Chapter 81 second quarter

In 1969, Zhang Ailing accepted her third job—going to the China Research Center of the University of California, Berkeley to study mainland political terms.This time it was still Xia Zhiqing's recommendation, but Xia Zhiqing was unwilling to take credit: "Zhang Ailing is so famous, I don't write a recommendation letter, Shixiang himself is willing to hire. But Shixiang's brother and sister-in-law like to be lively, but Ailing It’s rare for him to go to his home to say hello, or to accompany them to San Francisco’s China Town for dinner. She also doesn’t go to work on time, and only goes to the research center at dusk, staying up all night in the office alone.”

Chen Shaocong, Zhang Ailing's assistant, also said: "Since Mr. Zhang came to Chen (Shixiang)'s house twice, she has never come out to socialize. Mr. Chen and his wife invited her repeatedly, but she declined. Although Professor Chen is hospitable, It’s also inconvenient, so I have to call occasionally.” ——Well, she will never know how to be a human being. But maybe it's not that I won't, it's that I don't want to. Office has always been divided into two types of people: one is people who do things, and the other is people who are people. For those who do things, being a human being is a difficult and disdainful thing for them; and for those who are human beings, doing things is also a difficult and impossible thing for them.

Sadly the latter is often more effective than the former.As long as they get the "people" right, they don't care about whether they will do "things". Their "things" are just opportunistic, flattering, forming gangs, pretending to be powerful, stealing, intrigue, framing... These are things that people who do things can't understand I can't learn it either.So they can only escape, avoid, and protect themselves with a passive way of keeping at arm's length. Some people, however, will be offended even if you distance yourself from them.Such as the boss.If he thinks you should get close to him and you don't, then he will feel hurt, a little like a lover.

His immediate boss, Chen Shixiang, was offended in this way.Chen Shixiang hired Zhang Ailing because of her fame. Naturally, she wanted to show off her rare goods to friends, but she refused to be exhibited as a "rare commodity". This year, Zhang Ailing was forty-nine years old, almost the year of "knowing the destiny".But the days are not holidays, and people are not in season, so what can we do? In this year, the Chinese Cultural Revolution was in full swing, and graduates of the class of 69 went to Yunnan in a mighty way; In 1999, 71-year-old Liu Shaoqi was sent to Kaifeng, Henan Province, and was secretly detained in the courtyard of the Kaifeng City Revolutionary Committee. He died on November 12; In this year, a major event that had a huge impact on the entire human history happened in the United States-on July 20, 1969, astronaut Armstrong landed on the moon and took the first human step on the moon. step—that is the moon that Eileen Chang has written and praised countless times in her articles. How many dreams she has placed on it, is it finally going to help her unveil the mysterious veil through the eyes and steps of an astronaut?

That afternoon, Zhang Ailing stood under a utility pole on St. Paul Avenue in California, trying to raise her head and squint at the wooden sign above.It happened that Professor Chen Shixiang drove by and asked her what she was doing here. She said that she was looking for a bus stop and wanted to buy a TV to watch the broadcast of the moon landing at night.It turned out that she was highly myopic and mistakenly took the telephone pole as a bus plate... Colleagues from UC once described Eileen Chang as "the soul of the office", with a double entendre, not only referring to her profundity, but also her elegance.She always wears a cheongsam, or gray, or purple, or light blue, or plain flower, silk material, traditional piping, and a faint fragrance along the way; her skin is fair and transparent, she wears light makeup, at least she can wear lipstick, medium length His curly hair is sometimes "five phoenixes flying"; his gait is elegant and light, and he is always thoughtful when walking. Sometimes he will walk on the campus alone, and he can concentrate on looking up for a long time when he sees workers repairing wires.

——Removing the burden of Lai Ya, and having the fixed royalties of the crown, Zhang Ailing's financial situation has improved greatly during these days, and she has become more careful about her dressing.And she always likes to wear a cheongsam. No matter where she goes, whose surname she takes, or which nationality she has acquired, she is always a daughter of Shanghai. She once said: Clothes are like a "pocket drama" that you carry with you, and a "personal environment" that can be changed.She also said, "Each of us lives in our own clothes."——She lived in a cheongsam all her life.

Among the many memories and interview texts, it belongs to the other one of the "only two staff members in the language department" of the institute who is the same as Eileen Chang - Chen Shaocong's description in "Passing Shoulders with Eileen Eileen Chang" is the most cordial and true: "The first time I saw Zhang Ailing was at the dinner party for her by Mr. Chen (Shixiang), accompanied by three or four other professors. My full attention was focused on Zhang Ailing. At that time, I was absolutely I read all her works. I became cautious, shy and well-behaved around her. Although I hoped so much in my heart to get close to her and communicate with her, I didn’t even speak at that time. Will say, dare not say."

"That night Zhang dealt with the guests very elegantly. She didn't take the initiative to talk to anyone, as if she was always answering other people's questions. She had a shallow and polite smile on her face when she spoke. She was wearing a silver-gray dress with dark flowers. Silk cheongsam (later she has been wearing conservative plain cheongsam). She was forty-nine years old at the time, tall and thin. Medium-length curly hair, which could be seen as the finished product of a barber. She A little powder is applied on the face, and the light red lipstick is slightly silvery. Her nearsightedness is not shallow, so that she always squints her eyes when looking at people, and there seems to be a question mark in her eyes, sometimes you are not sure about her. Are you looking at you?"

"Mr. Zhang always arrives after noon, and she often stays in the office after everyone is off work. It is rare to have the opportunity to meet with colleagues on weekdays, and no one pays attention to her coming and going. In the corner of the corridor, she glimpsed her flashing past. She often kept her eyes fixed, sometimes facing the wall, sometimes facing the floor. Only heard the sound of rustling and stumbling footsteps, and there seemed to be nothing left in the corridor. Lightly powdery." "A few times I knocked on the door lightly and went in. Mr. Zhang immediately stood up shyly from his seat, squinted at me, but seemed to be unable to see me, so I became uncomfortable. She didn't speak, and I I had no choice but to talk to myself. She quietly listened to my murmured and murmured for a while, and then answered me in a dazed and perfunctory way. After a few rehearsals of the "Absurd Theater" performance, I finally gave up and couldn't continue the performance. I was so dull that I finally gradually realized the fact that for Mr. Zhang, any outsider released Respect, kindness, and even the intention to communicate with her are a kind of psychological pressure and mental burden on her."

"I've changed my approach since then. Every few weeks, I'll fasten a stack of completed data cards with rubber bands and place them on her desk when she's away, with a small note on them. Unless she asks me to Whatever I do, I will never go in and disturb her. As a result, she has insisted on her consistent silence. During the nearly one year of our 'working together', Mr. Zhang never gave me any order or request." "After knowing her loneliness, in order to be considerate of her, I adopted a new countermeasure: Every day when I approached her arrival, I simply avoided it and went to the library to chat with others temporarily until I was sure she was there. After entering her lonely kingdom safely and securely, she returned to her original position. This is done entirely to save her the effort to deal with me."

"Through a board wall, I heard her coughing, her staggering footsteps. I was a creeping admirer of Eileen Chang. We performed pantomime for nearly a year within a ten-foot radius. I was so Eager to communicate and know each other; but she always sticks to her glorious solitude and silence." However, Zhang Ailing is not ruthless, nor is she icy. She is aware of and grateful for others' sincere concern and consideration.Once Eileen Chang had a cold and was unable to go to work due to leave. Chen Shaocong called to see her, and went to the Chinese pharmacy to prepare some herbal medicines and sent them to her apartment.However, she knew she didn't like being disturbed, so she just rang the doorbell, left the medicine bag outside the door and left. After a few days, Zhang Ailing came to work, although she didn't say anything.However, Chen Shaocong saw a small note with "Thank you" on his desk, under a bottle of Chanel No. 5 perfume. Eileen Chang seems to have a soft spot for Chanel No. 5. Hong Kong reporter Crystal once wrote in "Interview with Eileen Chang": "She has already prepared a gift, because she knew that I was engaged last year, so she specially bought an eight-ounce perfume. To my fiancée. To my dismay, because I came in such a hurry, I didn’t have anything special for her.” Circa June 1971. At that time, Eileen Chang had decided to leave.She had a long letter to Xia Zhiqing on June 10 of this year. From this letter, it is not difficult to see that her work at the University of Berkeley was difficult and unsatisfactory: "When I first came, I was called Glossary (a collection of words), explaining nouns. It just so happens that the situation in the past two years is special, and there are really no new nouns. Including the Red Guard newspaper. Ctr (Research Center) also has other people who specialize in nouns, and the old ones are replaced every few months. Produced a few pages of dictionary. So I ended up writing an article about the changes in the definition of the Cultural Revolution, traced back to changes in the background of newspapers and periodicals, so I had a lot of scruples, no new terms, and two pages of terms at the end.” Chen Shixiang was obviously dissatisfied with the report, and he showed it to the other three scholars in the research center, but none of them could understand.Zhang Ailing had to rewrite the whole article, but Chen Shixiang still said she couldn't understand it.Zhang Ailing said with a smile: "With the outline and conclusion, I can't understand a sentence eight times. I can't believe it." Chen Shixiang said angrily: "That means I don't understand Luo?" He ordered Zhang Ailing to rewrite it again, remove the report and only need nouns Explanation.Besides, if the director of the research center hadn't confessed last year, she would not have been hired again, and she was fired immediately. This is Eileen Chang's last job, and she will never wrong herself to live with others.No need to pay for Laiya's medical bills anymore, no matter how hard it is, there is a limit.So she decided to return to the solitude and freedom she loves so much, to go back to the living habit of working day and night, and watching the moon she has loved all her life. Mr. Crystal described: "I think Zhang Ailing is very similar to a cicada. Although the thin gauze wings are fragile, the fiber quality of the body is very solid, and the latent power is also great. Moreover, it can hide deep in the shade of willows as soon as it flies." In 1973, the cicada moved from Berkeley to Los Angeles, hiding in the shade of willows, and began a 22-year hermit life.