Chapter 8 I want to go to school

 Access to computers should be unlimited and available to everyone.All information should be free; on a computer you can create art and beauty.Computers can improve your life - the "Declaration of Independence" of the electronic space. Then, entering the school, it should be the same. The right to education should be unlimited; education should be free, education can create art and beauty, and wealth; education can improve human life. At that time, I thought... I have begun to grow up now, and I have reached the age when I should enter elementary school.Look, doesn't the little Gates also go to school?How else would you become a computer genius?

Toddlerhood is over, or at least when I was 5 years old. My childhood came too late, it's already too late... Could it be that I can't go to school when I grow up?People say I'm different from other kids?However, I didn't feel it myself! You see, just yesterday, I ran like a small animal, a dog or a chicken, wobbly and cute, and in a blink of an eye, these cute qualities are gone. I've grown up, if I don't have the temperament of growing up, will it be beautiful? And this "grown-up temperament" in my eyes at the time was becoming a primary school student, wearing a cute school uniform, facing the sun every morning, and going to school...

At the time, going to school was indeed a very "glamorous thing" for me...I think I was already envious of celebrity childhoods. The days of my childhood have arrived without compromise. I grew up. The story of Bill Gates Jr. is rolling in my mind all day... The story of the charming boy scout happened in the elementary school... Bill Gates Jr., he is a very strong student... Many years later, "The Story of Bill Gates Jr." - the young author of this story is me, Sydney Zhang. I think, I'm going to go to elementary school like Bill Gates... I must go! must…… Why are there tears in your eyes, my child?

They are horrible and often blame you for nothing! Ink stains your hands and face when you write—is that why they call you dirty? Oh, bah! Do they dare to call the round moon dirty because it painted its face with ink? Clouds quickly gathered over the dark edge of the forest. Don't go out, kid! A row of palm trees by the lake bumped their heads against the dark sky; crows with ragged feathers sat silently on the branches of tamarind, and the east bank of the river was being invaded by dark darkness. Our cattle are tied to the fence and lowing loudly. Wait here, boy, while I lead the cows into the barn first.

Many people huddled in the fields where the pools overflowed, to catch the fishes that escaped from the overflowing pools, and the rain made streams, Flowing through the narrow streets, like a laughing child running away from his mother to annoy her. Listen, someone is calling the boatman on the shallows. My child, the sky is getting dark, and the ferry boat at the ferry has stopped (in Tagore). O wonderful world, white day! one day. Dad, Mom and I caught a very strange guy basking in the sun in the shallow water on the shore of Wanjiang Wharf. It was a small crab. I am a little sky crab.

And Bill Gates is a little Scorpio. Although these two constellations are a bit weird and unattractive in appearance, they are both emotional figures belonging to the beautiful moon. Many primary school students watched us. I played with those primary school students on the sand dunes again, rolling... "What did you do?" "We're out of school..." "Who are you?" "Student...why don't you go to school?" "..."  The sun was setting quickly.An embarrassing silence. There is a gorgeous sunset glow on the western edge of the sky.I remember my father said that suddenly he felt that I had grown up.

is not that right? Now I have reached school age.I should also be a little "boy scout" like Bill Gates Jr.But how difficult it was to get into school at that time! Let alone me, he is a good kid, with first-class hearing and intelligence. If you are a temporary resident—immigrant or prospective immigrant, you will become a hacker in this world. You are not guaranteed admission because you are black.Just in the fall of this year, I was rejected by the school.The headmaster was very impatient and said: "Good children can't get in, let alone bad ones..." Alas, it turns out that I am not a "good boy"!

When I got home, I felt extremely uncomfortable. My mom said, "Sydney, can mom teach you at home first?" I nodded in agreement.Although I was very bitter in my heart, I never talked about going to school until one day I couldn't help it.My mother asked someone to buy all the textbooks for elementary school. These books are very hard to come by!Bookstores and libraries are hard to see them.The book seller always asks very strangely: "Why do you want this book? The school doesn't distribute it?! Those are for the school to order?!" Although there are some bulk goods sometimes, the quantity and subjects are always incomplete.My mother said that she has been like this since she was a child!

"Aren't you going to school? Why..." Everyone asked that, and someone said, "How old are you this year?" Yeah, how old am I? Life seems to be very long... I am very tall. I don't go to school. I am six years old, and I am taller than children of the same age... I'm so ashamed... why i don't go to school... My face suddenly became hot. Heartbeat, heartbeat... I heard that there is a famous story in China called "I want to study...". The author of that book is Gao Yubao. Years later, I actually met him and talked to him for a long, long time.

Grandpa Gao ate alone on a chair in the hotel, talking about his childhood stories while eating. When he was 6 years old, he had only read a little, and was basically illiterate. When he wrote his first novel, he remembered that he basically “drawn” it—that is, he created a text with both pictograms and sounds. This is really interesting. Moreover, the study of linguistics is extremely meaningful. I found out that Xiao Yubao couldn't study because of poverty, and then he paid his debts to the landlord Zhou and went to feed pigs... That was "the evil old society". My mother, when she was young, couldn't read for a while because of the ten-year "Cultural Revolution".

And I can't study now because I don't have a "local hukou". Deafness, and second... Why, I don't have an account?Mom, what is the account number? Account is a small book. Is it expensive? no. So, let's buy a small book! My mother smiled wryly. Children, household accounts cannot be bought or sold! I said, well, where else can we find it other than to buy it? My mother is speechless. In fact, she knew that many people could buy that small notebook at that time, but it was expensive, and there was a foul.My mom, was a totally good person who obeyed the rules. "The beggar in me raised his frail hands to the starless sky, and with a hungry voice, cried out to the ear of the night." Ah, old Tagore, what are they shouting about? ! In September, the redbud tree blooms. Apple-shaped leaves, purple flowers like five-pointed stars... Soon, crape myrtle is also as bright as purple clouds. What a beautiful purple flower! Mom, if I were a purple flower... If I became a purple flower, just for the purpose of household registration, growing on the high branch of that tree, swaying in the wind with a smile, and dancing on the new leaves, mother , will you know me? Soon, the white orchid tree also bloomed. A gust of wind blows from the sea, and a burst of fragrance comes to the nostrils... If I were a white flower... If you shouted: "My child, where are you?" I secretly laughed there, but didn't say a word.I will quietly open the petals and watch you work. Unfortunately, I am neither a purple flower nor a white flower, nor Tagore's golden flower.I am just an immigrant child who does not have a local hukou and cannot go to school. Finally, my mother made up her mind to teach me herself. She believed she was imitating Edison's mother, and the neighborhood we lived in at the time was also called Edison Gardens.What a strong determination and an interesting coincidence! My mother went to school, to the second-hand bookstall, to the scrap collector, to the primary school teacher... Finally, she found a complete set of primary school textbooks. Thus, my study career officially began. My mother helped me find books, the books in school...these books are so precious to me and my mother, although many of them are outdated. Mom, I'm really nothing... I will not change, neither into a purple flower nor into a white flower... I am just your deaf child who has no local registered permanent residence and no schooling... I am ashamed! But, my mother, you found these books for me. How comforted my heart is! Although I am nothing but a deaf child. But, I am your child. In my mother's eyes, I am the most beautiful flower! How happy my heart is! I think, I will drive in the wind and rain for the rest of my life, just to be beautiful for you, mom! In the mother's eyes, all the children are their most beautiful "golden flowers"... These flowers will bear fruit in the future. Children, wait for you to grow up! The books my mother was looking for ranged from the first grade to the sixth grade, including books on Chinese, mathematics, nature, history and even astronomy and geography. As for all teaching materials and supplementary reading materials, I can read them arbitrarily without restriction. In this way, unintentionally, my mom gave me the most enlightened educational opportunity in the world: open learning.My learning speed and efficiency are especially outstanding in Chinese. In addition, I like nature and history subjects so much, I am really fascinated by them, and I can never get tired of reading them. My mother was determined to follow Edison's mother and teach me everything at home. Perhaps, this child can become a "genius"... My mother thought naively, smiled, and slowly appeared at the corner of her mouth... Ah, mother, if I became a golden flower... I would be your golden flower. But for English, I came into contact with it later. This may be my mother's understanding at the time. Because she thinks that since I have hearing difficulties, it is better to learn Chinese first! Facts have proved that the method of open reading is very effective.When I entered school again in the fall of the following year, my Chinese reading level had reached the level of the sixth grade of elementary school. This is of course due to my free reading of these textbooks. I later learned that this method is called "open teaching materials", and it has been implemented for many years in many countries in Europe and the United States and advanced schools in China... But for mathematics, my progress is not extraordinary. In the autumn, my father went to Shenzhen to ask for a living, because the factory he worked in closed down.My mother and I are left at home.I really want to go to school in my heart, but I don't want to open my mouth. Because I know that my mother is sad about this matter.  That fall... I often sit on the balcony and listen to cicadas sing while reading a book. Qiu Chan's singing is so loud that others say it's deafening, but for me—it's just right!It was only later that I found out that I knew it, that is, Cicada—like me—is deaf— It can't even hear its own song at all— That's why it pumped its chest so hard to increase the loudness of the sound. Throughout the summer and autumn, the cicadas did nothing but sing all day long. They came to my door in groups and sang until the redbud flowers fell. They sang in the green shade of the tall trees below. From sunrise to sunset. I also spent the summer and fall doing nothing but reading. From the Bauhinia blossoms to the Bauhinia fall. The elementary school students are walking in the green shade of the tall trees downstairs... From sunrise to sunset. The deafening ensemble of cicadas, this endless clamor, will make any thought of people numb and stagnant, right? !However, this is my light music. I sigh to have this lovely companion in my silent nature! The cicada sat leisurely on the branch of the tree and kept singing.As long as the straw on the mouth is drilled through the smooth bark, there is plenty of juice in it, and the straw is inserted into the through hole, and it can drink to its full. O cicada, drunk with singing... I sat leisurely on the balcony of my house and kept reading.As long as the eyes look through the silky text, there is juice in it.Eyes into words and I can drink my fill. A child obsessed with reading... At dusk, when the children walked by, carrying schoolbags and wearing pompous school uniforms, my eyes could no longer stay on the words. Going to school is a child's permanent mainstream life. Ah, mom. "When after your bath, with wet hair spread on your shoulders, you walked through the shadow of the champa tree to the little court where you say your prayers, you would smell the scent of the flower, but not know that it came from me of (in Tagore)." Because now I am about to turn into a little golden flower... I really want to go to school, like every child who has hearing, has a registered permanent residence, and has rights. I think education should be shared equally and everyone should be equal. You see, how proud the cicada is! Just like me! How complacent I am that I completely forget about "going to school" when my eyes are not wandering among the pupils! I read voraciously during my thirsty July to September. Sometimes, cicadas suffer from unexpected annoyance.Many thirsty insects nearby found the juice flowing out of the well dug by the cicada, and hurried to lick it. Most of these insects are wasps, unreasonable males! I will also encounter such things, unreasonable people will laugh at me.They laughed at me for being a deaf kid and being left at home like that. The worst offenders are ants. Sometimes the ants will bite the tip of the cicada's legs tightly, drag its wings, climb up its back, grab the cicada's straw, and try to pull it off.In the end, the troubles became more and more serious, and the singer had no choice but to abandon the well he had made and run away quietly. So the ant's goal was achieved and it occupied the cicada's well. The worst human beings are those who have lost love. They are even worse than ants, because ants do not fight in the same country. They are so united. Under the king and queen, there is only a difference in the division of labor. We have stayed with the cicada for many years. And we humans are as vulnerable as cicadas. We are alone, a woman without household registration who lost all social protection for a while, and dragged a "disabled" child... Originally, under normal circumstances, "deaf" people receive good treatment, rehabilitation and Deaf people with functional compensation are fully able to enjoy all education and have the same rights to participate in social life and work as ordinary people. We are vulnerable. But not "disabled". From the mind to the body... We should not be "disabled" either! From "household registration person" to "social person"... none of us should be disabled! Our education should be shared equally, and so should our national rights!Although we are a family of nomads, our rights should not be nowhere! Even so, our determination to pursue freedom and equality has not wavered! We firmly believe that life will give us a correct answer before long. We cannot and will not be like a stateless person all day long, without rights and obligations. We are ignored, and this can only be a temporary social phenomenon. This is my mother's optimistic thinking. Although, this idea has not been fully realized yet. But, my dad, is working hard for this. Every day and night, I work like a "stealing bull"... The road in the distance has widened and become smoother.The thick wall in my heart gradually formed a monument, standing in the distant dream.One arm was growing and fluttering like a flag.  Autumn. When the bauhinia blooms and falls to the ground... As the sun sets, the cicada walks slowly and steadily along the branches, looking for a warm place.They never leave my sight, and the singing never leaves my ears.I usually see them hiding in a single file on the soft branches of trees. Whether drinking or moving, they never stop singing. Cicadas themselves cannot hear the songs they sing, but they have very clear vision.Their five eyes tell it what's going on left, right, and above. As long as they see someone running, they will stop singing immediately and fly away quietly. These cicadas are like me who have lost my hearing... Cicada, when you are addicted to singing... The noise was not enough to disturb it. Even if you stand behind it and talk, blow the whistle, clap your hands, and hit stones, the cicada will not move at all. If it were a different sparrow, it would be softer than this sound. Although the sparrow didn't see you, it should have already flew away in panic. However, these calm cicadas continued to vocalize, as if nothing happened. You are lighting the gunpowder. "Bang" shot. The sound is like thunder, and the cicadas will not be affected at all. It still goes on singing.It didn't show the slightest panic and disturbance, and the quality and quantity of the sound didn't change slightly. If it is a small bird, as long as there is a little sound, it will fly away immediately. However, the cicada remained silent. My state of reading is like the singing cicadas described by Fabre. The countless eyes of my mind can tell me what has happened or is happening in this world!Ah Cicada, these cute elves, black guys, are just as stupid and persistent as I was when I was a child. O cicada, deaf cicada... Cicadas cannot hear. It is a very deaf deaf.It has no sense of the sound it makes! Cicada, like me, can't hear its own song... I often feel that I am a cicada! Sometimes, my mother will take the initiative to talk to me about going to school.Seeing her sad appearance, I always comforted her: "Mom, let's talk about this matter later!" I know, finally one day I can't help but say what I want to go to school.Because, every day, every day, I find myself staring more and more at the elementary school students going to and from school, their not-so-beautiful school uniforms, small schoolbags, and red scarves around their necks... Ah, all this is mystical power to me. The red scarf was like a fire, which made me feel uncomfortable! Why?All in the end - for what? ! I'm like a cicada that can't hear its own singing, shouting hoarsely in my heart-I-want-to-school!  sunny day. My mother took me to the rooftop to learn mathematics. She used pebbles and sticks to show me addition and subtraction. Although I quickly understood that three pebbles plus one equals four pebbles, I was always dissatisfied. why? This made me look confused. Why can't three pebbles plus one stick equal four pebbles? It was only later that I learned that three pebbles and one stick equal four "things" or "objects.""Things" or "objects" are relatively abstract and large concepts. This matter is like "love" and "hate", which is incomprehensible. Also puzzling is the disturbing emotion and the concept of "troubled." It may be a little later for children to appreciate the meaning of certain abstract concepts. These processes are natural. I think that even the oldest turtles will never be able to understand abstract concepts.This is the difference between humans and animals. Wisdom - is the eternal watershed between man, god and ordinary creatures! I also found that "love" and "hate" may often still be uncountable.In fact, there are many uncountable things in this world, such as "water" and "air", but when they are put into containers, they can be counted. What is this for? ! Miss Helen once said: "Arithmetic is the only homework I don't like. I was not interested in numbers from the beginning. Miss Sullivan taught me to count by stringing beads on a thread, and learned addition and subtraction by playing straw sticks." However, every time I can’t solve five or six problems, I get impatient. After finishing a few arithmetic problems every day, I will feel at ease that I have fulfilled my responsibilities, and I should be able to go out and play with my friends.” However, I don't think I am. Although I am not very good at calculation in my later studies. However, I am very sensitive to the principles of mathematics and geometry.My geometric derivation, analysis is always very good... I can't be bad at these if I don't work hard. I've always been very, very fascinated by the subjects of physics, astronomy, geography and history.I started to pay attention to this science even when I didn't read chemistry. Zoology and botany, that is, biology -- not to mention. I always learn by playing. Sometimes in nature, sometimes in computer programs, sometimes in dreams... On the computer, I roamed around various planets, played games in the Kingdom of Mathematics, and went to places that magical people can't usually go to... But in nature, I bathed in sunshine, sea water, and climbed high mountains... The sea is the place where living creatures first appeared. So far, there are still many kinds of strange animals, which make it impossible for people to count them. One time, we went to the beach, and a gentleman gave me some fossils, seashells and beautiful starfish...beautiful patterns on shells, fossils with patterns on fish and plant leaves. They opened my mind to trying to understand ancient creatures. I read later, imagining with horror the horrors of the beasts, whose appearance and names were so strange that they aroused suspicion. These beasts wandered around in the primitive oceans, mountains, and forests, biting the bodies, branches and leaves of big trees or other creatures as food like ghosts, and finally disappeared silently... In the long time ago, the barren swampland, the reclamation of Jingwei... Later, I really wrote a book of my own, but I really didn't finish it.  For a long time, I kept dreaming.I keep seeing these monsters in my dreams.That dark and terrible thing haunts me deeply... How happy people should be now!The sun shines on the earth.Hundreds of flowers are vying for fragrance and splendor. The fields echoed with the sweet sound of my pony's hooves. Helen said: "Once, someone gave me a beautiful shell. The teacher told me how little molluscs built such colorful shelters for themselves; How the snail sailed in its pearl boat on the blue Indian Ocean." I also learned a lot from growing plants. In our home, balconies and window sills are full of various flower pots. Lilies stretch out their flower buds on the sunny window sills, and soon bloom into fiery red flowers... What amazes me the most is the sunflower, the largest and most beautiful flower that circles against the sun, graceful and luxurious. In this way, I am constantly learning from life and from life itself. That day, my mother and I were on the beach...we built mountains and rivers.Models of the earth, moon, and galaxies were also made... We went to the Sea Life Museum to learn about all kinds of fish and shellfish...and sharks.Fierce bull shark! Finally, we look at the sea. I remember when we arrived at the beach, it got dark, the wind was blowing, and huge waves were blowing up on the sea, as if there were monsters playing tricks on the sea...the unspeakable horror...it turns out that the sea sometimes roars like this. Miss Helen said: "A child's mind is like a stream running thousands of times along the river bed, reflecting flowers for a while, shrubs for a while, and light clouds for a while. Lead me the way, because she understands that a child's heart, like a brook, still needs to be supplemented by mountain spring water, and when it converges into the Yangtze River, the undulating mountain peaks, the brilliant and dazzling tree shadows and the The blue sky reflects the beautiful faces of flowers." My mother was exactly like that. That day, at the beach, suddenly the sky became cloudy and it began to rain... I said, "Mom, let's go to the balcony and watch the sea!" So, we climbed to the roof of the hotel and waited and watched. The magnificence of the sea lies in the magnificence of the sea in the wind and rain.Afterwards, recalling this incident, I wrote a poem——My sun has disappeared My heart will not be anxious for a long time—— dark clouds, wandering in the atmosphere strong wind is coming morning when my sun just rises It's gone! welcome-- The sudden black cloud! An elf with raindrops! The wind blows strangely pure The color of the sea changes gradually in the wind! You don't need to squint at the sea the eye of the seducer blue in the depths of the sea fade away Be strong! Blue and white on the shore of the sea... no seagulls... The day of my life! boundless happiness Ride in the waves from head to toe... —Have I gone too fast? tired feet Did the waves catch up to me? ! heart fell asleep The soul is at peace... Sevenfold loneliness! Ninefold joy! It's the first time I'm so close to the sea The waves are gentler than human eyes leaves, light as a fish Follow my boat to the depths of the sea... Crema The haze of the sea has changed five colors in total—— dark green, green, blue, white and transparent ...the storm is coming! my sun At first rise in the morning— It just disappeared!I wrote this after imitating Nietzsche's poems, and I could only imitate them at that time!What an ancient feeling!When I think of myself and school, my heart bursts into tears.  That day, at the seaside. I finally plucked up the courage to say to my mother: "Mom, I - I want to - enter - school!" I knew in my heart that although "the right to access the computer should be unlimited", everyone is fair in the online world, but in the real world, this is not the case. However, the primary school life of Bill Gates Jr. in the 1960s is still far away from me...In the real world, how difficult it is for me to enter school...Who would accept a student who does not have a local household registration and relies on hearing aids? What about children who can barely understand some "words"? Her language is still so immature, I don't understand... Does she have hearing ability to hear the teacher clearly? There are many troubles and difficulties. However, my resolution has been made. My mother's determination has also been made... Perhaps, the computer and the school are all stories in dreams, and they are not so gentle when they wake up during the day——School, school The little prince is enrolled, and so is Tian Niu Even Xiaoxue enrolled The small bullet head next door enters... stand up and learn I also want to enroll.Admission to... "You were in my heart as a wish, my darling. You were in the clay dolls I played with as a child; every morning I molded my idols out of clay, when I molded and kneaded It is you that is broken. Mystique overwhelms me as I gaze at your face; you, which belong to all, are mine. I hold you close to my breast for fear of losing you. Before. What is the magic that draws the treasures of this world into these tiny arms of mine?" what…… Sad and beautiful. I like these profuse verses, are they written by poets, or recited by the sea? I like beautiful things.I like being alone, but I also like going to school. Why, I can't go to school? !Even the little Bullet next door got in...he once ate my peaches.Also, he has a runny nose! Why can't I enroll? !