Chapter 14 The Mystery of the Eight Treasure Chest

The praise and criticism of Xu Zhimo began shortly after his death. Colleagues of the New Moon Club prepared a special commemorative issue of "New Moon" Zhimo, and published Xiaoman's "Crying Mo", Hu Shizhi's "Remembrance of Zhimo", Yu Dafu's "Zhimo in Memories", Han Xiangmei's "Zhimo's Last One Night, "The Last Farewell to Zhimo" by Yang Zhensheng, "Remembrance of Zhimo" by Zhou Zuoren, "Mr. Huai Zhimo" by He Jiahuai, "Zhimo is Everyone's Friend" by Fang Lingru, "Remembering Zhimo" by Chen Mengjia, etc. Two articles.

Lin Huiyin, Ling Shuhua and others also published commemorative articles in the "Beijing Morning Post". Zhimo's inscription was entrusted to Ling Shuhua, an old man of the Xinyue Society who taught at Wuhan University, to write it. Not only the colleagues of the Xinyue Society, but the entire cultural circle in Peiping regarded Zhimo's death as a great loss for Chinese new literature. On the other hand, the society often cannot understand his personal life.His divorce and his remarriage were the two most socially condemned events in his life.Although Zhimo has now closed the coffin, the conclusion has not yet been reached. Lin Huiyin is naturally involved in all kinds of accusations.This angered the friends of the Crescent Society, who spoke of it bluntly in their tribute articles.

Hu Shi said: "Everyone can understand that, at least in terms of Zhimo, these two things can best represent Zhimo's pure pursuit of ideals. He sincerely believes that those two things are the realization of his beauty, love and freedom. The results of these two things, in the eyes of others, seem to have never been able to realize Zhimo's ideal life. But today, do we still have the patience to talk about him with success or failure?" Yang Zhensheng said: "In his environment, anyone can complain about pain, but I haven't heard him complain about anyone. His behavior has been attacked by others, but he has never attacked others. Could it be that he is slippery? I Dare to say that no one who knows him will have this impression, because he is so innocent! He just doesn’t care about right and wrong with you. He likes all kinds of strange things, and he has been searching for miracles and miracles in life all his life. Treasures of the universe. Even if it is ugly, it can be astonishingly ugly as well as beautiful; even if it is bad, as bad as it is interesting. Anyway, he is not a matchmaker or a judge, who cares about those! He is just such a connoisseur, in the journey of life , take exotic flowers and plants, weave them into the cassock of the poet, let the mournful people see it, put a smile on it, and this life will be much easier!

Let's think about these poor people, who are not relying on the wisdom of the blind to touch the elephant, relying on the ability of the fly to touch the window, to grope for the only blue light to guide the way in life, always the adages of the past sages and the present sages , divide us into such square boards.So I compared everything I saw with my own block unconsciously, and if there was a slight discrepancy, I scolded others for being wrong.So right and wrong, good and evil, criticizing and scolding, making life a mess, how stupid it is!How pitiful!Zhimo doesn't—not at all.But this song disappeared in the world again! "

Tao Menghe said: "A person who is always looking for new excitement is of course the most afraid of the ordinary. The regular life is incompatible with Zhimo's character. If we imagine that Zhimo goes to the office every morning with a leather bag and lives like a government office. Going home at night to spend time with his wife and children, living a family life in the 19th century, is not only ridiculous, but also a desecration of Zhimo's lovely character. Such a boring, mediocre, lifeless existence is just ordinary people, For common people, not for Zhimo." Fang Weide said: "As for other people slandering Zhimo, it is because of the difference in the basic concepts of life. Those people don't recognize the value of the ancient, even the novelty and the future may not necessarily mean something to them. The arguments of these people We don't need to argue, I don't want to negotiate our right and wrong in our right and wrong world. Zhimo's literary career has not achieved the success he hoped for, it is undeniable, but the spirit of being a man in half his life is already valuable. In addition, his enthusiasm for dealing with people is so real, and it is not easy to get. When we lose a useful thing, we always think about it for a long time, unless we find something similar to before, it will be a little comforting in our hearts. But if we can’t find it Well, then in this desolate country, who can forbid us not to regret Zhimo's early death?"

Zhimo's heart is hanging outside his chest, so he is the easiest target for people.There is nothing sadder than to see a dead friend still being blamed by the world.The friends of the Crescent Society can only use the pens in their hands to shout angrily for their friends, which is the loyalty to their friends Du Juan crying blood. The most depressing thing is Lin Huiyin. Within a few days of Xu Zhimo's crash, she wrote an article for the "Peking Morning Post": Now that undeniable fact still relentlessly blocks our way.No matter how painfully we mourn his tragic death, and how eagerly we hope to still have access to his original voice and appearance, the fact is that there will be no changes in order to be considerate of our grief; Some activities may be required!This embarrassing eternal silence and depression is the cruelest part of death.

We are not superstitious, we look at the veil of death irreligiously, and we are not at all sure.Opening our mouths we will not appeal, closing our eyes will not fall into dreams, wandering on the edge of reason and emotion, we cannot predict what will happen later, for this death, we will just be in a daze forever, swallow dry tears, wait for time to exploit the sharpness of mourning , scabbing the creation of every mourning we... I still saw him the night before he left. At that time, he didn’t know that he was traveling south in the morning. The flight was rescheduled three times. He once said that if he continued to change, he would not leave.He and I came out of the same tea party and we parted ways at the entrance of Zongbu Hutong.In this tea party, we invited Dr. Bai Lei, who came for the Pacific Conference, because he is the sister-in-law of Man Shufeier, the female writer that Zhimo admired most in his life. The shadow of Manshufeier's early years, because of the limited time, we hurriedly dispersed after tea.In the evening I went out on a date, and when I came back very late, the servant said he had come again, just as our couple had just left, he sat for a while by himself, drank a pot of tea, wrote some words on the table, and left... …

Now this fact is getting stronger, more fixed, more undeniable every day.Zhimo is dead, this simple and cruel reality has already added the color of time, one week, two weeks, it keeps increasing... I know him for ten years this year, when he was at the London School of Economics and had not yet gone to Cambridge.The first time I met him was the first time he knew Mr. Tickenson who influenced him to move to school.Needless to say he and my father got along best.Although there is not a small difference in age between them, they became friends as soon as they met.After he arrived in Cambridge, he was introduced to the Royal Academy by Ti Gengsheng. At that time, his classmate was my sister-in-law Wen Junyuanning.Until the last two months, Yuan Ning often told many jokes about him at that time, even though it was a joke, it was also his first surprised impression of Zhimo. ...

I don't need to say more about the poet's Zhimo, his many poems are the scales for evaluating him.The history of our new poetry is so short, I am afraid that his judgment is still among our children and grandchildren.What I want to talk about is Zhimo who is not a poet.People say that Zhimo's behavior is just casual romance, and Zhimo's poems are all lyric poems. This assertion can be said to be fair to people who don't know him, but from the perspective of his friends, he is really sorry for him.Zhimo is a very eccentric person, romantic of course, but the essence of his personality is his sympathy, kindness, and kindness to others; Such emotions, he absolutely can not sympathize with. ...

Under what circumstances, whether he thinks it is appropriate rationally or not, he can show some sympathy, and he can really appreciate the difference between forgiving others and himself.Never harshly singled out a strict and narrow moral balance to condemn anyone who is different from him.His gentleness, his grace, can really make many people ashamed. I can honestly say that at least he is much greater than most of us... It is not surprising that Zhimo has many friends; it is also a very natural result that everyone who knows him has special feelings for him, no matter how deep or shallow.On the other hand, he himself has received little sympathy in the course of his life.Not only that, but he was almost unacceptable in society several times because of his ideal stupidity. ...

He stood in the rain and waited for the rainbow, he was willing to fight for his freedom of love at the expense of the society; he took the tortuous train to the countryside to pay homage to Hardy, he abandoned the lure of a Ph. Teacher, because of a special situation, he was moved by a special moment. From then on, he took risks in his life and abandoned all his daily karma. He just tried to write a few lines of new poems. Enthusiasm, cynicism and scolding are just commonplace - he can often walk a few miles to pick a few stems of flowers, spend a lot of trouble to see a friend to say a few words; these, and many others, are not mysteries that we can easily understand . ... Zhimo's interests are extremely broad.There are only a few of them. Speaking of which, people who don't know him will be surprised.He loved mathematics very much in his early years, and he has always been very fond of astronomy. He knows a lot of the names and locations of the stars in the sky, and he likes stargazing at summer nights the most.He was crazy about Einstein's theory of relativity, and in 1922 he wrote an article about the theory of relativity and published it in the magazine Mindor.He often joked to Sicheng: "Mr. Ren's knowledge of the theory of relativity was obtained from my masterpiece Xu Jun Zhimo, because he said that he had read many philosophies about Einstein but never understood it. I understood that article." This summer, I was recovering from illness in Xiangshan, and he often came to chat. One day, he talked about his childhood schooling and the two years of studying economics at Clark University in the United States. We laughed at each other for a long time. Later, He also said that in the "Preface" of his "Tiger Collection". ... In addition, his interest is very deep in drama and painting. Needless to say, drama is so close to poetry and prose. He is also very familiar with those people in the Renaissance era, and he loves Bao Tiqili and Da Wenqian the most. ... He likes colors, although he doesn't know how to paint. He sent me some letters from Hangzhou during the summer vacation, and he called them "descriptive watercolor paintings".He wrote down the colors of the west (side?) mulberry fields in English in great detail. He carefully observed every bit of tender green and every color of light yellow. ... As for music, he is interested in both Chinese and Western music, not only. His enthusiasm awakened Peiping once—perhaps the only time—attention to music. ... Who would have believed that such a person, such a person who is so loyal to "life", would leave us so early and be thrown into another world forever, where he would remain silent forever without making a sound! I dare not write any further. If Zhimo had the spirit, wouldn’t he feel displeased to hear a kid much younger than him talk about his behavior in an old-fashioned tone?Here I have another extremely embarrassing memory, that year he wrote the article on the tragic death of my father in the same newspaper, this dreamlike life turned a few corners, once upon a time, it was my turn In this windy and deep night, he has undergone a tragic change.What kind of life is this?What storm?what road?Zhimo, your last relief is not happiness, not cleverness, I should envy you. In December of this year, colleagues from Xinyue Club were busy editing the complete works of Xu Zhimo.A batch of letters and several diaries of Xu Zhimo were handed over to Ling Shuhua for safekeeping. Hu Shi wrote to Ling Shuhua asking her to provide these manuscripts. Ling Shuhua wrote back on December 10th: When Zhimo went to Europe in 1925, he entrusted me with his Eight Treasures Box (Writing Karma Box) to take care of him. When he returned to Europe, he married Xiaoman, so don’t take it back, because there are things in the box that are not suitable for Xiaoman to read. I had no choice but to stay until I went to live in Shanghai, but I still didn't take it.When I went to Japan, he didn't want it either. Later, when I went to Wuchang and handed it over to Zhilin, it was considered to be returned to the original owner. ... This summer, Congwen promised to write a novel for him, so I brought him the case of heaven and hell to read. I will write a novel for him in case he doesn’t come back), and I will never see him before I meet him. ... The day before yesterday, I heard that this box had fallen into Huiyin, and I was very anxious, because there were two diaries of Xiaoman's first love, which involved a lot of right and wrong... The content of the diary involved Xinhai and your gossip (of course, it was written by Xiaoman to Zhimo watched it), I don’t know if you know it? On December 18, Hu Shi wrote another letter to Ling Shuhua: Yesterday I realized that there was only half a volume of Zhimo’s diary that you sent to Huiyin. I think you must have kept that volume and a half for biography or novel materials.But I think about it, this method is not very good. ...You have these two diaries in your possession, and most friends know, ...so I made a brief list of posthumous works last week, and I indicated where you kept the two diaries. ... I am writing this letter to you today, please give me those two diaries.I paid the typist to type these English diaries into three copies, and I can leave a complete copy for you to use as biographical materials in the future. In early January 1932, Ling Shuhua came to Beiping from Wuhan for vacation. Lin Huiyin found her at Shijia Hutong apartment and asked her for the two English diaries written by Zhimo in London.Ling Shuhua said: "The diary is indeed in my hands, and it was entrusted by Zhimo to keep it on his behalf. If you want to hand it over, you can only hand it over to Lu Xiaoman." Lin Huiyin went to ask Hu Shi for help in displeasure. Hu Shi called several times and came to ask for it, but Ling Shuhua just prevaricated.After mediation by many friends, Ling Shuhua reluctantly handed over the diary and eight treasure chests to Lin Huiyin. Half a century later, on October 15, 1982, Ling Shuhua, who lived in London, UK, sent a letter to Chen Congzhou, revisiting the past, saying in the letter: This situation was thirty or forty years ago!Speaking of Zhimo, I still feel that I know his personality and background more than many friends, because two years before his death, when he went to Europe to find Tagore, he sincerely brought a small suitcase He asked me to keep it, and he said half-jokingly: You have to write a biography for me, and if you can't come back (he said it was an accident), this box contains the documents you need. …Unexpectedly, a few days after he died in the flight, some of his friends at Hu Shi’s house clamored to take out his box and make it public. I handed it over (probably because Lin and his friends were afraid that Zhimo's love diary would be made public and it would be inconvenient for her, so they forced Hu Shi to ask me to hand it over), I said I should hand it over to Xiaoman, but Hu Shi said no.There are so many of them, I have no way to refuse, so I have to hand them over to Hu Shi.It's a pity that many manuscripts and diaries were buried or lost. ... On May 7, 1983, Ling Shuhua wrote to Chen Congzhou again, and made a supplementary explanation of the historical facts mentioned in the letter: A few days ago, I received a letter from Zhao Jiabi, and sent me an article he wrote to commemorate Zhimo Xiaoman. The information in it (for Zhimo Biography) mentioned that after Zhimo died in a plane crash, Hu Shi came forward and asked friends to hand over Zhimo's information to him. thing.In fact, at that time, everyone was a sudden death of Zhimo, and their spirits were stimulated, especially Lin Huiyin and his close friends were a little too excited.I happened to be returning from Wuhan to Beijing to visit relatives for summer vacation. When I heard that Zhimo crashed, I was of course very shocked and sad. ... Before Zhimo went to Europe (that is, before Fei Leng Cui), he was carrying his manuscript box (Eight Treasures Box), which contained diaries and prose manuscripts that had not been read to the second person (he traveled from Europe to Russia write back to the original manuscript, etc.), he half-jokingly said: "If something happens to me, Shu Hua, you have to write me a biography, and I will leave the rags to you!" I have asked him several times in the future, Don't take his eight-treasure box away. The first time I left Beijing to go to Japan for a year or two... Before going to Japan, I asked Zhimo if he wanted to take his box, but he didn't come to take it. We returned from Japan two years later, and Xiying was hired by Wuhan University. I asked Zhimo if he wanted his suitcase, but he didn't come to pick it up, probably because he was home in Shanghai. As for Zhimo after the crash, Yu Shizhi came forward and asked me to hand over Zhimo's box. He said that he would organize and publish a book for Zhimo.I thought that there were two personal diaries of Xiaoman in the box, and two or three English diaries of Zhimo. Since he said not to be read by others, he trusted me, so he entrusted me to keep it, and entrusted me to write a "biography" for him. "For these reasons, and at the same time, I know that I have made friends with Hu Shi, and he has friends who go to talk about Zhimo every day, and these diaries may cause trouble.Because Xiaoman’s diary (two volumes) often records some things that are wrong, and does not include names at all. Thinking of this, I wrote back to Hu Shi, saying that I can only give him the Eight Treasure Box and ask him to give it to Lu Xiaoman .Later he really took it. Days later, I calmly recalled the situation back then, and felt that the reason why Hu Shi worked so hard to ask me for Zhimo’s diary was probably because he was passionate about politics. He didn't have the opportunity to get close to these people on weekdays. Because of Zhimo's death, the Hu family suddenly became lively. He wanted to make friends with these people, so he had to create some accidents so that these people would come often.I was kept in the dark at that time, but two or three girlfriends came to sue me and told me to hand over Zhimo's diary as soon as possible.After hearing what they said, I wrote a letter to Hu Shi and sent someone to fetch it, and told me to hand it over to Xiaoman.But Hu didn't listen to me and didn't hand over everything... Lin Huiyin was probably the most anxious one at that time, and she also talked to me, and I said it was a good time. For a public case in half a century, Ling Shuhua only spoke of his own opinion. According to Bian Zhilin's article later, Lin Huiyin kept these two diaries until the last moment of her life, and they were burned in the "Cultural Revolution". In recent years, two personal letters from Lin Huiyin to Hu Shi have been discovered. The "eight treasure chest" issue that has been debated for decades is now one step closer to revealing its mystery. Lin Huiyin wrote to Hu Shi on New Year's Day in 1932: Zhimo has just left us, and there is no clue about his posthumous collection. There have been some disputes over his article, which is extremely unfortunate and extremely sad.I feel very sorry for you, you have suffered a lot of trouble for me, and tired many other friends, and you have also suffered some troubles, which should not be. This is the case, and now I have to listen to it, but I beg you to believe that I am not a suspicious person. The strange twists and turns of this incident are all caused by Shuhua's displeasure at the beginning—that is, nonsense. Things on my side are simple: 1. More than half a year ago, Zhimo and I talked about an incident in our UK, saying that his "Cambridge Diary" still exists, and he can find it for me when I return to Kip Rock. If I want it, he will give it to me (because he knows my He kept his old letters at that time, which he thought could be stored together).Note: When he came to the north three years ago, he told me about his engagement and marriage, and that Xiaoman was very unhappy when he saw his "Xuechi Era Diary" and burned it. "But I still have my Cambridge diary". 2. After Zhimo died, I told you this passage—and I said it in front of several people. ——At the European and American Scholars Association, the day Xi Ruo and Sicheng came back from Jinan. 3. On the morning of Saturday, November 28th, I got a stack of diaries from you (one full, several books with a few lines, all in Chinese, and two by Xiaoman, one big and one small, You will be responsible for taking it back to Shu Hua later), there are two English diaries, the so-called Cambridge (Cambridge) Journalist, one is from July.31.1921 (July 31, 1921).The second edition starts from Dec.2nd. (December 2nd of the same year) and ends when you return home.There is also a small English book written by Zhimo in Italy in 1925.In addition, there are several packages of copy manuscripts, two packages of copies of miscellaneous papers, empty notebooks, small photos, two fans, scattered pieces of paper, and an address book.Note: I only stayed with you for one hour to sort out the manuscripts of the poetry magazine that day, and I had no time to look at the zero copies in the box, so I took the box back to take a closer look. The contents of this box are the ones you put in. I haven’t moved at all, and I know better This box does not contain Zhimo's original things, but after you have sorted out all the letters and picked out the scores, you just gathered the above notebooks and paper buns into this box. 4. After taking out the diary box from you, about three or four or four or five days later, I heard Xi Ruo say: "Gongchao saw Zhimo's Kangqiao diary at Shuhua's place, and Shuhua planned to ask Gongchao to write a biography for Zhimo together." "Note: According to Gongchao later told me, Shuhua asked him to read the diary on the night of the meeting on November 26th (discussing the memory of Zhimo). 5. On the second day of commemorating Zhimo (December 7th), Shuhua came to my house and asked me for some letters from Zhimo, which she edited into a kind of "Zhimo Letters". I told her all the old letters In Tianjin, 90% of the diaries are in English. I was afraid that I would not be able to get them out for a while, and I would not be able to print them out. I told her that I had several diaries, and asked her to read the approximate contents, and told her that at that time you You want to hand it over to Heavy Rain, but I don't agree with it, you actually handed over a whole pile of "diary stuff" to me, I am embarrassed (confused) but dare not betray your kind of trust (trust)—— You want me to read it and make a catalog - so I look at things absolutely impersonal (non-personal) with a historical perspective. interested only in (only interested in) the rolling into and changing of facts forgetting who is who. Finally, I asked her to see Zhimo's diary that Gongchao had seen - I naturally took it as a possibility that she would not say "no", since Gongchao had seen it (I said: I heard that you have Zhimo's Cambridge diary in your place, can I see, etc.) She pauses and says yes. I asked her, "How many copies do you have? Two?" She spoke two volumes—slowly, and very unhappy after speaking. I also asked: "Are the two books a pair? Is the unanswered question whether it has the same cover as these two books (referring to the two Cambridge diaries in my office)?" She replied vaguely, as if to say: "Yes, no, can't tell, etc. (It seems) one is—" Now I absolutely can't remember the answer (this sentence is to be tested).Because when I asked this question, she looked very unhappy, and I was embarrassed. 6. I said I would go to her house to pick it up, but she said she would not be there in the afternoon, and I wanted to go back with her, but I didn't dare to speak. Later, it was agreed that on Xingsan (December 9th) someone would be sent to her place to pick it up. 7. I went to pick it up at 11:30 a.m. on the 39th, but Shuhua was not at home, so he left a letter for me and sent me back. You have read this letter.She said: "(Original text) I couldn't find Zhimo's diary when I went home yesterday, but I found out that Zhimo handed me three copies of my own diary, two small ones and one big one. I haven't finished reading a book (full of it), and I want to put it in a calligraphy and painting box (because my friends want to keep it safe). Because of traveling around in three or four years, the books at home are piled up in mountains, and there is little chance to organize them again during the day. I have to check it carefully in my spare time, and I will definitely find it and read it. I will be troubled by personnel in the past two days, and I will not be able to search it until the end of this week." Note: There are a few nonsense in this letter that need not be discussed again, that is, "after reading The two sentences of "putting" and "not finished reading" are also grammatical errors. It is said that Zhimo handed her three diaries, why "read them and put them in" Jun's box. It can be seen that Zhimo took them out of the box and read them instead of "reading them." Finished and put in", and there is a book (?) that has not been read and not put in this box, but it was a box that Jimo had kept in her place, and she had opened it privately (this sentence Zhimo once said to me personally, When he took back the box from Mrs. Shuhua, he also shouted, "I opened the lock. This is my most important file box. It's not locked. It's strange!" And "ch (Charlie) is surprised that many things are missing. (Missing) with Si Cheng, Li Lian (李连), Tailor (tailor) and me"). 8. I left a message asking her to find an excuse for me to read it, saying that it was a trace of a misfortune, and I wanted to read it, thinking she could forgive me. 9. I felt that things were a bit complicated, and I was so angry that I didn't fall asleep all night, but I guess she must keep a copy of the diary when she postponed it until the "end of the week", so it may take time (she may be afraid that I will not return her diary in the future) .I didn't expect that she would not give it to me.What's more, I didn't expect to receive half of the diary in the future, and this half of the diary happened to be broken a day or two before I met me. 10. December 14th (Monday) halt a book with 128 pages received (completed a book with 128 pages received), dated from Nov. 12.1920 (started from November 17, 1920). ended with senterce "It was badly planned." (with the sentence "It was badly planned").Shuhua sent it to my house, but she left a note when I was not at home, saying that if I was in a hurry, I would send it earlier. 11. Afterwards, I knew there was a story in it, but I didn’t guess it. Later, Xi Ruo said that Shuhua went to Xingren’s house and said that she had Zhimo’s diary (not sure how many), Huiyin wanted it, but she didn’t want to give it (not willing to give it) ), and said that she didn't want to wait for the two diaries of Xiaoman.Everyone was angry for me, and felt that Shuhua's behavior was really weird. 12. After all, I told Gongchao everything (and I also told you). Gongchao read the diary and said that this was exactly what he saw that day (the week closest to November 28th) Yes, but didn't notice what was underneath at the time, whether it was just half a volume, she told him there were two, and all he saw was one, but he told you (appropriately) Irefuse to be quoted (I refused to be quoted ). There is no need to talk about the following things. On the first day of the first lunar month of this year, Lin Huiyin wrote to Hu Shi again, further explaining the whole story of the two "English diaries": I wrote a letter in the afternoon, and I am enclosing it today. I think historians will not blame me for this kind of letter. I am straightforward and quick-tempered, and I hate people's meanness, twists and turns, and nonsense the most.This time because of Shu Hua's nonsense, he was really confused. If I didn't know that Gongchao saw Zhimo's diary, I wouldn't know that Shuhua would have it.Unexpectedly, when I asked her to borrow it after many days, she said "I can't find it everywhere" and "I haven't checked it in the painting and calligraphy box for many years", which really makes people shudder!I didn't know her before, had no feelings for her, didn't have any reason, and didn't think highly of her.Later, because she was married to Tong Bo, and had works such as "Send a Car", I felt that maybe my dog's eyes looked down on people, so I began to greet her with humility and sincerity. I never expected that she is such a person!It's chilling. Zhimo often said: "Shuhua is extremely stingy."I always say: "Really? Be careful, don't offend her". Although it is common for women to be stingy, a well-known scholar like her should learn to be generous. Now no matter who cuts out the diary, the lack of a paragraph in the diary is a fact. Before she did not confess and explained those nonsense, she would always be suspicious (Zhimo himself would not tear it up, Xiaoman is still questionable. ). As for the part of my diary that I want to read, I think it is also a place where women are stingy, curious, or troublesome, but this psychology is too human (human), and I don’t feel ashamed. To tell the truth, I will not be proud of the poet's flattery, nor will I be ashamed of being in love.I will always be "I", and being complimented by poets will not make me more beautiful or powerful, and I have had an unfortunate and tortuous old history, and I have nothing to be ashamed of.I just want to read that diary, which is a kind of satisfaction for me, to satisfy my curiosity, to reminisce about this strange world, and to commemorate old friends. I think this incident is really unfortunate from the perspective of personnel, and from the perspective of spirituality, this incident may be the reason why Zhimo became a poet, and it also gave me a lot of help in personality, knowledge, and self-cultivation. a way (in a certain sense) I don’t regret that he has this painful history. I think my life is at least not too satisfying to follow the mundane, and it’s not a bad thing. Zhimo alerted me, he became a stimulant (Stimulants) In my life, either hate, or anger, or Happy (happiness), or Sorry (sorry), or sad, or pain, I don't regret it, and I don't Proud (arrogant) my own stubbornness, I am not ashamed either. My education is old, I can't make a new person, I just need to be "worthy of people" - parents, husband (a person who loves me and treats me very well), son, family, etc., and later more It is very difficult to be worthy of another person who loves me, my own heart, and my disposition. In the past few years, it was not easy to be worthy of him or not—now it may turn out that I am not worthy of anyone, how wronged you are. ! I myself have reached a certain age, and I have not achieved much, and I see fewer and fewer opportunities-I am an excited type (type) accomplish things by sudden inspiration and master stroke (complete career with sudden inspiration and clever moves) not hard work and slow Practitioners are not in good health now, and the burden of daily life is also heavy. I am really afraid that I will live in a mediocre world from now on, and live my life as a wife and child!I can't help but feel sad, thinking that Zhimo's inspiring frindship and love (inspiring friendship and love) this summer is very sad for me. I miss him a lot these days, but if he is alive, I am afraid that I will not be able to change him.Very unlikely in fact.Maybe that's why I don't love him enough, which is the proof that I love my current home above all else, Zhimo also admitted. Lu Xiaoman sorted out two of the posthumous manuscripts in Zhimo's "Eight Treasures Box" and published them under the titles "A Little Note on the Eyebrows" and "Said Words on the Eyebrow". However, Ling Shuhua never wrote Zhimo’s inscription until 1948. It was not until 1948 that his fellow-townsman Zhang Zongxiang, director of the Education Department of Zhejiang Province, inscribed it.