Chapter 3 Chapter two

In Zhang Ailing's mind, Shanghai went to bed early at that time, especially in the city, where electric lights had not yet been installed.At about eight o'clock in the summer night, the dusk had just settled down, but the sky was brighter. The sky was blue, and the houses below were pitch black, which was sediment.Sitting in a corner of the art hall by the window, Zhang Ailing looked out of the window in a trance, her sight was endless.That's how she is. Although she is in the United States, the suspense is still in Shanghai.The world here has no attachment to her, and the greetings and jokes of the artists are thousands of miles away.

The old weather and old clothes, but the feelings are not like the old home.Zhang Ailing was in a trance, and she fell into the plot of the novel, listening to those people whispering and watching those people living helplessly. The time is the evening of the late Qing Dynasty, and the location is naturally Shanghai.On the eaves, a pigeon squatted quietly, watching the sky in Shanghai gradually darken.The buzzing of people became quieter as the sky darkened, and all the small shops on the street closed their doors.In the bright sky, it seemed as if a drop of black ink had been touched by someone, and the night became so thick that it couldn't be melted away.

Outside the sesame oil shop of Yindi's house, a carpenter wandered around with a ghostly intention. He looked up, but there was no one in the window, and the four corners of the poor-quality glass of the window were yellow and turbid, reflecting the light.He was emboldened and shouted loudly, "Big girl! It's a regular customer! Big girl." The crack in the door gradually lit up, and someone walked into the shop with a lamp, and the wooden board on the door opening was pushed up with a snap.Yin Di muttered unhappily: "Why do you buy oil so late? Hurry up, bring the bottle!"

In the doorway, the light shines on Yindi's face from under her chin, revealing two thin red lips. The short face is matched with a long neck and slender shoulders. Yaya is draped down from her temples, and the tip of her eyes is swept upwards, illuminated by an oil lamp, like a golden mask, with a prismatic purple mark standing between her brows.Taking advantage of the money, the carpenter smiled and said, "Come on! Give me a hand! Big girl! Give me a hand!" The carpenter held Yindi's hand stretched out from the door opening, and a blackened silver bracelet bumped back and forth at the door opening.In the dark alley in the middle of the night where only whispers can be heard, Yindi's shrill screams suddenly burst out: "Dead man! Who am I! Don't you open your eyes and see! Falling corpse! Rotten floating corpse! You piss and take care of yourself. Piggy !tramp living by begging!"

Yindi cursed, and burned the carpenter's hand with an oil lamp. The carpenter gave a strange cry, turned around and ran, shaking the burned hand while running.In the alleyway, some people opened windows, probed their heads, lit lamps, and even complained that Yindi lost face.Behind the carpenter came another series of pungent voices: "Why should I be ashamed? Do you want face? You can sell your own sister as an elder brother. Who would embarrass your parents? You sold me! You Sell!" The sound was like machine gun bullets, which eventually became weak as the carpenter ran away.The alley was only lit by a lamp at the front, and further down, it was completely dark.

"Bang bang" someone was knocking on the glass window next to Zhang Ailing, she woke up like a dream, and her eyes were now focused.Ruihe walked in with a stack of manuscript papers, Zhang Ailing turned her head and smiled calmly, after all, someone still led her back to this world.Ruihe patted Zhang Ailing's head affectionately, and sat down opposite her.He took off his coat and scarf, and Zhang Ailing took it and put it aside. From time to time, someone passed by to greet them, and they nodded in response, but no one came to bother them and sat at the same table with them. Ruihe put the manuscript on the table, and said solemnly: "I marked some places, we can discuss later. Some are my suggestions, I am afraid I will forget them, so I wrote them next to them. I think "Pink Tears" () It’s great to do the title and give a vibe that’s easy to get into the story.”

Eileen Chang pondered for a while and said, "I'm not sure about many words." Ruihe said with a smile: "I know! Those words with unique Chinese flavor, you can hardly give up. Some can be adjusted, but those symbolic techniques are very good, and they are brand new to Western readers. What's the use of scratching the back with copper coins? special role?" Zhang Ailing explained: "It's called scraping! It can dissipate the heat in the body. It is a traditional folk medicine." They discussed enthusiastically, and Ruihe pasted various annotations on Zhang Ailing's manuscript. She was very moved by how earnestly he read Zhang Ailing's novels.Zhang Ailing sometimes listened attentively, and sometimes smiled, with a strange brilliance blooming in her eyes.Her expressionless face suddenly appeared extremely vivid.

After a cold and wet spring rain, Zhang Ailing's withered heart gradually became moist.Ruihe's log cabin is warm and quiet, the firewood in the fireplace is crackling, and Eileen Chang sits on a carpet in front of the stove, quietly watching the dancing flames, the past is burning the future, neither of them exists.It wasn't until a hand gently touched her cheek that she came out of the daze.Raho sat on a chair in front of the fire, moving forward, wrapping her arms around her, the warmth of another person, literally against her back.Her existence was suddenly warranted. The door in Zhang Ailing's heart gradually opened, and she gradually felt Ruihe as a person.They were so close, watching the fireworks dance, without any anxiety, Ruihe walked into her world, he was full of warmth.This is what Zhang Ailing, who lives in a foreign land, or what Zhang Ailing has always lacked since she was a child, is the warm emotion, pouring out a little is enough to make her overwhelmed, and she is always cold because she can't bear it.

Zhang Ailing leaned on her cheek, gently stroking Ruihe, his cheek was prickly, and his body smelled of tobacco.Ruihe looked at Zhang Ailing's delicate facial features, kissed her cheek, and found that she had smiling eyes. Continuous spring rain.A ray of light in the afternoon came through the cracks in the curtains.Ruihe was taking a nap on the bed, Zhang Ailing curled up beside him, the world was so quiet that only the sound of rain and Ruihe's snoring remained.Zhang Ailing's eyes were facing the ray of light coming in from the curtains, and she asked silently, who is he?How did her fate come here?When she was a child, she had thousands of puzzles in her heart, and she always thought that she could solve them when she grew up, but that day never came.She is not desperate, even when the girl is imprisoned, she still stares at the light outside the window all day long, she does not ask the whole world to open up for her, a light is enough.Qi Qi's endless rain, she couldn't bear to look any longer, afraid of piercing her own fate like piercing a story.

Good times never last.Mrs. Yilin informs Ruihe that the period of stay in the art camp has expired, and he has difficulties in applying for an extension of the time of stay. The reserved places for the summer and autumn art camps are full, and he must leave.Zhang Ailing felt the fear of losing again, and Ruihe could clearly see her alienation and indifference.He knew Zhang Ailing had withdrawn into her own world, and he didn't force her.Besides, Ruihe has his troubles: half of his hands and feet sometimes become numb and stiff, similar to the precursor of a stroke. Facing Eileen Chang's tears, Rui He hugged her and comforted her, "Don't be sad! This is a great spring! The most satisfying thing I did in April was to talk to you!" But This kind of comfort was useless to Eileen Chang, she got away and walked away, moaning in a low voice and said: "When you leave, there is only a wild forest left here!"

Ruihe didn't have such a heavy emotion, he was used to wandering, and there was nothing he couldn't let go of, but at this moment, he suddenly realized that Zhang Ailing was full of pain.He restrained his attitude of talking and laughing.The first time he came into contact with an oriental woman, he couldn't think of Zhang Ailing as open-minded as those western women who had a dewy marriage with him.Zhang Ailing's voice was deep and trembling, she didn't seem to be speaking to Ruihe, but to herself: "I'm not afraid of being alone, I'm afraid of parting!" Zhang Ailing was full of melancholy, but she still sent Ruihe to the train station.Seeing her not talking or smiling, Ruihe tried hard to make the atmosphere more relaxed, and told her some interesting stories: "On the first day I reported to Harvard, I went to a hotel with a girl—I still remember it was called Lennox Hotel... ..." He peeked at Zhang Ailing, "We just have something to eat and drink, nothing to do! The restaurant downstairs in the hotel, the grilled oysters are amazing. I don't have any money in my pocket, so I don't panic. I called the manager and talked to him. Let me tell you, it’s okay to give it in a few days. I often do this kind of thing! It’s really a golden age, and there are opportunities and hopes everywhere you go! You are so young, you have opportunities and hopes!” Eileen Chang couldn’t laugh, She said worriedly: "But I don't have time! I have to sell my novel before my savings is gone! I don't know if I choose New York right? My agent seems to have confidence in me, but she doesn't." Positive, she always tells me something about the publishing world when I write to her and ask her." Ruihe held Zhang Ailing's hand to cheer her up: "Your responsibility is to write a wonderful novel, the responsibility for the market and success is not yours! In the United States, there are thousands of writers who only wait for the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to publish their works , you have already had it once, you should have confidence! Don't follow my example, I am a failure example! You are great!" Tears rolled in Zhang Ailing's eyes, she turned her head away and said, "I don't want to say thank you to you! You know how grateful I am to you!" Ruihe kissed Zhang Ailing on the forehead, he didn't promise, everything was empty to Zhang Ailing right now, but she still smiled.The train was about to leave, Zhang Ailing stuffed an envelope for him through the window.She watched the train go away, watched Raeho say good-bye to her with one arm held up and her hat in the air.Her tears couldn't help falling down, she felt that she was the only one standing there in the whole world, that was the faint feeling of being abandoned in her life. Ruihe on the train opened Zhang Ailing's letter.Two hundred dollars slipped out of it.His heart felt a little heavy, but he was still able to chat and laugh happily with the person opposite. This is Zhang Ailing's first spring in the United States.Her sky did not become clear because of this, and more thick fog covered her heart.Without Ruihe here, her heart is alone. Zhang Ailing's letter to Ruihe is like an old friend for many years, talking about daily life and troubles in a friendly and casual tone: "I hope you are doing well there! I am also worrying about where I will go next. The rent in New York is too expensive. I'm afraid that the money around me will be used up before the novel is finished!" "I am rewriting the first two chapters. Many of the suggestions you gave me are very important. My life does not allow too much luck and happiness, but I am still lucky to meet you here, and what you bring to me is always It’s happiness!” She was so attached to this hard-earned warmth that she didn’t want to lose it. It wasn’t until the summer of 1956 that she panicked and said in a letter: “I’m pregnant! At this moment I feel at a loss, what should I do? I don't intend to increase your burden and trouble, and I know that you are a free person, but I have no close friends here, and no one can help me! I must see you immediately!" The train took Zhang Ailing to another unknown destination, and stopped in the small town of Saratoga where Ruihe temporarily lived.The first thing Zhang Ailing saw when she got out of the car was a one-year-old child, with her back behind her young father, secretly smiling at everyone passing by.Zhang Ailing has never had any good feelings for children, and thinking of raising children seems to be alienated and indifferent as if it has nothing to do with her, she forced herself to turn her eyes away to be indifferent, and suddenly heard Ruihe calling her. Ruihe wore a tie and ran over with flowers in his hands, sweating profusely.When Zhang Ailing saw him, it was as if she was seeing a relative, but she was not sure, and still had an uneasy expression.Ruihe handed her the flowers and asked, "Will you marry me?" Zhang Ailing's eyes turned red suddenly.Ruihe hugged her and comforted her, "Don't worry! Everything is fine! We will be fine!" As soon as they found a place to sit down, they talked about the baby almost immediately.Ruihe said it very gently: "I am too old to afford a child. I really hope that we can be together. Although we don't know each other well enough, we can get along. It's not easy! Maybe you have other You should tell me your thoughts! Maybe you think I’m too old for you, and I’ll be sixty-seven next week!” Eileen Chang seemed to have made a decision before coming here, and she was very concerned about the matter of getting rid of the child. There was no violent reaction to the incident, and there was no sadness on her face, and she said flatly: "I am willing to be with you, you are just right for me, and I don't think I can afford a child, so I agree to the abortion operation , but I hope you can accompany me!" Ruihe breathed a sigh of relief, leaving aside the child's problem, he was both surprised and delighted that such a relationship would happen in this twilight years.He raised Eileen Chang's face and caught her smiling eyes again. When they were newly married, they encountered catastrophe, and Ruihe suffered a stroke and was admitted to the hospital.Zhang Ailing cried very sadly in his arms: "This world can abandon me, but you can't!" Ruihe vaguely understands that abandonment is Zhang Ailing's latent anxiety, but she doesn't understand what kind of hidden pain is entangled in the bottom of her emotions.His health gradually recovered, and Zhang Ailing lived in a small apartment in the small town of Petersburg.Ruihe handles chores at home, saves money to send letters to the grocery store and so on, and never forgets to buy a bouquet of flowers for Zhang Ailing to please her. American publishing houses are not interested in Zhang Ailing's novels, but Zhang Ailing's savings have to pay rent, support daily life, and send to her mother who is about to undergo surgery in London.Her husband in his old age, financial difficulties, and the hard work of a housewife in a small town apartment are her fear of life's impermanence, the perplexing threat that cannot be shaken off.She needs Rui Ha's love more than ever.