Chapter 20 Chapter 4 Breaking the strings and continuing
Some scabbed wounds, even if you don't touch them, will still hurt inexplicably at inexplicable times.So a person, try not to live with a wound, otherwise you will always make yourself hurt more in the casual days.But when people walk in the world, they will inevitably be hurt by thorns.When you are alone, you will be stung by loneliness; when you are public, you will be stabbed by a sharp knife; when you are lonely, you will be injured by cold;Everyone's palm has already carved lines of fate, even if you scratch with a blade, you can't change the doomed ending.
Nalan was hoarse from the dark wound of youth, and was pierced through the chest by the sword of death.He looks forward to the warmth of flowers blooming, but always encounters cold encounters.These days, he found peace in the bells and scriptures, but those wounds that had never healed still ached in the silence. "If you don't believe that mandarin ducks don't grow old", it's like a joke, a ridiculous dream.Even with all his life's wealth, he couldn't stop the attack of serious diseases.He bet all his youth, but he couldn't save a weak life.Floating in a flash, life is like this.Destiny only needs to wave its magic power lightly, and all your glorious life will be turned into smoke.
Nalan asked the Buddha how to bear the lightness of life.The Buddha said that cause and effect have been predestined in previous lives, even if you are as merciful as a Buddha and as broad as a Buddha, you can't change the number of days.In the eyes of the Buddha, Nalan is an idiot, immersed in love and unable to wake up.Even sitting in the meditation room and sleeping on the meditation bed, Nalan would still be in a dream with his beloved wife, so unstoppable.He can't forget the lingering tenderness on the embroidered couch in the past, and the warmth and romance of talking at night with the lights on.
My heart is exhausted, and some monks are not yet complete.The wind and rain wear away the life and death, and the deja vu is only lonely.Love can't wake up.
My heart is exhausted, and some monks are not yet complete.Nalan's heart has turned into ashes. He kneels in front of the Buddha and wants to become a monk, cut off three thousand threads of troubles, and remove the heavy shackles of the world of mortals.But only the Buddha knows that he can't let go completely, he is not an ordinary person, his life is too much tied down.All kinds of entanglements, any kind, will bind him.How could he take off his costume and walk away before he finished this secular scene?It is said that his life is like Jia Baoyu in the movie. Jia Baoyu finally chose to become a monk because of Lin Daiyu's death and the decline of Jia's family.The world is vast, and all thoughts are empty, because there is no grass or tree in this world of mortals to keep him.
Nalan is not. Although he lost his cousin and his beloved wife, he has not experienced the vicissitudes of life.The Nalan family is still at its peak, and he is still a highly valued courtier of Kangxi.Parents are present, and the child is still in its infancy. He cannot awaken his love, and cannot abandon his love. How can he convert to Buddhism and realize Bodhi?The Buddha said that turning back is the shore, but where is the shore he wants to dock?Everyone is born, shaking a light boat, drifting in the river of life, they are looking for the harbor they need.Purdue by the Buddha's light only saves the predestined people in the world.Although Nalan became attached to the Buddha, he was deeply ingrained in the world of mortals, and it would be very difficult for him to get away.Maybe being a simple and ordinary person will add more happiness and fulfillment.
Time flies, flashing and disappearing, so that you can hardly find a trace.No matter who you are, don't bet against time, because you are destined to be a loser.One day, we have experienced vicissitudes of life, and time is still safe and sound.It has been three years since Nalan's beloved wife passed away, three years, neither long nor short, but Nalan's memory is filled with sorrow.When his mind is overflowing and there is nowhere to put it, he can only adjust it into ink and write it into poems.
When is this hatred?Dripping empty steps, cold and rainy breaks, and the weather for burying flowers.
Recently, there have been infinitely sad things, who will keep the story longer?From teaching to pay, green windows and red tears, early geese and early warblers.
That's right, three years of lingering dreams, it's a dream that should wake up after a long time.But he just couldn't bring himself to wake up from the dream.The melancholy of the moonlight floating in the sky, he sips a cup of overnight bitter tea every day, picking up the past memories, trying to piece together the incomplete days.Some emotions need to be hidden, and some thoughts are destined to be buried.All the tenderness, all the beauty, are dyed into cool tears.No matter how he looks at the high-rise building, the autumn water sees through it, the person who has gone away will not return after all.
For three years, Nalan insisted not to marry, but he could no longer bear the pressure from his family.Nalan, heartbroken in ashes, still agreed to Mingzhu and continued to marry Guan.If the ex-wife Lu family came from a famous family, then the Guan family came from a famous family.The Guan family is the descendant of the Guerjia family, the first of the eight noble families in the Manchu and Qing Dynasties.His great-grandfather, Zhiyi Gong Fei Yingdong, was one of the five most important ministers of Nurhaci. He fought bravely and was the founding father of the Qing Dynasty.His grandfather, Tulai, and his father, Pu Erpu, were both named first-class princes.Born in such an aristocratic family that is "like the hairpin tassels in the world, it is more expensive than the prosperity", and is a Manchu woman and military general, the Guan family should be a woman who combines nobility and pride.It's hard for her to compare with Lu Shi's gentleness and virtuousness, and it's also not as good as Qingmei's calmness.Nalan Rongruo couldn't really like such a woman.
A kind of crescent eyebrow, the second string is not as good as the first string.Geng Lang is not old yet, why should he be sad early?
This is a word written by Nalan, a kind of crescent eyebrow, the last string is not as good as the first string, which shows that he has no affection for Guanshi.His cold heart needs a warm and affectionate woman, who can be warmed with a long time and patience.His feelings for Qingmei and Lu Shi are as firm as a rock, if it wasn't for a peerless beauty and a peerless love, how could it touch his heart again?In Nalan's eyes, the ordinary official family and the arrogant official family may not be as good as the acacia tree he planted, a dripping lotus on the window sill, or even a cup of clear wine in a cup, or the words in his poems. a rhyme.
Nalan doesn't like Guanshi, not only because Guanshi doesn't understand Nalan's various styles and cannot sing with his husband and wife.To Nalan's dismay, Guanshi's father, Pu Erpu, was the first-class public servant of Doctor Guanglu, and was his boss.All of Nalan's actions in the palace were under his supervision, and Nalan, who was already feeling depressed, felt extremely distressed.Suo'etu, the political opponent who was pushed out of the cabinet by Nalan Mingzhu, also served as the Minister of the Interior in the 19th year of Kangxi, and was later promoted to the Minister of the Interior of the Guard.In this way, Suo'etu also became Nalan's boss.Nalan not only has to obey the emperor's dispatch, but also endures the supervision of his father-in-law, and even obeys Suo'etu's arrangement.He is like a weak insect ant, caught in the gap of power, unable to stretch his limbs at all.Politics is a complicated vortex, and the simple-minded Nalan was involved like a drop in the ocean.
Without joy, without freedom, Nalan's heart died amidst the prosperity.This unavoidable life, and the sorrows that cannot be entertained can only be watered with wine and washed with words.He didn't have the determination to become a monk by cutting off his hair, nor the determination to die with a sword. His thin shoulders couldn't bear the world of mortals.Wine became his confidant, words his lover.It is said that Nalan has a heart of wisdom that the world cannot match, but why is it that all living beings are happy, but he is the only one who falls into the abyss of sorrow?Why is it that other people chew the vegetable root and eat light rice, it is delicious, but he still feels bitter when he eats jade grains and golden water shield?What is barren is his heart, the once romantic and affectionate heart has been dried up by the smoke and fire of the world, and has become so brittle that it becomes powder when touched lightly.
How can a weak heart withstand boiling water and burning fireworks?Facing Guan Shi, he was depressed, and Guan Shi couldn't understand why the romantic talent that everyone sang about was such a cold-blooded and ruthless person.In this world, people get along with each other without fate, just like the grass and trees on the rice paddies, without love or hatred.Nalan has no feelings for Guan Shi, and doesn't even have the thought of hating her.The two had been married for four years and had no children. In the ancestral tombs of the Nalan family, there was no tombstone related to her.The dignified Nalan Rongruo's "Second Lady" is like a mystery, coming in a hurry and leaving quietly.
Perhaps after Nalan's death, the Guan family couldn't bear the loneliness and had no children, so they left the Nalan Mansion relying on their own family status and married someone else.A woman who has never received the slightest favor from Nalan, her life is also considered sad.So we should understand any choice she makes, she has the right to walk through the shadows and choose the beautiful sunshine.I don't know if Nalan ever felt compassion for Guan Shi?Will there be some regrets because of neglecting her?Those who have gone will go, the wind and smoke will be clean, and there will be no answers to any inquiries.
