Chapter 59 24. Put it to death and live again (1)

Putting it to death and rebirth, I felt cruel when I heard this sentence, but when I was on the scene, I understood that it must be like this, it can only be like this, there is no other way. Including my father, also expressed support for what happened to me.He was already scared out of his wits.Although he entered the liberated area as early as 1946, he has always been free and undisciplined and has no expertise in learning, so he has never smoked. In 1955, he joined forces with various anti-Hu Feng units to carry out anti-insurgency campaigns, retracing his history. Because he was a representative of the National Congress of the Japanese Puppets when he was the principal of Qingdao Normal University, he felt extremely guilty. He said that he was ready to accept the execution of the people. preparation.

My father especially encouraged me to participate in labor (reform).He repeatedly quoted Russian and Soviet scientist Pavlov's famous saying: "I love mental labor and physical labor, but I love physical labor more." I was still a little "unhealthy" when I was a teenager, and my fellow young writers also said that I might have "a touch of sadness". After the car overturned in 1958, I was left with only "healthy emotions".In healthy years, you and I and he may have unhealthy emotions and performances.In an unhealthy age, no matter how unhealthy you are, you will only die, so those who survive are getting healthier.

While waiting to be processed, I was sent to the construction site of the Children's Palace to participate in construction labor.I happily carried eight city bricks with my companions at a time.Eighteen catties per brick.At most, I and another person lifted twelve bricks.I gritted my teeth and carried water, cement, and sand ash in a big bucket. After using my right shoulder, I used my left shoulder. I learned to switch shoulders, and I was able to pick even more.To provide mud and various kinds of ash to plasterers, use a long wooden handle round spoon to wave up and down, which is as fun as a game.I used to think sadly that I was politicized too early, that I had no childhood.Now, finally, some compensation.It rained heavily in summer, and the construction site announced a strike. I went to Xinjiekou Cinema to watch the Spanish movie "Death of a Cyclist" with Fang, who came back from the summer vacation. We braved the heavy rain and held an umbrella to squeeze the bus. We missed the beginning of the film, and the movie ended in heavy rain. It didn't stop, I felt very happy.

I love life, I enjoy life, that can't be changed. On August 1, 1957, I was ordered to go to the Sangyu production team (natural village) of the military salary brigade (village) of Zhaitang Commune (township) in Mentougou District on the outskirts of Beijing.I got off at Yanchi Railway Station on the Beijing-Baotou Line with my luggage on my back, and walked thirty-six miles to Sangyu.It was the first time I walked beside a big mountain and a big river. I saw the labor of the road construction team and the quarrying team. My ears were filled with the sound of the big river crashing and steel brazing hitting the rocks. My eyes were full of mountains connecting each other. Higher, one mountain is farther than the other, but the river is rushing, the waterway is winding, the waves are splashing, blue and white, there is no tenderness, no warmth, no greasy, no spark of the soul, but only the spark of steel, the boulder The majesty of the mountains, the determination of the flood, and the stretch of the mountain road.What I feel, what I fear and cheer at the same time, is unprecedented roughness and fullness.

Continuing to go further into the mountains from Sangyu, there is Zhaitang, the seat of the township government, where the "rightists" of Peking University, including the budding critic Le Daiyun, are located.When doom becomes a scale, doom becomes receptive.It's not about me alone, Tian Lingling, Earth Lingling, "somewhat" has come to this point. But labor reform is not an easy task.In the mountains, I learned how to carry a basket. I walked forward with my back arched and bent. The thumb and index finger of my left and right hands formed a circle. To collect corn, that is to use a large basket.My shovel is also good, but I have no eyesight, and my hands are clumsy. I can't do well in weeding, leveling the ground, and some tasks that require my brain and eyes. I'm too optimistic and don't take myself seriously For outsiders, chatting and laughing with farmers also makes some people uncomfortable.I need to further learn to be gray-headed, humble, humble, and cautious.

There is a saying in Northeast China, stew siaozi (hanging small pot) over low heat, take your time.The meaning of the rightist is gradually realized. "Long Live Youth" has been typed out, but it cannot be published. The people who participated in the first meeting of young authors were basically wiped out.Especially when I read the news that Shao Yanxiang had also fallen from the horse in the newspaper, I could only smile wryly.In 1959, Comrade Liu Shaoqi made a speech at the National Party Congress, saying that rightists were agents of imperialism and Chiang Kai-shek’s reactionary faction.I have a feeling that the fake is finally real.It's a done deal, and we need to use the boat as a warning to punish and imitate you. Is there any room for buffering?

Whether it is the land reform, the three antis, the eradication of counterrevolutionaries, or the rectification movement during the Yan’an period, there is a later stage of the campaign, where policies are implemented, deviations are rectified, leniency is dealt with, and thunderous cheers are heard until the comrades who have been wrongly reviewed are apologized.I still have many people with the same fate fantasizing that such a good thing will happen after the anti-rightist movement. When I think of this possibility, I want to cry and bleed. I don’t need it to be true, but I am grateful just thinking about it.

However, no.Different from past records, different from the tradition of previous movements, since the anti-rightist movement, only anti-rightist anti-rightist and anti-rightist again, tougher and tougher are left.It is because this movement is the most mysterious, the least specific, and the most controversial. There are no or few iron cases, only plausible bubble cases, Feihua cases, analysis cases, and argumentative cases. There was chaos. What makes me uneasy is Fang, we have only been married for less than a year, and I have gone to work in the outer suburbs, so we cannot see each other, and her situation is not good, what should I do?We corresponded every day, sometimes two letters a day, and all my letters were good news but not bad news. My letters seemed to be admiring the mountains and rivers, learning and improving, doing rural surveys, and supplementing knowledge.We have kept so many letters until the early days of the Cultural Revolution, when we simply sent them to the realm of nothingness.