prime minister reminded King George V to send a congratulatory message. But the king likes fishing and doesn’t like reading. He only knows about Hardy, a fishing friend, but he doesn’t know about Thomas. So the king sent a warm congratulatory message to the old fishing friend, which made both Hardys very depressed. Crazy: The philosopher Hegel, he had a poet friend named Holderlin, but the poet had a nervous attack and was sent to a mental hospital.Hegel cut off relations with him from then on, because Hegel advocated the supremacy of reason, and now Holderlin's loss of reason is tantamount to death.After Hölderlin recovered from his illness, when he heard the news, he was furious and went crazy again... If you can find a theory that makes everyone go crazy, then you are the greatest thinker.

Birdman: During the Anti-Japanese War, a young student became obsessed with reading swordsman novels, so he ran into the mountains to find a swordsman.As soon as he entered the mountain, he was watched by the spies. The spies found that he had to dig out every tree hole, so they arrested him and took him back.Passing by a cliff, he suddenly saw an eagle flying under the cliff. The young man thought it was a swordsman riding an eagle to pick him up, and shouted: "My fellow Taoist, I am here, and I jumped on the eagle's back... At any time, don't count on birds Someone catch you.

Squatting: There is a guy named John Keogh in Australia, who has preempted the invention patent of the wheel at the Victorian Patent Office, and is currently preempting the invention of fire.He explained: You have to give me your money. Whether you use lighting, electricity or food, you have to abide by the law... I am a law-abiding person, but should we pay him? Pope: After the death of Pope Leo V, John VIII became Pope. He was good at literature, logic and rhetoric. In addition to his profound knowledge, he was also famous for his superior virtue and holiness.Before the Ascension Day of the following year, Pope Juan led hundreds of thousands of believers in a grand parade.On the way, the procession stopped suddenly, and the Pope gave birth... It turns out that Pope John VIII is a woman... This story tells us: In the eyes of God, women and men have equal rights.

Eloquence: Wu Tingfang, a diplomat in the period of the Republic of China, was very eloquent. When he was on a diplomatic mission to the United States, a lady was very excited after hearing his speech, and shouted loudly: I want to change my dog’s name to Wu Tingfang...Wu Tingfang replied: Great , then you can hug and kiss Wu Tingfang every day from now on. Delusion: Napoleon met Prussian Field Marshal Brucher during the Battle of Waterloo. At that time, Brucher firmly believed that he was pregnant with an elephant, and Napoleon did this... So Brucher was merciless The frontal attack caused Napoleon to suffer the defeat of Waterloo...

The Chase: During the American Civil War, Union soldiers faced a dire threat: "For every soldier killed in action, twelve died of venereal disease."The front-line commander was so angry that he caught 150 prostitutes, loaded them all on the "Idaho", and drove them to sea.The poor ship has been drifting on the sea since then. Countless men paddled small sampans and chased the ship wildly on the sea... The captain was so anxious that he telegraphed Lincoln for help. Naive: Bloody Mary, Queen of France, is very silly and naive. A minister molested the maid in the palace and said: My beautiful little whore... but the queen heard this. After a lady entered the palace, the queen was full of enthusiasm Said: My whores... As a result, the ministers took great pains to explain to the Queen what a whore is.

Prophecy: There was a tyrant in ancient Rome, Dao Mitian, who found an astrologer and asked him how he would die.Astrologers say he will die of murder.Dao Mitian asked the astrologer how he would die, and the astrologer said that he would be torn to pieces by dogs.So Dao Mitian killed the astrologer and burned the body away from the dogs... But just after the astrologer's body was half burnt, a group of wild dogs ran over smelling the meat and tore the astrologer to pieces. Appeal: The American Mayo United Theater Troupe closed down. The troupe filed a lawsuit against the court, accusing the devil Satan of being too evil-minded. Regardless of their efforts and wishes, he set up obstacles on the troupe's way forward, causing the troupe to go bankrupt... For this case , the judge prudently replied: The evidence is not complete, please ask the plaintiff to supplement the evidence before the trial.

East Africans believe that the more chimneys on a ship, the more powerful it is.So when the Germans came with a warship with a smokestack, the East Africans immediately surrendered.The British immediately came with two funnel warships, and the East Africans immediately turned to the British.The Germans became angry, and immediately a warship with three funnels arrived, and the East Africans hurriedly surrendered to the Germans.Immediately afterwards, the British came with a coal ship with four funnels, and finally took East Africa. Secret recipe: Gambian President Jamie claimed that his ancestor Tuomeng told him the secret recipe for treating AIDS. The ingredients of the medicine are 7 traditional African medicinal materials and spices.The Minister of Health of Gambia, who has medical knowledge, testified and expressed support.A female diplomatic envoy of the United Nations to Gambia suggested that international medical experts take President Jammeh's prescription for identification, but she was immediately expelled from the country.

Discovery: The poet Rimbaud is a gifted teenager with a hard life.He has been followed by the secret police since he was 15 years old. The follower said that Rimbaud's words and deeds were "disgusting".But the police soon realized that the young man had extraordinary literary talents, a discovery even before those in literary circles. Empress Li of the Southern Dynasties promoted foot binding, but the common people refused.The master sent his subordinates to infiltrate the people with black hair on their heads as a mark, nicknamed black hair.See Xiaomin's slogan: Binding feet is brainwashing, and we must not bind feet.Wumao jumped out and shouted: Support the education of bound people, binding feet is not brainwashing, you are brainwashing if you don't bind feet.In the chaos, the master laughed and said: Oppose those who bind your feet, and you must swear to the death to defend Wumao's right to bind your feet.So in the Southern Dynasties Daxing bound its feet, Zhao and Song were delighted when they heard about it, pushed it away and destroyed it.

In the case of the Tianjin church in the late Qing Dynasty, there were rumors in the market that the foreigner church abducted children, gouged out their eyes and dissected their hearts, which led to mass incidents, killing dozens of foreigners, and burning down the church.Zeng Guofan's investigation was clear, and he wrote an analysis report on the cause of the mass incident, asking the court to announce it, so as to improve people's wisdom and avoid similar incidents from happening.However, the imperial court refused to publicize the analysis process, fearing that the wisdom of the people would improve, which would be detrimental to itself.As a result, the people were ignorant and riots continued. Thirty years later, boxers and bandits gathered, and the empire came to an end.

Said that Lu Bu Baimenlou was captured, Cao Cao said: "Help me quickly to persuade him to surrender. From now on, he will command the cavalry, and I will command the infantry, and we will be invincible in the world."Liu Bei said I would come, so Liu Bei asked Lu Bu: Bu, I ask you, would you like to join us?Lu Bu: Bu is willing.Liu Bei: Look, he doesn't want to.Cao Cao: Please persuade me again.Liu Bei: Bu, I beg you to agree.Lu Bu: Bu promised.Liu Bei: You see, he refused to agree to it.So Lu Bu was killed. In the Five Dynasties, there was a later Tang Dynasty, the country was small, and there were many officials, more than 1,200 officials.The privy envoy Guo Chongtao knew that most of them were gangsters, so he assessed them.As a result of the assessment, only dozens of people passed the test, and more than 90% were bastards, and those who failed were expelled.The bastards who were kicked out of the civil service, some wailed in despair on the road, and some starved to death in the hotel... The officials in the past dynasties did not like to be serious, and the consequences of being serious were too serious.

Li Yuan and his son Li Shimin raised troops and seized the Great Sui Dynasty.Su Wei, the former prime minister of the Sui Dynasty, came to see Li Shimin, and Li Shimin scolded him: You are the former prime minister, but the country is destroyed, but you don't talk about saving it. I hate you people who are not patriotic.Su Wei refused to say anything, but he must be saying in his heart: Please, your father was named King of Tang by the Sui Dynasty, but he destroyed the Sui Dynasty.Your family destroys the country, but forces others to be patriotic. Is it unreasonable for you, the second generation of officials? When Yan Huiqing, the diplomatic tycoon of the Republic of China, was in Germany, it coincided with the war between Germany and France. The Kaiser declared a state of war. From then on, he eliminated party disputes, united, and shook hands with the opposition.When Yan Huiqing came out, he met the Minister of the Army and said hello, "Your brother will be very busy in the future."The minister replied: On the contrary, it will be my free time in the future. We are busy on unifying our views. Once a consensus is reached, the next step is to follow the steps, perform their duties, and operate normally. Zhang Zuolin was once attacked by a bomb. Three attackers failed to reach Zhang Zuolin, but they killed two of them, and the remaining one was caught.Zhang Zuolin asked: Why did you bomb me?Assassin: You want to restore the Qing Dynasty, so I bombed you.Zhang Zuolin: I don't want restoration.Assassin: You have!Zhang Zuolin sighed: Oh, I have nothing to say to a fool like you, so I just let you go. If you find out that I really want to restore the Qing Dynasty, come back and bomb me.So let the assassin go. Ma Yinchu wrote an article scolding Chiang Kai-shek, and Chiang Kai-shek was depressed, so he said to Ye Yuanlong, the president of Chongqing University: You accompany him to my place, and I want to talk to him face to face.He is an elder and a fellow countryman, and he always puts the overall situation first.Ye Yuanlong went to spread the message.Ma Yinchu said: I taught him a lesson before, and he is my student. Students should come to see the teacher. There is no reason why the teacher should come to see the students!If he has anything to say, tell him to come and see me.Chiang Kai-shek was helpless. Cixi's great-grandson Yehenalagen was saying: Cixi had a fever on the way westward.The old farmer who was lighting a fire in the kitchen said: It’s okay to have a fever, drink a bowl of footwashing water, and wrap it up.The officials were furious and wanted to kill the old farmer.Cixi stopped: let the old farmer come over and ask him why he made people drink footwashing water.The old farmer explained: rhinoceros horn water is refreshing and relieves the fever. Why did everyone kill me after drinking it... The moral of the story: I didn't understand it, but yelling and killing me is the root cause of the mess. Liang Xiaosheng went to France and saw a cleaner in his fifties in Marseille.Liang Xiaosheng asked: What kind of person are you in France?The old cleaner replied: He is a person who is too ordinary, too ordinary.Liang Xiaosheng: Do you envy the bourgeoisie?Old cleaners: why envy them?Liang Xiaosheng thought to himself, the old man is really indifferent... After asking again, he found out that the indifferent old man lived in a beautiful two-story building with a garden and had two cars. On his way home one day, Lincoln saw a boar stuck in a swamp.Lincoln wanted to save him, but he left in a hurry because he was afraid of soiling his new clothes.But in his ears, the boar's screams echoed all the time, and finally Lincoln came back, soiled himself, and rescued the boar.People laughed at Lincoln, but he said: I am not for the pig, I am for my own conscience. During the Spring and Autumn Period, Chu and Zheng fought each other, and the general of Chu captured Zheng Wangjie through Fengxu.The younger brother of King Chu, Gong Ziwei, insisted that Zheng Wangjie was captured by him, and quarreled with Chuan Fengxu.Some people say that if you want to find out who captured the captives, you can just ask the captives.So everyone asked the prisoners.The prisoner hated Chuan Fengxu for catching him, so he deliberately said: "It was the young master who caught me, and it turned out to be a tragedy for Chuan Fengxu who really caught the prisoner... The fight between the villains, up and down, have you ever been falsely claimed credit for your achievements?" ? Also talk about quality.Zeng Guofan's diary recorded such a thing: Zeng Guofan found that the Xiyi strong ships and guns were good, so he bought a foreign ship. The captain was of course a foreigner, and then sent envoys to the ship to bring five thousand catties of gunpowder.Unexpectedly, the captain of the foreign ship was reselling tea, and the whole boat of tea could not hold the gunpowder.The messenger asked Captain Yang to unload the tea leaves.The foreign captain became furious, drove the envoy off the ship, and sailed away. Zeng Guofan was so angry that he cursed foreigners for nothing. Tell a story about Feng Yuxiang.During the Central Plains War, Feng's troops were dive-bombed by enemy planes, and the morale of the army was shaken.So Feng Yuxiang worked for the soldiers and asked: Are there more crows in the sky, or more planes?The soldier replied: There are many crows.Feng Yuxiang asked: Did the crow drop shit on your heads?Soldier: No.Feng Yuxiang laughed: You can't even pull crow shit on your heads, so are you still afraid of airplanes?The soldiers were so confident that they stepped forward bravely, but were seriously injured by the bombing of the plane. The warlord Zhang Zongchang and his mother went to a banquet. There were lychees during the banquet. Zhang's mother didn't know it, so she swallowed it, and was ridiculed by everyone.Zhang Zongchang was furious, and invited these people to dinner the next day, and served lychees after the meal, but Zhang's mother still ate them with their skins.While snickering in their hearts, everyone peeled off the lychee skin, but they couldn't peel it off. After a closer look, they cut it. This is Zhang Zongchang's special candy that looks like a lychee.After this incident, Zhang Zongchang was ridiculed by more people, guess why? What do you do if your boss asks you to do something you don't like?Feng Yuxiang had met him before.Duan Qirui ordered Feng Yuxiang to fight in Fujian, Feng Yuxiang was not happy, and reported that his leg was injured and he could not go.Cao Kun and Wu Peifu came to see him by train, and Feng Yuxiang came to see him on crutches with a painful expression on his face.Cao Kun said: You don't have to go to Fujian, go to Xiangxi.Feng Yuxiang was overjoyed, jumped out of the car and left.Wu Peifu shouted from behind: Old Feng, you forgot your crutches and got on the train... Rules: Zhang Dun and Su Dongpo were political enemies to each other. Zhang Dun exiled Su Dongpo to Hainan and ordered the local government not to provide board and lodging. Su Dongpo rented a house by himself. Zhang Dun did not say that Su Dongpo occupied the house and deliberately tortured Su Dongpo.But soon, Zhang Dun was also exiled to Hainan. According to his rules, the government did not provide board and lodging, and he was not allowed to rent a house. At this time, Zhang Dun regretted it... The rules are not set for others, but for yourself.