Chapter 6 4. Not the teacher's pet

On a certain festival, I went to my daughter's kindergarten to watch the children perform.In some programs, only a few children appeared on the stage. During the performance, the rest of the children watched with wide eyes, with envious eyes shining. My daughter and another little girl couldn't help doing the actions in the show off the stage.I watched silently, realizing how honorable it is to be chosen by the teacher in the eyes of the children.I think about my frustrations with this as a child.Not long after I was in elementary school, I was selected by the teacher to participate in a festival performance.It was a table performance. During the performance, several children formed a circle and sang "Kang Lingling Kang Lingling rides a horse to Beijing" while turning in circles as if riding a horse.That day I specially wore a pair of new leather shoes, but to my disappointment, the shoelaces came loose after I walked a few steps. I bent over to tie my shoes, and others had to stop too.I couldn't tie it anyway, so the teacher came to the stage to help me tie it.After a while, the lace of the other shoe was loose again, the program was interrupted again, and the teacher came to the stage again, but instead of helping me tie my shoelace, he took my hand and took me off the stage.From then on, I no longer have the role to perform in the show. Whenever I perform on festivals, I feel deeply inferior.

I also used to be sad for not being able to join the Young Pioneers.At that time, you had to be nine years old to join the team. The team was established in the third grade, and most of the students wore the red scarf on the same day. I was excluded because I was not old enough.After school that day, I walked on the street surrounded by red scarves, my chest was empty, and I felt very ashamed, and I was even embarrassed to go home to see my sister, because she also had a red scarf.At that time, the Young Pioneers had a rule that team members should salute each other when they meet each other on the street. Every time I saw this scene, I was very envious.The time of that year passed extremely slowly, and I finally looked forward to the day when I joined the team, and then I felt that I could raise my head.I was so proud that I ran home wearing a red scarf, expecting my parents and sister to express surprise, but they didn't respond.

Such things, of course, seem trivial to me now, but in the eyes of a child they are quite a big deal.I have found time and time again that children are extremely sensitive to honor, and that is what they value most.However, since they have not yet established inner yardsticks, they can only judge honor by external signs.In front of children, the teacher, whether wise or foolish, can become an authority, relying on the power to distribute honor.I was a very insecure person, which may be traced in large part to the fact that I was rarely assigned honors as a child.The younger the child, the more superstitious the authority of the teacher. This is an unavoidable stage.As a person who sees through my identity like me, I didn't regard the teacher's darling as a hero back then.

Among the classmates at that time, the two people I admired the most were the squadron leader Yu Hua and the brigade leader Chen Xintian.Yu Hua is an obedient little girl who studies hard and is often praised by the teacher. Although she looks ordinary, she is a little idol in my eyes.During group dances in extracurricular activities, the youngest girl in the class who is dressed like a doll always likes to look for me, but I don't like her, thinking of Yu Hua in my heart, but unfortunately Yu Hua doesn't like me again, she probably looks for Chen heart field.Chen Xintian is the number one student in the school, and all the boys and girls in the class adore him.He has a pair of small dimples on his face, which looks very cute.He is not a lamb-type student. With a strong sense of superiority, he sometimes plays temper with the teacher.Once, he lost his temper and threw the captain's sign on the ground, expressing his resignation. The teacher had no choice but to comfort him, which added to his prestige and made us all believe that the Young Pioneers would not be possible without Chen Xintian.

In the year of graduation, Chen Xintian played a big game behind his teacher's back.He organized most of the boys in the class, appointed each of them a post, and himself became the army commander, and the rest were successively assigned lower positions, up to the company commander and platoon leader.There is only one oldest boy, who is not good at homework and is good at fighting, but he is named the commander-in-chief.At the time, I didn't understand why he did this. Now that I think about it, he was quite scheming. He used his false name to stabilize this boy, and he used this puppet to restrain everyone, so that he himself can feel at ease as the actual commander.Official positions were obviously assigned according to his closeness, and the rank was clear at a glance, which quickly caused conflicts.Therefore, he announced the revocation of the original appointment, and reappointed roughly according to the positions of the military organs, such as section chiefs and staff officers.In those days, his home became the headquarters, and there was an endless stream of people who came to ask for instructions and report.I am far from his confidant, no matter how he plays tricks, my position is not big, and I know this in my heart.The two boys who were close to me also held humble positions, so we decided to set up a secret organization by ourselves, and at the same time continue to lurk in Chen Xintian's organization.As for what's lurking there, we have no idea.I remember that I climbed up the small wooden stairs of Chen's house several times, trying to spy on the information, but I always asked for instructions on an unimportant matter, but got nothing.This game occupied almost all of our extracurricular interests and time, and was finally discovered by the teacher and ordered to terminate it.

My best elementary school classmate is Huang Wanchun. We have similar personalities and are both quiet.In the class, he is also a student who has no limelight.The only time he got in the limelight was when Mr. Lu criticized him for not working hard in class, and then said that if he worked hard, he would be the best in the class.After school, we often do homework together, and then draw pictures, read comic books, and play chess.The venue of the activity is basically at my house, and I have to go to his house while his mother is away, because she is too tidy and has too many rules, and she doesn't welcome other children.Influenced by his grandmother, he believed in Buddhism a little bit, and taught me that if you lose something on the road, as long as you recite Amitabha silently, you will be able to find it back.I tried it, but it didn't work.I have another kind of superstition. When walking on a road with patterns, I am very careful not to step on the line. I think it is unlucky to step on it.When he was about to graduate, Huang Wanchun did not apply for middle school because his father was going to take the whole family to Hong Kong.During the summer vacation after graduation, we all felt reluctant to leave.One day, I took him to see the middle school I had been admitted to. The school gate was closed during the holidays. We peeked in through the fence and saw the playground and a row of classrooms at the end of the playground. We looked at each other in amazement. It was a very ordinary middle school.The last time I went to his house, I saw a gentle man wearing black-rimmed glasses busy packing his luggage.That was his father, and the family was leaving within a few days.Downstairs of his house there is a small workshop for making mahjong and chopsticks, from which he often gets some ivory or plastic scraps, which are all treasures in my eyes, and he generously gave them to me at this time.With these treasures in my pocket, I waved goodbye to him at the street corner.We have been in correspondence since then, and after he went to New York to study at university, we exchanged letters through his family in Hong Kong until the Cultural Revolution broke out.