Chapter 11 farewell to campus
In late March 1971, Zhang, political commissar of the 8341 Army Propaganda Team, informed me to report to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs.This incident was expected, I just didn't expect it to come so soon, because my teaching reform task has not yet been completed.
It is Chairman Mao's decision that I leave the School of Foreign Languages, and no one can disobey it.This decision still has to be traced back to the summoning by Chairman Mao on June 14, 1970.I mentioned in the article "Recalling the Chairman" that after Chairman Mao and I finished talking about the education reform, he suddenly changed the subject and said to me: "This is how the education reform should be done. You can tell Comrade Yang Dezhong and Premier Zhou about the details. Do it. I have another suggestion to discuss with you. After you complete the foreign language education reform, you should not stay in school. China needs female diplomats, and I think you can do it. You are a lesbian. You can speak and write .You still have a little courage. I have read all the letters you sent me. They are well written and convincing. We need lesbians like you to engage in diplomacy. So you will report to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs after the education reform is completed. If you I agree, and I will tell the Ministry of Foreign Affairs." I also wrote about my feelings at the time in the article: I was stunned on the sofa after listening to the chairman's suggestion!The only extravagant hope in my heart at that time was to return to my podium after this "revolution" was over. The big stage of diplomacy had never appeared in my mind.But since the chairman has said it, I can only express my obedience.What's more, I have to go to Hubei to carry out education reform, and I will talk about it later. This is also called "worry about tomorrow, worry about tomorrow"!So when Commissar Zhang informed me, I knew the day had finally come.After the announcement, he said: "Congratulations on joining the diplomatic front." But instead of being happy, I felt terrified.After I entered this foreign language institute at the age of eighteen, now the second eighteen years have passed, and I have never left this campus.Here I left my best youth, the best pursuit, and the most sincere friendship.Now that I have to step into a field that I am completely unfamiliar with, I really don't know what will be waiting for me.
I had trouble falling asleep this night.Friends gathered at my cabin when they heard the news.They were very reluctant for me to leave.The feeling of farewell permeated the small earthen house, and they left very late.Some of them came from the second team and had to go back at night.After they left, my mind was in a mess.Suddenly, I found myself so vulnerable.I was terrified of the whole new world I was about to enter.I don't know whether the world waiting for me is a sunny paradise or a stormy sea.Nostalgia arises spontaneously.No matter how you complain about "I really don't want to stay in this outer courtyard" when you are troubled!But at this moment, there is a deep melancholy, a deep nostalgia.Looking back at this simple little earthen house, I think of many memorable things from my two visits to Shayang:
I thought that for the education reform, everyone and I worked tirelessly day and night, braving the scorching heat and cold to come up with plans and compile teaching materials before enrolling students;
I thought of how in the dispute with the 8341 Military Propaganda Team, we treated the cause of foreign language education reform with sincerity, regardless of personal political safety, and fought hard according to reason;
Together with that difficult day, this moment has also become a sweet memory.Shayang's living conditions are very harsh.The housing is simple and crowded, and the food is even worse. For some reason, even vegetables are often not available.The cafeteria can only cook a kind of plant called "beetroot" for everyone to eat.The "chard" was rough and bitter, hard to swallow, and I later learned that it was feed for pigs.I remember that during the Spring Festival, my family sent me cooked food such as sausage and barbecued pork. It was simply the best delicacy in the world. My friends and I gathered together to share this long-lost delicacy.
Another time, when Sunday was a holiday, we walked for more than half an hour to the "Six Branch School" of the nearby United Front Work Department to buy canned meat.This is another cadre school closest to us. They have a "shop" that actually has canned luncheon meat, which is a great luxury for us.I remember a group of us went to buy a bunch of cans and came back to "dinner" in my cabin.When I was in high spirits, Sun Zefu, the political commissar of 8341, called me outside the door.We had already had conflicts with the 8341 Army Propaganda Team at that time, so we didn't want him to see our "banquet", but the small room was empty and there was no cover.In desperation, I hurriedly put the opened cans in the washbasin on the rickety wooden shelf, covered it with a towel, and opened the door.Seeing so many people in the room, Sun Zefu said: "You are so lively!" Then he sniffed the smell in the room and said: "You guys are eating delicious food, don't call me!" We kept saying no.He reached out and lifted the towel, revealing the half-eaten cans underneath.We laughed and said: "Your nose is really good!" Sun Zefu joked: "I smelled it in my room. There is a scent here, so I found it." So the "banquet" continued.Even to the end, we maintained a good friendship with Sun Zefu.
When I was really about to leave, all the bits and pieces of the past came to my mind, even the flooding of the hut became a past worth remembering.How difficult it was to break through the ups and downs of the "Cultural Revolution" climax years!In the past eighteen years, the School of Foreign Languages, a field of cultivating foreign languages, has left me with too many memories...
In 1953, I graduated from high school.I originally wanted to apply for the Department of Water Conservancy and Architecture of Tsinghua University, but before I filled out the application form, the school leader approached me and told me that the Korean War told us that imperialism will continue to create wars, so we must always be prepared.war needs
I need a foreign language cadre, so the organization hopes that I will apply for the Beijing Foreign Studies University.Although this school does not have the reputation of Peking University or Tsinghua University, nor is it called a "university", but it was relocated from the old district of Yan'an, and it is a school with a glorious revolutionary tradition.From this year, it will be included in the enrollment of higher education institutions in Beijing.
Although it never occurred to me to learn a foreign language, the needs of the party are orders!I changed my first choice to Beijing Foreign Studies University without hesitation.Later, I learned that the School of Foreign Languages at that time was in the scope of "confidential" enrollment.Long before the college entrance examination, it sent personnel officials to some middle schools in several big cities across the country to select students.So when we took the entrance exam later, it was actually just a formality.The internal list has already been determined.At that time, a total of five students were selected from the No. 12 Girls’ Middle School where I was (formerly the Beiman Girls’ Middle School run by the American Church).
On the day of registration, the school sent a car from Donghuamen to pick up the students admitted from Beijing to the school, and I and other freshmen were sent directly to the dormitory.Everything that afternoon seemed to be still vivid in my mind.I think all of us are stunned by the rudimentary nature of this so-called "high school".The school at that time was located next to the North China Revolutionary University near the Summer Palace.There is no Peking University campus with lakes and pagodas and winding paths leading to secluded places, and there are no well-equipped classroom buildings for various departments of Tsinghua University.Beijing Foreign Studies University is located in Yuan Shikai's barracks.There were no decent rooms in the gray old two-story brick building, it looked more like a big warehouse.We were taken to our dormitory, which was a space of 100 square meters, with a rough concrete floor and rough walls. There were many double-layered very rough wooden shelves inside. It's our bed!Even though I was mentally prepared for the hardships of the revolution, it was really hard for me to accept such a school building called an institution of higher learning.It shattered my long-awaited dream of "going to college". I couldn't imagine how more than 20 college students could sleep in this big warehouse?The bathroom is on the left side of the corridor as soon as you enter the building door.In the long room, there are several rows of cement sinks and a large drain faucet.Students on this floor share the same washroom regardless of gender.The most frustrating thing is that the two toilets are located in the bathroom, one for men and one for women, so be very careful not to open the simple door by mistake.
I remember that when we were told that the big warehouse was our dormitory and the big wooden shelf was our bed, some female students from Shanghai burst into tears and said with a sob that she was cheated, she came to college, How could he come to such a "crazy" place.
The school may have foreseen that we would have ideological fluctuations, so it adopted the method of "man-to-man" playing basketball, and sent many old classmates to do our ideological work and talk about the school's revolutionary tradition. "It's a done deal", no matter how reluctant we are, we have to settle down in that wooden frame.But when it was time for dinner, a new problem arose.We waited for our old classmates to take us to the school dining hall for dinner.But as a result, we were taken to an open space outside the kitchen, and each was given a set of bowls and chopsticks and a small mat tied with thick hemp rope.The old classmate said that the school does not have a large dining hall, and after taking the meal, they sit on their own pony horses in the open space to eat.Our group of students came from the three big cities of Beijing, Shanghai, and Tianjin. They did not come from rural areas, and most of them came from relatively well-off families.It is hard for us to imagine that three meals a day have to be eaten in the "open-air cafeteria" while sitting on the Maza.So everyone was in an uproar, saying that this is not a university, it is simply a labor camp.
Whether it is a university or a labor camp, this is our university.No matter how disappointing it was in the beginning, it haunts us in our dreams and is unforgettable, because after all, we have dedicated our youth to this campus.
Not long after the start of the term, the English Department of the School of Foreign Languages convinced our new students with its high-level teaching staff.The hardships in life are already used to it, so it is not an important factor.At that time, the English Department of the School of Foreign Languages gathered a group of first-class teachers in the country. Among the professors were Wang Zuoliang, Xu Guozhang, Zhou Jueliang, Li Binghan... Such a group of experts who came back from abroad, the strength of young teachers is probably rare in the country. In the camp, a large number of high-achieving students from famous universities in Shanghai and Nanjing who yearned for revolution in the early days of liberation and participated in the North China Revolutionary University were assigned to teach in the School of Foreign Languages after undergoing "revolutionary university" training, including Shanghai St. John's University and Nanjing Central University.They have been the backbone of the English Department for decades.We are fortunate to be able to enter the sacred hall of Western language and literature under the guidance of such an excellent teacher.
I don't know what the life of a college student is like now.At that time, the students in our class were really full of unity, friendship, and a vigorous and good atmosphere of forging ahead.Life is also full of fun.I always think that it was an extremely glorious era, mainly because people really yearned for revolution, so they all had that kind of selfless dedication.The younger generation at that time seemed to be very pure in heart, without so many "selfish distractions", and did not care too much about personal gains and losses.Among the female classmates in the same class, Chen Peidong was my good friend, we slept on bunk beds, and I was on top.When we were in the second grade, Professor Li Binghan gave us an intensive reading class.In fact, I am not similar to Chen Peidong, and I am much taller than her.But for some reason, Mr. Li always confused the two of us.he taps me
When I ask questions, I always call me Chen Peidong, and when I ask Chen Peidong to answer questions, I call her Zhang Hanzhi.At first, we corrected him, but later we found out that Mr. Li identified my name as Chen Peidong and her name as Zhang Hanzhi, so we made mistakes. Anyway, the final exam has a name on the exam paper, so we just need to get it right.So the fifteen students in our class are used to being in Li Gong's class. Whenever he calls Chen Peidong, I stand up, and when he calls me, Chen Peidong stands up.Neither of us cared about Li Gong's evaluation of our class performance.Interestingly, at the end of that semester, I took the last class of Li Gong. When he called Chen Peidong and I stood up, Li Gong suddenly looked at me carefully.Then he said: "Oh, I am sorry, you are Zhang Hanzhi!" All our classmates laughed friendly, Li Gong asked: "Have I always been wrong?" (Have I always been wrong?) We laughed even harder!After forty-three years, we still often remember this incident when our old classmates get together.
There is a transfer student in our class, his name is Gu Yangguang, he is very small.He was transferred from a certain work unit to learn English. He is already a cadre, and he is at least ten years older than us.He later became my introduction to the party.Gu Yangguang was among a group of eighteen or nineteen-year-olds and got along very well with us.We all call him "Little Uncle".
Little Uncle is studying on a part-time job, so he has a salary. For those of us students who use pocket money at home, he is really a rich man.So we often ripped him off.There is a small town on the way from the school to the Summer Palace, and now it has disappeared.We have so many fond memories of that town!During the holidays, we often walk to the town in groups of three or four to buy a big bag of peanuts or sunflower seeds to satisfy our hunger.Sometimes, we also go to a restaurant there to eat a plate of fried rice with eggs.Little Uncle became our ideal partner when we went to the town, because he always generously bought us all the snacks we wanted for the laughing girls, and then we would eat all the way back to school, little Uncle watched us nibbling He is always very happy with Guazi contentedly, he is really a good little uncle to us!
However, we also did something very sorry for little Uncle.I remember that when we were summarizing our thoughts at the end of the year, the party group called us to a meeting and asked us to give opinions to party members.We are a group of young children who can't offer any opinions, but the party branch must ask us to think about it.I really can't think of anything else, so let's just say that Uncle, a party member, is pretty good in everything, but he is not hard and simple enough. He went for a walk with us in the town and spent too much money.I still remember the helpless and laughing expression that little Uncle stared at us after hearing this.After we finished talking, we felt guilty and didn't dare to face him squarely.Later, the little Uncle jokingly said to some of us "greedy bugs": "How are you! You have cheated me, but I am not hardworking and simple! I won't treat you in the future!" We pestered him and said: "Little Uncle, don't take it seriously, don't be angry. We were also forced by your party group to have no choice but to think of nothing else. We must, we will still visit the town in the future!" How beautiful those youthful years were!Today, we ourselves are in our sixties, and little Uncle is in his seventies.A few years ago, I saw that he was still in good health. Not long ago, I did not see him at a sad memorial service for Chen Wenrong. I heard that his legs were sick and it was difficult for him to walk.Whenever I hear this kind of news, it will always arouse my infinite melancholy.Life is too short!The past years will never come back!
Of course, living in a system that emphasizes class and politics, even a group of happy young college students cannot avoid the interference of politics.I remember that when we were in the second semester of the first grade, the school launched a "loyalty and honesty" campaign among the freshmen.We didn't understand the seriousness of this movement at all at the time, because we were only eighteen years old, and our eighteen-year history had nothing but kindergartens, elementary schools, and middle schools, so what could we "honestly explain" to the party organization?Later, we realized that this campaign was mainly to check our family and social relations.Even so, we are all calm about it.In fact, before we entered school, the school's personnel cadres had already read our files. This campaign was nothing more than a test of our own loyalty.
Each of us has to write a detailed confession, explaining the political identity and activities before liberation of every immediate and collateral relative in the family.At that time, I didn't think there was any serious problem. My father was a well-known non-party democrat, and his history was actually better understood by the Communist Party than I was.So when the secretary of the party branch, Lao He, read the materials I wrote and returned them many times to ask me to think about any missing overseas relations, I didn't know what secret materials he had that I didn't know.Old He is a cadre sent by Xinhua News Agency to study. He is a real veteran cadre, very different from Little Uncle.At that time, the Xinhua News Agency sent a group of cadres to learn foreign languages and planned to send them abroad. Lao He and his wife were probably the oldest and the highest status among them.
Finally, one day, Lao He talked to me seriously.He talked a lot about the need to be loyal and honest to the party, and then straight-forwardly pointed out that I had concealed myself when explaining my social relations.I was really frightened by him, and I said that I have explained everything I know, and I don't know any overseas relations in my family.Lao He said it was my own relationship.I was even more confused, I was only eighteen years old, where did the complicated overseas relationship come from.I was so anxious that I cried, and I said: "I really don't know what I'm hiding." Lao He said: "If you don't explain yourself, then you have to point it out in the organization, but that's not what you confessed." I cried a lot, thinking that because I couldn't think of a social relationship, my whole life was over!I said, "Old He, tell me, I really can't remember it." He raised his voice and said to me, "Let me ask you, that Japanese Mu Zikou—what is your relationship?" He asked inexplicably, and I said that I don't know Japanese at all.The following story is a complete joke.But this kind of joke almost affected the life of a young eighteen-year-old girl.Lao He said that I had a book that was given to me by a Japanese named "Muzikouyi". He had seen this book and asked me about it. I told him that it was a gift from a good Japanese friend of mine. mine.He asked me why the Japanese called himself "Principal of Uyo School" and called me "Dean" when writing the inscription.At that time, I told him that I had run a "rumor school" with this Japanese, he was the principal, and I was the dean.Lao He remembers this incident very well. During this "loyalty and honesty" campaign, he has been waiting for me to explain the "rumor school" and the "Japanese" Mu Zikouyi.
After listening to what Lao He said, I laughed through my tears, and laughed very happily.Lao He told me to be serious, but I really couldn't be serious, because it was really a big joke.Here's the thing:
I bought a thick Chinese translation of the new book "Towards the New Shore" by the famous Soviet writer Ehrenburg at the bookstore.My classmate Li Zhong, who is also my middle school classmate, saw it, and jokingly mentioned two lines of words on the title page: one line reads "To Zhang Hanzhi, the Dean of the Yao School", and the inscription below reads "Mu Zikou, the Principal of the Yao School." ", "Rumor School" comes from the famous English comedy "School for Scandal" ("Rumor School", written by the famous British writer Xie Liyi) that we were reading at the time, and "Muzikouyi" is the word "Li Zhong". When disassembled, it becomes a joke that resembles a four-letter Japanese name!
It was such a young man's joke that almost became the source of ruining my political life.Fortunately, we were only eighteen years old at the time. If we were thirty-eight years old, I am afraid that Lao He would not believe it easily, and he would continue to ask. At the same time, it is also fortunate that Lao He is a fair old Communist Party member, so in addition to criticizing me, he will not make such comments in the future. Apart from "political jokes", there is no more trouble for me.Fortunately, it wasn't during the subsequent eradication of counter-revolutionaries, anti-rightists, and the "Cultural Revolution." The political atmosphere in 1954 was generally relatively mild.But that was my first experience that politics can be intimidating.
Although I actively applied to join the party during my four years of study in college, I never had much interest in politics.Joining the party and joining the league was the pursuit of every young intellectual at that time. We seldom thought that joining the Communist Party meant being involved in complicated political struggles. On January 6, 1957, the party branch of the English Department held a meeting to discuss and approve my application for joining the party.That day was one of the most emotional days of my life.That night, when I was young, I had insomnia. I wrote a long diary, looking forward to a magnificent future.I truly feel that since that day, I have dedicated my life in a solemn oath to the greatest ideals of mankind.When all the party members raised their hands to approve my application, I shed tears. It was the sincere tears of a young intellectual willing to contribute everything to the country and the people.I thought that joining the Communist Party meant that I would use my knowledge to serve my great people.I never imagined that I would be involved in the struggle at the highest level of the Communist Party. In the end, it is said that Chairman Mao, whom I respect so much, sent Guanhua and me to the 18th level of hell.
I completed my political orientation at the School of Foreign Languages, and at the same time shaped my inner world.The first three years of my four-year university life (1953-1957) were a period of relative tranquility in China.Especially in 1956, the Party Central Committee proposed "March to Science", knowledge is respected, and intellectuals are also respected.I remember that a card was issued to senior intellectuals at that time, and they could get on the bus first.There are special tables covered with white tablecloths for certified senior intellectuals.At that time, science and culture were flourishing.Professors can impart knowledge to us young people who are thirsty for knowledge as they wish.I have often wondered if the political atmosphere of 1956 could last for a long time, if Chinese intellectuals could always reach
Such a relaxed environment to develop one's talents, then today's China should have more brilliant achievements in science and culture.It's a pity that this good time didn't last long. A storm in 1957 destroyed all the buds that had just sprouted!
In the relaxed atmosphere of those years, we were able to read a lot of books.I like literary works, so I read most novels.The British works of the late 19th century have left a deep imprint on my heart.When I was a teenager, I listened to the radio drama "Narcissus" on the Shanghai radio station. I was only twelve years old at the time, but I was so moved that I burst into tears.I didn't read its original work "Jane Eyre" until I was in college.My lifelong feelings have been greatly influenced by this book invisibly.That tenacity and self-sacrifice for love seems to have stuck with me my whole life.I remember one time, when Guanhua and I came out of the dining room at home after dinner, I held his hand.At that time, Guanhua was at the peak of his career, but for some reason he suddenly said to me: "One day in the future, I will be blind, and you will drag me to beg for food like this." Immediately, Rochester's blindness appeared in front of my eyes. After being destitute, Jane Eyre returned to him and stayed with him for life.I said: "Of course! If one day you lose your official position, I will go home with you to farm. If you are blind, I will drag you." Although it seemed to be a joke when I said this, we were in the complicated situation at that time. Political struggles are not easy.Unfortunately, almost all of these predictions have since come true.Guanhua lost his job and was terminally ill. We were also in financial difficulties.But what I deserve to console myself is that I fulfilled my promise of love.Guanhua lost his job, but I didn't leave him; I was always by his side when he was sick; without money, I relied on my own labor, translating from morning to night, earning a little manuscript fee to buy nutrition for him.This realm comes from myself, but it benefits from the edification I have received.We have criticized bourgeois literature countless times for poisoning us, but deep down I often feel that there are many noble virtues shared by human beings in those literatures classified as bourgeois...
The night is deep and the people are quiet. In the small earthen house in Shayang, Hubei, my heart is immersed in the past eighteen years.How much laughter, how many tears!How much expectation, how much loss!With my departure, this page of history will be turned over.It's a dark night outside, but I wish it was a long night.In this night, bits and pieces of memories of the past 18 years flash like countless bright spots in the darkness.But when the dawn comes, these bright spots will disappear in the morning light!
I hardly slept at night.Get up early in the morning, pack your simple luggage, and get ready to go.This time there is no need to take an open truck. The 8341 military propaganda team prepared their military jeep for me.
Last night, I said goodbye to my friends and asked them not to come to see me off.I am most afraid of parting, I would rather go on the road quietly and alone.But I could see the crowd next to the jeep from a distance.I know they will come!
I cried, I couldn't help the tears welling up, I bid farewell to my friends who fought side by side, to the School of Foreign Languages, and to the past!I saw that the eye sockets of my friends were also wet.I hurriedly got into the car, and since I was leaving, don't hesitate any longer.Once I hesitated, I would not even have the courage to get in the car.
The jeep moved.For a long time, I was still looking at the back of the car.In that dusty fog, I could see nothing, yet seem to see everything.I saw the footprints of those 18 years. It was a time with no regrets and no regrets. Although they will become a permanent past, they will never die, and I will continue to walk like this!