Chapter 19 Section 8 "Wen Niu" and "Fool"

1. Wenniu At this time, I had moved to the office of Xinshu Newspaper on Baixiang Street.Part of the youth association was bombed, and the dormitory is no longer in operation. In summer, I went to the countryside, or wandered; in winter, I returned to the office of Xinshu Newspaper, where I wrote articles and handled the affairs of the "Cultural Association". The "Cultural Association" also found a new club, in Zhangjia Garden. Prices are going up like crazy.The lives of literati are very difficult.We can no longer often eat and drink together, because everyone's pockets are empty. Many members of the "Cultural Association" went to Guilin and Hong Kong, but with few people and little money, it was obviously left out.However, a few people in Chongqing worked enthusiastically as usual and refused to teach it to die silently.It is very difficult to do things, as long as we move, there will be rumors outside, and we will often suffer blows.We are neither discouraged nor complaining.We are cautious in everything and pay attention to everything.For the sake of the War of Resistance, we are willing to endure all grievances.

My health was getting worse and worse. I was anemic at first, and I often "played the pendulum" (Sichuan dialect, referring to malaria as a pendulum), so the dizziness became more serious.If you don't pay attention, if you suddenly raise your head or lower your head suddenly, your eyes will be dark for a moment, which always makes people feel like "the power will go out again"!Every morning, I always hope that my head will not be dizzy, but fortunately I am really refreshed, so I hurried to study ink happily, hoping to write two or three thousand words at once today.Mo Yan was finished, and the pen was in his hand. For some reason, there was a bang in the head, and his life became blank, and there was nothing, except for a slight buzzing sound.This time passed with great difficulty, my brain began to throb with pain, and my heart was so irritated that I wanted to shout a few times!I had no choice but to put down the pen—the literati disarmed!One day like this, two days like this, patiently and patiently perfunctory myself: "Tomorrow will be better!" The third day is still the same, I began to feel: "I'm done!" Put down the pen, I won't do anything else!Yes, I know I should rest, and I should eat something that nourishes the blood—tofu, pork liver, pig brain, spinach, carrots, etc.However, who can afford to rest these days?How dare you take a break if you write tight and slow but can’t write cigarette money?As for supplements, pork liver is something to be messed with, and tofu frowns, even spinach is not cheap.In this way, it is reasonable to take some medicine as soon as possible to make the body recover quickly.But western medicine is as expensive as gold, and traditional Chinese medicine has no special effect.What to do?At this point, I can't help but regret why I only chose this profession in the first place!The singer who sang Xusheng lost his voice, and the one who sang Huadan lost his face. They will probably understand my pain: this pain comes from the contact of hope and disappointment, hope every day, disappointment every day, and life just goes by for nothing day by day , towards despair and destruction!

The most painful time is when I receive letters from friends calling for papers. Friends not only think of you as a friend, but also as someone who can write something.However, you have to apologize to your friends; you are still you, and you are no longer you—you can no longer do it! What they eat is grass and what they squeeze out is milk; however, the bodies of literati are not as strong as cows, so what should we do? Still, the dizziness didn't stop me from writing completely.Whenever I can struggle to get out of bed, I pick up my pen and put it down when I'm too dizzy to sit still.It was in such a struggling situation that I wrote for eight years:

Drum words, about ten paragraphs.Old dramas come out four or five times.Drama, eight volumes.Short stories, six or seven.Novel, three volumes.Long poem, one.In addition, there are many essays. This achievement is nothing remarkable in terms of quality and quantity.However, adding illness, hardship, and unsettled life into it, even if there is no good work in it, you can see a little trace of hard work after all. 2. Fools Although a lot of books have been published, but not much money has been received.The general situation of the works before the war is as follows: the three commercial books ("Lao Zhang's Philosophy", "Zhao Ziyue", "Two Horses"), due to the loss of contact between the Shanghai and Chongqing libraries, the royalties were completely suspended; Thirty-two years before rearranging in Chongqing. ,, "Biography of Niu Tianci" and "Old Niu Broken Cart" four books, because there is no news about the bookstore in the world.It was not until thirty-one years ago that I rearranged Jiaohua Life Publishing House. "Biography of Niu Tianci" was not published in Chongqing until recently.Both "Old Bull and Broken Cart" have the opportunity to be printed in Chongqing.The situation with the rest of the books is roughly the same, so the royalties are always so elusive.The things written during the Anti-Japanese War, such as Guci, old dramas, etc., were originally written to promote the Anti-Japanese War, so naturally no income was thought of.The purpose of drama and Guci is to learn, and there is no business experience.Only novels can be sold, but because of learning to write other genres, the novels have not been mass-produced, and the income is not much.

My capital is very small, just paper, pen, ink and inkstone.My life can be arranged according to my own wishes, whether I sleep during the day, stay awake at night, or stay up all day and night; I can have three meals a day, or eight meals a day!Anyway, I am operating in my own room, and others cannot knock on the door and come in, and I am forbidden to put my feet on the table.With this little freedom alone, I cannot be dissatisfied with my occupation.Besides, if the writing is good or bad, it can generally be sold, and eating porridge is not a problem, but it is also free and easy; although it makes the noses of the gentlemen who are jealous of me crooked, I can't correct them on their behalf!

However, in recent months, somehow I have also lost my self-confidence, and I have been dissatisfied with my career from time to time.Whether it's good or bad, don't worry about it, I just think "it's not a big taste"!I feel very bad! My job is to "write".As long as you can write, everything will be fine.However, I can't write any more these days!The problem is very serious. I don't know how painful it is for a mother who has given birth to a baby without milk, but I know that I suffer more than her.Without milk, she can hire a wet nurse, or buy milk substitutes, which I don't have.If you can't write, you can't write, and you can't find a substitute or a substitute.

I can write a little every day, and I really feel very free. When it comes to the season when I can’t write a little, haha, you will become the most painful person in the world!Your freedom, idleness, is your punishment; you spend every minute without any results, and every minute is like sitting on pins and needles!Not only do you lose your job and your pay, you literally lose yourself! Except for the cloudy and rainy summer, my bedroom, living room, dining room, bathroom, and study are as hot as a big stove.After one o'clock at night, I can barely go to sleep.If I sleep less than four hours, I have to get up so that I can work for a while in the morning; after noon, the oven is put on again in the house.I didn't get enough sleep all summer.I don't get enough sleep, so I don't write much, and I feel sleepy when I pick up a pen.I'm in a hurry, but I can't think of a way.It must be cool on Jinyun Mountain, who can afford it!

However, although my grades in writing were not good and my income was not good, I did learn some new skills and skills.This is "worthy of writing"!A literati is not a businessman, so why should I always focus on money?If you don't starve to death, you are blessed by God; if you only count money and forget to learn more and try more, you will be selling dog meat for a fool's trick.I admit to my poor grades in the past eight years, and I don't regret my hard work.I admit that I am a bit stupid not to care about money, but I am also glad that I am willing to be so stupid; great things in the world are often done by fools.

There were many opportunities to teach, but I refused to go: First, all my books have been lost in Jinan; without books, I cannot teach.The second reason is that once I go to teach, I will inevitably delay my scribbles. I don't want to stop writing casually for a little fixed income.The pen is my weapon, my capital, and my life. 3. Art and carpentry The attitude of a carpenter, according to my opinion: (1) Be a good carpenter; (2) Although you have become a good carpenter, you will never underestimate cobblers, shoemakers, plasterers, and all craftsmen. This attitude applies to carpenters as well as literary writers.I think that since a writer has become a writer, he should continue to work hard no matter how hard and heavy the work is, in order to become a good writer, a better writer, and the best writer.At the same time, he must realize that a writer cannot also be a carpenter or a bricklayer, so he should recognize the status and value of the five elements and eight works, and should not regard himself as the supreme and trample others under his feet.

I have three young children.Unless they are willing and willing to work hard to become literary writers, I will never encourage them, because I think it is equally meaningful for them to be carpenters, bricklayers, or writers, and there is no difference between high and low. If one of my children decides to become a carpenter, I probably won't babble about anything except to advise him to be a good carpenter, because I don't know how to do carpentry myself, so there is no need to talk nonsense. If he decides to become a writer of literature and art, I must say more, because I know a little about the ups and downs.

First, I want to ask him: What preparations do you have?If he can't answer, I will kindly suggest to him, although it may not be correct: You must first write Chinese fluently.The so-called fluent means that every word is proper and every sentence is clear.If you still can't do it fluently, please practice writing first, don't talk about literature and art, but shut up about literature and art.When writing is fluent, you need to learn "at least" a foreign language to give yourself an extra pair of eyes.In this way, you can write Chinese fluently and read foreign books, but you still have to live.In my opinion, it is by no means too late for you to write until you are around thirty. Second, I want to ask him: Do you think writers are noble and carpenters are humble, so you give up carpentry for literature and art?If you have this thought, I will say unceremoniously: Your brain is still from the imperial examination era, it doesn't matter at all!What's more, if you learn carpentry, even if you can't become a first-class carpenter, you can still become an ordinary carpenter. Even if you can't create something, you can imitate without breaking the rules; .As for literature and art, if you do not do it well, you will waste countless pens and papers and time—your own, that of the printers, and that of the readers; what a sin!Look at me, I have been writing for nearly twenty years, but what achievements have I made?I only feel regretful, I didn’t build a hut for others, I didn’t make a coffee table, but I just wasted a lot of paper and pens, and no one got any benefit from me?noble?Ah, is there still noble waste in the world? Third, I want to ask him: Do you think that being a writer is easier than doing anything else?For example, to be a carpenter, you have to study for several years as an apprentice. After leaving the teacher, even if you have outstanding skills, you are still just an unknown craftsman. As for literature and art, can you become famous with a poem or a novel?Let me tell you, you are deliberately taking advantage of it and avoiding the important ones.You have to know, if you don't have anything in your heart, and you become famous with a poem or an article, the name is enough to harm you!Fame makes you arrogant, and arrogant is close to giving up on yourself.Fame makes you frivolous and hypocritical.Literature and art are not something easy to do. If you want to use its glory to gain some fame, it will retaliate extremely fiercely. Not only can you not get close to it, but it will kick you down on the dust!Gaining a false name and losing yourself is the worst thing to do. Fourth, I want to ask him: How much literature and art do you have, do you want to do it all your life?If you only work for a year or a half, dodge when you get a false name, and use the false name to find another job, you are a liar!I would rather you die than see you as a liar!You have to believe that doing literature and art is not nobler than being a carpenter, but it is more difficult than being a carpenter. Looking for beauties with compassion in literature and art, you are in the wrong place! Fifth, I want to tell him: Don't think that I do this business, so you must also have a "family history".There are many useful things in the world, and you have the freedom to choose and choose.I do not despise literature and art, just as I do not despise carpenters.But I don't pay too much attention to literature and art, because only literature and art without carpenters can't make the world.I don't regret my pen and ink career for these years, but I only hate that I didn't become a good writer.Anyone who is an official and a teacher can resign, but I can't submit my resignation to Wenyi, because I can't do anything else except writing; I am middle-aged, and it is extremely difficult to learn anything else.This is my pain, and I hope you don't do it again.However, you must be a writer, and you must prepare according to the previous words, and I will absolutely disagree, you have your freedom.You have to seriously prepare!