Chapter 7 after the war

The first snow fell, everywhere was black and white, peaceful and quiet.The golden colors of autumn are gone without a trace.At that time, the mountain was greenish-gold because of poplar leaves fluttering, the oak was reddish-gold, the tall sunflowers on both sides of the road leading to Taos were golden-yellow, and the lyres were blooming pale yellow flowers. The small sunflowers are glowing yellow.Each mountain is streaked with gold and pines black, like several tigers.The fall sun is shining through it all!And now, none of that exists, the world of gold no longer exists.Frost and snow wiped them away.I am writing on the snow-covered hill behind the hut.That's where the Indians pitched their tents.Lawrence and I took our summer lunch break there a few years ago, and now the gray squirrels are raving about my re-intrusion.Is this the same squirrel?Whenever the birds sang, snow powder fell from the cedar trees.The snow powder immediately melted and flowed away, disappearing in the desert below.Compared with the snow, the variegated pony is like a colorful wooden horse.The black pig and the white pig came humming behind me.The black cat shining on the white snow followed quietly.I've seen wild turkey, wild deer, and bear trails in the Galena Valley.I now bid farewell to that Berkshire autumn, to the blackberry hedges, to the wild fungus, to the faint sunsets sinking behind the handicraft trees.

I want to leave Lawrence's side.Lawrence didn't want to go to Germany, where the war had just ended.I'm leaving.Encountered a nightmare.My suitcase was stolen.When I got to Baden, I was delighted to see both my sister and my mother.Yet our lives, our youth, are lost so much, oh, sad, depraved Germany. We've lost so much stuff and we're annoyed with everything, very annoyed.Besides, we have no money. Soon, Lawrence went to Florence.I also went there to meet him.I arrive at 4am.Lawrence said, "Let's go in the carriage together, and I'll show you the city." We got into the carriage with the hood removed.I saw the bluish-white cathedral and the Giot Tower with its top lost in the mid-air fog.We passed Palazzo Vecchio with many statues including Michelangelo's David.I said, "This is a city of men, as opposed to Paris of only women." We walked across the Pont Vecchio along the Arno River under a moonlit night.I always think Florence is the most beautiful city.It is elegant, gorgeous, like a lily.

At the residence on Arno River Street, Lawrence lived with Norman Douglas and Magnus. The British in Florence still know how to treat others with a generous attitude from the heart.However, I still think they are like "Granford".They were nothing more than male "Grantfords".Moreover, the looseness there is like the looseness of a middle-aged woman who is secretly happy.To me, decadence isn't interesting, it's not scary, it's just trivial. Anyone who doesn't know Norman Douglas chatting in German can't say that nobody knows him.When he chats in German, what else can people understand about him except that he speaks English?I was terrified at the sparks of wit exchanged between Lawrence and Douglas.They didn't argue at all.I know that Douglas is for his friend Magnus.Magnus raises the issue of human relations against Lawrence's reasonable, virtuous heart.Magnus was worrying in Monte Casciano when we went to Capri.Lawrence came to him and lent him part of the money, though we too were almost penniless then.

Later Magnus fled from Monte Casciano to our Fontana Veccia in Taormina.He acts as if we are responsible to him, as if we have an obligation to take care of him.Lawrence was puzzled. He asked, "Is it my duty to take care of him?" For me, this is no problem.If I like Magnus, if he has any meaning, purpose.But he was asocial, a worthless wretch, a hopeless fellow.What is annoying is that he used the money he borrowed from Lawrence to stay in a high-end hotel in Taormina, and we dare not even stay in a second-rate hotel.I think he lied to Lawrence.Later, when we went to the island of Malta, we flew 2nd class from Palermo.Guess who I saw?I saw Magnus standing on the first-class deck talking to an English soldier with great pomp and triumph.Look at his virtue!He later wrote a letter to Lawrence in which he wrote, "I also felt very ashamed when I left Italy." I knew a man of his kind was always so ashamed that he wanted to kill himself.Magnus eventually committed suicide.It was shocking, but for him there was no other way to go.I think there's something wrong with the way he spends his money.He thought the joys of life were drinking champagne and wearing nice clothes.Lawrence, however, felt responsible for him and was disturbed.

Douglas wrote to Lawrence, "You still like the work of Magnus." Lawrence also wanted to thank the young Maltese who helped Magnus with his work.The article recalling Magnus was later published with a preface by Lawrence. We went from Florence to Capri.I don't like Capri, it's a very small island.Lawrence went to Sicily to borrow "Fontana Veccia" for us on the outside of Taormina. Living in Sicily after the war reinvigorated us.Fontana Veccia is an unpretentious villa with large rooms. Fontana Hueccia has a piece of land that belongs to it.Big "Vasche" on a rocky slope by the sea.There is also a green pool that feeds the lemon and orange trees.Early-blooming red and white apricot flowers, sun orchids, wild narcissus, anemone, etc. are blooming on both sides of the path where we walk.Lawrence didn't miss anything new.And we also often discover new treasures without feeling tired.

We had a great trip to Siracusa with René, Jan Jutta, Insor.By the time the train arrives, that's when Italy starts to have really nice places and people start to get lovely.What I always admire when I think about it is that René Hansall prepared food and spirit lamps from the experience of real colonial people.In this way, we can drink tea anytime. She took wool embroidery from a dainty little bag.She used the train as a temporary home.I was very moved by the stone pits of Syracuse.In this place the handsome young Athenians were defeated.These Greek men were starving in this stone pit, and the girls of Syracuse walked around on the stone pit, watching them slowly starve to death.The incident left an unpleasant impression on me.I don't know if this inhuman place will be forgotten in a few centuries or if this place retains this horror as an unforgettable place.Man is far more cruel than nature, and for this reason man will be punished.

Lawrence recorded our winter trips to Sardinia with great accuracy and detail. The excellent Galbangui brought his Anita and South American experience in Sicily, and led his 3,000 men to form a formation. Farmers rode mules and horses to the mountains along the rocky road singing loudly; shepherds played their reed pipes as in ancient Greece and drove their flocks past.There is an ancient Greek temple in the courtyard.Taormina has a beautiful Greek theater facing Mount Etna.The stage is beautiful and gorgeous.But it doesn't work with modern dramas.How I should like to see a great man like Sophocles here.How I wish the good old days could return to replace the post-war poverty.

"God, please give me a little beauty." Living in Taormina, or going anywhere in Sicily, one feels exposed to many civilizations.Exposure to Greek, Moorish, Norman and very, very long ancient civilizations. Old Gregia does the shopping for us.I loved watching Lawrence clash with her, seeing her sly old Sicilian face, peering into his face to see how much money I could get from Lawrence. "That guy, you can take a little bit from me. But no more." He said this often, and kept her on guard. In the morning the sun was shining directly on our sleeping bed.In winter, roses bloom.The pace of our lives is modest.In the mornings, he writes, helps with household chores, picks tangerines from a small tree in the garden, or goes to see the newborn kid.Eat, wash, sweep, fetch water from the sink by the wall.A big yellow snake came out of the dark wall to drink, and then went back into the hole in the wall.

Wherever Lawrence lived, the environment was vibrant.In Fontana Veccia we mainly cook over charcoal.But on Sundays he would light up the stove in the big kitchen for me.At that time, I had already become a famous chef.I made pastries and fruit pies, big and small, sweet and meaty, and put them on the cafeteria shelf, saying it was a Beaton tasting. Sometimes, we have lunch with three friends at their villa.It's a pleasure.We drank white wine and thought a little wine was nothing, but it wasn't nothing.When I was leaving and going home, the spirit of alcohol slowly came up, but after a while, I was fine again.

"We must hurry, and make sure the English ladies are coming to tea." So we hurried home.But unfortunately the Sicilian white wine did not work for Lawrence in the end.The English ladies came, and Lawrence seemed delighted, he was very courteous to them, and I tugged at his sleeve and whispered, "Don't do that." But he wouldn't listen. He said, "You said don't do that, so what?" I saw that the two guests seemed not to be very comfortable and were about to leave. Lawrence said to them, "Don't worry, I haven't given you mimosas yet, I'll pick them right away." So he walked with them across the courtyard.He had just climbed up the small mimosa tree when he fell down.

The two ladies hurried away. Laurence was sorry the next day, and when he saw one of the two ladies, he was going to apologize to her, but she was cold to him, so he said, "Something has to be done." I think the rumor that Lawrence was a drunkard arose after this incident.And lovely Lawrence didn't buy wine, or even think about it.He was a temperate man by nature.I only saw him drink twice in the life I spent with him.We stayed in Taormina when it was hot.I remember that at that time, the mulberry was ripe and delicious, and he climbed a big mulberry tree in his bathing suit.The mulberries are juicy and purple, dripping on his body.He looks like the real Christ we saw when we crossed the Alps years ago. He wrote "Birds, Beasts, Flowers" and "Sea and Sardinia" in Fontana Veccia.Also wrote "The Lost Girl". "Sea and Sardinia" was written after we returned from living in Sardinia for about 6 weeks.And I don't remember him changing even a single word.His other works, especially novels, he rewrote parts several times.Sometimes I like the first draft best, but he has his own idea and understands its necessary form. One day I found the draft of "Sea and Sardinia" in Fontana Veccia's toilet.I asked him, "Why put it in that place? Isn't it too sad? Isn't it well written and neat?" It's a pity for a very good manuscript.However, he doesn't think so, but he really wants to throw away what he wrote.He hates it when anyone touches it. He said, "I really want to burn everything I write. Whatever is printed is said. Anyone who wants it can print it." He wants only to separate Lawrence as a private author from Lawrence as a public author.He desperately guarded himself as a person.He likes nothing more than meeting people who know nothing about him.He hates talking about his work so much.He often said, "Anyway, not everything is good." However, I read what he wrote every day.His works are generated from our daily life. I trust what he writes, so of course I like them.He was content with that, and it didn't matter what other people said.It's true that his life is what he writes about.Traveling with him, it is clear that every moment is a new experience. Later, we left Europe starting from Fontana Veccia. We've done a lot with little money, built a family and destroyed it. We closed our lovely Fontana Vecia and went to Palermo.The porters there threw on our luggage roughly.I saw Lawrence struggling with that gang.He waved an umbrella and was as rough as they were.It was the middle of the night, and I was terrified. An American friend gifted us a Sicilian carriage fender that we wanted so much.On one side of the bezel is a painting of a horse-shooting competition, and on the other side, Saint-Genevieve.The picture is colorful and very luxurious.I like it so much.Lawrence said, "Aren't you going to take it to Sri Lanka?" I begged, "Would you like to take it?" He agreed.Later, we went to Naples.There we go to the pier for a boat ride.Due to our late arrival, the outer risers were retracted as soon as we got on board.How much we look forward to this trip.Everyone is free to stay aloof without being responsible for the time being.The Australian expats, who were surprised by wives visiting their husbands or husbands visiting their wives, were very excited, as was Lawrence.People get along very well on board.It was as if they had become best friends for life.Later, we crossed the Suez Canal into the Red Sea and saw the real Arabian desert on one side along the way.The next day, I opened my eyes to the smell of cinnamon.The boat stopped and we reached Colombo.Surprised, I exclaimed, "Everything is so familiar." It was just as I had imagined it to be.Tropical, dark-skinned people.However, as Lawrence often said, I was a little afraid and resistant.We lived in the big bungalow with the Brucestas.There are many dark-skinned servants there.In the morning, the sun rises and we get up.We often feel threatened by scorching sun and heat.As the sun rises, so does the temperature.Let's go for a walk.I saw a huge creature coming towards us.This thing is the size of a house.It was an elephant, and it was carrying a log wrapped around its trunk.The elephant driver asked the elephant to greet us respectfully.Local young people often come to visit us.People from the Brewster family who are interested in Buddhism often come.Lawrence became especially English, and he was so curt with almost everyone.A young Singal said I had the face of a saint!I made the most of it, Lawrence stuck his face up several times!Later, because of the arrival of the Prince of England, we have a Heller-esque dream experience.What a contrast between the elegant figure of the prince standing on the balcony and the dark and messy tropics below!Everywhere is the smell of torches and the greasy smell of dark-skinned people, the herd of elephants in the middle of the night and the steaming heat;Night fell quickly, and the sound of the big drum sounded.We can also see the firelights of the natives on the surrounding hills.Voices can be heard coming from the dense forest.These primitive calls are roaring, the sound of a frightened bird on a roof, and the sound of flying in the dark outside.In this terrible living darkness, why should one sleep?Lawrence is not used to the climate here.We must get out of here.In Sri Lanka, Lawrence was not in good health and he was not happy. I was completely fascinated by the life around me, it was like living in a fairy tale world.We often go to see gems at the shop of the small gem dealer Casa Rebes at 2 rue Trincomali.He always took off that soft leather belt to show us brilliant sapphires, emeralds, topaz, rubies, emeralds.Lawrence bought me 6 green ones and one yellow one.They were made into brooches.The yellow piece is in the middle, and the green petals form a flower shape around it.He also bought me a locket of cinnamon stones and moonstones.Just like many things are lost in a person's life, I lost the emerald flower, and I lost the moonstone somewhere, but I still keep the cinnamon stone.I want to go to Australia.It touches my heart.We were off again, with suitcases, Sicilian wagon fenders and all.We went to Perth.The ship was full of British and Australians, and it seemed to be going to the ends of the earth. We had a short stop near Perth.For a long time we got into the unbelievable vastness of the woods, and everything was as chaotic, uncertain, and remote as before the world was created, and it made people feel vaguely sad.There we lived with Miss Skinner.Lawrence had seen her draft of "The Boy in the Woods."After two or three weeks, we went to Sydney. We arrived at the pier in Sydney.No one knows we're here, which is great. On board the ship, the young officer said to me, "When I hear the rain on the top of the trenches, I can't help thinking of my homeland." Ah, Sydney! Sydney's tin roofs, beautiful pier, lovely Pacific coast, fresh and transparent air.We stayed in Sydney for a day or two, like two depressed birds resting on their feet.Later, we got on the train with all our boxes and said, "Look out the window and get off at a place that looks good." The coastline is charming, yet kind of gloomy.We passed abandoned houses.Whether in the United States or Australia, it is sad to see the fruits of these abandoned human endeavors.We went to Tyrrell again.We set off at 4 o'clock and arrived at the beautiful bungalow near the sea at 6 o'clock.The houses are paved with mahogany rubber trees.There is also a large tank for rainwater.In the direction of the Pacific Ocean and the blue and white sky and water is a piece of grass. But you know how bad things are in the bungalows!Before us, it was occupied by families with several children.Beds and dirty clothes were piled there.The porch was covered with torn canvas, the yard was littered with paper, the beautiful rubberwood floor was covered in dust and dirt, the carpet was faded, and everything was a mess.We started cleaning, tidying up here and there like we had done so many times before when creating temporary homes.Sweep the floor, take the carpet out to the yard and beat the dust, remove the torn canvas.The worst thing to deal with is the rotten paper in front of the yard.We spent days picking up the stray bits of paper. However, I am happy.It's just me and Lawrence in this world.He always creates a wide and broad world for me.He always gave it to me when he created it.We always get it in moments of wonder and enjoy it. There are all fresh and amazing discoveries in the morning Pacific sunrise.There are amazing discoveries from before the creation of the world.Lawrence started writing "Kangaroo", and every day was like a dream.Everyday life is very happy.It was so much fun to have food delivered home, especially a wagon full of fish.Fish come in all colors and come in all shapes.We're going to try them all. We took a long walk along the coast.The air is mild and full of life.We never tire of the coast.Spend hours picking up shells washed up in the Pacific Ocean. Lawrence read the Sydney Gazette carefully.He loves stories about wild animals and stories about people's life experiences.The only newspapers Lawrence had read before were the Evening Post and the Sydney Gazette.I don't know if the "Sydney Gazette" is still running as before.I haven't read that paper since then.At the time, it was our only food for thought. We were amazed at the generosity of the people on the farm.We get our cream, milk and eggs from this farm.Order a pound of cream and get a two-pound piece.Want two pints of milk, can send three pints.All things are many, like the sky, the sea, and the land.At that time, we had no contact with other people for several months.It was an incredible experience.Come to think of it, no one hates us. Most incredible of all, we found Lawrence's banned books in Tyrrell's library.We bought one.Unbeknownst to the librarian, it was the book written by Lawrence himself.Australia is really Hinter-land der Seele (Hinter-land der Seele). The Pacific Ocean, which is integrated with the sky, glows blue and white, always so fresh, like an illusion.However, one day, this original brilliance disappeared, and another original sea appeared.The wind threw the waves into the sky.Big waves surge like big windows on the cliffs of the coast.I saw strange creatures thrown by the sea.From the waves I saw fantastic phenomena of creatures of the deep that I had never dreamed of seeing.This phenomenon is so terrible that I will not forget... Later, we traveled from the small village to the woods in a carriage drawn by young horses.We saw red flowers, yellow mimosas, all sorts, and soft-leaved ferns in the woods of the tree that the Australians call wootlite.We came to a broad river and followed it.The river became a waterfall and disappeared underground, and we couldn't help but be dumbfounded.Why did it disappear?where did it go Lawrence continued to write "Kangaroo", and he wrote the impression of Australia deeply felt in his heart into the novel.Tyrell itself was a small town, and the most impressive thing there was a German cannon, gleaming steel out of proportion to the nearby Pacific Ocean. I thought it would be nice to live in Australia and die in this undeveloped land, but Lawrence wanted to go to America.Mabel Dodge sent a letter asking Lawrence to go to Taos, New Mexico, saying he should know that in New Mexico the heart of the world beats. Therefore, we selected the target.And spent two to three weeks to prepare for the United States. We took a boat from Sydney to San Francisco.The boat is not big, but the captain is strong and cheerful.We headed towards Tassiti via Rallatonga.The Pacific Ocean is often sunny and fine.Nothing to see but flying fish, turtles, sky, ocean and our boat.Then to Tahiti.How pleasant it used to be for the simple and handsome natives here to be with their huts.This island is an island of their own creation.But the joy was gone.Charming Native women give us ancient beads and flowers.But seeing them in filthy Muza Herbert clothes took a lot of the fun out of it.When I learned how the diseases of the Europeans were introduced to the island, I felt that contact with Europe was a fatal miscalculation for them.At night we watched movies in a huge storage room.There is a king there.He sat in a box near the stage with two or three beautiful wives.Near our cabins are the cabins of young stars.They sleep through the day.By evening, they looked pale and tired.In the morning, there were empty champagne bottles lying upside down outside their boat.One of them was very bold to snuggle up with a passenger on the ship. When she arrived in San Francisco, she changed her expression again and got off the ship holding the arm of the young man who came to pick her up.What I remember most in San Francisco is that at night, the lights of thousands of houses in the city eclipse the moon. We went into Cafe Tria, but we didn't know what to do, how to order dishes and food.