Chapter 8 America

We came to Taos from San Francisco with great expectations.It was September, and traveling in the deserts of the American interior was very hot.We got off at Lamy to meet Mabel Dodge who had called us here.As soon as we met, I saw Mianbur wearing Turkish jade-colored clothes, with silver jewelry hanging all over his body.Next to her was an Indian man.He was wrapped in a blanket and had a large silver belt around his chest.I looked at Mabel and said to myself, "He has honest eyes." This opinion has not changed since. When I arrived in Santa Fe, the hotel was fully booked.So Mabel asked Werther Binner to find us a place to live.So he went away with us, the trunk, the Sicilian buggy fender, and the rest.

Early the next morning, we drove on the vast and spectacular desert with fresh air.We followed the deep and swift river, through the Grand Canyon and up the Taos hills.Getting out of the canyon was truly unforgettable.The high peaks form a ring, towering like a church, and the sky becomes round. Mabel gave us a free home in her "downtown".The house was owned by Tony, on Indian land.It's built from adobe, but is clean, bright and cozy.Inside were Mexican rugs and paintings of Indian dances or animals. This is our new life.We enter this life without hesitation.There is an Indian feel to the tribe a few miles east of where we live.It's nothing like anything we've ever known, but neither of us are afraid of that feeling.We feel very happy instead.Tony and Lawrence went to the Navajo for two days.During this time I lived with Mabel, Mabel's friend Aris Corbin.

They both asked me all kinds of questions.I answered them fully, as I always did, to tell the truth.Later, the very energetic Mabel took us all over the area.We visit tribes and bathe in Lashm Hot Springs.Mabel and Lawrence plan to write a book together.At least that's what Mabel hoped.However, I'm not interested in that.I have always thought that Lawrence's genius was given to me, and that I owe a great deal of the responsibility for the books he wrote.So there was an argument between us -- me and Mabel.I still think it was a good fight.One day Mabel came and said she didn't think I was a woman for Lawrence, and said a lot of startling things, which pissed me off at once, and I said, "Well, try it yourself. You come Living with a genius, you see what it's all about, how hard it is. If you do a good job, it doesn't matter if you take him away."

I think Lawrence gave her the right to speak to me like that, so I kept quiet.When Lawrence came back and saw me grimacing, he heard Mabel's son, John Evans, say something along the lines of: "My mother can't do anything about the Lawrences who live here." Of course it was all abusive. .Lawrence was furious.With a defiant personality, he said, "Pay the rent, let's go." Later, he was very gentle to me and loved me very much.In this way, the distance between us was completely eliminated, and we became one person again.Lawrence loses his temper with Mabel.I'll do it anytime I want to fight her.She said, "Women are pretty much the same, well groomed, but not at all refined. I don't let other women get too close to me, it's all your advice." True, but I don't know how to do it like that.

We were reminded of horseback riding.A tall, thin Mexican "Don Quixote" taught us the technique of crossing the vast desert in several exercises.I feel that the horse under my seat is alive, and I am very happy in my heart.Soon my horse was carrying me and ran like lightning. Soon we left Mabel's place and moved to Del Monte Ranch on the side of the hill.We live in cabins.Hawk lived in the big house.In the cabin below lived two Danish painters who had come to be with us.They had come from New York in a wretched old car. If the broken car encountered a small slope, it would pant and tremble.If it breaks anchor, it needs to be treated badly.This car is too much.

This is the real winter in the mountains, the nights are very cold, cutting people like knives. There is ice and snow everywhere.Dane and Lawrence chopped a lot of wood. We rode over the log piles below the forest and into Lova Canyon.When the horse is treading under the tree, we should pay attention to the head and knees.Lawrence later said, "If only you were as kind to me as you are to your horse." Our friendship and bickering with Mabel came and went.Her energy, her wealth, her intelligence are all amazing.But we can't live with her. I remember going out in the car once, and Lawrence said to her, "Frieda is the freest person I've ever known." Then I said to him, "You shouldn't praise me, people will go crazy."

Tony sang Indian folk songs while driving.I said to him once, "Tony, in our country, seeing one crow is a disaster, but seeing two crows is a blessing." From then on, whenever he saw a crow, he said, "Two crows, Frieda." spring is coming.We went to Mexico with Werther Binner and Spade Johnson.As I bid farewell to the severe winter, I decided to stay in the first-class hotel in Mexico City.However, things didn't go well.Because the so-called first-class restaurants are also such dull and not very clean places.The women there wear heavy makeup.Men are not attractive either.

Traveling in the silent desert is another scene.The so-called post station is nothing more than five or six dilapidated houses and a large reservoir.The fine dust penetrated through the cracks of the car windows, making the eyes, ears, and nose full, and all the pores were covered with fine sand. Mexico City looks like an elegant dame.However it was not built.The most interesting thing is all kinds of junk.The Braddol market is a charming place, selling car covers, saddles, water bottles, leather jackets. One day, the three of us, Binna and Spade, saw a red flag flying on the top of the church in the square in front of the Cathedral in Mexico City.Crowds gathered and troops were mobilized.Binner and Spade slipped into the dark hole at the entrance to the church tower.There was chaos in the square.I stayed in the square looking at the steeple and worrying about the fate of Binnar and Spade.After an hour or so, they reappeared, and I was relieved.

In the museum, we found Maximilian's carriage among the relics of Aztec and coiled snakes and other horrifying stone carvings.Seeing these reminds me of my childhood.One of the characters I still remember is the tall, thin, bitter Count Gertler in the uniform of a colonel in the "Skeleton Hussars" and with a Mexican sloppy attitude.He went to Mexico with Maximilian.How he served Prussia in the future, I don't know.When Maximilian was shot, "The Pigeon" was played, which was his dying request. Lawrence went to Guadalajara and found a house with a yard on Lake Chapala.It was there that he began working on Feathered Serpent.He sat writing under a pepper tree by the lake.The lake is glowing with white light, which has a sense of mystery.One morning, I saw a large snake standing a few feet from me.Therefore, my interest in swimming in the lake was lost all of a sudden.At one end of the courtyard is the family and their entire life in Chapala that Lawrence described in "The Feathered Serpent."I wanted to educate those Mexican kids, but one day they asked me, "Do you have lice too?"At night, bandits are rampant.One of the chef's sons slept outside our bedroom with a loaded repeating gun.He snored too loudly, which added to the horror for those who were afraid of bandits.We are perfectly attuned to life in the yard.Binner and Spade came every afternoon.I remember Binner saying to me one day over a cocktail, "When you fight with Lawrence, why don't you hit him first?" I took his advice.Later, when Lawrence was in a bad temper, I thought it was time, and I jumped at him.

Now that I think about it, my life in Mexico is like a dream, like a deep dream. We paddle across the leaden Lake Chapala to the village where they weave their blankets.They dye the wool and weave it on crude looms.Lawrence designed several patterns and wove them, as in Feathered Serpent. Lawrence could only write when his imagination had room and freedom, when the doors to the future were open, and when he could see a multitude of new souls with new lives in the future. I watched the pyramids of Teotihuacan slowly in the background with Spade and Binna.It was getting dark.I suddenly saw a huge stone snake.It stands on the edge of the temple, and its eyes are large pieces of Turkish turquoise, shining and lifelike.I searched behind them for everything I thought was worthwhile.

I glanced at old Mexico, at the various sacrifices, at the still beating heart offered to the sun for the sun to drink blood.It's all here on the pyramid of the sun. Next to Raphael's portrait of an infant Christ, the formidable goddess holds an obsidian knife.This horrified those who did not think of the carnage and death.I used to see a huge black Christ in a certain church with a long black beard and long woman's hair.This one was small and white, in wrinkled knickerbockers.It seemed that the gods of death, sacrifice, and cruelty reigned over Mexico beneath the sunshine, the bright and beautiful flowers, the multitude of birds, the fruit, and the white volcanic peaks. We also boarded the "Emerald", a huge ancient "Noah's Ark", on Lake Chapala with two friends and Spade.Three Mexicans were driving the boat.They carried guitars and sang lonely and passionate songs at the stern.At dusk the boat drifted slowly on the great lake that should be called the White Sea.One day, we finally ran out of any food.So we landed on Scorpion Island, which is only suitable for scorpion growth, with the empty prison in Mexico as a foil.Lawrence bought a live sheep there.The poor animal was expertly killed and chopped up by the Mexican crew.As soon as we saw this scene, we immediately lost our appetite and didn't want to eat anything. Lawrence's dream in "The Feathered Serpent" is extremely closely integrated with his daily life.Daily life and dreams go together every day.This fall, we returned to the United States and temporarily lived in New Jersey.Lawrence went to Mexico after a stint in the United States.I went to Europe. I arrived in England and rented a house in Hampstead in order to see the children.It was winter, and I was alone, without any happiness.Laurence gets upset when I think about the baby.But I miss children very much.Now I realize Lawrence was right.However, the children no longer want to see me, they have their own lives.Lawrence is not around, I always feel that there is something missing.He finally came to me and wrote an unpleasant letter to my mother. Hostal Garcia Guadalajara November 10, 1923 Dear mother-in-law: I have received the two letters from Frieda and yours from Baden.Mother-in-law, indeed, I think that to be full of courage, one must live to be 70 years old.Young people will definitely give up halfway.Frieda also said in a deceitful manner that she sent a letter to the moon——Guadalajara is not a city of the moon, and I am down-to-earth. However, I'm coming back.Just have to wait for the boat. Headed to the UK in December.I will be in Baden when the primroses bloom in spring.time flies.Frieda sent me a letter from Hartmann von Richthofen.This letter is fine.Now, however, women have more courage than men—and then a few dull but lucid letters from Nash.I want to see them too in the spring.This is the time to sharpen your fists and make up your mind.Do you agree? ①Richthofen is Frieda's maiden name. - translator I am now in a very large canyon.Also took a hot spring.When I got home, I found that the room was full of German things. I love them now.Why?I have no idea.This black country gave me strength.It is full of manly power rather than womanly power.To me, however, it is as delicious as the beer drunk by the heroes of Old Germany.Mother-in-law, you are gentle and old.You will understand that men are not just gentle and kind, that heroes are worth more than saints.But Frieda didn't understand that a man should not only be a husband but also a hero now, that a man should be a stronger person while being a husband.I walk around the world, I want to compare Germany and Mexico, Mexico and Germany, balance.I am not here for peace.Demons, holy demons wrapped around Peace's neck.I know very well.Courageous old men understand me better than young men.Or at least something inside of me understands her better.Frieda should always think, write, talk, and think about how she herself loves me.That's stupid.I am not Christ sleeping beside my mother.I want to walk my way all over the world, if Frieda thinks loving me is a very hard thing, then, dear God, please let her be willing to rest, please give her a holiday.Mother-in-law, what a man asks for is not love from his wife, but strength, strength, strength.Please understand this.As my mother finally understood.Fight, fight, still fight.What is needed is courage, strength and weapons.However, a stupid woman is always in love, love, love, talking and writing.Love is given to the devil!Give me strength, strength in the field, strength in arms, strength in battle.Give me these, woman! Frieda told me that England is very stable.Shame on those who seek peace these days.I don't want peace.I'm going to fight and go all over the world.I will find my peace in the grave.Let me fight, let me be totally victorious. Yes, yes, mother-in-law, make me a wreath, and let the heroes play music under the windows when they triumph. D． H． L However I think he is right.He didn't have to come to Europe because I was going to meet him in Mexico.This is our irreparable fault. He's here at last.I am very happy.Just before Christmas we had a few parties and met up with some friends.However, we would like to come back to America in the early spring to live on the ranch that Mabel Luhan gave us.She took me to a small ranch near Taos.At that time, I said, "This is the most beautiful place I've ever seen." She said, "Here you are." But Lawrence said, "We shouldn't take gifts from anyone." There is a letter.She said she had sent the original manuscript of Sons and Lovers.So I said to Lawrence, "Well, then, give Mabel that manuscript as a gift back to the ranch." And I did. Murray also went to the United States.We went to Paris first and stayed at the Versailles Hotel, feeling like we were at home. Lawrence is going to buy me some new clothes.Mabel Harrison, who had a big studio across the road from the hotel, told us which tailors had good clothes nearby.Lawrence and I went out.In order to show us how to wear the clothes, the fat tailor put the cloak we bought on himself for us to see.He said, "Ma'am, look at this thread." He also made us some other dresses.Lawrence stared in disbelief. We went to Strasbourg and then to Baden-Baden.This journey through what was German territory four or five years ago and is now French territory was fantastic for me. Spring came and we went to America again.Dorothy Brett is also with us.After only four or five days in New York, I went to Taos.We lived at Mabel Lujan's place, but we always felt a little uneasy.I want to live on a ranch.Laurence felt a little uneasy about the lonely paddock.We employed 10 or 12 Indians and repaired the ruined houses, stables, and other facilities.Then he liked it here too.The irrigation canals also need to be repaired, but we admire Murray's approach.He ran the big pipe through the roadless forest to the mouth of the Galena Canyon, where the water flowed directly.I have enough food for these people.We have all done heavy labor.Brett, who came here straight from studio life, is happy with the hard labor he's doing.One day we moved boulders to decorate the spring water beautifully.For this reason, the stone almost fell.The spring is in the depression.The horses come to drink, and it's fun to watch them nudging each other away or romping around the bank.Since everyone did not bring a lot of money, and the money was very little, they had to do everything by themselves.There is a cow and four horses.The rest are pure white Lai Hang chicks.The beautiful rooster chick was named Moses, and the cow was named Susan. Lawrence wakes up at 5 every morning.Then use the opera binoculars my mother gave him to find Susan.Susan is very courageous and likes to hide in the woods.Once he found Susan, he ran up and pointed at Susan with his index finger, scolding the black cow. I use a small glass churn to make the cream we serve.The chicks eat milk dregs and grow very energetic.I bake brown bread, white bread, pastries, etc. in an Indian oven outside.Lawrence talked too much when he saw the bread, and blamed me for the poor baking of the bread.He made shelves and chairs and painted windows and doors.Sometimes I write, sometimes I water the fields.It's funny to think that one person has to do so much work.We often go out on horseback.Others also accompanied us.He always stayed on the sidelines of the crowd, as if he was someone who did nothing.He directed Brett's drawings and helped me with the little things. Summer is wonderful.Strawberries are fruitful.The blackberries that grow in the canyon are as big as those grown in the yard.However, since I heard that bears like blackberries, I dare not pick them.Bears don't hurt at all when they don't have cubs.There are bears in the canyon - it's like the end of the world.Brett lives in a small house.She adores Lawrence and serves him like a slave. In the fall, we went to Mexico City again.It's interesting.We meet all kinds of people.In Mexico, we can still feel that we are a bit of aristocrats.Mexico cannot yet be said to be democratically safe. Something interesting here.Because Lawrence was a member of the PEN Club, there was an all-night welcome party.This is a men's rally.He went out in the evening in a black suit.Alone in my hotel room, I wondered what was going to happen at that night's gathering, since I knew very well how unaccustomed he was to formal occasions, how much he hated being the center of attention.Shortly after ten o'clock struck, he returned.I asked, "How was it?" He said, "They read Feathered Serpent in Spanish and I sat and listened to it. Then it started to speak and I had to say a few words." I asked, "What the hell did you say Already?" he said, "That's what I said. We're all here today. We're British, we're Mexican, we're American. We're all writers, painters, entrepreneurs. But first of all, tonight we're all human. I said something like this. At this point a young mexican stood up and said that it is perfectly fine for a british person to say that he is human first. But a mexican can’t say that, he has to be mexican first ." We laugh about it.Lawrence has only made such a reply in his life, and it was so imprecise, and there was a loophole in a key point. This corresponds to his statement that he is not patriotic.To him, however, he was England, the blossoming out of the smallest and most courageous of traditions.This is not the England of the petty bourgeoisie, it is people or people, not just the ancient England of the Parma era that he admired when society existed. One day, William Somerset Maugham was coming to Mexico City.Lawrence wrote to him to see if he could meet.However, Maugham's secretary replied on behalf of the host, "Because I heard that we will be invited to dinner at a friend's house who lives far away, so let's meet in a taxi." Lawrence was very annoyed when Maugham asked his secretary to answer, and immediately wrote, "I don't want to accompany you in the car." Brett went with us.She had heard from her sister that Maugham and his secretary were nearly swept away by the rapids and drowned when they lived in Rani, Sarawak.This is the evaluation of that land.Our hostess also has a grudge against the secretary.Somerset Maugham sat next to me, and I asked him what his impression of the place was.He replied sullenly, "Do you want me to praise people with big hats?" So, I said, "What do you want to praise, I don't know." At this time, the table suddenly became cold.However, after dinner, I felt sympathy for Maugham.To me he was an unfortunate sober man who found no joy in life.As many writers are, he seems to be a double-edged man.He ordered a snack and ate it.He could not accept the small social gathering, and he did not believe in the vast human world.In short, he is just an annotator and critic of life.Never again. What it was like to meet other writers, I don't know, but I do know how different Lawrence is from those people.Needless to say, those people were excellent writers, but Lawrence was a genius. His indisputable and real existence, his character with his own opinions on everything, his knowledge and ideals all flow from a source that is more profound and secret than others.I felt even more great about Lawrence when I read Kiscylas and Sophocles.He too, like these men, is greatest in his own work.There, human passions swell, fall silent, confuse, conflict.There is often a background of death there.A moment of life is felt like a terrible act.Like the Christian concept, death does not come from birth, nor does it follow, it exists forever.I think bringing death back into our lives is a great boon of the Great War. Later, we went to Oaxaca.We found another house with a yard.There, Lawrence wrote "Mexic Morning" featuring Parrot, Colasmin, White Dog, and Mozo.And rewrote "The Feathered Serpent" and finished it.The place was plagued by malaria brought on by the army.He is not used to the climate either. I went to the market with Mozo.One day, in the bookshop on the Croisette, he showed me a painting that was clearly Laurence.He stared at my face while I was looking at what was in the painting.It really freaked me out.It's interesting to see something as civilized as Lawrence's paintings in such a barbaric place.I like to go to the market.The only thing that bothers me is my little kid with a very tattered basket while shopping.This is unbearable hard work for them.However, lovely flowers and other things are very cheap. During this period, Lawrence wrote at home or went for a walk outside.Brett comes every day.I hate that she came into our lives too much.So I said to Lawrence, "I want Brett to go." He couldn't help laughing, and said I was an idiot who knocked the shit out of it.However, at my insistence, Brett went to Mexico City.Later, Lawrence finished "Queted Serpent", but his body was exhausted.Later, he told me, he had planned to write it in a different style.His illness worsened day by day.I went to call the local native doctor, but the doctor didn't come because he was afraid of causing trouble for foreigners.Lawrence was unfortunately much sicker than I knew.I really can't thank some of the Brits and Americans who live there.They were so nice to us.Help us in every way.These mine owners and engineers were vigorous and lived terrible lives.Constantly threatened by fever, typhoid, malaria, and bandit raids, they never felt safe for a moment.So I've grown to be interested in the self-evidentness of how they help us.This is something far better than Christian, a perfectly natural behavior.They said, here is a fellow British in trouble, can we not help?Lawrence himself thought he was dead.He said darkly, "If I die, please bury me in the local cemetery." I smiled and said, "No, no. That cemetery is too poor. You don't want to think about that." That night, he said to me, "Even if I die, I'm only worried about you. I don't care about anything else." I was a little terrified that a genius like him valued me so much.It's a bit unbelievable to think of it. I put bags of hot sand on him.This eased his pain somewhat. One day we met a couple of missionaries living among the most savage Indian tribes in the mountains.He looked more like a soldier than a missionary.He told us that he turned out to be a pilot.We are also told of Richthofen being transported behind the trenches and of an officer rising at evening mass to say "to our noble and tolerant opponent." ① Richthofen, German ace pilot during World War I.He shot down 80 enemy planes alone. On April 21, 1918, it was shot down by the British army, and the plane was destroyed. - translator I was very moved to hear of such a noble deed in the midst of a terrible great war. I also recalled how, when Lawrence was most ill, his wife served him very good soup; she prayed for him at his bedside in the great modest room.I was a little apprehensive about what Lawrence would think.However, he graciously accepted these.I laughed and cried about the soup and prayers. When his condition was serious, an earthquake came suddenly.First came the violent storm, which made it difficult to breathe.I was in a bad mood and felt cold.Lawrence, who slept in the next room, was even worse off.In the dark, dogs barked, donkeys brayed, and horses neighed. The sounds were miserable.What is even more frightening is that the beams on the roof are wobbly. I yelled, "The roof may be falling in, get under the bed!" He gradually improved.I'm going to Mexico City and I'm packing my things.For me, it's been a dismal trip.We passed the tropics.Lawrence was exposed to heat, became very weak, and his condition worsened.We spent the night in a hotel half way from Mexico City.There, Lawrence was in great pain, and I had a premonition, "He's not going to be well. He's sick. That's his lot. Even with all my love, all my strength, it's impossible to bring him back to health." All night, I was crying like crazy.He didn't notice these.Finally arrived in Mexico City, I called the doctor to diagnose him.One day, when I came back from outside, I went into Lawrence's room and saw the doctor there.He said very coldly, "Lawrence is tuberculosis." At this moment, Lawrence gave me a look that I will never forget.I asked him, "What did the doctor say, how are you feeling?" He said, "I know, I'm fine, nothing happened. There are a lot of people with lung disease." He was getting better and was able to go out to dinner with his friends up.Yet the doctors said to me: "It's best to take him to the ranch. It's the third period, and he will live for a year or two at most." I hid this sad fact in my heart and pretended to be happy on the surface.We returned to the ranch, only to be pissed off by immigration officials.They don't want us to come into the US, they come up with all kinds of excuses.If it hadn't been for the help of the American embassy in Mexico, we certainly wouldn't have gotten to the ranch that was good for Lawrence's health. At the ranch, he got better little by little.The clean, clear air, short periods of sunbathing, our intensive care, and spring all contributed to his recovery.As he recuperated, he lay on the sunny porch outside his cottage again to work on the play "King David." I think the script is about his struggles in life.Saul and young David—and Samuel's prayer is especially moving because of his hopeless love for Saul—these motives, great motives, exist in this play. Mabel took us to the cave along the road near Arroyo Seco.Lawrence used this material in The Woman Riding Away. Brett was always there for us.I like many of her strengths.She has such a personality. I said to her, "Brett, if you go against what Lawrence said, I'll give you two and a half shillings." But she didn't do that at all.There was something touching about her blind praise and hero worship about him.But tempered by my prior critical attitude.In her eyes, he is perfect, and the bad will always be me. When Brett came with us, Lawrence said to me, "Brett's here with us, it's good for us because she connects us to people and the world." Honestly, I don't want to be with her Living together, I also suspect that she stands not between us and the world, but between him and me.However, I thought, I can't be that timid woman that Lawrence said, try hard. So I started paying attention to Brett and thanking her for her genuine help.She does the work assigned to her.I told her, don't mind even if there are a lot of people coming.But she is always with us, and there is no time for me to live alone, which I value very much.She is literally the eyes of "God", her eyes are fixed on me when I do the laundry or lie in the shade with a book.I said to her, "I hate it so much that you praise Lawrence. But you haven't praised me yet, and I can bear it." I finally said to Lawrence, "I don't want Brett to interfere in our lives like this. I don't want her to stay any longer." He was upset at first, but soon calmed down. How exhilarating it must have been to see new energy pouring into his body.It is simply the miracle of life.Before people's eyes, an incredible thing appeared.How grateful he was to his inner self!He said, "I can still do a lot of things. I can live and work to my heart's content without being haunted by that hateful disease." How much he loved every moment of his life on the ranch. In the morning, the squirrels, the flowers that bloom in turn, the tall trees, the firewood, the chicks, the baked bread, all our hard work, all of us are shining with new life. He did physical work to relax his mind, and he wrote for physical work. Paris Guest House San Francisco, USA September 5, 1922 Dear mother-in-law: We arrived yesterday.The trip went very well.Now we are staying in San Francisco's first-class Palace Hotel.The inn was originally a corrugated-iron-roofed cottage that no longer houses an ox cart.Now it's a building with a post office and various shops.A hotel is like a small city.The rent is very high, but it won't cost too much to live for a day or two.We've been at sea for 25 days, so we're still reeling.The floor shook up and down, the house vibrated like a trap, and the solid ground seemed dangerous.There are many friends made on board, and they are all pleasant people. We want to go to Taos on Wednesday or Friday.Two days by train and a thousand miles by car.We have received very pleasant letters and telegrams from Mabel Dodge and Marventesia.Mabel said, "You've been my guests since San Francisco. So I'm sending you train tickets." That's America!Everyone is so kind.We've been in a good mood.Seriously, though, I hate that mechanical pleasure. $30 to send you before we get to Taos, because we didn't have a British check with us.After the British money appreciates, send the British money.Kirk needs money, right?I don't know how much money I made, but I think living expenses were next to nothing in Taos, rent and firewood were free.I wish you good health, mother-in-law. Waiting to hear from you. D·H·L Taos new mexico United States September 27, 1922 Dear Els: Now we are in "Land of the Free", "Home of the Brave".Both freedom and courage require definition, though.The yellow book has been received.If I have time, I will read it as soon as possible.Now we are out of breath even in the middle of the desert in the land of the Mexicans. We got a very comfortable adobe house on the edge of an Indian reservation.The rooms are beautifully furnished with Native American furniture, Mexican and Navajo felts, and ancient European china. There is a small river running behind the house.Ahead lay deserts, small plains of uniform gray, white-gray bushes with yellow flowers.The beginnings of the Rocky Mountains rise from the plains here.It's seven thousand feet above sea level and the air is clean. It is hot during the day, but cool at night.Three miles away on the foothills of the sacred Taos Mountain lay the tribe of Indians, a dust-colored box with four corners.Perhaps it is more appropriate to say two.Because they are separated by a water, they are located on both banks.The river flows through a small gap and waters the land where grain and corn are grown.The area of ​​this tribe is four square miles.They're not like the Apache Indians I drove to last week, they're a lot like the Aztec Indians who live in the canyons across from the desert with tall scrub. These Indians were soft-spoken and optimistic people.The young people danced to the beat of the drums. The dance was strange and interesting.They are all Gatliers.But they still adhere to the ancient religion that governs the weather and divides the year.This is very mysterious and important to them.他们天生就是神秘主义，不理会我们的文明。尽管如此，文明还是打进来了。部落中既有码垛机也有打谷机，还有美国人学校。并且，年轻人已经不把神圣的舞蹈看得那么重要。 总之，如果我们不得不前进的话，就该迅速前进。我们还可以返过身来捡几根线头，但是这些印第安人比我们更直接地面对死亡之墙。这是一面错误的墙壁。 梅布尔·斯特恩对我们很和蔼，尽管我讨厌靠别人的财产、接收别人的好心过活。她希望我能好好地写写她的事情。但是我不知道我是否会去写。因为她的事情不管多么开放、扩大、自由、空虚、原始，其中都有一种顽固的排外性质。 在美国，一切都靠意志推动。一个很消极的意志都被驱使去和一切自然的生命相对抗。那里全然没有感情这种东西。也没有任何纯粹的怜悯和同情。一切都是结实的、铁一样的、最终是恶魔的深情意志。除了分析的场合以外，能对它写些什么呢？ 弗莉达也和你一样内心不绝憧憬着美国和它的自由。那是非感觉时的自由。但是现在她也开始品味出它所意味着的东西的铁一般的丑恶，开始把个人的利己的意志强加在真正清纯的神圣生命上，违反自然的内在生命以意志来生活了。当然我很清楚，如果我就神圣的自然生命、它的自豪和神圣的力量等类似东西说三道四，会受到你的嘲笑。我也清楚，你相信和支配生命紧紧相系的人类意志。然而我不是那样。正因如此，我不认为美国是自由的、勇敢的。我认为它是各种渺小的意志发出坚硬声音的国家，是贱民把它强加于他人的国家。是绝对想看到信赖生命的神圣自然性的真正有勇气的人的国家。在能够管理它之前，他们不可能信赖生命。他们是疯子，正说明这点。你可以象我所了解的那样得到"自由之国"。春天来时，我将回到欧洲。 寄去十英镑，用作孩子们的生活费。因为你不会兑换货币。钱不多，希望能妥善安排。弗莉达也问你好。 D. H. Lawrence 又及 如果孩子们、你自己和阿尔弗雷德需添冬装或内衣的话，请给我妹妹L·A·克拉克夫人（格罗斯温农路，里普利，德比郡）写信，说明需要的东西。这样，我妹妹会把东西给你们送上的。我给我妹妹钱。我跟我妹妹说过，你可能会给他写信，所以不必有顾虑。