Chapter 10 10

In his short poem "You Go", Xu Zhimo called Lin Huiyin "the pearl that never shines in my heart forever".How can he resist the attraction of the bright pearl, even if the pursuit fails for a while, how can he restrain himself a little, and then become more fanatical.His attitude towards love is: "It is important to know that true love is not a sin (I am afraid that love is not true, and only when it is true and absolutely righteous can we achieve love). When necessary, we can die with our lives. It means the same thing." ("Zhimo Diary" August 19, 1925) It is said that Lin Changmin and Lin Huiyin left Britain and returned to China, and did not say goodbye to Xu Zhimo in order to avoid disputes.A year later, Xu Zhimo also returned to Beijing to continue his relentless pursuit, even though Lin Huiyin and Liang Sicheng had made their relationship public.When the couple had a tryst in the library hut in Songpo, Xu Zhimo unexpectedly came to disturb him frequently, and Liang Sicheng, who was as loyal as Liang Sicheng, had to put a note on the door: "Loverswanttobeleftalone (lover does not want to be left alone)." Frustrated, he left in a hurry, but he still didn't give up.After more than a year of helpless waiting, until Tagore's visit to China, Xu Zhimo and Lin Huiyin (in fact, Liang Sicheng) received and acted together. Xu mistakenly thought that the dawn had appeared, and stepped up his pursuit again, and even moved out of Tagore's talk.The final result was still in vain. The moment he accompanied Tagore to leave Beijing for Taiyuan, he couldn't help looking at Lin Huiyin among the crowd at the station who was seeing him off, with tears in his eyes, and wrote the hurt words:

I really don't know what I'm going to say. I have raised my pen several times to write, but every time I can't write.In the past two days, my mind has only been in a daze. With my eyes open and closed, I can only see the blurred and desolate moonlight of the night before, illuminating the vehicle we didn't want, retreating slowly into the wilderness.parting!How can people believe it?I'm going crazy thinking about it, so many threads, who can cut them?My eyes are dark again! ("The Complete Works of Xu Zhimo") Seeing that Xu Zhimo was too sad, the kind fellow of the company snatched the letter paper, so it was just a broken letter.Based on this fragmentary slip, it can be inferred that Xu Zhimo and Lin Huiyin had a serious appointment two days ago, and Xu Zhimo was very affectionate on this side.However, if you imagine it as the breakup of lovers outside Changting in ancient poems and dramas, it may not be true.If Lin Huiyin was really as affectionate as Xu Zhimo, the moonlight would not be desolate, why would Xu Zhimo be so sad two days later.It is reasonable to imagine that Lin Huiyin once again declared that Xu Zhimo's expectations these days are still in vain.It is possible that Lin Huiyin told him under the desolate moonlight that he had decided to study in the United States with Liang Sicheng in July.The "farewell" mentioned in the letter is not the waving in front of the eyes, but the distance that will be thousands of miles away in a few months, and it is the separation of heaven and earth that lasts for several years.

Xu Zhimo was completely desperate. In the second year of his passionate love with Lu Xiaoman, he also confided to his new lover: I think back to the scene when I left Beijing to go west that night last May: it was even sadder at that time, just sad, I stood on the tail of the car, half of the yellow moon was shining.Rising up in the southeast corner, the door of the wheel pavilion rang, and W called out loudly "Xu Zhimo is crying" (not sure); but although I didn't lose my voice at that time, there were tears.No wonder I, you know what kind of mentality I was at that time, like a Napoleon retreating after a big defeat in Russia, the sky is vast and the land is vast, why don’t you cry?

("Love Eyebrow Xiaozha") Lin Huiyin became the Liang family's daughter-in-law after returning from studying abroad, and Xu Zhimo and Lu Xiaoman finally married.When the two meet again, either through ups and downs, or through vicissitudes, they have matured and become true confidants.Although there are rumors and gossips from time to time, their communication is very calm, and their acquaintance is getting deeper and deeper.The sudden death of Xu Zhimo made Lin Huiyin feel the infinite regret of losing his bosom friend.Xu Zhimo flew to Peiping from the south in a hurry, just to attend the lecture on Chinese architectural art she gave for foreign envoys to China that night.It is inappropriate to say that Xu Zhimo died because of Lin Hui, but it is reasonable for her to feel guilty, and of course she is very sad:

Suddenly, he bursts out of our common world and sinks into eternal silence, without giving us a hint of warning, a bit of preparation, or a last chance of hope.This kind of resoluteness, almost bordering on cruelty, shocked and numb the hearts of many friends that day.Now that undeniable fact still relentlessly blocks our way.No matter how painfully we mourn his tragic death, and how eagerly we hope to still have access to his original voice and appearance, the fact is that there will be no changes in order to be considerate of our grief; Some activities may be required!This embarrassing eternal silence and depression is the cruelest part of death. "

() Liang Sicheng went to collect the corpse near Jinan, where the plane collided, and brought a small Greek-style wreath of iron leaves made by Lin Huiyin himself.The memorial service in Peking was also arranged by Lin Huiyin, Liang Sicheng and Yu Shangyuan.An article said that Lin Huiyin presided over the memorial service. It’s fine to die.” ( ) is purely a vulgar rumor. In the first two years of his death, Lin Huiyin choked up his throat, surrounded the photos of the deceased with flowers, and faced his friends silently.Later, she was dissatisfied with the usual form of mourning, thinking that it was almost sad and not solemn enough. Apart from pointing out the barrier between Yin and Yang, it really had no commemorative significance.On the third anniversary, Lin Huiyin happened to be inspecting ancient buildings in Zhejiang.That day when the train passed Kip Rock, Haining, she stood outside the train door, staring at the hometown of her old friend, on the dark platform, and once again tears welled up in her eyes.Although she is still dissatisfied with her sadness, she can control whether she is sad or not.She thought of Xu Zhimo's poem, which was still a sad line:

The train poultry (captured) stays on the rails and runs in the dark: Over the mountain, over someone, over the grave of the dead; …………………………… Just relying on the narrow two roads, they are the rails, Carrying this heavy, dream-like burden. Four years later, Lin Huiyin finally got rid of this sadness. She confessed to Xu Zhimo: "You should believe that I will not surrender to sorrow. I always believe in those who are stubborn and loyal to life." The essence is his sympathy, kindness, and kindness to people."In her heart, Xu Zhimo's faith is accompanying her: Although it has been four years since you left the world of our common activities and ceased to be the main force to participate in the changes of events, no one can deny that you are still standing in the background of our misty smoke, indirectly a kind of force, Especially in terms of effort and belief in literary and artistic creation.Indirectly, you let the natural rhythms, colors, the occasional wind and moonlight, and all human emotions without laws continue to live among us, still intertwined with us in the disputes of this life, and continue to live. living ideal.You are not too far from us.Your figure will always hang here and there, just as erratic as you were in life, love stops when people don't expect it, and the laughter that brings courage is also so loud.Also, there are those poems that you chanted enthusiastically or anxiously, one after another, they are still spinning in the hearts of many people.

("Commemorating the Fourth Anniversary of Shima's Death") There are many articles mourning Xu Zhimo, but the authors who wrote two mourning essays are Yu Dafu, Shen Congwen and Lin Huiyin.Yu Dafu and Xu Zhimo were classmates, and Shen Congwen was supported by Xu Zhimo. Both of them wrote emotionally and profusely, but they were not as strong and deep as Lin Huiyin. It is not uncommon for a talented man to chase a beautiful woman but fail to get married.What is rare is that although they cannot get married, they have always maintained friendship.Especially Lin Huiyin, regardless of bad habits, still kept in touch with Zhimo calmly and generously, and even became a confidant, he can be called an extraordinary generation among women.Instead of chasing after rumors and taking pleasure in vain love affairs, it is better for future generations to face up to the historical facts, appreciate their deeds, and carry forward the beautiful characters they have shown.