Chapter 4 love at sea

Passing through the Strait of Gibraltar, Mishima Maru whistled three times, and the waters under the boat were already called the Mediterranean Sea. A hurricane had just passed, and the sea was as smooth as glass.The sun rose from the back of the ship, and the yellow-green sunlight seemed to be swimming beneath the surface of the water. The sea water became more and more clear. Flying fish chased the ship, rising and falling, which was really spectacular, and a few of them even landed on the deck.Not far away, there are blue whales spitting out the flying spring freely, and the water column is also a peaceful yellow-green in the sun.

Xu Zhimo pulled a canvas recliner and half-lyed and half-sat on the deck. The humid and refreshing monsoon wind from the Mediterranean Sea blew his thick hair. He pushed his glasses and took a deep breath of the fresh morning air. The yellow-green sunshine, It was easy to make him think of places farther than the sea. This was September 1922. With a strange mood, Xu Zhimo boarded this Japanese merchant ship and had already welcomed several sunsets and sunrises at sea. He squinted his eyes, as if he heard the yellow-green sun-like sound coming from the sea, as if he heard the life in a fish egg burst open, as if he heard the painful moan of a mother oyster pregnant with pearls.

The unstoppable poetic feeling hit his heart, and he blurted out: sea!Your grand and mysterious message did not come for nothing! This is not without reason! These ongoing waves evoke a sympathetic response from the mind Rise, fall - hide, show - go, come... How much he wished that the Mediterranean monsoon could be stronger, and stronger!Transmit his poems to Lin Huiyin who is haunted by dreams.He interrupted his studies and set out on his way home for a dream.This dream tormented him like venom in his veins, and he was restless because of that shadow that could not be dismissed.When alone, he always outlines the face that he has meditated on thousands of times, but he can't always outline a complete image, only some fragments of memories.

When I couldn't make a dream, I wrote a lot of poems, and every poem was dedicated to the idol in my heart. He stood up and walked to the side of the boat, leaning on the railing to face the wind, and simply chanted: Innumerable waves, each different, each with its own interesting patterns, No two leaves are the same on a tree, No two clouds are the same in the sky. At this moment, Xu Zhimo has already cleaned up the most holy land deep in his heart for his love, and everything that should go has gone. Will the things that should come come as scheduled?After experiencing and struggling, his heart is as calm as a mirror.

Six months ago, he wrote to his wife, Zhang Youyi, who was studying in Berlin, Germany, and frankly talked about his understanding of marriage and love: "True life must be found through hard work, and true happiness must be found through hard work. Love must also be obtained through struggle and self-seeking! Each other's future is limitless, ... each other has the heart to improve society, and each other has the heart to benefit mankind. First set an example, be brave and wise, respect each other's personality, divorce freely, and stop suffering , the first omen of happiness is here."

No sooner had the letter been sent than he set off for Berlin.At this time, Zhang Youyi had given birth to his second son, Peter, who was just a month old, and could already smile sweetly. He didn't know what kind of gaze he should use to repay his son's black grape-like eyes, but , he still invited Jin Yuelin and Wu Jingxiong as witnesses, and signed the divorce certificate with Zhang Youyi But what about you— still washes the shores of Eufia, Still retaining the colors of your youth, (Time has not left a mark on your face.) Still continue your free and easy ups and downs, Still whistling your world-weary sorrow,

Still renewing the style of your waves,— This lonely and mysterious great Mediterranean! Xu Zhimo inserted his fingers into his hair, and he was burned by his own poems.At such a moment, a match can trigger the boiling point of his blood. The sea widened before his eyes. The geese fly from the north to the south, and it is the autumn of the old country. Xu Zhimo, who has returned from overseas, is exhausted physically and mentally.After waking up from the dream, the dream was shattered. He didn't know how he survived the past month or so after returning to China.I just heard from friends that he has lost his human figure, and the long gown that fits him is much wider.

Not long after he disembarked in Shanghai, he heard the news that was undoubtedly a blow to the head: Lin Huiyin and Liang Qichao's eldest son Liang Sicheng had become good friends of Qin and Jin.He couldn't believe it, but his friend told him that Liang Qichao had written to his eldest daughter, Liang Sishun, clearly stating that the marriage between Lin Huiyin and Liang Sicheng "has already come to fruition". He still can't believe it, he has no energy to accept this cruel reality: his sweetheart is already married. Unable to bear the torment of his soul, after more than a month, he still bite the bullet and set foot on the train going north.He was warmly received at Lin Changmin's house. The Lin family lived in Xuechi Hutong, Jingshan West Street, Beijing. There are two trees in the courtyard, the branches and leaves are thin, and they are powerless to take advantage of the pearl.Lin Changmin's beard is gone, his chin is shaved blue, but he looks capable and energetic. He is very enthusiastic about the young friends he met in England, and he enthusiastically invites Xu Zhimo to drink Shaoxing "Hua Diao". He said that he has stayed abroad for so many years. But I didn't develop the habit of drinking foreign wine, the wine from my hometown is better!I didn't see Huiyin in Lin's house, but I saw a poem bequeathed to Lin Changmin by Chen Shi, an old Fujian poet, hanging in the study "Xuechizhai":

I haven't seen Lin Zongmeng for seven years, and he looks thin after his long beard. Entering the capital for five days only has two faces, but I feel that my heart is not respectful. Both the younger wives bow to me, and they usually wear black and no makeup. ……… The elder has an eighteen-year-old daughter, Gao Zhixing, who traveled to Europe to study. Junyan Xinhui Liang's son, promised to marry but not engaged. At this time, Xu Zhimo really believed that fate was so dull, blind and willful. Xu Zhimo stayed at Jiang Baili's apartment in Guoshao Hutong, Beixinqiao. Jiang Baili studied in Germany in his early years and served as an adviser to the presidential palace.He is the younger brother of Uncle Xu Zhimo, a close relative.

A few days later, out of boredom, he accepted an invitation from the Literary Society of Tsinghua University to give a lecture on "Art and Life". Xu Zhimo, who returned from Europe, was at the time when he was full of talent and fame, and he was greatly admired by college students.That day, in the small auditorium of Tsinghua University’s higher education department, there were two to three hundred people crowded together, all of whom came here admiringly.Xu Zhimo wore a silk jacket with a small vest on top, adorned with a few shiny buttons, and a pair of black satin soap shoes on his feet. His temperament and demeanor immediately captivated the audience.Liang Shiqiu, who presided over the speech, just finished introducing Xu Zhimo's situation, and there was a burst of warm applause in the small auditorium.

Xu Zhimo took out a roll of manuscript paper from his arms, cleared his voice and said, "Today I'm going to talk about ART AND LIFE, and I'm going to read my speech in the Oxford way." At this time, he raised his head and looked at the blue and white head.Suddenly, his eyes met those apricot-like eyes on the front seat.Lin Huiyin sat calmly in the middle of the fourth row. Xu Zhimo's thoughts were disturbed.His eyes seemed to be shining with a scorching light, and the pupils were also stung by the light.His throat seemed to be strangled, and he didn't speak a word for two full minutes.He tried to calm down, but his heartbeat had lost its normal rhythm. He didn't know how to read, and his fluent English suddenly became jerky, and he stuttered. Sometimes he had to stop to catch his breath. Beads of sweat came out.There was the sound of ping-pong-pong moving chairs in the auditorium, and people in the back row began to leave the stage impatiently. After the speech, Xu Zhimo was still standing on the podium in a daze, looking at the empty tables and chairs. His gaze fell on the seat where Lin Huiyin had sat in the fourth row, as if he felt a lingering warmth. A few days later, Xu Zhimo suddenly received an invitation from Lin Huiyin to visit Xiangshan Mountain. God generously gave them a fine weather that day. In the West Mountain in December, the leaves of sumac and maple are exquisitely red, and the slopes and ridges are burning with thin tender cold. Xishan in December shows the passionate creation of the God of Life.Seen from far and near, the red that is all over the slopes and mountains is well-defined, or sparse, or dense, or enthusiastic, or unrestrained, or noisy, or quiet, or like a waterfall, or like a flowing spring, the road turns back and forth, Different styles. In Xishan in December, other colors are not important, and the green, thin and yellow faded, all given to this colorful splash of ink. They stepped up the stairs in a mountain of empty mist. Huiyin seems to be the same as Huiyin a year ago, but the round almond eyes are a little more mature and melancholy.But Xu Zhimo felt that he was looking at Lin Huiyin in a fog now.The veins of autumn leaves in the distant mountains are clear, but the face in front of me is hazy. They climbed up silently.Xu Zhimo felt that the words that had rolled down his throat so many times could not be uttered at this moment. Lin Huiyin bent down and picked up a stone: "Zhimo, do you know what kind of stone it is? This is Daishi, girls can use it to draw eyebrows. Would you like me to draw it for you to see." Zhimo seemed to wake up from a dream, and after a moment of silence, he slowly chanted: "The wind is cold and the frost is cold, how can I bear to see the moth eyebrows still remain." Huiyin lowered his head. They walked aimlessly. Lin Huiyin insisted on searching for the stone left by Nuwa to mend the sky.The trails are winding, the deserted villages are scattered, and two pillars and three pillars of cooking smoke straightly melt into the sky.Their footsteps, from time to time startled a burst of dog barking. The stone was not found, but a monk's tomb was found.The tombstone was covered with moss. Lin Huiyin used a bunch of pine needles to carefully sweep the dust on the tombstone, but he couldn't read the mottled inscriptions.She murmured, "I don't know who is buried under the bluestone?" "It's me." Xu Zhimo replied abruptly. "you?" "It's me. I have been buried here since the last century. Now I am just a shell, my heart, my love, and my hope have long been buried under this bluestone slab. You read from this tombstone I can't read the year, I can't read the name, I can't read the blood oozing from my heart, it shouldn't be written in stone." Huiyin's eyes were moist. After leaving Zhimo and returning to China, Lin Huiyin was still studying at Peihua Girls' High School, and had a quiet time to think about her marriage.She has also weighed Xu Zhimo on the balance many times. In terms of talent, Xu Zhimo is undoubtedly suitable, and her father does not object, but the two aunts disagree. Marriage is tantamount to filling in the house, which is degrading to the appearance and reputation, and there are people who have been matched repeatedly, so she has no choice but to obey.She knew that she was sorry for Zhimo by doing so, and seeing him sad, she was also in great pain. In the stone nunnery not far away, there were nuns chanting sutras. They went around the mountain pass, and Lin Huiyin said again: "Zhimo, can we talk about some light-hearted things? Why don't you laugh?" "Isn't that a joke?" However, she only saw Xu Zhimo move his long soft chin slightly. "You tell me something, will you?" Xu Zhimo shook his head with a wry smile.What are you talking about?There are so many stories I want to tell you, about me writing poems at sea, about how I captured the opium dealer on the same boat, about how I went to Tianning Temple to burn incense with my grandmother after returning to China, and that was the first time I worshiped a Bodhisattva in my life , Grandma said, I can make a wish by burning a stick of incense.However, I burned three sticks of incense and only made one wish, that is to let me live and die with you.Now, this is all ridiculous nonsense. Their silence was burned to ashes by Fenglin. "Zhimo, read your poems to me." Huiyin's words were as light as the breeze blowing through the forest. "Okay, Hui Yin, do you still remember Cambridge? Since you left, I have written many poems about Cambridge. Let me read one to you." Cambridge, goodbye; My heart is full of parting emotions, ... Every time I think about how many trekking and toil in life, So many sacrifices, all in vain, ... I like the civilization of tall buildings and fast cars, never stained my heart, today I am old-fashioned about this, the bridge is shadowed and the algae are dense, Still be able to meet each other with bare chested, sympathetic farewell. ... Before warming the winter night wintersweet, Then carefully discern the phase and flavor of the day; Assuming that my star is blessed and my long-cherished wish is fulfilled, Then come the spring season when the flowers are fragrant, when you return to the west, Come here again, pick up the poetry needle and thread again, Embroider the flowers of my ideal life, realize The lingering traces of ecstasy in dreams for years, Scattering fragrance and soft rhyme, enhancing the charm of the river; Therefore, although my intention is deep, my wish is also secret, Last night the moon shines on the forest, I have poured out to The accumulation of the heart, the rain is desolate this morning, Birds have no joy, is it also because of the sadness of parting, Deep love, tired vines and long grass, tears and tears! ... The baritone voice with Xiashi Mandarin is so familiar, but it seems to have floated from outside.Lin Huiyin seemed to see Xu Zhimo wearing a black academic uniform and a square academic hat again, as if he saw Xu Zhimo in a long gown like a breeze and a bright moon... Fenglin raised his arms, holding the setting sun carefully.The blood of the sunset seeps into the veins of the leaves drop by drop, and each leaf becomes brighter because of that moisture. This is the glory before parting.