Chapter 20 Chapter Nineteen

It was raining continuously, and the blue-gray stone alleys were soaked into blue-black ink by the rain.Hu Lancheng and Zhang Ailing walked in the winding alleys, and they could not see the possibility of sunshine.The two held an umbrella together, but they didn't bother to cover themselves or each other, half of each got wet.Zhang Ailing walked silently, listening to Hu Lancheng's words, thinking about her position in his life.No matter how guilty Hu Lancheng is, he still has plausible words: "I have been taken care of by others since I escaped! They are not relatives, and they treat me like relatives, but I can't be as relieved as I was with Qingyun and you! I just feel sorry and uneasy everywhere. Mr. Fan always comforts me, people come to meet only when they owe something, but I don’t like that fate is so burdensome! Meeting is a beautiful thing, it’s like a bird coming to perch on a treetop, why? Will it become a debt relationship?"

Zhang Ailing replied softly, which was a powerful aphorism for Hu Lancheng: "But Su Shi still has a saying, 'Pick up all the cold branches and refuse to live'!" Hu Lancheng was silent at the moment, knowing that Zhang Ailing was questioning his attitude towards feelings.Now that Zhang Ailing clicked the question, she had to continue: "Mr. Si said that Xiao Zhou was arrested and said that you would come out and surrender to save her!" Hu Lancheng was silent for a while and said, "But I don't have the courage to go this far!" He She didn't deny it, but Zhang Ailing felt a prick in her heart when she answered in this way.

Hu Lancheng said angrily: "She was arrested because of my troubles! She is just a nurse in the hospital. She is there every day to save lives. What are you doing? I have to find a way to get her out if I get the money!" One shot after another shot, Zhang Ailing looked at the long drizzle, really desperate and desperate, and said: "If you do this for her, you will sacrifice your life! I have to ask you to make a choice between me and her! In this way, You are not in a dilemma, and there is one less person to suffer!" Hu Lancheng was slightly shocked. He looked at Zhang Ailing and was almost trapped by her questioning, but he was still calm and said angrily: "I don't choose! I have no choice! As a child, I know that there is no choice between heaven and earth. There is only forbearance, no choice! Xiao Zhou was caught, I was very anxious, but I was still calm, if you were caught, I am afraid that I would already be squatting with Zhou Fohai and the others now!"

Zhang Ailing's attitude revealed her stubbornness and stubbornness, and she said: "Your words can't forgive me! If Xiao Zhou's life is at stake, you still have to go! I don't worry about myself in the wind and waves of Shanghai. Now I worry about it." It doesn’t count to scare you, but it’s so funny that you want to worry about Wuhan! I can’t do this!” Hu Lancheng firmly believed that Zhang Ailing would understand, so she said without any scruples: "You always believe in me, I am not confused, and I will not take meaningless risks! But you want me to tell you in front of you, I gave up Xiao Zhou, I can't say it, and I can't do it! A gentleman's friendship, life and death are the same, and love is still behind! What's more, you have something deeper than a gentleman's friend and love with me. If you want to ask, you can only There is nothing comparable in heaven and earth, how can I choose? I choose, I wronged you, and I am sorry to Xiao Zhou!"

Hu Lancheng explained that his state of mind seemed to be vast, but his love was a winding alley with no end and no way back. Said: "I don't have such great ambitions as you, there is no heaven and earth, no gentlemen and villains, I only have you and me in my heart! With me, you are absolute and the only one. If I have a life, I will give it to you." You, will not and cannot give to the second person! I love you can only be like this! I don't want the "fog number", the kind of scattered and stagnant sadness! Dim, dirty, I don't want it!" Hu Lancheng knew that what she gave Zhang Ailing was dark and dirty, and said with deep self-ashamedness: "It's good to be clean, straight and concise! But I'm not the person who trimmed the edges like this! Romantic and majestic! This kind of fractured love can only be Western! It is reason, not love! Love is a flower that blooms, is self-generated, beautiful and withering, and cannot be interfered with! I will not argue for Xiao Zhou’s matter, I just want you to understand , I can't choose not because I don't love you, but because I don't love you like this! You can't choose if you are 'true'! You can't choose all the best things in the world! You and I are true, and we are extremely good! You'll always know!"

Hu Lancheng also has his stubbornness and stubbornness. He used Gao Guang to deal with Zhang Ailing's monopoly. Zhang Ailing was almost persuaded by him, but her delicate and fragile heart because of love was crying for help. This was a relationship that could kill her, but Hu Lancheng Still can advance and retreat more than enough.She lowered her eyes and gave the final verdict: "There are a group of children sitting around eating milk and apples in American Pictorial. If you want this, you have to choose America! It makes people feel uncomfortable, but there is no way to do it." You said that the best thing is that there is no choice, I can fully understand! But this matter, you still have to choose! You know me, no matter how you like it, you don’t have to! But what I want is what I want! Even if you Call me unreasonable!"

Under such circumstances, Hu Lancheng refused to even say a word to coax Zhang Ailing: "I am unreasonable! But are you just asking me for a reason? Xiao Zhou is still in prison in Wuhan, and I am wanted all over the country. You feel bad for two people like this, aren't you stupid? The world is desolate, and I don't even know if we can meet again." "If you want to see it, you have to see it! I believe you have this ability!" Zhang Ailing suddenly raised her eyes and looked at Hu Lancheng, "When you married me, the wedding post said that this world is safe and secure, won't you give me peace?"

Zhang Ailing was about to drop the last army, and the situation suddenly became stalemate, and Hu Lancheng couldn't answer.The rain was falling in a hurry, and the two of them were half-drenched, but they were standing in an unfamiliar alleyway, surrounded by walls on both sides, making it even more difficult to advance or retreat.With an umbrella, the two can only face each other like this, as if the size of the world is only reserved for the two of them.Changxiang is as ruthless as Shen Mo, Zhang Ailing did not expect that Hu Lancheng would not give a single word, such a decisiveness.There were tears in her eyes.Disappointedly said: "Are you unwilling!"

Hu Lancheng pursed his lips tightly and looked towards Yuli. He was cornered by Zhang Ailing, unable to move, and she just asked him for such a humble and simple promise, which made him feel even more uncomfortable and unwilling to give it. Zhang Ailing didn't hear the answer for a long time, she seemed to cut her hair, and sighed, "I thought about it, if I have to leave you, I won't commit suicide! I can't love others anymore! I just It may be withered!" Hu Lancheng's chest tightened tightly, and he took a deep breath. He felt the fatal pain, but it seemed too late. Zhang Ailing's most sad moment followed the words out, like a tear, which has never been heard through the ages.The rain dripped onto Hu Lancheng's face from the cracks in the canopy, like his tears.Zhang Ailing took out a handkerchief and wiped it off for him, her face was infinitely sad and miserable, but she could still smile.He held her hand, and suddenly felt that the palm of his hand was empty.

When the two came back, there was still homework to talk about, but Zhang Ailing had to chew on the tragic pain behind her. She begged, "I should go back! Before I leave, let me go and see where you live!" Hu Lancheng Silently leading her, when he reached the door, he let go of his hand, Zhang Ailing smiled again, with indescribable sadness on the corner of her mouth. The opening and closing of firewood doors, the sound of calling, and the occasional barking of dogs in the country, and the bamboo bed in the small room, all were dimly covered by the oil lamp, and Zhang Ailing felt as if she was in another world.Grandma avoided going out, and Xiumei followed her to remind her, no doubt leaving room for Hu Lancheng to explain to Zhang Ailing.Hu Lancheng tried to explain, but her tone was not natural: "Xiumei can only tell my neighbors that I am her husband in order to let me live in her natal family with peace of mind! In the countryside, I also have to worry about Xiumei's difficulties."

Zhang Ailing also nodded, and said nothing. There was still a leak in the corner of the room, and a wooden barrel was used to catch it, tick-tock.Zhang Ailing asked him if it was cold at night, and looked at the bed in the room. There were two pillows and a set of bedding.There was also a quilt on another plank bed in the room, she didn't want to think about it, Hu Lancheng saw her eyes, and didn't explain anymore.Fan Xiumei came back at this time and saw them sitting on the bed, so she sat on the stool beside the bed.Hu Lancheng calmly reassured her, forced a smile and said, "I'm still urging her to go back to Shanghai! It's wet and cold today." Xiumei answered casually: "It won't be like this every day! I think Ms. Zhang should stay here! You are here, he has someone to talk to, life is much easier!" Zhang Ailing watched her talking and doing needlework, and talked about "him" At that time, it was natural and intimate, and my eyes were about to mist again. I was wronged, envied, and praised. She was not willing to lie to herself after seeing a little benefit from others, and she boasted: "I I saw the dog you embroidered just now, it's really embroidered! The other end is a little bit off, it's different!" Fan Xiumei looked happily at the work in her hand and said, "Really? I was passing time! No wonder Mr. Hu often said that you have to throw a compliment to win ten thousand taels of gold! I understand now!" Hu Lancheng saw the reluctance in Zhang Ailing's eyes , she is in love with his place, for her, that is the warmest place in the world. It was still rainy when Eileen Chang left. Hu Lancheng covered Eileen Eileen with an umbrella, supported her all the way to the boat at the pier, and gave her the umbrella again: "Hold it! It will rain all the way!" Zhang Ailing's tone suddenly changed into a rush: "Don't take an umbrella!" Hu Lancheng understands her bitter and contradictory mood, so don't let her go!He smiled and comforted her: "Take a cloth umbrella! Take it!" What he gave her was an oilcloth umbrella, and it wouldn't come apart after a turn, and the sea and the sky would be wide open. Zhang Ailing stared at him foolishly, with infinite panic in her eyes.The boat started moving away from the shore, the people on the boat were noisy and jostling, but she remained indifferent, leaning close to the side of the boat and watching, while he was still standing there, still standing in the rain to see her off.Her tears could no longer hold back, she cried for her love, for the grievance in her heart, for her despair but could not give up, she loved Hu Lancheng so deeply, but his feelings were like this eternal turbidity Huang Tao couldn't see clearly, and she couldn't do anything about it.There is no scenery to enjoy on the way back, just gray sky, misty rain, mountains and people are far away, only an oilcloth umbrella is her emotional destination that she has worked so hard to get. Zhang Ailing returned to the crowded Shanghai and re-boarded the crowded tram. Her fate was the same as that of being in the car.But in the end, I have to get out of the car and find another world to settle down. Zhang Ailing continued to write letters to Hu Lancheng, which was her usual way of confiding: "The boat is about to sail, you go back to the shore, and I stand alone on the side of the boat with an umbrella in the rain, facing the surging yellow waves, standing there crying for a long time! Attached is a money order, thinking that you have no money to use, I will save everything. Now that I know the extent of your life there, I have a plan, so don't worry about me!" Near the grandmother's house in Wenzhou, soldiers suddenly appeared in the usually quiet alleyway. Hu Lancheng and Fan Xiumei were like frightened birds and avoided Zhujisi's house.Fan Xiumei escaped with Hu Lancheng all the way, he was full of apologies, but he was still greedy for her tender care.Debts are too deep to be repaid, only non-repayment. In the early summer of 1946, when the situation eased a little, someone asked Su Qing to edit the supplement. There was only one condition, and that was to change her name.Eileen Chang consoled her honestly and said: "Reality has to be considered too! If you become the editor-in-chief, I have a way out! I don't mind changing my name. My name has always been considered tacky, so it's good to change it while you're at it!" Su Qing looked very depressed, her high-spirited spirit of running a publication was gone, and she said sadly: "You are good! There is an aunt who will block you, lean on you, and when I turn around, the old and the young Little, who let me rely? Now that I have such a bad reputation, no one dares to ask me if I remarry, I am going to hang myself on a rope, and let it dry like this!" Since the troubles could not be resolved, Su Qing simply stopped thinking about it. Su Qing turned to care about Zhang Ailing and asked, "Is there any news about him?" Su Qing asked cautiously, and Zhang Ailing shook her head slightly. She couldn't trust anyone now. Su Qing's words were like adding insult to injury: "It's really a net to catch those people in Nanjing. I heard that Zhou Fohai was crying in a mess in the prison car under escort! His wife was also arrested. Got it!" The anxiety is so deep, Zhang Ailing still has to force herself to be calm.Only when she is alone with Yanying, can her face sink undisguisedly, even if Yanying said, "Mosquitoes were buzzing around my ears last night! I just said, I hate it! Lan you! Go away." she.Yan Ying sat on the highest point of the roof of Zhang Ailing's apartment, took a camera to take pictures of the city, and asked, "If I leave Shanghai, what I miss the most... Guess what it is?" Eileen Chang answered bluntly, without the strength to be funny: "The sausage rolls at Feida Café!" "That's what you miss the most! I miss your balcony the most. I'm so short, it's rare that I can stand so high!" Yanying suddenly stood up, jumped off the high-rise, and became Zhang Ailing standing on the high place.She exaggeratedly exclaimed: "My God! This really can't be higher!" Eileen Chang smiled, with her hands on her hips, looking at the sky.Yan Ying pressed the shutter, and she found that Zhang Ailing was so thin that only two slender legs remained, and the skirt was hanging loosely around her waist, fluttering in the wind.Yanying knew that she was hurt by love, but she had nothing to comfort her. Hu Lancheng locked her head in the attic of Si's house to write a book, and Fan Xiumei climbed to the attic to unlock and deliver meals every day.Zhang Ailing asked the Si family in Shanghai to bring him cigarettes and imported safety blades, and also wrote: "You said you were in the attic, the door was locked, and only Xiumei delivered meals in the morning and evening, and you can still entertain yourself. The next life, I think it's just a pity! You are like Wang Baochuan, even the days in the broken kiln are like a stream of gems." Everything is Zhang Ailing's heart, but Hu Lancheng can only sit silently, without any repayment, even if the reply is full of affection, it will be empty: "I am in the attic, and I don't know the time in the world. I write "Wuhan Ji", three days a day. Writing a thousand words is like learning words again. Although I write with sincerity, I often find that I don’t know what I write. But sometimes I feel good when I write it, and I can’t wait to read it to you immediately, and I want you to praise it Tonight, there is no sound of the moon in front of the window, and I only feel that the vastness of the yin and yang has shifted, and there is no order of the year. It is really like a beautiful year! It reminds me of Li Yishan's poem you said, "When the stars sink to the bottom of the sea, I will see you at the window, and the rain will pass through the river. Look', I am fortunate to have you open a window for me in the midst of sorrow, so that I can meditate on the window, or look around. I smoked the cigarette, but I was reluctant to use the blade, and I didn't even remove the paper. Be careful. Put it in the bottom of the box, as in my heart." No matter how brilliant the moonlight outside the window, no matter how warm the sun is, it has nothing to do with Zhang Ailing. Without the words she loves under her hand, and without the person she loves around her, she is desolate and anxious, without a place to go, just like a passerby. Tired and mindless. Today, Ke Ling came to her very excitedly, and said, "Someone wants to ask you to write a movie script!" Zhang Ailing was like a frightened bird. She had been silent for a year on the charge of being a traitor, so she couldn't help asking suspiciously: " how is this possible?" On a hot day, and because of excitement, Ke Ling's head was still sweating. He explained: "It's the director Sang Hu who wants to cooperate with you. He and Wu Xingzai jointly founded a Wenhua Film Company, and they need a masterpiece. Gong Zhifang He and Tang Dalang also joined in and were in charge of publicity. As soon as they mentioned you, I immediately patted my chest and contracted this matter, what do you think?" Zhang Ailing still hesitated and said: "I have never written a movie script! I can't write a script!" "But you write film reviews, you've watched a lot of movies! You know everything about writing! I'll take this script, you study it, and start working right away! They want to invite you to dinner first, invite you in person, everyone I also know each other." Eileen Chang did not participate in social activities, and her nature of cherishing her literary name remained the same as before, and said flatly: "I don't want to eat! I will go back and think about this matter! I don't want to do things that I am not sure about!" Seeing her hesitation, Ke Ling couldn't help encouraging her anxiously: "Now the rumors are not so tight, this is a great opportunity for you to make a comeback! Not to mention anything else, solving practical problems is also very necessary. The manuscript fee should be low." He really planned for Eileen Chang.When it comes to the issue of rice bowls, mortals can't help but bow their heads, especially Zhang Ailing. The rent for the apartment is still paid by her aunt, so what right does she have to cherish feathers. In the winter of 1946, Hu Lancheng still couldn't let go of Zhang Ailing, and quietly returned to Shanghai accompanied by Si Jun.Zhang Ailing has exhausted all her emotions. Although she is still the same on the surface, everyone knows that it is just a hollow shell.The colors and furnishings of the decorations in the house have not changed, what has changed is people's hearts.Hu Lancheng sat at the table, and Zhang Ailing sat on the bed. After such a long absence, the two just sat silently, each having their own concerns. Zhang Ailing asked casually, but Hu Lancheng answered inadvertently. The gap between them could put down a galaxy far away from each other.Hu Lancheng kept his head depressed and didn't talk much, and Zhang Ailing didn't ask any more questions.After all, Zhang Ailing is his wife. She remembered that from the moment she entered the door, she hadn't been handed a cup of hot tea, so she got up and said, "I'm going to make tea!" Geology asked: "Si Jun was here just now, why didn't you brew it?" Zhang Ailing was not prepared for Hu Lancheng speaking in such a tone, and was stunned for a while.Now that he opened his mouth, his anger must be vented. Hu Lancheng simply said: "I came to Shanghai with me all the way, and it was hard enough. You don't even ask for tea, and you don't even leave him for lunch! I am really embarrassed !" Zhang Ailing felt aggrieved and said rightly: "It's my aunt and I's habit to not say hello and not leave a meal, and it's the same with my younger brother!" Hu Lancheng couldn't get used to this for a long time, so he wanted to take advantage of this matter to pour out his chest, and blamed him: "It's fine if you are a self-restraint, if you don't keep Qingyun, I don't have a word! But Si is a friend, and why do you like this?" We travel back and forth with letters and things, you can’t even understand the principle of hospitality! You need Qingyun to come round and lead the guests back to her!” Zhang Ailing was bitter in her heart. She didn't expect Hu Lancheng to compare Qingyun to her, so she burst into tears and said with a sob: "I can't entertain guests, and you forgive me! I don't think there is anything wrong with me!" Hu Lancheng was also stunned, and didn't know how to comfort him for a while. He took a breath and wanted to tell the reason for his anger, but instead added another crime to Zhang Ailing: "You always treat people and things according to your own habits, of course I don’t think there’s anything wrong! But in the eyes of others, there are also things you can’t get past! For example, last time you borrowed Si’s house for a night, you took his washbasin to wash your feet, so that there is no distinction between top and bottom, Mr. Si said it as a joke on the road , I also felt unhappy when I heard it!" Zhang Ailing justified and complained like a child: "I don't understand that they have these rules, and I can't trouble others to prepare two basins for me, one to wash my face and one to wash my feet! He can also talk about this kind of thing! He When I came to Shanghai, I also talked about Xiao Zhou when I met you, and said that you were in a hurry to entrust him with money to go to Hankou for rescue. I was angry when I heard that, and how I worked so hard to save money for you! There are also many things to say, yes He talks about you, I hope he will stop talking, he doesn't know it, he just sits down and talks non-stop, it's too unreasonable! For you, I've treated him enough, it's impossible to do any more!" After Zhang Ailing finished speaking, she turned around and walked out of the room. Hu Lancheng glanced at her unhappily, but said nothing. Zhang Ailing came to the balcony and cried in a low voice, wiping away her tears with the back of her hand.My aunt came over helplessly, patted her lightly and said, "I'll go out." Zhang Ailing nodded, and my aunt glanced at her, sighed and went out without saying a word. Zhang Ailing turned her back and cried again, she was really full of grievances and couldn't tell.Hu Lancheng took a piece of clothing in his hand and came over to put it on her, without saying a word.The two stood side by side for a while, and then he said apologetically: "I have been locked in the attic for eight months, and I can't even talk! I'm sorry!" Zhang Ailing wiped away her tears and remained silent. After dinner, Zhang Ailing cleared the table.Hu Lancheng smoked on the balcony and watched the night of Shanghai.He had lived in the country for a long time, and suddenly he felt unreal when he climbed up a tall building.Zhang Ailing was still in a gloomy mood while washing dishes in the kitchen. Hu Lancheng is extremely adaptable, and a meal and a few cigarettes can activate his emotions.He pulled Zhang Ailing and sat on the bed with his knees to talk. Zhang Ailing forced a smile, and her eyes wandered out of the window. Hu Lancheng has always been devoted to speaking, let alone suppressed it for nearly eight months. He didn't look at Zhang Ailing's expression, and he talked about his own words: "I and Xiumei got married hastily on the way to escape. At first, it was just to cover up People can see and hear, the more they feel like they are taking advantage of others, the more it is fake! Xiumei was sold to Si’s family as a concubine at the age of sixteen. When I visited her home for the first time, she was only twenty-three, and her daughter was seven years old. When we met back then, we always called them elders. She didn’t expect that twenty years later, she would accompany me to death, and accompany me for this period! Later, the Si family probably knew about it, and I borrowed and lived in other people’s homes. Even though they didn't go downstairs, they felt uneasy. They all knew I was there when they came back to sweep the grave in Qingming, but no one said anything! I was blamed by others, and I may not surrender. They sympathized with me, but I felt embarrassed! Si's family My aunt has given me pocket money since I was young, giving me the same as giving my own children! This time I fled, whether I will stay or not is only her word! You will understand better after reading my "Wuhan Ji"! Have you read it? ?” Zhang Ailing turned her head and said indifferently: "No." Hu Lancheng smiled and asked: "I took it out and put it on your table! Why don't you look at it?" Zhang Ailing didn't want to listen to him say those things, seeing him unconsciously flaunting his womanhood, although her heart was turned to ashes, she still said with some displeasure: "I can't stand it!" Hu Lancheng was surprised when he heard this, thinking that he couldn't write well, he only thought about the pen and ink articles, and he didn't even think of Xiao Zhou.He suddenly got angry half mischievously and half earnestly, and slapped Zhang Ailing on the back of the hand, jokingly said: "Damn it! You won't read what I wrote..." Before he finished speaking, he was interrupted by Zhang Ailing's angry screams.She immediately got up from the bed and glared at Hu Lancheng with her back to the wall.Hu Lancheng was stunned, the sound was really shocking to him, he looked at Zhang Ailing in a dazed bewilderment. In the middle of the night, Hu Lancheng was sleeping on the sofa chair in the living room, and it was difficult for him to fall asleep.Maybe he fell asleep for a while, and then opened his eyes, the sky was already shimmering. Hu Lancheng sat up, rubbed her face, and gently pushed open Zhang Ailing's door to come in.He sat on the edge of the bed and looked at Zhang Ailing with pity, wrapped in a quilt.He bent down, embraced her, and kissed her penitently. "Lan Cheng!" Zhang Ailing turned around and hugged Hu Lancheng, calling him sadly, holding him tightly with both hands, tears streaming down her cheeks. Hu Lancheng wiped away her tears and had nothing to say.He kissed her forehead again, covered her with the quilt, and walked out of the room in the twilight of dawn. Zhang Ailing turned sideways with the quilt rolled up, the tear stains on her face were still there, shining brightly in the twilight of dawn, like morning dew, frozen all night.Love is so grueling, endless waves hit her one after another, she can only let it go up and down, come and go... At the end of 1946, Huang Yifan returned to China.She was surprised to see that Zhang Ailing was so skinny, but Zhang Ailing appeared clumsy in front of her mother and failed to perform.After visiting his younger brother, Huang Yifan felt that it was necessary to have a heart-to-heart talk with Zhang Ailing.For so many years, it is rare for mother and daughter to sit opposite each other by a lamp.Eileen Chang knew that her uncle was prejudiced against her, so she explained: "I know that my uncle and the others are not happy! But I can't reason with them. A novel is just a novel. Things give me inspiration, and I may not write about those things!" Huang Yifan said: "He is from the old school, you don't have to pay too much attention to what they think! But it's your disrespect as a junior if you don't move around for a few years, you only have such an uncle! They have always loved you very much, and they want to say something about you , you have to listen too. What I actually want to ask is about you and that person. " "Please... don't ask..." Zhang Ailing looked down at her toes, begging Huang Yifan aggrievedly and humbly. The person she was most worried about and afraid of facing was actually her mother, and she was never ready to talk to her mother about her. Own. Huang Yifan said calmly: "Weige was killed by a shell in Singapore. I took care of his funeral under the hail of bullets, contacted his family in the UK, and transported his ashes back. If you love someone, you must have someone who will take care of his funeral." courage!" Seeing Zhang Ailing bowed her head and said nothing, Huang Yifan thought in a daze, and said angrily and resentfully: "But your courage far surpasses mine! Is he a traitor?" Huang Yifan seemed to want to hear what Zhang Ailing said, but Zhang Ailing was still silent, her heart was bleeding like a needle, but the pain was so painful that she lost consciousness.Zhang Maoyuan came out of the room at the right time, found an excuse to call Huang Yifan aside, and said with difficulty: "I feel sorry for you about this!" Huang Yifan glanced at her, without any intention of blaming her.Zhang Maoyuan felt uncomfortable, and continued: "I watched her fall into it! I wanted to stop it, but..." Huang Yifan interrupted: "You understand her better than I do! You are right! She will not turn back the way she wants to go! You are with her, and you are the one who suffers!" Zhang Maoyuan's eyes suddenly turned red, and he choked up and said, "I...no!" Zhang Ailing sat alone in the living room. She was most afraid of facing her mother, because she echoed her mother in the most mysterious part of her life. In June 1947, Hu Lancheng received a letter from Zhang Ailing. The first sentence in the letter went straight to the point: "I don't like you anymore. You don't like me long ago. I thought about it for a year and a half. Yes, but at that time Xiaoji (the hidden character of Jie) didn’t want to add to your difficulties. I sent you the money order for the manuscript fees of the two films I wrote recently, totaling 300,000 yuan. Don’t come looking for me, even if you I won’t even read the letter! Aileen” Xia Chan's chirping sound seemed particularly urgent at this moment, and thousands of horses and horses penetrated into people's hearts. Because it was quiet, it was extraordinarily loud, and because it was a blow to the head, his eyes and ears suddenly became clear. Hu Lancheng was holding the letter and sank into the water It's quiet. At night, Hu Lancheng squatted by the pier, watching the dots of fishing fires and the fish off the boat.He held a cigarette in his hand, and the earth-shattering encounter between him and Zhang Ailing was like fiery trees and silver flowers, now scattered on the surface of the river, forming these colorful dots.Fire trees and silver flowers are also good, and stars and stars are also good, Zhang Ailing is so omnipresent and omnipresent to him.The sky was darker, and there were stars in the sky, Hu Lancheng looked up at the stars, Zhang Ailing was not one of them, but the fairy who scattered the stars all over the sky. In order to prevent Hu Lancheng from coming, Zhang Ailing and her aunt are going to move.Workers went into Zhang Ailing's room and removed the desk, the sofa, and the bed.The world could have been so clean. In the evening, Zhang Ailing came in again to tidy up, leaving only scattered scraps of paper on the floor and the old velvet curtains in the room.Outside the window is the summer sunset, extremely bright. She suddenly saw a piece of paper on the ground, which said "Swallows are empty, where is the beauty", it was a note left by Hu Lancheng during his visit.When she saw her heart, she convulsed and ached, but the pain would pass.She squatted there for a while, then got up, holding her childhood green ostrich feather fan, crumpled up the note, and threw it into a bag of garbage in the living room outside.The house is empty, the windows are open, the wind is blowing in, the curtains are whistling, and the sound of the jingling tram is still there. The movie "Long Live My Wife" written by Zhang Ailing once again created a dramatic climax.She cut off all troubles and returned to her writing career. With the success of the movie, she wanted to start again.However, someone scolded in the newspaper: "In the lonely literary world, we suddenly heard hysterical screams. It turns out that someone smelled the fragrance of High Comedy on the walking dead during the Anti-Puppet Period. Compared with this magical sense of smell, that love What are the Western diners who eat stinky pheasants and the sick East Asians who love to smell stinky feet?" Zhang Maoyuan read the newspaper and said worriedly: "Looking at the situation of wind and rain in all directions, a knife is going to tell you to shut up!" Zhang Ailing was silent, she just wanted to write, but the road was blocked again.Huang Yifan persuaded: "Go abroad! The University of Hong Kong has sent a notice to resume classes! You go back and finish your studies at the University of Hong Kong, and I will figure out how to pay for the tuition!" At this time, Eileen Chang was very clear about the path she was going to take. Although she was hit, she did not despair.Although she knew her mother would be disappointed, she still said firmly: "I don't have much interest in studying anymore!" Mother is going abroad again, Zhang Ailing is still like she was when she was a child, her mother is leaving, she has no worries about leaving.On the contrary, Huang Yifan was getting older, and she felt as if she would not return to China after going out this trip, so she was a little worried. She sat down and talked with Zhang Ailing: "I don't think I will come back again! I met your brother. On the one hand, he’s doing things now, and I think he’s just like that! It’s still you, and I’m particularly worried about you! I took the difficult path myself, and I hope you can enjoy happiness, but in the end you also took the difficult path, and even worse Difficult! When you were young, I could still arrange for you, but now even talking about you feels redundant!" Zhang Ailing said sincerely: "You say, I'll listen!" She didn't want to be sad but suddenly wanted to be sad.The mother and daughter have been separated for many years and have not kissed each other, but there is still something buckled between each other, tightly relaxed.Huang Yifan patted her knee and said nothing.This was the last conversation she had with her mother. In July 1950, Eileen Chang participated in the first Shanghai Art Congress. The participants lined up in a long line to report, all in people's attire, and everyone greeted warmly, full of enthusiasm.Zhang Ailing was caught in the queue, she looked relatively quiet, looking down at the meeting regulations, she didn't know that the cheongsam she was wearing, plus a small white mesh blouse would be so eye-catching, which aroused a lot of discussion, and people poked out from the queue from time to time look at her. Eileen Chang was obviously out of the pulse of the whole society, and she herself found this in the team, and she felt a faint uneasiness. Zhang Ailing's pen name was serialized in the newspaper and caused a sensation again. Zhang Zijing happily announced the news: "My colleague grabs the newspaper every day, but I didn't say it was you!" Zhang Ailing didn't have much joy of gains and losses, she just smiled lightly: "I still don't like to write serials! It's a war against time! One year has passed like this, it's really the 18th spring!" Zhang Zijing said with a smile: "But I can always write. Compared with the previous two years, it is much better!" Zhang Zijing is really happy for her sister. He is now an adult, but he still speaks in a soft tone when he was a child.Zhang Ailing looked at him, still thinking about how he was when he was a child. Zhang Zijing asked again: "I heard that Yanying is gone. Do you have any plans for the future?" A kind of deep. That night, Zhang Ailing packed her luggage, and the bed was full of manuscripts, all of which were her manuscripts. Her aunt helped her organize them and handed them to her one by one.Zhang Ailing didn't want to bring many manuscripts, and my aunt felt a little distressed when she saw that this was her painstaking effort for nearly ten years.Auntie said as calmly as possible: "You can think about it this time!" Zhang Ailing said bitterly: "I can't take anything with me!" They are the closest, but she has never been like this.Zhang Maoyuan's indifferent heart suddenly felt uncomfortable, and she choked up and said, "Don't be like this! I really can't bear to..." Zhang Ailing cried out of tune: "Thank you for being with me all the time! All these years..." Zhang Maoyuan also cried, but in the end she held back her tears, patted Zhang Ailing on the back and said: "You are with me... We agreed not to cry! No communication! I don't miss you, and you don't miss me!" Zhang Ailing Crying and nodding.