Chapter 10 9. Infinite Pursuit

Sometimes I think I'm a kid on an adventure, and my adventure is endless.On my fortieth birthday, I wrote a self-shou poem, about 400 characters long, with the ending saying: "A bit of childlike innocence is still there, and there is not even a trace of white temples." I am still a child, wide open. Eyes, watching this extremely strange world.My education is only half done, for there is still much to learn about this country and foreign countries, and everything is wonderful.I had to have a Chinese education and a Western education that I had become a monk halfway through.For example, I don't know the names of the very common flowers and trees in China. I saw them for the first time, just like a child.Or the habits of goldfish, the technique of orchid planting, the difference between quail and partridge, and the feeling of eating raw shrimp, I don't know or don't know.For this reason, China has a special fascination for me, that is, it is like an unexplored continent, and I can do whatever I want without hindrance, just like a child walking into a big forest, sometimes stopping to look up at the stars and the moon, Looking down at the insect flowers.I don't care what anyone says, and in this adventure program there is no predetermined destination, no predetermined itinerary, no prescribed guide.There is value in traveling thus, because if I wander, I wander alone.I can walk thirty miles a day, or stop at will, because I always like to follow my instinct, so-called doing as I please; I like to decide for myself what is good, what is beautiful, and what is not.I like the good things I find, not the ones pointed out to me.I have had the great pleasure of discovering and restoring the reputation of several forgotten authors.Now I have in mind a selection of three hundred of the best poems, forgotten and unnoticed in Chinese plays and novels, not selected from Tang poetry.Every morning, I wake up with the feeling that there is no limitless land of adventure ahead of me.Probably Newton said before his death that he felt like a boy playing on the seashore, and the world of knowledge was as vast as the sea in front of him.When I was eight years old, the school teacher tried to criticize my article and said: "The big snake crosses the field." He meant that I didn't express my words well.And I said to Yun: "The little worm is in the desert." I am that little worm, and I am still crawling on the desert until now, but I can't help being complacent when I have progressed to the present level.

I do not know where this journey of exploration will lead me.There are only two kinds of animals in the world, one minding their own affairs and the other minding other people's affairs.The former belong to those who eat plants, such as cattle and sheep and people who think; the latter belong to those who eat meat, such as eagles and tigers and people who act.One deals with ideas; the other deals with others.I often envy my colleagues who have administrative and executive talents. They can take care of other people's affairs, and take it as their lifelong ambition to take care of other people's affairs.I don't always find that interesting.Therefore, I can never be a man of action, because the meaning of action is to work in a group, and I have too much respect for my colleagues to tell them what they must do.I can't even reprimand my servants with harsh words and airs of dignity.I envy ordinary officials, because they can produce several reports on other people's actions, and pass several bills asking the people to do something, or prohibiting the people from doing something.They can also make scientists engaged in research work come to the laboratory on time, and must sign the book every morning, thus increasing the efficiency from 75% to 95%.This approach, I always feel a bit strange.After all, my personal life is the most important thing to me.Perhaps by nature, if not by conviction, I am an anarchist, or a Taoist.

Now I only have one interest, which is to know more about life—the past and the present, and to write about life. Most of the time, when my temper flares up, I either feel itchy, amusing, angry, or There is aversion; I don't worry about the present, not even about the future.And it's true that I don't have any big ambitions, not even aspiring to be a famous author.In fact, I resent being famous if it's enough to mess up the program of my life now.I am already very happy now, and I don't want to be happier.All I want is some cash.As a result, I can wander around, gain more freedom, buy more books, and visit more famous mountains——and go with a few good friends.

I am aware of my shortcomings, and there are many of them, so those who generally criticize me don't need to say more.In China there are many very powerful, censorship critics who are pompous descendants of Song Confucianism dressed in modern clothes.Their criticism is not based on what a person is, but on a perfect saint.At least at least, I am not lazy and want to live in the world with loyalty. Note This autobiography was originally written in English at the invitation of a certain bookstore in the United States more than 30 years ago. I did not know that Gong Yao had translated it into Chinese and published it in the 17th chapter of "Yi Jing" edited by Mr. Jian Youwen. , 18th, 19th issue.It is inevitable that there are many brief and unclear points, and I will make up for them when I have time in the future.But it can be said that every sentence is what is in my heart, and it is still these principles to study and be a man.The so-called at the end of the article: "I don't even aspire to be a famous author...if this reputation is enough to disrupt the program of my current life", it is also honest and heartfelt.It's okay to read it as a self-reported and insightful article.

January 14, fifty-seven