Chapter 5 Father

My mother was often asked the same question about those war years: Did you really help the anti-German resistance?Was your father really a fascist?Mother always answered the first question in her usual humble and direct way: yes.Like everyone else, she did her best as a child to help the resistance.She once passed secret information to partisans in her shoes, because children were not easily suspected, and Nazi soldiers rarely stopped them for careful interrogation.I remember her telling us that she had seen hordes of Jews being put on trains to concentration camps, and that she would never forget a little girl in a red coat being stuffed into a bullock cart by Nazi troops.Many years later, when she saw "Schindler's List", Spielberg used his imagination to remind her of the cruel real world. ("Schindler's List" is a black-and-white film, but there is a little girl in a red coat throughout the film, which is the only color in the entire film.) To the second question, she will also answer: yes .Not only was her father a fascist, but so was her mother, but that was before the war started.An important reason why fascism was able to climb to the top of power so quickly is that, as a newly born form of government, it defrauded the trust of a large number of social elites.At that time, fascism, as a new powerful political idea, was more inspiring to the people than the weak and incompetent Weimar government at that time.At the same time, the German economy was in recession after World War I, and the people's desire for change was high. Fascism took this opportunity to win support.But right after the war started, my grandfather went to England, and he was put under house arrest in a house, and after he was allowed to move freely, he went to Ireland instead of going back to fascist Germany.He never supported Hitler's policies of war and genocide, neither did my grandmother.Maybe they just supported fascist politics and thus joined related parties, but they never hurt anyone.

But these political differences were reason enough for my mother to resent her parents, and she gave up all the dignified titles that the family held and moved in with her maternal grandfather.I never met my great-grandfather, who died three years before I was born.My mother rarely talked about her previous life, but she always said that her grandfather played the role of father to a large extent, because he left her very early and had little memory of him in her childhood. When she reunited with her father 20 years later, the deep affection between father and daughter was not revealed between the two.

My father, Mel Ferrer, had been searching for my maternal grandfather through the Red Cross.My parents often talked about my grandfather.Although she didn't overtly miss it, my father understood that it was a huge unfulfilled wish for my mother.Finally the Red Cross informed my father that my grandfather was in Ireland.My dad called him right away, and my dad remembers it all too well: When my grandfather got the call, he immediately got a sense of who my dad was.Over the years, he has kept abreast of his daughter's life and acting career through newspapers.My father said that maybe father and daughter should meet once and sort out some problems that have been going on for years.Joseph Victor Anthony Hepburn Ruston, my maternal grandfather, readily obliged, saying "he's glad to see Audrey again" (in English, it's a deadpan polite expression ).So he and my dad agreed on the phone when and where to meet: the lobby of the Shelbourne Hotel in Dublin.My parents flew from Switzerland to Ireland, drove to the Shelbourne Hotel, and shortly after they checked in, the phone rang in the house, just before lunch, as agreed.

Before that, the last time my mother saw her father was when she spent a summer on a farm in England at the start of the war.When Britain officially declared war on Germany, he put my mother on a plane that was one of the last civilian planes to leave the UK for the Continent.My mother remembered that the plane was orange, the national color of the Netherlands.The plane flew over the English Channel at very low altitude, and in the heart of young Audrey, her father became more and more distant.The Netherlands was a neutral country at that time, and everyone thought it was a safe place, but unfortunately, on the third day after Audrey arrived in the Netherlands, the German army marched directly into the Netherlands without declaring war.

After receiving the call, my parents went downstairs, and my grandfather was standing in the lobby. He was wearing a shabby tweed coat, and he looked a little old, but the old man still had a proud face.My mother waited for a few seconds, but my grandfather didn't respond, he stood there like a statue, he didn't come forward, he didn't open his arms, he didn't intend to hug my mother at all.It's not that he's too excited to forget about it, it's that he doesn't express his love or doesn't have it at all, and what's worse, he spends most of his life in it. state.

The man my mother had longed to see, to throw into his arms, to enjoy the sweet caress of all her childhood, had an irreparable flaw in emotional communication.Finally, my mother stepped forward and hugged him, just like other happy daughters embrace their loving fathers.This is the result, my mother chose to forgive him, she didn't need an apology from her biological father, all she wanted was a fulfillment of her wish.My mother said that no tears of joy were shed at this reunion with my grandfather because she worried that it would make him feel guilty, so my mother tried to hold back the tears.Later that day, they ate lunch together and spent the afternoon in an "overly relaxed" atmosphere.My father made up an excuse that he wanted to check out the quirky shops nearby, so that my mother and grandfather would have a chance to chat alone.

When my father came back to the hotel, my mother was alone in the lobby and my grandfather had already left."Now we can go home," my mother said to my father. My mother remained silent, saying nothing about this meeting.On the plane home, my mother suddenly said to my father that she was very grateful for everything he had done, and anyway, this trip to Ireland untied a knot in her heart.Finally, the mother also said that she no longer needed to meet with her father.This man, who was complained by her mother throughout World War II, was attacked with the most venomous words, complaining that he left without saying goodbye, complaining that he did not fulfill the slightest responsibility of a man.So, the mother felt that she had to see this man for herself.When she really saw her father, she knew that her wish was over, and it was meaningless as to what kind of person her father was.

From what I know of my mother, she should never have cried over this incident. She is good at controlling her emotions. What I don't understand is whether she would not cry when she needed to cry in her career. I will think of this past. Although my mother never saw my grandfather again, my mother supported my grandfather financially until the end of his life.Although my grandfather did not fulfill his father's responsibilities when my mother needed care the most, my mother did not refuse to support her father because of this.My mother has her own principles, and she has insisted on them all her life: everyone should do what they should do, no matter how much she has been hurt, there is no exception.

This kind of life went on for several years, and soon after my mother and Robert Walders started dating, the news came that my grandfather was seriously ill, and the doctor said he would not last long.Since their meeting in Dublin, my mother had only seen my grandfather once, when he came to stay at our family home in Chateau La Percy, Switzerland, for a day or two.I believe it was my mother who invited my grandfather to come on vacation. She had a wish that my grandfather could meet me, that he could come and see our life.But I was too young at that time, and I hardly had any impression of my grandfather, except that he was a very strict old man.

So my mother went to Dublin a second time, this time with Robert.From the doctor, my mother knew that my grandfather's health was deteriorating rapidly, so she decided to stay there to spend more time with her father and see where my grandfather lived.However, at that time, my grandfather was already delirious, and he kept talking about his horses. In fact, he didn't have any horses.In many biographies of my mother, my grandfather is described as an excellent banker, but the fact that he never worked hard at any job is perhaps the saddest point.In addition to work, in other aspects, it is undeniable that he is very good.He is a true art lover and has talent.He is an excellent horse trainer, knows all the tricks of flying a glider, has a lot of "non-practical" scientific knowledge, and has a strong innovative spirit.However, although the grandfather can speak 13 languages, he has never been able to communicate well with his daughter.He just told Robert how much mother meant to him, how much he regretted not being a better father, and how proud he is of his daughter now.

My mother and Robert left Ireland a few days before my grandfather died.She didn't stay to wait for her grandfather's funeral because they didn't know how long he would last and didn't want to complicate matters by attracting media attention.Before her mother found her father, in order to increase the legend of her mother's life experience, many media reported that her father died as early as her childhood with conclusive evidence.Mother also took the opportunity to bury this history deeply. In many ways, my mother's two marriages seemed to stem from the same drive, the first to my father, Mel Ferre, and the second, to Luca's father, André Dotti, it seems It's like a continuation.These two people both have childhood scars emotionally. They both had a strong mother, full of talent and strong control, but they were not good at communicating with children. At that time, this directly affected their lives. Cognition of life, education and social roles. "Emotional hunger" that food can't satisfy is how my mother used to describe children in need during her years working for UNICEF.Overall, Ferre and Doty are the same kind of guy.Perhaps it was because the mother had the same experience, and out of an instinctive desire, she hoped to share this experience with her husband, and at the same time hoped to work together to make up for this broken blood bond.She must have been very disappointed when she found that she was powerless to help these men. We've all seen it: like trees growing in the shade, their branches try to grow toward the sun even though they don't see it.That longing to be hugged from the depths of my mother's childhood psyche was always around her, and she couldn't understand why other people felt differently about their emotions.Mother's romantic nature made her unable to take the initiative to ask for something, although she was so eager in her heart.She wants everything to happen so naturally, just like she likes receiving flowers very much, but never asks others to give her. I believe that the initial mutual trust and close relationship a child establishes with his parents will determine the color of his emotional world throughout his life.Whether we can be honest with our parents will probably affect what kind of lover we choose in the future.If this initial emotional exchange is not complete, then we will all live in a state of emotional emptiness that cannot be filled by others. When we are with other people, we can't help feeling Students complain.My maternal grandmother and maternal grandfather closed their feelings for my mother when she was very young. My grandfather even abandoned my mother and my grandmother. But faced with this kind of relationship problem, my mother became introverted and autistic for a time. My grandmother had to send her to learn ballet, hoping that in that kind of collective life, she would become more cheerful and lively.These childhood experiences have also caused potential harm to the mother's later emotional life. As the mother said: No one has ever taught us how to deal with our emotions, and no one has taught us how to identify those potential harms that may harm us. The risk factor of mutual intimacy, instead, what we see is the transfer of complaints, the transfer of pain.