Chapter 22 Part II: Thinking and Memory of "Famous School Complex"

Do you still remember the dream when you were young/Like a flower that will never fade/Accompany me through the wind and rain/Seeing the impermanence of the world and the vicissitudes of life/Those price paid for love will never be forgotten/All sincere infatuation The words will always be in my heart/Although there is no him anymore Maybe I still miss him occasionally/I will miss him occasionally/Just treat him as an old friend/It also makes me feel bad and makes me care/It’s just that there is no spark in my heart/Let the past go with the wind/All sincerity The infatuated words are still in my heart/Although he is no longer

Always, in such singing, I will think of the days when I was young, and think of a person. In the first years of love, there are always some people who care very much.Their words and smiles affect our emotions.Because we can meet each other, how happy we are; because we have to part, our God is hurt.When we love someone, we are braver than we imagine, and we are more fragile than we imagine. The story happened when I was 17 years old. He often said that at that time, I was a sharp little girl, maybe it was that kind of light that attracted him.In fact, it's not just about showing your sharpness, I'm totally defiant, so for a long time I didn't notice his burning eyes following him in the crowd. "Your light is too dazzling, I hated you at the beginning." Many days later, he told me so.

Later, the phone at home always rang on weekend afternoons, and he was always unable to express himself on the other end of the phone.As a result, even though it was him who called, I was always talking. "I don't know why I made that phone call. Maybe it was just a string in my heart." Many days later, he told me so. When school is over, I always meet the boy waiting at the school gate, leaning on a bicycle with a warm and slightly shy smile on his face. "Just passing by, let's take a look." Silly excuse, isn't it?Our schools are at both ends of the city.Then, he will take out some small things from his schoolbag, sometimes it is a keychain, sometimes it is a small pendant, and more often it is a good book that I have been looking forward to for a long time. I really don’t know how he guessed it. As far as my longing for a certain book is concerned, it seems that I have never mentioned it. "You're too slow," he told me many days later.

When I was no longer dull, I told myself that it was impossible, after all, I was too young, and love was unthinkable at that time.So I said no more phone calls and no more meetings.He nodded and said, yes, but there was an unconcealable sadness in his eyes.My heart is melted in such sadness.When I found in his drawer the paper cranes I folded casually, the scattered short hairs, and the lost draft papers were all carefully collected, when he took out a broken but still beautiful rose from his schoolbag When he was in search of a tape I wanted to listen to, when he went to every audio-visual bookstore in the city, a little bit of emotion accumulated in my heart, and a little bit of tenderness overflowed.

On my 19th birthday, he gave me a very beautiful notebook, on the title page was a very moving text written by him.One night many days later, I reopened that book.Under the desk lamp, I suddenly found three words written lightly with a silver pen in a small corner of the title page. It took me a long time to read carefully before I understood his thoughts.That was the first time he said those three words to me. In spring we go hiking together.On the narrow road, he gently took my hand and put it in his warm and thick palm.That kind of clear, transparent and sweet mood is the initial experience when life grows.Along the way, we all heard the sound of spring flowers falling in the wind.

Parents and teachers knew it, and they said: How can I do it?You are all still children.They say that I am the pride of this city; and he is really ordinary, although in my heart, he is so outstanding.He said to me: "When I knew you, you were approaching glory; when I fell in love with you, you had already entered glory; in the future, I will take you into our common glory." I believe up. I am stubborn, but when everyone is against me, I am even more persistent.We don't see each other very often.For a long period of time, we wrote letters every day. When writing letters could not express the richness of life, we drew pictures and shared each other's lives in this way.Sometimes, I would sneak out of the house.happy.Terrified.With nowhere to go, we just rode our bikes and went for a drive in the street.

At that time, I liked a diamond ring advertisement on TV very much.Childhood boy and girl sit together on a big tree.The little boy weaved a grass ring out of purple daisies and put it on the girl's finger, and the girl's sweet smile bloomed like a flower.Later, when they grew up, the girl wore a pure white gauze and watched the boy put a ring on her hand, which was a shining diamond ring.Happiness, promise, true love.The repeated beautiful rhetoric in the diamond ring advertisements moved our hearts.So, he also bought me a ring, not a diamond, but it looked very clean and elegant, and I knew it must have cost him a lot of pocket money.Only, I never wore that ring.First of all, I don’t like wearing rings, my fingers love freedom so much, maybe one day I will wear a ring around my neck with a silk thread, but I can’t stand the long-term bondage it has on my fingers; more importantly, I always feel The ring is a special kind of jewelry, and the meaning it bears is too heavy for me to adorn myself with it when I was young.However, the touch at that moment was real.I hid the ring under my pillow and stroked the smooth ring before going to bed, dreaming of counting the stars together when we were old.

On my 20th birthday, he held his first photography exhibition as a birthday present for me.During the few years we met, he recorded many moments of me with his camera.At that moment, I was the happiest girl in the world. Later, we grew up.I went to study far away, while he stayed in this city to continue his studies.Time has won us the ultimate compromise of our elders.Happiness is very close to us, really close. Later, some unexpected things happened between us, the reason is no longer important, because we are separated.That day, it was snowing heavily.I returned all the letters, cards, tapes, gifts, the ring he gave me and everything related to his name, gave him a hard punch, turned and left.

In the year when I lost my love, from spring to summer, from summer to winter, I reorganized my life in an orderly manner, recovering bit by bit.I make myself full and happy while I am busy. I tell the people who care about me the beauty of love, and tell them that they should be grateful after losing love, and that it is the past when it is over.Even, in order to prove to myself that everything is over, I will laugh and talk about the past bit by bit.I am not fragmented, I have survived, if this is a rough ferry, I proudly think that I have rowed upstream. Until one night a long time later, I was sitting by the computer and typing on the keyboard briskly, writing a past event of a certain year and month. The radio was on as usual. Room.Suddenly, I heard a female singer sing affectionately: If I really let love stay at that time/Maybe it will only become more lonely now/I would rather laugh and shed tears/Don’t let life go to waste/Maybe we should all be glad that it ended like this .The fingers typing on the keyboard stopped in an instant, and the wound in my heart began to hurt violently. I covered my face, and in the silent night, I finally cried out all my grievances.

My crying, in fact, has nothing to do with a certain person, but for the fascination and regret for the past years.The days of youth are long gone, but I am not reconciled, so I float and sink in my memory.Finally, I don't want to pretend I'm strong anymore.What I need is time. As more years pass, I learn to understand myself and the subject of love from the past.I finally understand that life is a period of time, and there are many people who can only accompany you for a ride; I finally understand that my heart will be clear when I see it clearly, and no one can confiscate someone's happiness; I finally learned to love more calmly, Also freer.

I used to think that the pain of first love was a gap in life.It's true that some people really don't just forget it if they forget it.However, the years let the pain fade away, leaving only a pure and beautiful memory.Sometimes after walking a certain distance, my heart will be clearer. At least I have learned to face a person with tolerance and face the imperfection of human nature.It doesn't matter whether you forget or not, as long as you are ready to smile tomorrow. There is a name hidden in my heart, like a rose that never fades.I want to say to him: Thank you for the memory that once made me beautiful.