Why did Lawrence love me so much in the first place?It still amazes me to think about it.I could never have imagined that I was such an attractive woman then.I was 31 years old at the time and a mother of 3 children.My marriage appears to be happy.Anyway, I have everything a normal woman could want.Besides, I was a "blouse unbuttoned" woman then, though Lawrence didn't mind that. I just met a famous student of Freud, so my head is full of half-understood theories.This friend had a great influence on me, making me, a somnambulist who had been living an ordinary and traditional life, realize that I still have my original self.

Now that you are born, you have to be reborn again. This is no joke.It is extremely difficult to come back into one's self, to isolate oneself, to isolate one's self from everything else. I don't quite understand what people mean when they talk about sex.People say that "sex" is like a frog that "jumps around" briskly, and that it has nothing to do with life, growth, or maturity.I'll never understand what it means to be human sexually.The mystery of sex, however, delights me. Theories applied in life are useless.I am paranoid that as long as sex is "free" the world will soon be a paradise.I have tasted trouble, anxiety, and absolute loneliness in society.I lost my balance and fell into confusion and melancholy.I am in the middle of thousands of people who think completely differently from me, and I do nothing.However, I wasn't disappointed, and I didn't admit defeat.Although I can't say that I have become particularly stubborn, I can no longer tolerate this society.At this moment, Lawrence appeared. It was an April day in 1912.He came to see my husband for a college class and stopped by my house for lunch.He was also at a crossroads in his life when his health was once again in poor health due to the death of his mother.He had given up his teaching position at Croydon in an attempt to make a clean break with his old life.

The scene when he came to my house still flashes before my eyes.He is thin, with slender legs, and his steps are light and quick.It didn't seem like anything special at first glance, but he still caught my attention.He has something that cannot be seen with the eyes.What exactly it is, I can't tell. Half an hour before dinner, we were talking in my room.The French sashes were open, and the spring breeze stirred the curtains.My kids are playing on the lawn. He said he didn't want to know about women anymore.I was amazed by his overly harsh attacks on women.I've never heard anything like that before.I laughed.But I very much understand his persistence and what he has been fighting for.We were talking about Oedipus the King.Through talking, we understood each other very quickly.

That night, he left my house and walked back to his place.This journey takes at least 5 hours.Soon he sent me a letter saying, "You are the most amazing woman in England". I wrote back to him, "Aren't you supposed to know so many women in England?" When we met later, he said, "You don't know your husband at all, and you are not wary of your husband at all. "His criticism was also too blunt, and for that, I was not happy. On Easter Sunday, he came.It was a sunny, warm day.Children hunt for Easter eggs in the yard.The maids were gone, so I decided to serve the tea myself.I want to light the gas stove, but I don't even know how to do it.Lawrence was angry when he saw that I couldn't even do such a trivial thing.This unscrupulous critic--Lord Lawrence--had no patience for such things.Lawrence, however, really understood me.From the very beginning, he saw me through like looking through a glass. He saw through that I was trying to force a smile.He completely read my mind.I used to think that kind of trivial work was menial, shameful, and disgusting.

It is still unbelievable to this day: Why did he like me at that time, why did he fall in love with me?Indeed, I was what he called a "sex-soaked" woman, a woman with reasons men liked.My true self was frightened like a wild animal in the past, fleeing, hiding, avoiding contact.Under such circumstances, our relationship developed. One day, the two of us met at the Tavisha station.I took my two young daughters.We took long walks in the woods and fields in early spring.The kids are very lively and running around. We came to the small river, where there is a small stone bridge.Lawrence made paper boats for the children, filled them with matchsticks, and let them flow under the bridge.Then he threw the daisy into the water.The stamens of the daisy drift away towards the sky and the earth.Lawrence hunkered down and played with the children by the river, forgetting all about me.

I suddenly felt that I fell in love with him.The virtues he showed touched my heart.Since then, things have progressed rapidly. He came to see me one Sunday.My husband happened to be away, so I said, "Stay here tonight." And Lawrence said, "No, I don't want to live in your husband's house while your husband is away. But you should treat your husband Tell the truth. Then, let's go somewhere together." I am afraid.Because I know what pain it will cause my husband, and he has always believed in me.However, I was pulled by forces greater than myself, and I hit my husband anyway.The next day I left my husband, father and son, and sent my two daughters to my grandmother in London.Dazed and dazed with grief, I parted from them at Heath, Halmsted.I was at a loss, thinking blankly;

I can no longer live with them the way I used to. Lawrence met me at Charing Cross Station.We left together and have never been apart since. It was he who raised me up from my past life, both physically and mentally.This 26-year-old youth has my entire destiny in his hands.And still after just 6 short weeks of a hasty relationship... there was nothing else for me to do but to do it.