Chapter 21 Chapter 9-2

I thought there were some rare treasures in those manuscripts which the Comte de Saint-Pierre had given me.When I took it out and examined it, I found that it was almost just a collection of his uncle's printed works, annotated and edited by his hand, with some unpublished fragments attached.Mrs. Craigie showed me some of his letters in the past, which made me feel that his talent was much greater than I had expected. "In the Eastern Han Dynasty, He Xiu and others entrusted him as the third, and seeing his works on ethics this time confirmed my idea. But when I looked deeply at his works on politics, I only saw some superficial insights. Some useful, but unrealizable plans, because the author has such a thought that has not been able to express it. Human behavior is guided by knowledge, not by passion. His high evaluation of modern knowledge makes him hold He established the false principle of improved human reason, which was the foundation of all the institutions he proposed and the source of all his political sophistry. This rare man, of his time and his kind He is perhaps the only man since the beginning of man who loved reason and nothing else. Yet in all his doctrines he went from error to error only because he wanted men to be like himself. the same, instead of seeing people as they are and continue to be. He thought he was writing for his contemporaries, but in reality he was only writing for some fantasies.

After seeing these, I feel a bit queasy about what form my work should take.Do you just let the author's fantasies go like this?Then I've done a futile job; strictly dismissed?That was another act of dishonesty. Since I accepted his manuscript, and even asked for it, it obliges me to treat the author with respect.In the end I decided to take what I found to be the most appropriate, correct, and at the same time the most beneficial method, which is to express the author's thoughts and mine separately, and for this purpose to deeply understand his thoughts, clarify them, develop them, and spare no effort make them appear

Therefore, my work should consist of two absolutely separate parts.One part serves to set forth the various schemes of the author in the manner I have just stated; the other part should be published after the first part has had its effect, in which I will present my own conclusions about those schemes.This, I admit, sometimes makes these projects suffer the fate of the sonnet in The Misanthropist.There should be an author's biography at the beginning of the volume. I have collected some pretty good materials for this article, and I will not insult these materials if I use them.I also met Father Saint-Pierre in his later years, and my memory and admiration for him assure me that the Count will not be offended by the way I have said of his uncle.

I first tried my hand at "Eternal Peace," which was the largest and most laborious work in the whole collection; and before I buried myself in my thoughts, I mustered up the courage to take everything that the priest wrote on this great subject. Read it right through, never feeling discouraged by his many tedious repetitions.The public has read the synopsis, so I have nothing to say.As for my comments on it, it is like the proposition put forward by Xunzi who was born of the gods. "Xunzi·Tianlun" stated: "The form has not been printed, and I don't know if it will be printed in the future; but it was written at the same time as the summary. I transferred from this book to "Polisian The Nord, or the Plural Council. A work written during the Regency to promote the administrative system chosen by the Prince Regent, and which drove the Abbe Saint-Pierre out of France The Academy, which annoyed the Duchess of Minor and the Archbishop of Polignacre by a few words in the book against the previous administrative system. I have finished this work, which, like the previous one, has both an abstract and a There are comments. However, I stop here and don't want to continue, this work I should not have started.

The considerations which led me to give up the job were obvious, and it is surprising that I did not make them sooner.Most of Father Saint-Pierre's writings are, or contain, criticisms of certain branches of the French government, some of which are so blunt that he is lucky to have published them with impunity.In the offices of the ministers, however, Father Saint-Pierre was always regarded as a missionary rather than a real statesman, and he was allowed to speak freely, knowing that no one would listen to him.If it is because of me that everyone listens to him, the matter is different.He is French, I am not French; and if I repeat his criticisms, even in his name, I will be asked why I am nosy.This kind of questioning is inevitably harsh, but it is not unfair.Fortunately, I hadn't gone very far before I realized that I would be a fool, and I decided to get away as soon as possible.I know that I live alone among men, and that they are more powerful than I, and that whatever I do, I will never be able to escape the evil they will do to me.In this respect, there is only one thing that stands in my way, and that is to at least make it impossible for them to do me harm without injustice.This principle, which at that time caused me to abandon Father Saint-Pierre, has often led me to abandon projects more precious than this.Those people are always quick to talk, and when they see someone's misfortune, they say that they have committed a heinous crime. As for me, I have always been cautious all my life, so that people will not be able to speak plausibly when I am in trouble. "You brought it on yourself." Those people would be amazed if they knew how careful I was.

Once the job is gone, I sometimes hesitate about what to do next, and this lull of inactivity ruins me, because with nothing outside to occupy my energy, my thoughts just keep going. Spin around on yourself.I no longer had any intentions to give my imagination any sustenance, and it was impossible to have any more, because I was in the position where everything was going well, I had nothing to ask for, and my heart was still empty .This situation is especially painful only because I can see no better situation.I have centered my most lingering affections in one desirable person, and she loves me with equal affection.I lived with her freely, even as I pleased.However, whether I am with her or not, there is always a kind of pain in my heart that never leaves me.I possess her, yet feel that she is not mine; as long as I think that I am not everything to her, I feel that she is almost nothing to me.

I have friends, both men and women.I loved them with the purest friendship, the most perfect respect, I expected their truest return, and it never even occurred to me to doubt their sincerity.However, this kind of friendship, to me, creation theory of evolution is simply "creation theory".The philosophy of the French philosopher Bergson has more bitter tastes and less sweet tastes, because they stubbornly and even intentionally go against all my hobbies, my aspirations, and my way of life, so that , as soon as I express my desire to do something that concerns me personally and has nothing to do with them, they will immediately unite and force me to give up the idea.No matter what, no matter what I think, they are stubborn to control me.And I not only don't want to control their thoughts, I don't even want to intervene, so their stubbornness is even more unfair.Their obstinacy became a heavy burden to me, and caused me so much pain that in the end I always received their letters with a foreboding terror when I opened them, and that same terror when I read them afterwards. is always fully substantiated.I think they are all younger than me, and the lessons they give me every now and then are what they themselves need very much, and they actually use them to teach me, it seems that they treat me too much like a child.I often say to them. "Love me as much as I love you; besides, leave my business as I do yours: that's all I ask of you." Among these two points, if you say If they did one thing at my request, at least it wasn't the latter.

I have an isolated abode in a secluded place with a pleasant view; I can make my own decisions at home, live in my own way, and no one has the right to supervise me.However, this residence also brought me some obligations, although I would like to fulfill them, but after all I cannot exempt them.All my liberty is but temporary and uncertain; I am more bound than obeying orders, because I must be bound by my own will.There is never a day when I can wake up in the morning and say: "I will have my day as I like." Not only that, but besides obeying Madam d'Epinay's arrangement, I have another more annoying compliance, It is to be at the mercy of the general public and uninvited guests.Although I am far from Paris, I can't stop a lot of idle people coming to me every day. They don't know how to use their time, and they waste mine without hesitation.I've always been surrounded by people relentlessly when I never expected it, and I can rarely make an interesting plan for the day without being overthrown by an unexpected visitor.

In short, having so little real enjoyment of the many good conditions for which I most longed, my thoughts fled back to the peaceful days of my youth, when I sometimes exclaimed with a sigh: "Alas! This is not Salmet!" When I recall the various periods of my past life, I automatically take into account the stage of life I have reached.I find myself in my twilight years, sick and sick, the end is near, and the pleasure-seeking Marxism that my soul craves', hardly a single one of which I have fully appreciated; I have never brought out those passions of my own; I feel in my soul dormant that intoxicating desire, which I not only do not know, but hardly touch at all, which, for want of an object, is always It was suppressed in my heart, and there was no other way to vent it except for moaning.

How was it possible that I was born with an expressive soul, for whom life was love, that I had not found until then a friend who was all mine, a true friend?I think I was born to be this kind of true friend.My affections are so easy to catch fire, my heart is a mass of love, how did I not once burn with its flame for a given object?I was consumed by the need to love, but never met it well, and I saw that I was reaching the gates of old age, dying without ever really living. These sad and gripping memories make me reflect with regret, but this regret is not without some sweet taste.I feel like fate owes me something.Since I was born with many outstanding talents, but let these talents remain unused, why bother?I had a sense of my inner worth, and it made me feel unjustly belittled, and it counteracted that feeling to a certain extent, and brought tears to my eyes, as I have always loved to let them flow.

I have these reveries in the most beautiful season of the year, that is June weather, under the cool forest, the warblers are singing, and the stream is gurgling.All this throws me back into that alluring state of laziness—this kind of laziness is better than Tang Liu Yuxi's terminology.The sky and people each have their own special features, which I was born to like, but the cold and severe style that the previous period of long-term agitation has formed in me should have made me get rid of it forever .I had the misfortune to recall the lunch at Tone Castle and the encounter with the two charming maidens, also in the same season, and in circumstances similar to those I am now in.This memory, combined with its innocence, strikes me as particularly sweet and beautiful.It called up many other similar memories.I soon saw that all the objects that had made me feel happy in my youth gathered around me, Mademoiselle Galley, Mademoiselle Gravelier, Mademoiselle Breyer, Madame Basile, Madame de Larnage, my pretty schoolgirls, I have been thinking of that alluring Zulietta, whom I have never forgotten.I found myself surrounded by a host of angels, by my old acquaintances, for whom my strongest desires were not novel.My blood boiled and exploded, my head, despite its grizzled hair, was stunned, and I, this solemn citizen of Geneva, this serious Jean-Jacques, at the age of nearly forty-five, At a young age, he suddenly became a lovesick lover again.The intoxication which seized me, though so sudden and unreasonable, was so long-lasting and so intense that it waited until it had dragged me into that unexpected and appalling abyss full of catastrophes before it let me go. Wake up. No matter how much this intoxication may have reached, it was not enough to make me forget my age and situation, not make me pretend to be able to win the love of beautiful women, and in short, not try to make me feel that I have felt since childhood. The fire that had burned my heart in vain with no results was passed on to a soulmate.I had no such hope, or even such a desire, in my mind.I know that the period of love is over, and I am fully aware of the ridiculousness of the old coquettish, and I will not make myself a laughing stock.When I was young, I was not very conceited, coquettish and confident, but when I was old, I would do it again?I'm not that kind of person.Moreover, I love tranquility more than I fear domestic turmoil; I love my Therese too sincerely to grieve her by seeing my affections for others more passionately than for hers. In this case, what should I do?As long as readers pay a little attention to my ins and outs, they must have already guessed it.I couldn't find a real person, so I threw myself into a land of illusions; seeing nothing in existence worthy of my fanaticism, I ran into an ideal world to cultivate my fanaticism, and My creative imagination soon filled this ideal world with just the characters I wanted.Never before has this approach come so timely, so vigorously.In the midst of my uninterrupted meditations I drink the sweetest outpourings of emotion that the human heart never had.I completely forgot about human beings, and I created a company of perfect beings who were as beautiful as they were heavenly, and whose virtues were terrific. They were such reliable, loving, and loyal friends that I would never find in the world.I just like soaring above the sky, being surrounded by so many lovely objects next to me, lingering in that state without counting the days.I put everything else aside, and after a hasty bite of my meal, I was anxious to get back into the midst of my little jungles.When I was about to go out into that too unreal, I couldn't hide, I couldn't restrain my sullenness at the sight of wretched mortals who came to detain me in the world; A very blunt, almost brutal reception.This would only add to my cynical reputation, which would have given me just the opposite if people had known my heart better. Just when I was high-spirited and enthusiastic, I was dragged back to the same place by nature like a kite pulled back by a rope, because my old illness relapsed and the condition was quite serious.I have righteoused the nation by the cure which has the only hope of relieving suffering.It is proposed to learn the strengths of all ethnic groups and all countries.Reiterating, that is, using the bougie for healing, has temporarily interrupted my angelic love affairs.Because, except that people can't talk about love when they are sick, my imagination is only in the country.Only under the shade of a tree can they be active, but as soon as they sit indoors and stay under the beams of the house, they will wither and die.I often regret that there are no forest fairies in the world; if there were, I would definitely find one among them to whom I could pin my affection. Some family troubles came to add to my distress at this time.Madame le Vasseur, who flattered me superficially, did her utmost to wrest her daughter from me.I have received letters from my old neighbours, stating that the old woman has made several debts in the name of Theresa, without my knowledge.Thérèse knew, but never told me.I'm not so angry about having debts to pay, but they're keeping a secret from me.well!I never had any secrets from her, how could she keep a secret from me?Can a man hide something from the one he loves?Holbach's gang, seeing that I hadn't been to Paris once, began to panic really, lest I fall in love with the country, lest I'd be so foolish as to live in the country forever, and start causing a lot of trouble; Use these troubles to indirectly call me back to the city.Diderot, who was unwilling to present himself so early, drew Dreyer away from me.Dreyer, who had been introduced to Diderot by me, was now telling me the impressions that Diderot had told him, without Dreyer himself knowing the true purpose of them. Everything seems to want to drag me out of my sweet and crazy dream.While I was still ill, I received a poem about the destruction of Lisbon, which I assumed was sent to me by the author.This made me have to answer and talk to him about this work.I conversed with him in a letter which, as follows, was printed long afterward without my consent. I was amazed to see this poor fellow, who had reached the pinnacle of fame and achievement, swearing harshly at the miseries of life, always thinking that everything was evil, and made a presumptuous list of plans The inner principle of the development of change is the "desire" of monads.The individual monads are, let him examine himself, and prove to him that all is good.Voltaire believed in God on the surface, but in fact he never believed in the devil, because his so-called God, according to him, was nothing but a devil whose only pleasure was to harm people.The absurdity of this doctrine is obvious, and it is especially repulsive when it comes from the mouth of a man who is immersed in every kind of happiness, because he is in his own comfort zone and is trying to make everyone else pessimistic. , writing so eeriely of all kinds of disasters that he himself did not suffer.I am better qualified than he to count and measure the sorrows of life, so I made a just examination of them, and proved to him that, of all their sorrows, there was not one that could be blamed on Providence, that none A misery is not due to man's abuse of his faculties, but less due to nature itself.In this letter, I have great respect, admiration, and prudence for him, which can be said to be extremely respectful.However, I know he has a strong ego.Being easily irritated, he did not send the letter directly to him, but left it to his physician and friend, Dr. Tronchant, to give him the discretion to hand over or destroy the letter, as he thought best. .Tronchant forwarded the letter.Voltaire replied in a few lines that he himself was ill and had to take care of the sick, and that he would reply at another time, without saying a word about the question itself.When Tronchant forwarded this letter to me, he also enclosed a letter expressing his disdain for the person who had entrusted him to forward it. I have never published these two letters, nor have I even shown them to others, because I do not like to advertise such small victories with great fanfare, but the original letters are still in my letter collection (Letter A, No. 20 and 21).After this Voltaire published the answer he had promised me, but he did not send it to me.The answer was nothing but the novel Candide.I can't talk about this novel because I haven't read it. All these distractions would have cured my illusory love, and it may have been a godsend against its tragic consequences.But my evil planets got the better of me, and as soon as I could barely get out, my heart, my brain, and my feet were on the same track again.I say the same way, in some respects: because of my thoughts, the fanaticism has decreased a little, and this time I have returned to the real world, but I put the most lovely things in any category in the real world. The choice was so harsh that this essence was no less unreal than the fantasy world I had abandoned. I imagine my two idols—love and friendship—as the most moving images.I have deliberately adorned these images with all the charms of the women I have always admired.I imagined two girlfriends instead of two boyfriends, because instances of friendship between two women are all the more lovely as they are rarer.I endowed them with two similar, but different characters; two faces, not perfect, but to my taste;I made one of them the brown-haired pure empiricist Avenarius and the pragmatist Jaime, the other fair-haired, the one lively, the other soft, the one wise, the other weak; but so charmingly weak , seems to be enough to see his virtue.I created a lover for one of them, and the other woman was a tender and affectionate friend to this lover, and even a little more than a friend; Unpleasant emotions require a great deal of effort to imagine, also because I do not wish to overshadow this smiling picture by anything that detracts from nature.I fell in love with my two charming models, and I tried to identify myself as much as possible with the lover and friend; but I wrote him as kind and youthful, and added many Virtues and flaws. In order to place my characters in a place suitable to them, I examined all the most beautiful places I had seen in my travels.But I can't find a jungle that I think is quiet enough, and I can't find a landscape that I think is moving enough.If I had seen the valleys of Thessaly, they might have satisfied me; but my imagination, weary of creation, demands a real place as its basis, and is sufficient to induce in me a hallucination that I feel the reality of the characters I want to inhabit.I had thought for a long time of the Isles of Borome, whose beauty had amazed me; but for my characters I found these islands to be too much ornamented and artificially carved.And I must have a lake, and I finally chose the lake view that has always been in my heart.In the imaginary happiness that fate has limited for me, I have long hoped that I can settle down on a certain part of the lake, and now I will determine this part of the lake.The hometown of my poor mother still has a charm for me.The combination of mountains and waters, the richness of the scenery, the magnificence of the pleasing, exciting, and mind-blowing panorama finally made me decide to let the young men and women I created settle down It's in Forway.The above is all that I imagined at the first moment of inspiration, and the rest was added later. For a long time I was content with such a general outline, as this outline was sufficient to fill my imagination with pleasing objects, and my soul with the affections it liked to cultivate.These fictions, because they frequently come back to my mind, finally have more substance, and are fixed in my mind in a definite form.It was at this time that it occurred to me to put on paper some of the plots that fiction had provided me, and, recalling all that I felt in my boyhood, while being fed up by the past and still consuming me. The heart's desire to love finds its way out. I first wrote down a few scattered letters that were neither coherent nor related to each other, and when I tried to connect them, I often found it difficult.One thing, which is hard to believe but is absolutely true, is that the first two parts are almost all written in this way, such as points, things are developed in wave movements and other important philosophical ideas, and they call on the whole party without any advance warning. I had a well-thought-out outline, and I didn't even expect that one day I would think of using them to write a formal work.So people can see that these two parts are assembled after the fact with some materials that have not been tailored, and they are full of self-replenishing words, which are not found in other parts. While I was dreaming, Mme d'Houdetot came to see me for the first time in her life, but unfortunately, as you can see below, it will not be the last.The Countess d'Houdetot was the daughter of the late Monsieur Bergard, the tax-collector, and the sister of Monsieurs Epidon, Ralife, and Labérish, both of whom later served as protocol officers.I have already told how I knew her before she was married.since she got married.I had only seen her at the feasts of Chevrette at the house of her sister-in-law, Madame d'Epinay.I have spent many days with her, both at Chevrette and d'Epinay, and not only have I always found her very kind, but she seems to me to have taken a liking to me.She took great pleasure in walking with me; we were both good walkers, and talked to each other, and had a lot to say.However, although she invited me several times, and even urged me to, I never went to see her in Paris.Her intimacy with Monsieur de Saint-Lambert increased my interest in her, since I was just beginning to be friends with Monsieur de Saint-Lambert, whom I remember was at Mahon when she came to see me at the Hermitage. To tell me about him. This visit is a bit like the opening scene of a novel.She is going the wrong way.Her coachman had left the Bowback Road, and tried to walk the bowstring, from Clive's Mill to the Hermitage, and the carriage sank in the mire at the bottom of the valley; and she resolved to alight and walk the rest of the way on foot.Her thin shoes and socks were worn out in no time, and she sank into the mud again, and the servants dragged her out with great difficulty.At last she came to the Hermitage in her boots, laughing so much that I laughed too when I saw her.All clothes were to be changed, and Thérèse gave her her own, after which I condescended to offer her a little country meal, which pleased her.It was late in the day, and she did not stay long; but the meeting was so pleasant that she seemed interested in returning at a later date.It was the second year that she had carried out this plan; but alas!This belated arrival did not serve as insurance for me. All autumn I was occupied with an unsuspected occupation--looking at the orchards for M. d'Epinay.The Hermitage was the meeting point of the streams in the park of Chevrette; there was a garden surrounded by walls, and along the walls were fruit trees, and other kinds of trees.The fruit produced for M. d'Epinay, though three-quarters is stolen from man, is caused by the difference in the clarity of perception that the list itself possesses, the "micro-perception" that is, is still better than that of his large vegetable garden at Chevrette. many.In order not to be an absolutely useless resident, I managed the orchard for him and supervised the gardeners.Until the season of picking the fruit, everything went very smoothly; however, as the fruit gradually matured, I found that more and more were lost, and I didn't know where they all went.The gardener assured me that the mountain rats had eaten them all.I started to fight against mountain rats and killed many of them, but the fruit still decreased.I watched carefully, and it turned out that the gardener himself was a big mountain mouse.He lived at Montmorency, and came at night with his wife and children.He carried away all the fruits that he picked and hid aside during the day, and blatantly sent them to the Paris vegetable market to sell, as if he had an orchard.I don't know how much I have benefited this damned fellow. Thérèse gave him clothes for his children, and his father was begging for food, almost relying on me to support him, but he still had the audacity to steal from us without any trouble.It's just that the three of us were not vigilant enough and didn't take precautions; once he actually emptied my cellar overnight, and I couldn't find anything the next day.If he just stole me, I would admit it; but I have to make an account for the fruit, and I have to expose the person who stole the fruit.Madam d'Epinay begged me to pay his wages, to send him away, and to find another gardener.I did.The big villain was running around the Hermitage every night, carrying a thick iron-pointed stick that looked like a mace, followed by some rogues who were with him.The two governors were frightened to death by this fellow, and to embolden them, I made the new gardener sleep every night in the Hermitage; Put a gun in the gardener's room, and tell him that it can only be used when it is necessary, for example, when someone tries to punch the door or climb the wall, and it is only loaded with gunpowder and not loaded with bullets. It is nothing more than to scare thieves. .A man with limited mobility, to spend the winter in the middle of the woods, alone with two timid women, was, of course, the minimum possible defense for everyone's safety.In the end, I got another puppy to serve as a guard.At this time, Delaire came to see me one day, and I told him about my situation, and laughed with him about my military equipment.He went back to Paris, and amused Diderot again with the incident; and in this way, Holbach's gang knew that I was really going to spend the winter at the Hermitage.This persistence, which they had not expected, overwhelmed them.They thought of some other inconvenience to make my stay unpleasant, and at the same time, by way of Diderot, they took Dreyer away from me first.The same Dreyer, who at first found my defensive measures perfectly natural; later wrote to me that they were not in accordance with my principles, were not only ridiculous, but utterly bad.He made fun of me in these letters, with sarcasm and acrimony which, if I had been in a bad temper, I would have felt insulted.But at that time, my heart was full of admiration and lingering emotions, and I couldn't allow other emotions to creep in, so I only regarded his bitter sarcasm as a joke. Where others think he is absurd, I only think he is frivolous . As a result of my heightened vigilance and care, the garden looked very good. Although the fruit harvest this year was bad, the output was still three times that of previous years.To tell the truth, I also took pains to preserve the produce, and I even escorted the fruit to Huiflette and d'Epinay, and even carried the basket; The basket pressed us almost to the ground, and we had to take a rest every ten steps, and we were sweating profusely before we carried it to the destination. When the bad seasons started shutting me up inside, I thought about picking up my indoor work again; but it couldn't be.Everywhere, I see only those two attractive girlfriends, only their boyfriend, their surroundings, the place where they live, and only what my imagination has created or beautified for them all kinds of things.I couldn't control myself at any moment, and the frenzy kept haunting me.I tried a lot to get rid of those fictions, but in vain, until at last I was completely fascinated by them and just tried to sort them out, make them coherent, and write something like a novel. My greatest difficulty is being ashamed to reveal my own contradictions so clearly, so openly.I have established my austere principles with such fanfare, I have proclaimed my stern maxims with such firmness, I have scolded with such bitterness those soft writings devoted to love and tenderness, and now suddenly people see me with my own hands Who could have imagined anything more unexpected, more jarring, than to place himself among the writers whom I have so severely criticized?I am fully aware of this paradox that is shape, and shape is spirit.是以形存则神存，形谢则神灭也”。著作，我责备我自己，我为此而羞惭，为此而气愤，但是，这一切都不足以把我拉回到理智中来。我完全被降伏了，非服从不可，不管有什么风险，我也得下决心去冒天下之大韪。至于我能不能使这部书出版，那就以后再说了，因为当时我还没有设想要把它发表出来呢。 决心一下，我就没头没脑地钻到我的梦想里去了。我把这些梦想在脑子里反复思考，最后使它们构成了一种方案，这个方案执行的结果，人们现在已经看到了。毫无疑问，这是对我那些异想天开的念头的最好的利用。好善之心从来没有离开过我的胸怀，它把这些异想天开的念头导向有益的目标，连世道人心都可能有所裨益。我那些香艳的图景，如果里面缺少那种天真无邪的柔和的色彩，便会失掉它们的全部优美。一个弱女子是怜悯的对象，恋爱能使她博得别人的同情，通常她也并不因为软弱而稍减其可爱。但是看到那种时髦的风尚，谁又能忍受下去而不感到愤慨呢？一个不贞的妻子，公开践踏自己的一切义务，认为没让丈夫当场捉获她的奸情，便是对他的一种思典，他还该衷心感激她，世上有比这样不贞的妻子的得意洋洋的劲儿更令人气愤的么？自然界中没有完人，完人给我们的教导已经离我们太远了。但是，假定一个年青的女子，生而有一颗既正直又温存的心，未婚之前让爱情把她征服了，既婚之后又恢复了精神力量，反过来战胜了爱情，又成为有德行的人，谁若是告诉你说，这幅图景就其整体来说是有伤风化而一无是处，谁就是个说谎者、伪善者，你不要听他的话。 除了这个从根本上跟整个社会秩序有关的针对风俗和夫妻间的忠诚的目标之外，我还怀着一个较深刻的目标，即是社会协调与社会和平。这个目标，本身也许比上面的还更伟大，更重要，至少在我们当时所处的时代是如此。《百科全书》引起的那场风暴远没有平息，当时还正在最猛烈的阶段。对立的两派以极度的岔怒互相抨击，或者毋宁说是象疯狂的豺狼那样互相撕咬，而不是象基督徒和哲学家那样希望互相启发、互相说服、互相拉回到真理的道路上来。也许双方都还缺少有本领的、孚众望的领袖来把这场斗争发展成内战，否则，天晓得，骨子里都同样有着最残酷的偏见的双方，这样一场宗教内战会导致什么样的结果啊。我生来就仇恨一切宗派偏见，所以对双方都坦率地说了一些严酷的真理，而他全听不进去。于是我就想到另一个不得已的、以我单纯的头脑看来似乎是很妙的办法：就是以消灭他们的偏见为手段来缓和他们相互之间的仇恨，并且给每一方面指出，另一方面的优点和品德都值得公众的钦佩和一切凡人的敬仰。这个不够明智的计划是建立在人人皆善这样一个假定上的，却使我自己陷入我责备圣皮埃尔神父的那种错误了，所以，它产生了它应得的结果：并没有使双方互相接近，而使它们联合起来打击我了。经验终于使我感到了我的傻气；但是在这以前，我是全力以赴的，我敢说，我那股热忱是无愧于驱使我去做的那种动机的，所以我刻划了沃尔马和朱丽两人的性格，当时我内心的狂喜使我希望能把他们两人写得都很可爱，并且使两人都由于互相映衬而显得更加可爱。 我为我的方案能这样粗粗地定下来而感到满意，于是又回到了我已经草拟的那些详细的情节上面；这些情节的整理结果就产生出了《朱丽》的前两部分。我是怀着一种说不出的喜悦，在这个冬季撰写和誉清这两部分的，用的是最漂亮的金边纸，吸墨用的是蔚蓝和银灰的粉末之体便是人与万物之体。因而，人类应视万物如朋友，人则，装订分册用的是浅碧丝带，总之，我成了另一个皮格马利翁，对那两个妩媚的少女的一片痴情，简直找不到什么够风雅、够玲珑的东西来配上她们了。每天晚上，我在火炉旁拿这两部分给女总督们念了又念。女儿一言不发，感动得跟我一起抽抽噎噎地哭了起来；母亲根本听不懂，始终无动于衷，又找不到一点应酬的词令，只好在大家默默无言的时刻对我一再重复说：“先生，真美呀！” 埃皮奈夫人知道我冬天单独一人住在树林中间的一座孤立的房子里，很不放心，时常派人来打听我的消息。她对我的友情表现得从来没有这样真切过，而我对她的友情也从来没有反应得这样热烈。在这些友情的表现之中，有一件事如果不特别提出来，我就太不对了：她曾把她的画像派人送给我，并且想要我的画像——拉都尔画的，曾在沙龙里展出过的那一幅民。也不应抹煞她另一次亲切的表示，它看起来很可笑，但是由于它留给我的印象，也可见我的性格演变之一斑。有一天霜冻很厉害，我打开她派人送来的一个包裹——是她亲自为我备办的几样东西，发现有一件小村裙，英国法兰绒做的，说她已经穿过，要我改制一件坎肩。短笺的措词很感人，充满着亲热与天真。这点关怀超过了友谊，我觉得太体贴了，仿佛她自己脱下衣服来给我穿，以至我在情感激动之中热泪纵横地把那短笺和衬裙吻了足有二十遍。戴莱丝以为我疯了。说也奇怪，埃皮奈夫人对我的友情表示真是太多了，却从来没有一次能象这次这样感动我。甚至在我们绝交以后，我每次回忆起这件事也不免心头发软。我把她那张小便笺保存了很久，如果它不是和我那时的其他信件遭到同一命运的话，我现在还保存着呢。 虽然那时期我的尿闭症一到冬天就不让我轻松，虽然这年冬天有一部分时间我都被迫使用探条，然而，总的说来，那还是我自从居住法国以来最甜美、最安静的一个季节。在坏天气为我免遭不速之客的侵袭的那四五个月之中，我比以前和以后更能体味到那种独立、平稳而又朴素的生活，而越享受这种生活，我就越觉得这种生活的价值。当时我别无其他伴侣，只有现实中的两个女总督。想象中的两个表姊妹。特别是在那个时候，我日益庆幸我明智地采取了这个决定，不顾那些看我摆脱了他们的羁绊而不高兴的朋友们的叫嚣；当我听到狂人谋杀案的时候，当德莱尔和埃皮奈夫人在信里跟我谈到那种弥漫巴黎的纷乱和骚动的时候，我是多么感谢上苍使我远离了那些恐怖和罪恶的景象啊！否则的话，社会紊乱使我已经养成的那个暴躁脾气，那些恐怖和罪恶的景象只能使它更加滋长、更加乖戾的；而现在呢，我在我的幽居周围，只看到赏心悦目、甜蜜美妙的事物，我的心完全沉醉于种种温馨的感情之中了。这是人家让我过的最后的宁静的时刻，我津津有味地在这里记下它们的历程。在随着这个安静的冬季而来的那个春天里，就可以看到我下面要写的那些灾难的胚芽开始萌发了，在这些纷至沓来的灾难当中，人们将再也看不到这种间歌时间，能让我有工夫去喘息一下。 然而，我似乎还记得，就是在这个和平的间歇中，即使在我的幽居深处，我还不是十分安静以农为本的理论与政策。本指农桑，末为工商。墨家率先提，还不免遭到霍尔巴赫一伙的搅扰。狄德罗就给我引起了一些麻烦；除非我完全记错了，《私生子》一书就是在这个冬天出版的，一会儿我就要谈到这本书。由于后面将会讲明白的种种原因，我那时期的可靠的文件剩下的很少了，就是留下的文件，日期也很不准确。狄德罗写信向来是不注日期的。埃皮奈夫人和乌德托夫人写信也只注明星期几，而德莱尔通常也跟她们一样。当我想把这些信依次排列起来的时候，就不得不摸索着，注上一些大概的日期。因此，我既不能确有把握地确定这些纠纷的开始，我就宁愿把我所能记得的一切当作整个一条写在下面。 大地春回，我的狂热更加高涨，我在爱火的激奋中又为《朱丽》的后几部分写了好几封信，这些信都洋溢着我写信时的那种狂喜的心情。我可以特别提出写极乐园和湖上泛舟的那两封信。如果我记得不错的话。这两封信都是在第四部分的末尾。谁读了这两封信而不心软并且熔化在促使我写出这些信的那种缠绵悱恻的感情里，谁就该干脆把书合上：他是没有资格来评论感情这个题目的。 正是这个时候，出乎意料，乌德托夫人第二次来访。她的丈夫是近卫队军官，不在家，她的情人也正在服役，她就到奥博纳来了，在蒙莫朗西的幽谷中租了一座相当漂亮的房子。她就是从那里到退隐庐来作一次新的远足。这次出游，她骑着马，扮作男装。虽然我平生不喜欢这种蒙面舞式的乔装，但对她那种乔装的传奇风度却有些一见心倾，这一次可真是爱情了。因为这段爱情是我平生第一遭，又是平生唯一的一遭，又因为它的后果使它在我的记忆里将永远是既难忘而又可怕，所以请容许我把这件事说得稍微详细点。 乌德托伯爵夫人快三十岁了，根本说不上美，脸上还有麻子，皮肤又不细腻，眼睛近视国启蒙运动中形成的“百科全书派”的唯物论哲学。主要代，眼型有点太圆。尽管如此，她却显得年青，容貌又活泼，又温柔，老是亲亲热热的。一头乌黑的长发，天然鬈曲，一直拖到膝弯。身材娇小玲珑，一举一动都显得又笨拙又有风韵。她的禀性极自然，又极隽雅：愉快、轻率和天真在她的身上结合得非常巧妙。她有的是那种讨人喜欢的妙语，不假思索，有时竟夺口而出。她多才多艺，会弹钢琴，舞跳得很好，还能做几句相当漂亮的小诗。至于她的性格，简直是天使一般：心肠好是它的基础，而除了谨慎与坚强以外，她一切美德都兼而有之。特别在为人方面，她是那么可靠，在社交方面，又是那么忠诚，纵然是她的仇敌，做事也不瞒她。我所说的她的仇敌，是指恨她的男人或女人，因为，就她自己来说，她是没有一颗能够恨人的心的，而且我相信我们这点相同之处曾大有助于我对她的热恋。在最亲密的友情的倾诉之中：我从来没有听到她背后说过人家的坏话。就连她嫂子的坏话，她也从来不说。他不能对任何人掩饰她心里所想的事，甚至不能抑制她的任何感情：我深信，她就是在丈夫面前也谈她的情人，正如她在朋友面前、熟人面前、所有的人面前都谈她的情人一样。最后，有一点不容置辩地证明她那善良天性的纯洁与真诚，那就是她可以心不在焉到无以复加、轻率到十分可笑的地步，常常于无意之中说出些话或做出些事来，对她自己可谓不慎之至，但从来没有冒犯过别人。 她很年青的时候就被勉强嫁给乌德托伯爵了。乌德托伯爵有地位，是个好军人，但是喜欢赌博，喜欢闹事，很不亲切，她从来就没有爱过他。她在圣朗拜尔先生身上发现了她丈夫的一切优点，再加上许多可爱的品质，既聪明，又有德，又有才能。在本世纪的风俗中如果还有一点东西可以原谅的话，毫无疑问，就是这样一种依恋之情：它的持久使它变得纯正，它的效果使它受人钦仰，它之所以能巩固起来，只是由于双方的相互尊敬。 我猜测，她来看我，固然也有点儿出于兴趣，但更多地还是为了博得圣朗拜尔的欢心。他曾敦促她来，他相信我们之间开始建立起来的友谊会使我们三个人对这种往还都感到愉快。她知道我了解他们俩的关系，她既然能在我面前无拘无束地谈他，自然就表明她喜欢跟我相处了。她来了；我见到她了。我正陶醉于爱情之中而又苦于没有对象。这陶醉就迷住了我的眼，这对象就落到了她的身上。我在乌德托夫人身上看到了我的朱丽，不久，我就只看到乌德托夫人了，但这是具备了我用来装饰我的心头偶像的那一切美德的乌德托夫人。为了使我痴情到底，她又以炽热的情侣身份跟我谈着圣朗拜尔。多么巨大的爱情感染力啊！我听着她说话，感到自己在她身边，竟幸福得不由自主地浑身颤抖起来，这是我在别的女人身边都从来没有体会过的。她谈着，谈着，我自己也就感动了。我还以为我只是对她的感情感兴趣呢，其实这时我自己也已经产生了同样的感情了；我大口大口地吞下这毒汁，可是我当时只感到它的甜美。总之，在我们两人都没有觉察的情况下，她用她对情人所表现的全部爱情，激发起我对她的爱情来了。well!为着一个心中已经别有所恋的女人而燃烧起这样既不幸而又炽烈的爱情，真正是为时已晚，也真正是太令人痛苦了！ 虽然我在她身边已经感到了那些异常的冲动，但我先还没有觉察到我心里究竟发生了什么变化。只是在她走了以后，当我开始想朱丽的时候，我才吃惊地发现，我想来想去都只能想到乌德托夫人。这时候我的眼睛睁开了关学；闽指客居福建的朱熹为代表的闽学。，我感到了我的不幸，我为此而哀叹，但是我还料想不到这个不幸将要产生的许多后果呢。 我今后对她持什么态度呢？我迟疑了很久，仿佛真正的爱情还能留下足够的理智让你去深思熟虑似的。我正在举棋不定，她又一次出乎意料地来找我了。这一下我心里可有数了。伴随邪念而来的羞涩之心使得我哑口无言，在她面前直发抖，我既不敢开口，也不敢抬起头来，我心头的慌乱简直无法形容，而她不可能看不出来。于是我就决定向她承认我心里慌乱，并让她猜测慌乱的原因：这等于把原因相当明白地告诉她了。 如果我年青而又可爱，如果乌德托夫人后来软弱了，我在这里就应该谴责她的行为，然而，事实并不是这样，所以我对她只有赞美，只有钦佩。她作出的决定是既大方又谨慎的。她来看我，是圣朗拜尔叫她来的，她不能突然疏远我而不向圣朗拜尔说明原因，因为这样就可能使两个朋友绝交，也许还会闹得满城风雨，而这是她要避免的。她本来是对我既敬重而又怀有善意的，所以她就怜悯我这点痴情，但是不予以逢迎，而是表示了惋惜，并且努力要医好我的痴情。她很乐意为她的情人和她自己保留一个她看得起的朋友。她说等我将来变得理智了，我们三人之间很可以构成一种亲密而甜美的关系，而她每跟我谈到这一点，便显得再愉快也不过的。她并不只是限于这种友好的劝告，必要时她也不惜给我一些由我自己招来的较严厉的责备。 我也同样严厉地责备我自己。等到我独自一人的时候，我就清醒了，我把话说出了之后，心里也就比较平静了。大凡一个人的爱情，被激起爱情的女方知道了之后疏本甚多。秦汉列为七经之一，南宋时列为四书之一。，就变得好受些。我用来责备自己的那种力量理应医好我的爱情的，如果事实是可能的话。我把所有强有力的理由都找来帮助我扼杀我这份爱情。我的操守呀、我的感情呀、我的原则呀、可羞可耻呀、不义不忠呀、罪在不赦呀、负友之托呀，最后还有个理由：以这样的年纪，还让最荒唐的热情燃烧起来，而且对方又已经心有所恋，既不能对我的爱有所回报，又不能让我保留任何希望，未免太惹人笑话了，而且这样荒唐的热情不但不能由坚持而得到任何好处，反而变得一天比一天更苦痛难堪。 谁能相信啊！这最后一种考虑，原该给所有其他的考虑增添份量的，却反而把它们都抵消掉了！“一段痴情，”我想，“只于我个人有害，那又有什么可顾忌的呢？我难道是个要让乌德托夫人小心提防的轻狂小生吗？别人看到我这样煞有介事的悔恨，不会说是我的殷勤、仪表和打扮在诱使她走入歧途吧？嘿！可怜的让－雅克啊，你自由自在地去爱吧，心安理得地去爱吧，别担心你的叹息会有损于圣朗拜尔。” 读者已经看到，我就是在年轻的时候也从来没有自命不凡过。上面那种想法正合我一贯的心理倾向，它使我的激情感到安慰；这样一来，我就无保留地沉溺于激情之中了，甚至笑我那种不合时宜的顾虑是出于虚荣而不是出于理智了。对一颗正直的心来说，这是一个多么重大的教训啊！邪恶进攻正直的心灵，从来不是那么大张旗鼓的，它总是想法子来偷袭，总是戴着某种诡辩的面具，还时常披着某种道德的外衣。 我既怙恶而又无悔意，不久就毫无节制地为恶了；请读者看看我的激情是怎样循着我的天性的故辙，最后把我拖下了深渊吧。最初，为了使我放心，它采取谦卑的态度但强调在寻求快乐时要掌握一定的分寸。，后来，为着使我放手做去，它把这种谦卑转变成为疑惧。乌德托夫人不断提醒我，叫我勿忘本分，保持理智，她从来也没有片刻迎合我的痴情，不过待我总是极其温存，对我总是采取最亲切的友谊的态度。我敢保证，如果我相信这份友谊是真诚的话，我一定也就感到满足了，但是我认为它太热烈了，不会是真正的友谊，因而我脑子里就不免产生了这样的想法：这种与我的年龄和仪表太不适合的爱情，使我在乌德托夫人眼里的地位降低了，这个轻狂的少妇只是要拿我和我这过时的热情来取乐，她一定把心里话都告诉圣朗拜尔了，她的情郎恨我对不起朋友，便赞成她要弄我，两人串通一起要把我逗得晕头转向，好叫人家嗤笑我。这种愚蠢的想法曾使我二十六岁时在我所不了解的拉尔纳热夫人身边说了许多糊涂话，现在我是四十五岁的人了。又是在乌德托夫人身边，假如我不知道她和她的情郎都是不至于开这样残忍的玩笑的正派人，那么我这种愚蠢的想法倒也还是情有可原的。 乌德托夫人继续来拜访我，我不久也就回拜她了。她欢喜步行，我也是一样，我们在迷人的景色中作长时间的散步。我爱她，又敢于说出我爱她，我已经心满意足了，如果不是我的糊涂言行毁了其中的全部妙趣的话，我当时的处境实在是再甜蜜不过了。她起先一点也不明白为什么我在接受她的爱抚时会那么傻气，但是我的心从来就不会对自己所想的事丝毫有所隐瞒，所以我不久就把我的猜疑对她说明了。她起先想一笑置之，但这个办法不成功，她的笑会激起我的狂怒的，她便改变了口吻。她那种怜惜的温存真是战无不胜的。她对我说了些直沁入我心脾的责备的话，她对我那些不正确的畏惧表示担忧，我就抓住这种担忧而加以滥用，我要求用事实来证明她不是戏弄我。她明白，没有任何别的办法能够使我放心。我就越逼越紧，这一步是微妙的。一个女人已经被迫到了讨价还价的地步了，竟还能那么便宜了事。真是惊人，也许可说是空前绝后的一遭吧。凡是最缠绵的友情所能给予的，她都不予拒绝。任何足以使她失节的事，她都绝不放松。并且我很惭愧地看到，每逢她稍微给我一点好处就把我的感官烧得炽热难熬，而这种炽热在她的感官上却引不起半点火星。 我曾在某处说过，如果你不想给感官什么东西，你就绝不能让它先尝到一点甜头。要想知道这句箴言对乌德托夫人说来是多么不正确，要想知道她是多么能够自持，那就必须详细了解我们那些频繁的、长时间的密谈，把我们那四个月当中的热烈的密谈从头到尾都回顾一番。我们在一起度过的那四个月是在两个异性朋友之间无与伦比的亲密中度过的，而双方又都把自己限制在我们始终不曾逾越的那个范围里。well!我体会到真正的爱情确实是太迟了，可是一经体会，我的心灵和感官为了偿付这笔拖欠的情债，又付出了多大的代价啊！单方面的爱情尚且引起这样的狂热，那么，一个人若是处在他所爱并博得其爱情的那个对象身边，他所感到的狂喜该是多么剧烈啊！