Chapter 60 Thirteen, turn around and pray three times

At the beginning of 1976, Zhou Enlai passed away, and China entered a troubled time.Although I am in an isolated mountain area, I can still feel the ominous atmosphere hanging in the air. One morning in April, I was staying in the dormitory of the agricultural machinery factory, and I heard CCTV news being broadcast through the loudspeakers in the factory.I knew intuitively what the "great victory" that the radio was clamoring for was about, imagining the scene of the repression in the square, my heart suddenly shrank, and my grief and anger reached the extreme.I wrote to a friend and said: Now I feel that the resources are not closed enough, so I simply close my eyes and listen completely.Minzi and I stayed in the No. 166 Hospital for a month, and we were discharged on September 10. Xiaoling was sent off to Xing'an County. The three of us were sitting on the street near the bus station when the news of Mao Zedong's death suddenly came out on the radio.We were all silent, and what weighed on my heart was not so much grief as worry, and I really didn't know what would happen to China next.

As we all know, what happened next was a happy event.When many cities and towns across the country have already painted large slogans, I can only guess through the newspapers, although I guess most of them.A person from Xinning County, Hunan Province, which is close to Ziyuan, went to visit relatives in Ziyuan. He talked about the fall of the Gang of Four, which was widely known outside the country. In the end, he was sent to the Public Security Bureau as an active counter-revolutionary. One spot.In the end, it finally started to spread, but only within the party, and I was still excluded.However, I dare say that in the entire Ziyuan County, I am the most ecstatic person about this incident, just like I was the most indignant person about the Tiananmen incident a few months ago.I hate that I am not in Beijing at this time, and I can only guess the warm scene of the national celebration from the radio.On the day of the official broadcast, I was alone in the room of the party school. I couldn't hold back my joy, so I had to celebrate with my pen.In a letter to my friend, I wrote: "For the first time in many years, the Chinese people really feel at ease. Public outcry, private complaints have become public slogans on the street, and political rumors have become political reality. For the first time in many years, I have seen so many sincere smiling faces, and it is the first time I have heard public opinion that has not been raped. In a word, history has returned to its original appearance, and the world has once again stood on its feet.” Of course, I also have personal reasons for my joy: “Although my situation has not changed in any way so far, the accumulated thoughts in my heart over the years The pessimism was swept away. In China's hope, I saw mine too."

However, in terms of resources, the situation has not changed for the time being.There is a document criticizing Zhang Chunqiao’s fallacy: “The route is correct, it is good to charge five hundred catties, and the route is not correct, it is bad to charge one thousand catties.” After reading it, our propaganda minister instructed: “This sentence is correct. The line decides everything, don’t criticize this sentence.” A commune secretary said at a meeting of all teachers in the commune: “You are all bourgeois intellectuals.” The director of the county agricultural office said: “Zhou Guoping is a typical example of intellectuals who have not been reformed. Molecules." Just after the Gang of Four fell, both of them were promoted to deputy directors of the County Revolutionary Committee.

I am determined to get out of this pool of stagnant water, but there are many difficulties.Lin Mingshu, who works in the Beijing Central Orchestra, has been communicating with me and giving me encouragement. Now he feels that the time has come and he encourages me to produce works. In 1977, I sent him the finished long poem "1976". He showed it to Qiao Yu.However, two months later, I received a rejection from the editorial department.Then I learned that Guangxi University and Guangxi Teachers College sent letters to transfer me, and they all received rejection letters from the Organization Department of the County Party Committee.I wrote a letter to the Organization Department of the prefectural committee, requesting professional counterparts, and the answer I received was: "The higher-level party committee has instructed everyone to study and use philosophy, so that those who study philosophy can use it everywhere. There is no need to adjust, and I hope you can work with peace of mind.” At that time, I was amazed at the strange text, reluctant to throw it away, but it has been preserved to this day.The signing date of this reply letter was June 1978. At that time, the whole country had begun to recruit graduate students, and I had also taken the preliminary examination, so my mind was already very relaxed.After reading this strange article, I suddenly felt that it doesn’t matter if we can’t get the resources out, and it’s still the same thing if we don’t get out of Guangxi.My only goal is to return to Beijing, my spiritual hometown.I must end my too long hibernation, wake up, and start living a human life again—a life of thought and feeling, a life of creation.

The resumption of the college entrance examination was at the end of 1977. Minzi, as a senior high school student of the 66th class in Beijing, I naturally encouraged her to apply for the exam, but she was not admitted.This makes me feel particularly sorry, because her level was good enough to pass the exam. In March 1978, the enrollment of graduate students began, and I applied for the major of Soviet Contemporary Philosophy at the Institute of Philosophy, Chinese Academy of Social Sciences.The reason why I applied for this major is because I have a good foundation in Russian and I am more likely to pass the exam.Fortunately, during the first enrollment, the registration did not require the approval of the unit and the local personnel department, otherwise the county organization department would, as always, never let go of the opportunity to obstruct me.What puzzled me was why the later generations changed this wise policy, thereby necessarily blocking the way of some talented people who were not liked by the local leadership, and it was precisely such people who most needed to be freed from the shackles.The time for review was very short. I mainly did two things. One was to read the original works and selections of original works of Western philosophy that I could find, and the other was to read the Russian version of "State and Revolution". From May 15th to 17th, candidates from all over the country will take the preliminary test in their own places at the same time.I felt good, and later learned that the History of Western Philosophy as a professional course scored 96 points, which was the highest among the candidates in the philosophy department.

However, more than a month after the initial test, there was no news at all, and I, who had always been unconfident, had begun to despair.Suddenly one day, two people came to Beijing, it is said that they came to conduct my political trial.In the evening, they came to the dilapidated house of the Agricultural Machinery Factory. One was Liu Qilin, director of the ethics department of the Institute of Philosophy, and the other was Bo Xicheng, deputy director of the Research Division of the Institute of Philosophy.Bo Xicheng is the son of Bo Yibo, and he told me what happened to them in the County Organization Department as a fun thing: Since the letter of introduction was written on the title of the County Party School, the Organization Department refused to accept it, so he turned around and filled in the blank A letter of introduction was accepted.Liu Qilin told me that the organization department said a lot of bad things about me.He went on to say: "They think it's a weakness, but we think it's a strength. The gang of four here is too pernicious." They also told me that I did well in the exam and I'm going to Beijing for a re-examination. Passing should not be a problem.It's hard for me to describe how happy I was.Political trials have always been a secretive affair, but now these two people have frankly told me about the situation and their own views.I have been suppressed here, and for many years no matter what level of organization said it was right for me, now I hear for the first time someone from the organization say that this is wrong.All of a sudden, everything normalized and common sense regained its dignity.A year and a half after smashing the Gang of Four, the sunshine of the new era has overcome all obstacles and directly shone on me for the first time.In my eyes, these two men who seemed to have fallen from the sky were almost like saviors.Therefore, when Bo Xicheng played Go with me and defeated me, I still felt that my dilapidated house was bright.

In July, I went to Beijing to take the re-examination, and then returned to the resource to wait for the notice.During this period, I spent four days with Xiaoling in Xing'an. We rowed in Lingqu, and I leaned on the side of the boat to enjoy her beautiful voice.Then, A Liang came to visit me. He is a relative of Xiaoling. He was in Jiangxi when he jumped in the queue and got to know me through Xiaoling's handwritten poems.He lived with me for more than ten days, and we smoked and had long conversations in the small shabby house every day, and we have become close friends ever since. On September 14th, I received the admission letter.Just a few days ago, an officer of the Organization Department—an ugly woman who was also a college student—was spreading the word, “Zhou Guoping wants to find resources? Dreaming!” Ah, that’s great, I finally have something I can do Make such a person uncomfortable while making my friends happy.

There is a saying among the non-local cadres of Ziyuan: "After passing the bird-fighting world, turn around and worship three times." The bird-fighting world is the highest mountain on the Ziyuan Highway, and it is also the junction of Ziyuan and Linxian County. Once the field cadres pass by here It is very difficult to transfer out when you enter the resource work. If you can transfer out, you are very lucky, so thank you.In the beginning, I didn't care much about where I lived, so I didn't take this statement seriously.But now, when I finally walk out after living in the resource for eight and a half years, I can't help but look back and pay my respects three times.My mood is very complicated. Of the three prayers, the first one is to rejoice for flying out of the prison, the second one is to bid farewell to the precious years buried here, and the last one is deep concern. Minzi stays here as a hostage Yes, I made a wish, I must come back to pick her up.