Chapter 24 Chapter Ten-1

chapter Ten A moment of indignation gave me so much energy that I left the Hermitage; and when I left the Hermitage, this energy disappeared, I do not know where.As soon as I managed to get settled in the new residence, my urinary aura recurred. The frequent severe pains were combined with a new problem of hernia disease. sick.Before long I was in the most embarrassing situation of labor pains.My old friend Dr. Thierry came to see me and explained my case.Bougies, twisters, bandages, all the instruments needed for the pain of old age are gathered around me, and the harsh reality makes me feel that people are not young anymore, but a young heart will not be without suffering of.The bright spring weather did not revive me in the least, and I passed the whole of 1758 in a state of weakness which convinced me that my life was drawing to a close.I watched the end of my life with a sense of impatience.I awoke from the illusion of friendship, I was free of everything that made me love life, and I saw nothing in life that gave me joy in life.Henceforth I see only misery and calamity interfering with my enjoyment of every kind.I long for the moment when I will be free and flee from my enemies.However, let us follow the clues of the development of events.

Madam d'Epinay seemed a little perplexed by my removal to Montmorency; she probably did not expect it.My health was so broken, the weather so cold, and my desertion, that they both--Grim and she--believed they would be able to compel me once I was cornered. To beg for mercy, to do something demeaning: to beg permission to remain in the house where my dignity forbids me to continue.I moved so suddenly that they had no time to guard against it, and all that was left was to take the all-or-nothing course, and either destroy me altogether, or try to bring me back again.Grimm took the first course; but I believe that Madam d'Epinay would have preferred the other, I have concluded from her reply to my last letter, in which she Much toned down the tone she had used in her earlier letters, and seemed to leave the door open for reconciliation.Her letter kept me waiting for a whole month, and this long delay is enough to show that she was perplexed at the proper wording of her reply, and thought twice before replying.She'd be hurting herself if she said too much.But after her previous letters, and after I had suddenly moved out of her house, it was impossible not to notice how careful she was to not miss a bad word in this letter.I have transcribed this letter in its entirety, so that everyone can judge (Paper B, No. 2 and 3):

Geneva, January 17, 1758 Sir, I received the letter of December 17 only yesterday.It was brought in a large trunk, filled with various things, and was on the road all this time.I can only answer your notes; as for the letter itself, I don't quite understand it, and if the circumstances allow us to explain it in person, I would like to regard the whole story as a misunderstanding.Now for the note, you may recall, sir, that we had agreed that the gardener of the Hermitage should be paid through your hand, so that he might feel better that he was dependent on you, lest He will make those indecent jokes with you just like his predecessor.Facts can prove: his salary for the first few quarters has already been handed over to you, and not many days before I left, I made an agreement with you that in the future you will pay his salary in advance, and I will return it to you.I know that you declined first, but I asked you to pay in advance for this salary, of course it must be paid in advance, and both parties have an agreement in advance.Cahouet had informed me that there must have been some misunderstanding in your refusal to accept the money.I am now asking for this money to be sent to you again, and I do not understand why you would break the agreement and insist on paying my gardener, even after the quarter of your stay at the Hermitage.I am therefore convinced, sir, that you will not refuse to recover the wages which you Huiran advanced for me, considering what I have the honor to say to you.

After all the previous experience, I can no longer have confidence in Madam d'Epinay, and of course I don't want to resume my friendship with her.I did not reply to this letter, our correspondence ended there, she saw that I had made my decision, and she made her own; at this moment she fully agreed with Grimm and Holbach's clique Opinion, to match my own efforts with theirs, so as to completely break me down.They were in Paris, she was in Geneva.Grimm later met her in Geneva and completed what she had begun.Tronchant, drawn effortlessly by both of them, assisted them greatly, was my wildest persecutor, and, like Grimm, he never had the slightest complaint against me.Together, the three of them secretly sowed the seeds in Geneva that were to be seen sprouting in Geneva four years later.

It was more difficult for them in Paris.I am better known in Paris, and at the same time, Parisians are less prone to hate and therefore less susceptible to its influence.In order to strike me more subtly, they first announced that I had left them (see Letter from Dreyer, Letter B, No. 3).From this they pretended to remain my friends all the time, and subtly spread their slander, apparently as a complaint of their friend's injustice. This makes the average person less wary and more apt to listen to them and condemn me.The more cautiously their intimidation of my treachery and ingratitude was carried on, the more effective it was.I know that they have accused me of many heinous crimes, but I have absolutely no way of finding out what the crimes they said are about. These four crimes: 1. I retired to the countryside; 2. My love for Madame d'Houdetot; 3. Refusing to accompany Madam d'Epinay to Geneva; 4. Moving out of the Hermitage.If they added any other complaints to this, they were so careful that I have never been able to know what the reasons for the complaints were.

It was during this period, I believe, that the stratagem which was later put into practice by those who controlled my fate was formed.The speed with which this scheme has progressed and its effect has been astonishing to a man who does not know how easy it is to do all evil.Now I must try to explain in a few words what I can see clearly in this dark and profound plot. Although I have gained a great reputation in Europe, I have maintained the simplicity that I liked in my early days.I hate all the so-called parties, cliques, and intrigues to the bone. This hatred maintains my freedom and independence. Apart from all kinds of attachments in my heart, there are no other constraints.Because I am alone.Far away in a foreign country, isolated from the world, with no support or family, I only adhere to my principles and obligations, so I boldly walk the path of integrity, and will never flatter or perfunctory anyone at the expense of justice and truth.Moreover, although I lived about four leagues from Paris, I lived in solitude for two years, cut off from news, cut off from world affairs, ignorant of all foreign affairs, and completely indifferent to curiosity. If you don't pay attention, it's like living on the island of Tinian, which is far away from the capital by the ocean.

Grimm, Diderot, and Holbach are on the contrary. They are all at the center of the vortex, living in the highest society, and their communication is extremely extensive. All departments of the entire upper society are almost completely divided by the three of them. .Aristocrats, wits, men of letters, lawyers, women—everywhere they can collude and make all these people listen to them.One should have seen what an advantage this position, which unites three persons, has over a fourth in my position.It is true that Diderot and Holbach were not (at least I cannot believe that they were) men of any very diabolical schemes, the one less sinister and the other less cunning, but they matched better for that.Grimm was the only one who had his plan in mind, and told the other three only what they needed to know in order to carry it out.His prestige in their eyes made it easy for him to obtain this cooperation, and the effect of the overall strategy was commensurate with his superb skills.

It was with this mastery, feeling the advantage he could gain from our differing positions, that he contrived to destroy my name altogether, and to create for me a reputation of the exact opposite, while at the same time Without involving himself.The way to get started is to first build a wall of shadow around me, making it impossible for me to dig through this wall to see his plotting activities and uncover his mask. The work is difficult because the supporting actors must be blinded from the injustice involved.The decent people must be deceived, and everyone will be taken away from me, leaving me with no friend, no matter the status of a friend.In any case, a half-truth must never be revealed to my ears.As long as a benevolent gentleman says to me: "You are still full of virtue, but people treat you like this and judge you based on this, what else can you say?" Then the truth will win. That's it, Grimm is finished.He also knows this, because he has probed his own heart and has a clear estimate of people's capabilities.What I regret for the glory of man: he calculated too accurately.

He was walking in the tunnel, and if he wanted to keep his feet steady, he had to walk slowly.He's been playing by his book for twelve years, and the hardest part is still to be done, which is deceiving society as a whole.There are still many eyes on him in society, more closely than he expected.He was afraid of this, so he did not dare to expose his conspiracy to the broad daylight.But he had found the less difficult way of drawing into his plot the power that had mastered me.With the support of this force, he can move forward with less risk.Since the minions of this power usually do not boast much of their integrity, much less of their frankness, he no longer fears that some good man will tell; for what he especially needs is to keep me in the shadow In the process, let his conspiracy never face me, he knows very well that no matter how ingeniously his mechanism is set up, I can see through it at a glance.His greatest cunning was to ruin my reputation while appearing to be protective of me, and to give his treachery a cloak of generosity.

I felt the first effects of the ruse through the shadowy accusations of Holbach's clique, but it was impossible to know, or even to guess, what those accusations were about.Dreyer told me in all his letters that I was blamed for many crimes; Diderot told me the same, but more mysteriously; Nothing more than the above-mentioned crimes.I felt in Mme d'Houdetot's successive letters that she was growing indifferent to me.I cannot attribute this indifference to Saint-Lambert, who continued to write to me with the same friendship, and even to visit me after his journey.Nor can I blame myself, since our parting was mutually satisfactory and nothing happened on my part after the parting, except that I moved out of the Hermitage, which she herself felt necessary.So this indifference--she won't admit it, but my heart can't be deceived--I don't know where to blame it, and I feel uneasy about everything.I know she's being extremely perfunctory with her sister-in-law and Grimm; for they're both connected with Saint-Lambert;This extreme uneasiness opened my sores again, and made my letters so full of complaints that she completely hated my letters.I vaguely saw countless distressing things, but I couldn't see anything clearly.I got into the most intolerable situation for a man of the most sensitive imagination.If I had been utterly alone, if I had known nothing at all, I would have been calmer, but my heart was still full of old feelings, and my enemies seized on me and made countless excuses Come and attack me.In the twilight that penetrated my solitude I could only see the darkness of the mysteries that were kept from me.

I am naturally cheerful and frank, and because I cannot hide my feelings, I am very suspicious of people hiding them from me; for a person with such a nature, my distress at that time was too great. It was too much to bear.I would undoubtedly die of distress, had it not happened to me, by a very lucky chance, to hold my soul sufficiently to hold me back, and to constitute a salutary diversion from my obsessive thoughts.The last time Diderot came to see me at the Hermitage, he told me about D'Alembert's article on "Geneva" in the Encyclopedia.He told me that the article had been consulted with the high society of Geneva for the purpose of erecting a theater in Geneva;Diderot thought it all very well, and had no doubts about its success, and I had too many arguments with him to wish to have another argument in this matter, so I said nothing.But I am indignant at the seduction which is sought in my country, so I am eagerly awaiting the publication of the Encyclopedia in which this article is contained, to see if I can write an answer to this misfortune It's a way to prevent problems before they happen.I received this volume shortly after my residence at Mont-Louis, and found the article written with a skill and art worthy of its author.However, this does not divert my intention to refute; although I was disheartened at the time, although I was sad and sick, the weather was severe cold, and the new house was inconvenient, and everything had not yet been arranged, I still took up the pen. With my enthusiasm, I overcame all difficulties. In a rather harsh winter, in February weather, under the above-mentioned conditions, I went every day to a drafty watchtower at the end of the garden where I lived, and stayed for two hours in the morning and again after lunch. two hours.This watchtower stood at the end of a sloping road, overlooking the valley and ponds of Montmorency, and in the distance the austere but respectable castle of St. Gratian, the retreat of the virtuous Cadina.It was in this place that was as cold as an icehouse at that time, with no barriers to shelter from the wind and snow, and no other thing to keep warm except the enthusiasm in my heart, it took me only three weeks to write my article " Letters to D'Alembert on Drama".This was the first piece of writing that I had any pleasure writing ("Julie" wasn't even half written).Until then moral indignation had been my Apollo, but this time it was tenderness.Before, the many grievances that I only saw from the side aroused my anger; now the grievances aimed at myself arouse my sorrow, and this sorrow without anger is just a heart that is too sentimental and too weak It's just the sadness it feels when it has to restrain itself after being deceived by a heart that it thought was of the same quality.My mind was still full of all that I had recently suffered, and at the same time so many violent upheavals were still in the aftermath, so that I mixed my painful feelings with the concepts generated by thinking about the subject; The influence of this mixture can also be felt in my works.Without knowing it, I described my situation in my work; I portrayed Grimm, Madame d'Epinay, Madame d'Houdetot, Saint-Lambert, and myself in it.How many sweet tears I shed while writing this work!well!It is easy to feel in this work that love, that fatal love which I have tried to heal, has not yet been expelled from me.And in all of this, mixed with a sense of self-pity, because I felt like I was dying and thought this was my last public farewell.I am by no means afraid of death, I am glad to see it approaching; but I am sorry that I leave the crowd, and the crowd has not yet felt my full worth, and does not know how much I am worth doing if they know me better. they love.This is the secret cause of the peculiar tone which pervades my work, which contrasts sharply with that of the preceding one. I was in the process of revising and finishing off this long letter and preparing it for printing when, after a long period of silence, I received a letter from Madame d'Houdetot, which plunged me into fresh distress, into my The saddest grief of my life.In this letter (Paper B, Nos. 34) she said to me: My love for her is known to all Paris, and I must have told someone about it; the word reached her. Nearly killed him in the ear of his lover; at last he understood her.They were reconciled as before; but, as a duty to him, as well as to herself and her honor, she must dissociate from me; but she also promised that neither of them would ever cease to care for me; they She will defend me in the society, and she will send people to find out about me from time to time. "You are included, Diderot! My friend who does not deserve the name! . . . " I exclaimed.Yet I could not make up my mind to condemn him.Others know about my weakness, and maybe they asked him to say it.I want to doubt..., but soon I won't be able to doubt.It was not long before Saint-Lambert did something that was worthy of his magnanimity.He fully understood my heart, seeing that I was betrayed by some friends and abandoned by others, he guessed what kind of situation I was in.He came to see me, the first time he didn't have much time to talk to me, and the second time he came again.Unfortunately, I didn't know he was coming and wasn't home.Therese was at home, and talked with him for more than two hours, during which they explained to each other facts which both he and I needed to know.I know from him that no one in society doubts that I have had the same relationship with Madam d'Epinay as Grimm has now with her, and I was only surprised at the time that he heard this rumor without any basis. The astonishment I felt when I was there can be compared to that.Saint-Lambert, too, had irritated the lady, and he had exactly the same experience in this respect as I had.All the truth revealed in this conversation has completely eliminated my regret after breaking up with her.He explained several details to Thérèse about Mrs. d'Houdetot, and of course Thérèse did not know these plots, and even Mrs. d'Houdetot herself did not know. I was the only one who knew, and I only told Diderot alone, and asked him to keep my secret as a matter of friendship, but he chose Saint-Lambert alone, and told him my secret as a private conversation.Thus.I made up my mind to break off forever with Diderot.Having made up my mind, I considered the manner in which I should break off, for I had long since discovered that it would be to my advantage to break off in secret, since it leaves the mask of friendship to my worst enemies. Regarding breaking up friendship, there are some so-called established norms in society, and these norms seem to be based on the spirit of cheating and selling friends.You are no longer someone's friend, but you still appear to be someone's friend, that is, you want to keep a hand, so that you can deceive honest people to hurt someone.I still remember that when the famous Montesquieu broke up with Father Durnamin, he quickly made a public statement and said to everyone: "Father Durnamin talks about me or I talk about Father Durnamin , don’t listen, because we are no longer friends.” This move was greatly appreciated, and everyone praised him for his frankness and boldness.I am determined to follow the example of Diderot; but how can I make this decision of renunciation public from my hermitage, with certainty and without arousing grotesques?I just remembered that in this work of mine, I inserted a passage from the "Book of the Priests" in the form of notes, announcing the break-up with this passage, and even stated the reasons. It is quite clear, but meaningless to outsiders; moreover, in this work, I have also taken special care that every mention of this friend I have abandoned always brings with it a The kind of respect that will always be maintained.All of this can be seen when people read this work. The world is fortunate and unfortunate.Woe to man, as if any act of bravery was a crime.The same thing, if Montesquieu did it, people would praise it, but if I did it, it would only cause scolding and blame.I sent a copy to Saint-Lambert, as soon as I received a batch of samples of my work after it was printed, because he had written the night before a letter full of the most lingering friendship Give me your letter (B Letter, No. 37).Please take a look at this letter from him when he returned the donated book to me (Paper B, No. 38): Auberne, October 10, 1758 Really, sir, I can't accept this giveaway you just sent me.When I saw that passage of Ecclesiastes which you quote for Diderot in your preface (he mistakenly said it was the Priestess), the book fell from my hand.After several conversations this summer, it seems to me that you have become convinced that Diderot is innocent, and that the so-called leaks you blame him cannot be blamed on him.He may have wronged you: that, I do not know; but I know well that those wrongs do not entitle you to give him a public insult.It's not that you are ignorant of the persecution he is suffering now, and you have to mix the complaints of an old friend with the clamor of envy.I will tell you, sir, how much this cruelty offends me.I was not on close terms with Diderot, but I respect him, a man whom you have always blamed for a little weakness in my presence, and which you are now causing him so much distress.Sir, our principles of conduct are too different to ever agree.Please forget about my existence, this should not be difficult.I have never done anything good or bad to anyone that they will never forget.As for me, sir, I promise you that I will forget you as a person and remember only your talents. I read this letter with indignation and pain; at last I regained my sense of pride when I was in extreme pain, and replied to him as follows: October 11, 1758, at Montmorency Sir, I saluted you for my astonishment when I read your letter, and I was so foolish as to be moved by it, but now I don't think your letter is worth replying to. I don't want to continue copying for Madame Houdtot.If she feels that the copied part is not suitable for preservation, she can return it to me.I returned the money to her.If she wants to keep what she has copied, she should send someone to take back the rest of the paper and money.I asked her to give me back at the same time the syllabus which she had in her possession.Farewell, sir. Courage shown in misfortune usually outrages the humble and delights the noble.My letter seems to have awakened Saint-Lambert to regret what he had done; my blow.A fortnight later I received the following letter from M. d'Epinay (Packet B, No. 1): Thursday the twenty-sixth Your favored book has arrived, sir; I read it with great pleasure.I always feel the same joy in reading all the works that come out of your pen.Please accept my thanks.If my business would allow me to stay in your neighborhood for a while, I would have come to thank you, but unfortunately I have not lived in Chevrette this year.Mr. and Mrs. Dupin want me to dine at Fleet next Sunday.I also intend to invite Saint-Lambert, M. Frangeur, and Mme. Houdettet to sit with them.I should be very glad if you would come too, sir.All my guests want you to come, and they must be as glad as I am to spend part of the time with you.With all due regards. This letter really made my heart beat wildly.I had been the news in Paris for a year, and I trembled at the thought of presenting myself face to face with Madame d'Houdetot, and it was hard for me to find enough courage to bear the ordeal.But since both she and Saint-Lambert were bound to do so, since Epinay spoke for all his guests, and since he mentioned no one whom I would not like to see, it seemed to me that, in the final analysis, it was possible to accept once. It would never embarrass me to say that I was invited to a dinner party by everyone.So I said yes.On Sunday, the weather was bad.Mr. Eyouna sent his own car to pick me up, and I went. My arrival caused a sensation.I have never received a more cordial reception.It seemed that all the guests felt how much I needed to be encouraged and comforted.Only a French heart understands this delicacy.However, I saw more guests than I expected: among them was the Count d'Houdeteau, whom I had never seen, and the Count's sister, Madame Branville, whom I had better not see.She had been to Auberna several times in the last year; her sister-in-law, who used to keep her waiting impatiently when we walked alone, was already dissatisfied with me, and this time she could have a good time at the table. Out of anger.It is conceivable that, in the presence of the Comte d'Houdeteau and Saint-Lambert, the jeerers would not have been on my side, and, as I am, who is still embarrassed by the most casual conversation, I am Naturally, you won't be very airy in the conversation.I've never felt so bad, looked so bewildered, or been taunted so unexpectedly.At last the dinner was over, and I hurried away from the shrew, with the pleasure of seeing Saint-Lambert and Madame d'Houdetot come up to me, and we spent part of the afternoon together, talking, of course, about insignificance. but without formality, exactly as it was before I went astray.It was impossible not to be moved by this friendliness, and Saint-Lambert would have been pleased if he could have seen my heart.I can swear that although I almost fainted when I saw Madame Houdtot's heart beating when I came, I hardly even thought of her when I went away.All I could think of was Saint-Lambert. The dinner, in spite of Mrs. Branville's malicious teasing, was of such use to me that I was very glad I did not refuse it.Not only did I see at this dinner that none of the many intrigues of Grimm and Holbach's gang had separated me from my old acquaintance; Bayer's feelings have not changed as much as I had imagined.I learned at last that Saint Lambert's desire to alienate Mme d'Houdetot from me was more out of jealousy than contempt.This comforted me and gave me peace of mind.Knowing for certain that I was not an object of contempt before those whom I admired, I endeavored more courageously and more successfully to restrain my feelings than before.It is true that I could not completely extinguish that guilty and unfortunate infatuation in me, but at least I got the remnants of it under control, so that it has not caused me to make mistakes since then.The manuscripts Madame d'Houdetot asked me to continue copying, and the new publications which I continued to send her, also brought me from time to time messages and notes from her, insignificant indeed, but also kind. attentive.And she added, as will be seen hereafter, that the manner in which the three of us treated each other after we had broken off was an example of how good men parted when it was inappropriate to see each other. Another advantage this dinner gave me was that it was talked about in Paris, and it afforded me an indisputable opportunity to disprove rumors that my enemies had spread everywhere that I had spoken to all those who were at the banquet that day. , and especially with M. d'Epinay, had fallen out irretrievably.In fact, when I left the Hermitage, I wrote a very polite letter of thanks to M. d'Epinay, and he was equally polite in reply, and the mutual respect was never broken. came to see me, and sent me his engravings.I was not on good terms with any of the family, except Madame d'Houdetot's aunt. My "Letter to D'Alembert" was a great success.All of my productions have been very successful, but this time the success was more in my favour.It made the public know that the rumors spread by Holbach's clique were absolutely unreliable.When I arrived at the Hermitage, the Holbach clique predicted with their usual complacency that I would not stay at the Hermitage for three months.When they saw that I had stayed in the country for twenty months, and had been compelled to move out, they were sure that I was purely obstinate, that I was actually bored to death in hermitage, but that I was proud enough. He would rather suffer from obstinacy and suffocate in the country than repent and return to Paris. "Letter to D'Alembert" had an air of gentleness that no one felt was fake.If I had really complained in my reclusive life, my tone would always have been infected.The works I wrote in Paris were full of complaints, but the first one I wrote in the country was not like that.For the observant, this is decisive.Everyone has seen that when I am in the country, I feel like a fish in water. However, this very work, full of mildness though it is, has also, through my usual clumsiness and bad luck, made myself a new enemy in the literary world.I had made the acquaintance of Marmontier at the house of Monsieur Piprinières, and my acquaintance continued at the Baron's.Marmentel was the editor-in-chief of the French Courier magazine at the time.Because I have always been proud, I don’t want to give my work to the journal contributor, and because I want to present my work to him this time, but I don’t want him to think that I regard him as a journal contributor , not to mention that he talked about this work in the "Courier", so I wrote on the copy that I gave him, not to the editor-in-chief of the "Courier", but to Mr. Marmentel.I thought I complimented him well, but he thought I insulted him bitterly, and became my irreconcilable enemy.He wrote an article against my long letter, very politely but sensibly resentful, and since then he has never missed an opportunity to harm me in society, in his The works indirectly attack me.This shows how difficult it is for the easily stimulated self-esteem of the literati, and how careful you should be when you compliment them, and never use words that are even slightly ambiguous. I have settled down in all aspects, so I can use my free time and independent life at that time to reorganize my works in a relatively orderly manner.I finished "Julie" this winter and sent it to Rey, who had it printed the following year.However, this work was once interrupted by a small, but rather unpleasant episode.I heard that the opera house is preparing to revive "The Country Fortune Teller."I was so indignant at seeing those people disposing of my property with arrogance, that I took out the memorandum I had sent to Mr. Darensson without a reply, corrected it, and asked the Chargé des Cylons in Geneva. Monsieur gave it to Mr. Count St. Florentine, who succeeded Mr. Darensson in charge of the Opera House, and enclosed a letter, also delivered by Mr. Theron.Monsieur Saint-Florentin promised to answer my letter, but nothing came of it.I informed Duclos of what I had done, and Duclos read it to the "little violinists," who, instead of promising to give me back my opera, promised to give me free admission tickets. Give it back to me when the free pass is useless to me.我看我从哪一方面都休想得到公平的对待，便把这事撇到了一边；而歌剧院的主管部门对我所提的理由既不肯答复，又不肯倾听，一直就继续利用《乡村卜师》谋利，就跟利用自己的财产一样，而实际上这部歌剧是不容置辩地只属于我一人的。 自从我摆脱了那些暴君的桎梏后，就过着相当平静而愉快的生活；我固然尝不到那些太强烈的依恋之情的妙趣，但是也就解脱了这些依恋之情的枷锁。我的那些充当保护人的朋友拼命要支配我的命运，不由分说地要把我置于他们的所谓恩惠的奴役之下，真叫我厌恶透了，我决计从此只要以善意相待的交情，这种交情并不妨碍自由，却构成人生的乐趣，同时有平等精神作为基础。象这样的交情，我当时是很多的，足以使我尝到相互交往的甜美滋味，而又不感到受人支配之苦；我一尝到这种生活的滋味，便立刻感到它确实适合我这样的年龄，可以使我在宁静中度过余生，远离不久前使我险遭没顶的风暴、争吵和烦恼。 我住在退隐庐的时候，以及迁居蒙莫朗西以后，就在附近认识了好几个人，我觉得他们都很称我的心，而又丝毫不束缚我。在他们中间首先要推那年青的洛瓦索·德·莫勒翁，那时他初当律师，自己还不知道将来会在法律界占到什么地位。我那时就不象他那样疑虑，不久就向他指出他是会做出辉煌的事业的。这点今天已经成了事实。我向他预言，如果他能对承办的案件严加选择，如果他永远只做正义与道德的保卫者，他的天才将从这种崇高的精神得到培育，会跟最伟大的雄辩家的天才相媲美。他照我这个忠告去做了，并且感到了这个忠告的效果。他为波尔特先生作的那篇辩护词可以与狄摩西尼相匹敌。他年年来到距退隐庐四分之一里约的圣伯利斯村，在莫勒翁采地上度假，这片采地是属于他母亲的，当年那伟大的包许埃也在那里住过。象这样的大师联袂而出，真使这片采地的高贵声名难乎为继。 也就是在这个圣伯利斯村，我还认识了书商盖兰，他是个才子，有文学修养，很可爱，在他那一行是第一流人物。他还将他的朋友、阿姆斯特丹的书商让·内奥姆介绍给我，他们有通信联系，后来为我印行了《爱弥儿》。 在比圣伯利斯更近的地方，我还认识了格罗斯来村的司铎马尔陶先生。如果是才能决定地位的话，这个人本来是该做政治家和大臣而不该做乡村司铎的，至少应该让他管理一个大教区。他曾充吕克伯爵的秘书，跟让－巴蒂斯特·卢梭特别熟识。他一面对这位赫赫有名的被放逐者追怀景仰，一面对陷害他的骗子手梭朗深恶痛绝。关于这两个人，他知道很多珍奇的轶事，都是色圭没有收进他那部待印的卢梭传记里的。他常向我保证说，吕克伯爵对他绝对没有什么可抱怨的地方，一直到死都还对他保持着最热烈的友谊。这个相当好的退休之地，就是在他的东家死后由凡蒂米尔先生赠地的。马尔陶先生还曾办过许多事务，现在虽然年老，还记得清清楚楚，并且评论得十分恰当。他的谈话，既有趣又有教益，没有他那乡村司铎的气味，因为他把社交界人士的口吻和读书人的知识结合起来了。在我所有那些长住的邻居之中，跟他交游最使我喜悦，我离开了他，也最感惆怅。 我在蒙莫朗西还认识几位奥拉托利会的教士，特别是贝蒂埃神父，他是个物理学教授，虽然蒙上了一层薄薄的学究色彩，我还是很喜欢他的，因为我觉得他有点老好人的味道。然而我又很难把他这种高度的纯朴和他那种到处钻——钻要人、钻女人、钻信徒、钻哲学家——的欲念与本领调和起来，他懂得见什么人说什么话。我很喜欢跟他在一起，我到处这样夸他，我的话显然传到他耳朵里去了。有一天他微笑着感谢我夸他是个老好人。我在他那微笑里发现了一种说不出的嘲讽意味，这就在我的眼光里把他的面目完全改变了，并且从那时起我还时常想起他那嘲讽的意味。他那个微笑酷似巴努奇买妥担到恼的绵羊时的那种微笑，这是我能找到的最恰当的比喻。我们两人在我住到退隐庐之后不久就开始相识，他时常到退隐庐来看我。等我在蒙莫朗西定居以后，他才离开那里，回到巴黎去了。他在巴黎常见到勒·瓦瑟太太，有一天我万想不到，他代这个女人写了一封信给我，为的是通知我说，格里姆先生建议负担她的生活费，并且要求我允许她接受这份接济。我听说这是一笔三百利物儿的年金，条件是要勒·瓦瑟太太住到舍弗莱特与蒙莫朗西之间的德耶来。我不想说明这个消息给我的印象怎样；这个消息也许不那么令人吃惊，如果格里姆自己有一万利物儿的年金，或者他跟这个女人有点什么较易理解的关系，如果当初我把她带到乡下来时人家不加给我那么多严重的罪名——而现在他又乐于把她送回乡村，仿佛她已经返老还童了。我明白，那个老太婆之所以要得到我的允许，只是因为不想失掉我这方面的接济，如果我不允许，她是很可以不顾我的允许就接受那笔馈赠的。虽然我觉得这种慈善行为十分异乎寻常，当时却还并不象后来那样使我感到惊讶。但是，即使我当时就料到后来所洞察的一切，我还是同样要表示同意的，我当时就这样做了，并且也不能不这样做，因为若不同意，就是向格里姆先生讨价还价了。从那时起，贝蒂埃神父就把我对他的那种老好人的看法医好了一点，他曾觉得我这种看法那么可笑，而我又曾那么轻率地对他产生了这种看法。 也就是这个贝蒂埃神父认识的两个人，不知道为什么都想跟我攀交；毫无疑问，在他们的喜好和我的喜好之间，是没有多少关联的。他们都是麦尔基色代克的子孙，人们不知道他们的籍贯、家世，也许连他们的真实姓名都不知道。他们都是让赛尼优斯教派的，一般人都认为他们是化装的教士——也许是因为他们把顷刻不离身的长剑佩带得那么可笑的缘故。他们的一举一动都带着一种不可思议的神秘，这就使他们有着派系领袖的神色，我一直怀疑他们是办《教会日报》的。他们一个是身材高大，和颜悦色，甜言蜜语，叫费朗先生；另一个矮矮胖胖，似笑非笑，摇唇鼓舌，叫蜜拿尔先生。他们彼此以表兄弟相称。他们本来跟达朗贝一起住在巴黎，寄宿在他的奶娘卢梭太太家里。他们曾在蒙莫朗西租了一套公寓房子，在那里过夏。他们亲自做家务事，没有仆人，也没有代购日用品的包工。他们一人一星期，轮流出去采购、留家烧饭、打扫房间，他们料理得相当好，我们有时也彼此往来吃吃饭。我不知道他们为什么对我感兴趣，我对他们感兴趣只是因为他们常下棋，而我为了插上去下一盘，就得花上一天里一的四个钟头。因为他们到处钻，什么都要插一手，所以戴莱丝管他们叫“长舌妇”，这个名字就在蒙莫朗西流传下来了。 以上这些人，再加上我的居停主人马达斯先生——他是一个好人——就是我在乡间的主要熟人。我在巴黎还有一些熟人，如果我愿意住在巴黎的话。是可以住得舒舒服服的。这些熟人都是文坛之外的；在文坛之内，只有杜克洛这么一个朋友。至于德莱尔他还太年青，而且，虽然他就近看到那个哲学帮对我耍的那些手腕之后，已经完全脱离那个哲学帮了，我还是不能忘记他过去曾那么轻易地就做了那班人在我面前的代言人。 首先，我有我那可敬的老朋友罗甘先生。他是我幸福时代的一个朋友，不是由于我的作品交结上的，而是凭我自己的为人交结上的，也就是为了这个理由我把这份交情一直保留下来。我还有我的同乡，那老好的勒涅普，以及他的女儿，当时还健在的朗拜尔夫人。还有一个年青的日内瓦人，叫做库安德，当时我觉得是个好孩子，很细心、殷勤、热诚，但是无知，自信心强，好吃好喝，自命不凡，我一住进退隐庐，他就来看我了，过了不久，尽管我不愿意，也没有别人介绍，自己就住到我的家里。他对图画有点兴趣，认识些艺术家。在给《朱丽》制版画方面，他对我还算有点用处。他负责指导插图和刻版，颇能不负所托。 还有杜宾先生那一家，这家的豪华虽然已经比不上杜宾夫人盛年时代的情景，但由于两位主人的声望，也由于来此聚会的宾朋均属上选，仍不失为巴黎最好的门第之一。由于我没有因趋附别人而抛弃他们，又由于我离开他们只是为着能自由生活，所以他们一直对我友好相待，我有把握随时会受到杜宾夫人的欢迎的。自从他们夫妇在克利什置了一处别墅之后，我甚至还可以把她算作我的乡下邻居之一；我有时也到她这处别墅里去住一两天，而如果杜宾夫人和舍农索夫人相处得更融洽些的话，我还会到那里多去几次呢。但是在同一个人家，两个女人彼此情感不相投，是叫人左右为难的，这就使我感到在克利什太不自在了。由于我跟舍农索夫人之间的关系比较平等，比较随便，所以我喜欢比较自由地在德耶看到她——德耶差不多就在我门口，她在那里租了一所小房子——甚至在我家里见到她，因为她来看我也相当勤。 还有克雷基夫人，她在虔信宗教之后，就停止跟达朗贝之流、马蒙泰尔之流以及大部分文人见面了，我相信特吕布莱神父是个例外，当时他是一种半真半假的虔信者，但她甚至也相当讨厌他。至于我呢，她原是找着要跟我结识的，我一直没有失掉她的关注，一直和她通信。她曾送给我几只芒斯鸡来做年礼。并且计划开年来看我，只是由于这时卢森堡公爵夫人的一次旅行把她的旅行打断了。我在这里应该为她特别提一笔，她在我的记忆中将是永远占有一个优越地位的。 还有一个人，除了罗甘以外，我是该把他放到第一位的，他就是我的老同事兼老朋友卡利约，前西班牙驻威尼斯大使馆的秘书，后又驻瑞典，为他的宫廷代办外交事务，最后真除了驻巴黎的大使馆秘书之职。在我万想不到的时候，他突然到蒙莫朗西来找我了。他佩了一个西班牙勋章，我忘记了勋章的名字，形式是宝石镶成的一个漂亮的十字架。在他所提出的证件中，他曾不得已把“卡利约”这个名字改了一下，现称为卡利荣骑士。我发现他还是那个样子，心眼儿好，风度一天比一天更可爱。如果不是库安德照他的老习惯插到我们两人之间，利用我住得离巴黎远，就代表我，并以我的名义赢得了他的信任，并且由于为我服务太热诚，就把我顶掉了，我是会和他相处得跟从前那样亲密的。 想起卡利荣，我就联想起另一个乡下邻居，我若是不谈到他，就大对不起他了，特别因为我还有一件很不可原谅的对不起他的事，需要坦白出来。这邻居就是那位正派的勒·布隆先生，他曾在威尼斯给我帮过忙，这次全家来法国旅行，在离蒙莫朗西不远的拉布利什村租了一所别墅。我一听说他成了我的邻居。就满心喜悦，觉得去登门拜访不但是一种义务，还是一件快事。第二天我就去看他了，路上遇到一些人正来看我，不得不同他们又走回头路。两天后我又去看他，那天他和全家连午饭都是在巴黎吃的。第三次他倒是在家：我听到好些女人的声音，又在门前看到一辆华贵的马车。这叫我害怕。我想我第一次看他，至少要能看得从从容容的，跟他叙叙旧情。总之，我把我的拜访一天一天地往下拖，最后觉得尽这样一个义务未免太迟了。感到羞惭，便干脆不尽这个义务了。我有胆子拖了那么久，却没胆子再见他的面。这种疏忽叫勒·布隆先生感到理所当然的不满，而且在他眼里，我的懒惰就有了忘恩负义的迹象了。然而，我觉得我的心实在是无罪的，如果能为勒·布隆先生做点什么真正能叫他开心的事，即使是不让他知道，我可以保定他绝不会觉得我这人懒惰。不过，懒散、疏忽以及在小事情上的那种拖拉劲儿，往往比大的恶习对我还更加有害。我的最严重的错误一直都是由玩忽造成的：我很少做过我不应该做的事，同时，不幸得很，我更少做过我应该做的事。 既然我又谈起我在威尼斯的那些旧交，我就不应该忘记另外也与此有关的一个，这个旧交，也和其他的一样，已经中断了，但是时间比较晚得多。这就是我和戎维尔先生的交谊；戎维尔先生自从热那亚回来之后，一直对我非常友好。他很欢喜跟我见面，和我谈意大利的事和蒙太居先生闹的笑话，他在外交部有许多熟人，所以从外交部知道的有关蒙太居的故事就很多。我在他家里又很欣幸地遇见了我的老伙伴杜邦，他在他的本省买了一个官职，有时也为公务来到巴黎。戎维尔先生渐渐变得太殷勤，老要我到他家里去吃饭，竟使我感到他有些碍手碍脚了；虽然我们住在相距很远的两个地区，如果我有一星期不到他家去吃饭，我们就要吵几句。他到戎维尔领地去的时候，总是要把我带去；但是我有一次在那里住了一星期，真叫我感到度日如年，之后，我就不愿再去了。戎维尔先生这个人当然是既客气又风雅，甚至在某些方面还很亲切，但是他不够聪明；他长得漂亮，多多少少有点纳尔西斯顾影自怜的劲头，相当乏味。他收藏了一套奇特的东西，或许全世界也只有他那一套，他自己非常欣赏，也拿出来给客人欣赏，而客人有时却并不象他那样感到兴趣。那是很完整的一套滑稽歌舞剧，都是五十年来在宫廷和巴黎流行的，从中可以看到的许多轶事，在别的地方是无法找到的。这些关于法国历史的真实记录，在任何别的国家人们都绝不会想得出来的。 在我们相处得正融洽的时候，有一天他对我的接待是那么淡漠、冰冷，那么不合他平时的风度，以至我在给机会让他解释，乃至请求他解释之后，就走出了他的家门，决心不再涉足，并且我一直就实践了这个决心。我在任何地方只要受到一次冷遇，人们就绝不会在那里再见到我的面了，而且这里又没有狄德罗出来替戎维尔先生辩护。我当时苦思苦想，到底有什么事对不起他，可是想来想去总想不出。我绝对相信，我跟别人谈到他和他的家人，从来都是称许备至的，因为我实心实意地喜欢他；而且，除了我对他只有好话可说而外，我的最不变的原则始终是，凡是我常来往的人家，我谈到时总是礼敬有加的。 最后，经过长期思考，我终于推测出是这么回事：我们最后一次相见的时候，他请我在他熟识的几个姑娘那儿吃饭，那次是跟几个外交部的职员在一起，他们都是些很亲切的人物，绝无浪荡汉的态度或派头；我可以发誓，在我这方面，那整个晚上都是在悲天悯人地默想着那些可怜虫的不幸命运。我没有出聚餐费，因为是戎维尔先生请我们吃饭的；我没有拿钱给他的那些姑娘，因为我没有象跟帕多瓦姑娘在一起那样给她们以我应该付出报酬的机会。我们出门时大家都欢天喜地的，情感十分融洽。这次晚宴之后，我没有再到那些姑娘那儿去，也没有再见到戎维尔先生。过了三四天，我到戎维尔先生家去了，他就给了我上述那种接待。除了关于这次晚餐有点误会之外，我想不出别的原因，同时又看到他不愿意解释，就采取了我的决定，不再去看他了；但是我还继续把我出版的作品寄赠给他，他也还常托人问候我，并且有一天我在喜剧院的烤火间里碰到他时，他还很客气地责怪我为什么不去看他，但也并没有使我重登他的家门。由此可见，这件事，样子倒象是斗气，不象是绝交。不过，从那时起我就没有再见到他，也没有听人谈到他。隔绝了好几年之后，若是再回头，就未免太迟了。所以我在这里不把戎维尔先生列在我的知交的名单里，虽然我曾有相当长的一段时间常到他家去。 我不想再拿别的熟人来把我这个名单搞得太臃肿了。这些熟人都不那么亲密，或者是由于我不在巴黎就不再那么亲密，不过我有时还免不了在乡下见到他们，或者在我自己家里，或者在邻居家里，比方吧，象孔狄亚克和马布利两位神父，象梅朗、拉利夫、波瓦热鲁、瓦特莱、安斯莱诸先生，还有其他许多人，一个个地数出来就未免太多了。我只顺便提一下马尔让西先生跟我的交往，他是国王的内待，以前是霍尔巴赫小集团里的人物，后来和我一样脱离了；他以前也是埃皮奈夫人的朋友，后来和我一样撒手了；还有他的朋友德马西先生也跟我认识，我也顺便提一下，他是喜剧《冒失鬼》的作者，曾名噪一时，只是一阵风就过去了。马尔让西先生是我的乡下邻居，因为他的马尔让西地产就靠近蒙莫朗西。我们本来早就见过面，但是邻居关系或阅历上的某种相契之处使得我们更接近起来。德马西先生不久之后就死了。他有能力，有才华，但是有点象是他那篇喜剧的模特儿，在女人面前颇有点自炫，而死后并没有受到女人们的极端惋惜。 但是我不能漏记这个时期的一个新的通信关系，这个关系对我后来的生活影响太大了，不能把它的开端略而不谈。我说的是拉穆瓦尼翁·德·马勒赛尔卜先生，他是税务法庭首席庭长，当时主管出版事业；他在这方面的领导既温和又明智，文学界人士都十分满意。我在巴黎时一次也没有去看过他；然而我经常体验到他审查我的作品处处从宽，非常令人感激；我知道，他曾不止一次很不客气地对待那些写文章反对我的人。这次关于《朱丽》的印行，我对他的盛情又有了新的证据；因为这样大部头作品的校样要交邮局从阿姆斯特丹寄来，耗费是很大的，他有免费寄递权，所以就答应把校样先寄给他，然后又用他父亲的掌玺大臣关防同样免费有寄给我。作品印的时候，他不管我愿不愿意就叫人另印了一版，版税归我，这一版销完之后才准那一版在法兰西王国销行。因为我的稿本已经卖给雷伊了，这笔收入就等于对雷伊的一种盗窃，所以我不得他明文批示就不肯接受这批专为增加我的收入而印的赠书，结果他很慷慨地批下来了；不但如此，这批赠书一共卖了一百个皮斯托尔，我要跟他均分，他又一点也不肯接受。为了这一百个皮斯托尔，我却有过一件很不愉快的事：马勒赛尔卜先生事先没有通知我就把我的作品删节得不成样子，并且在这坏版本售完之前，一直阻止了好版本的销售。 我始终把马勒赛尔卜先生看作一个正直的人，他的正直是经得起任何考验的。凡是我所遇到的事，从来没有一点使我对他的公正能有片刻的怀疑；但是他的软弱也和他的忠厚相当，他有时对他所关心的人，由于极力要保全他们却反而害了他们。他不但在我的书的巴黎版里叫人删掉了一百多页，还在他送给蓬巴杜尔夫人的那一册好版本里作了一个可以叫作不忠实的删削。在我这部作品的某个地方有这样一句话：一个烧炭人的妻子比一个王爷的情妇还更配受人尊敬些。这句话是我兴之所至，信笔写出来的，我敢发誓，没有丝毫影射意味。然而，我有一个很不谨慎的原则：凡是我写的文章，只要我扪心自问在写出时没有影射意图，我就绝不因为别人可能指为影射而丝毫有所删削，所以，我绝不肯删去这一句话，只是把原来的“国王”一词改为“王爷”。这个修改，在马勒赛尔卜先生看来似乎还不够，他干脆把全句都删掉了，特意叫人另印了一页，尽可能整齐地贴在蓬巴杜尔夫人的那一本书里。可是她还是知道了这个偷天换日的手法：免不了有些好心人把内情告诉了她。至于我自己呢，我只是很久以后，当我开始感到这件事的后果的时候，才知道有这么回事。 另一位贵妇人的情况也与此相似，而我也毫不知情，甚至我在写那段文章的时候还不认识她呢，而她却那么不声不响地、咬牙切齿地恨我，其最初的起因不也就在这里吗？书出版的时候，我跟她认识了，心里便非常不安。我把这事告诉了罗伦齐骑士，骑士笑我多心，保证那位贵妇丝毫没有感到冒犯，甚至根本没有注意到。我也许稍微轻率了点，就信了他的话，并且十分不合时宜地就放心了。