Chapter 30 8. Worrying about Guo Shiying

When I went to Peking University, it was the time when the struggle against Soviet revisionism was launched, and it was used to drive the domestic class struggle.In this context, there is a lot of political study in schools, and the political enthusiasm of most students seems to be very high.Beginning at the end of 1962, the anti-revisionist struggle kicked off with an attack on Togliatti, the general secretary of the Italian Communist Party, and soon escalated into an open debate with the Central Committee of the CPSU, with newspapers publishing major articles one after another.Before each publication, it is broadcast first, and many students wait under the tweeters on campus, ready to applaud loudly for the sentences that they think are sonorous and powerful.I can’t help feeling disgusted, feeling that these people seem to have a clear stand, but they don’t actually have a stand of their own. If they lived in the Soviet Union, they would also applaud the Soviet Union’s criticism of China.Guo Shiying couldn't suppress the resentment in his heart. He often complained to me in the bathroom at night.

"We say they are revisionists, they say we are dogmatists, do you know who is right and who is wrong? They say that they are a privileged class and have a villa, which of our leaders doesn't have one. Wherever my father goes, there is a special one for him. There are houses in Beidaihe, Shanghai, and Qingdao. China doesn’t rely on qualifications to eat, so it can be useless..." His deep bass is sometimes clear and sometimes blurred, as if floating from a distance with an uncertain wind direction.I don't know if he's right or not, but I know that he's seriously troubled by these issues, that he's thinking with his head and with his heart, and that's far closer to the truth than those who applaud the tweeters.

Another thing that disgusted Shiying was the school's announcement to rectify discipline.He said to me: "Let's fix it, I will let it if you can, and I will leave if you can't. What am I in love with Peking University? Is it the lecture notes of Teacher Zhao (the teacher of dialectical materialism) or the lectures of Teacher Chen (the grade director)? Teacher Chen asked him to write a self-criticism for truancy, and he replied: "You punish me. You punished me according to the regulations, and I was punished according to the regulations. Why is there any need to write a self-criticism?"

His mood became more and more irritable, and he often had headaches and insomnia.He told me that his neurasthenia was a faux pas, and that when one is a little sick, one is free and not subject to discipline.However, I clearly saw that he couldn't control his emotions.Once, he burned his finger with a match in front of me.Another time, he forced Fang Xiaozao to bind his arms, saying that he wanted to try how much force he could use to break free.At that time, almost no one among college students smoked, but he never left his pipe.In fact, he didn't have any addiction to cigarettes, but he just showed a rebellious attitude. He knew that his teachers and classmates were disgusted by it.

On the way to the classroom, he saw a few workers cleaning the cinders outside the boiler room, so he said to me: "This is what I will do in the future, and people like Hu Moumou will become my superiors. Damn, what am I?" No, I am the proud son of heaven!" Hu Moumou is a classmate in our dormitory, a farmer from Anhui, he is narrow-minded and dislikes Shiying the most, after a big quarrel, they stopped talking to each other. When he was calm, Shiying tried to analyze himself. He said: "I don't know why people are still decadent now, but it is easy to understand the decadence after the war. Is it because I am not free? Why am I not free? If I don't like to go to class, I won't go to class." , the teacher can’t do anything about me. Maybe it’s because I don’t have enough talent, my talent is too far from what I want to achieve. But I don’t envy others, I still like myself.” He also said: “My thoughts are gray enough Yes, but it’s not too gray, why should I tell you this? I still want to seek sympathy.”

One day, the whole school mobbed and wiped out the bedbugs. In the open space in front of the dormitory building, bunk beds were turned upside down.I was with Shiying, and we were spraying dichlorvos into the crevice of the bed, and he whispered to me: "Tell you, one day I will go abroad." I laughed at him and said, "You look like this, what can you do abroad?" He seemed After being insulted, he replied in a fierce tone: "Why, you look down on me? I'll come back as a capitalist and show you!" I said, "Come on, it's good if you don't become a beggar." He glanced at me and said, "Go Let's see." But after a while, he smiled wryly and said to me: "Actually, I don't really want to go abroad. Zhang Heci and Sun Jingwu still have things to do when they go out. What can I do?" During my afternoon nap that day, I heard him Call me from outside the window, and go out through the window.Standing next to him was Zhang Heci. They wanted to drink, but they had no money, so they borrowed money from me, and they had to use my student ID to sell books in a second-hand bookstore.Zhang Heci held a set of "Molière's Drama Collection" in his hand. I saw this set of books in a second-hand bookstore in Haidian a few days later, and Zhang's signature was on the title page.The three of them often go to restaurants to drink and write while half drunk.Once, when he was very drunk, Sun Jingwu stared at Guo Shiying for a long time, and grunted: "The eyes of dead fish!" This sentence made him appreciate it a lot.

In the environment at that time, the three of them were completely different.Their behavior is half a rebellion against reality, and half an imitation of Western artists. I guess they are mainly imitating the example in the Rotonda bar described in "People, Years, and Life".What worries me more and more is that if Shiying's emotions are allowed to go on like this, the conflict with reality will become increasingly fierce, and I don't know what kind of tragic ending it will lead to.