Chapter 16 Chapter 16 My Self-Study History: Father's Trust

The first series of my autobiography Chapter 16 My Self-Study History: Father's Trust 14. My father trusts and indulges me The best reference material for this section is my article "Missing Relatives" (see the beginning of Xiangong's suicide note).My father's education for me has been described in the second section, so this section just continues the previous one.Many of the facts are contained in the records of "Missing Relatives", which are summarized as follows: Father's trust in me is because some of my thoughts and actions in my youth were very in line with my father's wishes, and I was very grateful.For example, I am very concerned about the overall situation of the country. I have always underestimated book learning and have the ambition to make contributions. I like to read Liang Rengong's "Xinmin Congbao", "Moral Education Mirror", "Guofeng Bao" and other books and newspapers, and write diaries to encourage myself.This is not only a bit like what my father did when he was young, but also fits with his father's psychology at that time.Every time I talk about current affairs after dinner, I am quite fond of my father.Another example is that my father has always admired Hu Linyi's generosity and responsibility, and Guo Songtao's knowledge and views are different from popular customs. When I read "The Letters of Three Ministers" and "The Letters of the Three Stars", I happened to pay special attention to these two people.This is what happened when I was fourteen, fifteen or even nineteen years old, and it changed later. Speaking of my father's laissez-faire to me, it is precisely because my thoughts and actions are very inconsistent with my father's wishes, and he expressly disagrees with me, but he does not interfere and let me change my mind.I don't change, I still allow myself to do what I do, which is letting go.  What are the thoughts and actions that do not conform to the father's will?As the original text of "Missing Relatives" said-since the first year of the Republic of China (Republic of China), Mumu Shishi, his words and life avenues must belong to Tianzhu, and the governance of the world is far away from the west.In the great plains of the motherland, the ancestors did not pay attention to the transformation of morality and etiquette.

In fact, the time did not start from the first year of the Republic of China, but as early as the Revolution of 1911, when I participated in revolutionary actions, my father expressly disagreed, but did not prohibit me.After the revolution, Congress met, and there were many scandals due to partisan competition. My father was deeply dissatisfied, and I was superstitious about the Western political system, thinking that it was inevitable, and defending it in everything.Although the father and son talk about current affairs as usual, the heated debate hurt the father's heart. ——This is one aspect. On the other hand, my father was very displeased with my idea of ​​being born in the world, reading Buddhist scriptures, and aiming to become a monk.But when I buy and read Buddhist books, I never prohibit them.After graduating from middle school, I didn't want to go to higher education, even if I didn't get married, I didn't agree with my father's wishes, but I didn't supervise them.Just let me know he disagrees.This kind of liberal attitude still surprises me today when I think about it.At the same time, today I feel that my father's attitude has greatly contributed to my achievements, and it is really an unexpected good education.However, I acted tactfully at that time. For example, the matter of being a vegetarian (observing Buddhist precepts) will not be implemented until I leave my father and arrive in Xi'an.It's a pity that I always disobeyed my father's wishes. When my father was alive, I firmly refused to marry; after I got married, it has been three years since my father passed away.