Chapter 3 Chapter 3 Yulinling

The grievance and resentment in my heart rushed left and right like a trapped animal, almost stabbing a hole in my heart and bursting.Immediately, it turned into a venomous snake, a scarlet and cold letter, tightly wrapped around my chest, winding on it.It seems that someone's hand is tightly pinching my neck, so hard, as if hating me, pinching me out of breath, my chest seems to be beaten vigorously by a drumstick, and it seems to be split open General pain.The pain made me scream out loud. Hasty footsteps sounded in my ears, and someone pushed my shoulder vigorously to shake me awake.I tossed and woke up, my mouth was bitter with thirst, and even my tongue seemed to be stuck to my teeth.The heartbeat was heavy and weak, like a flickering flame on the table extinguished.His clothes were drenched with sweat and stuck to his body stickily.I stretched out my hand to caress my forehead with difficulty, and slowly sat up straight.

For a moment when the mind was wandering, the only thing to hear was the cold rain knocking on the window, making it cold. When he opened his eyes and saw Jinxi and Huanbi's worried and disturbed faces, he felt a little relieved, and said in a hoarse voice, "I'm fine." Sitting beside my bed in cloaked clothes, Jinxi said pitifully, "My lady is having a nightmare again." I couldn't speak for a while, so I had to wave my hands.Huanbi couldn't find soothing soup anywhere, so she had to make a cup of boiling water, blow it gently, and drink it slowly for me.Huanbi said worriedly: "Miss has been having nightmares like this, and there is no medicine to calm the nerves. If this continues for a long time, when will my body get better?"

Jinxi hurriedly comforted: "My lady is new to Ganlu Temple, and she may not be used to the surroundings. It may not be an important matter, and it will be fine to resolve it." The tear stains on his face were still there, and big drops of tears stained the pillow, as if small ink-colored plum blossoms had bloomed, scattered here and there.I stretched out my hand to brush it away, and I was also taken aback for a moment, reluctantly said: "It's really like a child, it will cry in sleep." In the days since I entered Ganlu Temple, I actually seldom cried.The sadness and grief and anger have not been relieved for a moment, and the thoughts and worries for my parents and brother are also increasing day by day.However, his eyes are dry, like a well that has dried up, only the moss is thick and dense, but there is no wave.Sad to the extreme, all day long just staring at the yellowed window paper in a daze, sitting like this is often the light of a day.Sometimes even Huanbi couldn't see it, and persuaded: "Miss is going to break her body if she holds it in like this, it's better to cry out."

I just shook my head slowly, where are there tears?And tears can change something. Occasionally, except for the abbot, the only one who came to see me was the aunt who brought brown sugar that day.After coming here a few times, I gradually got to know her first and last name, her name is Mo Yan.He is cold and thin, with high cheekbones that look a bit fierce, and he doesn't like to talk. He always looks cold and indifferent.This appearance, of course, does not get along with the aunts in the temple, but no one dares to provoke her, it's just that well water does not violate river water.She is isolated by everyone.And I, of course, no one cares about it.

Occasionally, Mo Yan would come over and just lean on the door frame to look at me for a while, with a cold expression on his face.I just nodded with her and continued to be in a daze or to sleep and rest.If she sees me with a dull expression when she comes, she will always look at me with disdain, and often walk away in a moment, and she will say, "I have become a monk, so do you still feel sad for a man? You are really a fool." Although she has helped me, she is not familiar with her. Why should I tell her that my depression and sadness are not just for the sake of what men do to make people sad.

Mo Yan often sneered at me, "In the daytime, I think about the smelly man and feel sad for the smelly man, and at night, I think about the smelly man and feel sad for the smelly man. It used to be, and it is now. After all, women are useless. I only know how to think about the smelly man for the rest of my life. The smelly man is sad." She kept saying that a "stinky man" and "stinky man" scolded neatly and took it for granted.I couldn't help laughing. For a person with such a tone, it would be best to be a monk and be a sister-in-law.So she said to her: "It's the best for you to become an aunt. You hate men so much, so it's natural that you can't see them. There are no men in the nunnery."

She snorted softly and said: "If you think about the stinky man and you can't let it go, then there are stinky men everywhere, and it has nothing to do with whether you are an aunt in Ganlu Temple or not." Suddenly I remembered what my sister-in-law next to me said to Mo Yan, "Mo Yan seems to have a grudge against men." I felt the same way, so I just smiled and didn't bother to argue with her. However, Mo Yan also praised me sometimes, "You are a good-tempered man. You can't let go of a stinky man like this, but you have never shed a single tear for him. Also, can our clean teardrops be shed for a stinky man!"

I didn't cry, but my empty strength and numbness completely collapsed in my sleep.My tears were so unscrupulously criss-crossing my face, like reptiles, raging and raging. Jinxi said: "Huanbi, go and boil a pot of hot water, and then wipe the lady's body before going to sleep, sleeping in sweat like this is easy to catch the wind and cold." She gently closed her warm palms on mine. On the back of his hand, he said softly: "If the lady is not sleepy, Jinxi can talk to the lady." I nodded silently. Jinxi whispered softly: "My lady's nightmare, but because of the past." I met with silence, which was a tacit consent.Jinxi sighed softly, "Whoever it is, it will be sad to encounter such an accident." She pondered for a moment, "My lady has thought about making a comeback and avenging her family."

The background color of his heart was bitter, and the bitterness extended to the corner of his mouth and turned into a wry smile, saying: "I don't know what you mean, you can only rely on him to make a comeback and avenge your grievances. Otherwise , everything is just talk on paper, there is nothing to do.” Xuan Ling's name is very taboo for me nowadays, I don't even want to address him as "Emperor", I just use "he" instead. Jinxi naturally understood, and I said again: "The person who plotted against me has already set up a series of schemes. First use the old clothes of Empress Chunyuan to make me fall out of favor with him, so that he can see in his eyes and believe in his heart that I deliberately offended the first emperor and empress. Dare to be so self-defeating and humiliating in comparison with the previous emperors and empresses. It also made me understand that after many years of doting, I am just the shadow of Queen Chunyuan in her eyes." I clenched my fingers tightly, and the bones "cracked" sound. The plot is also pale, and the hatred and helplessness in my heart are clearly reflected in the tears, "The person who set the trap is not only thoughtful and meticulous, but also knows my temperament and his. If he thinks that I have offended, he will naturally He won't listen to my half-sentence explanation, and even what I want to argue for others later has become false words, just excuses and sophistry. And I know that I am just the shadow of others in his heart, how can I be willing to fight with him again? He met and fell in love with him, and even that person was sure that I would not defend myself. That person's scheming was deep and terrifying, far beyond my expectation, so he firmly controlled me in her grasp .”

Jinxi's Wucui brows were wrinkled like mountains, like willow leaves being swept by a strong wind.After the extreme silence, she suddenly raised her head, and there was a deep and scattered light in her eyes, faint like will-o'-the-wisps.She paused every word, and said: "The empress is the master of the harem, and she has been married to the emperor for many years, so she naturally has such a plan." I snorted lightly, and laughed at myself: "At first I always thought that the queen was kind and kind, but later I vaguely knew it was not, but I never thought that today would happen. I have always been respectful and respectful to the queen, and I have never done anything wrong."

The corners of Jinxi's mouth raised slightly, and said: "My lady only knows one thing, but not the other. My lady thinks that if you obey the queen, if you are more obedient to her, she won't let her have murderous intentions towards you. The servant knows that the lady and Chunyuan The queen's appearance is three points similar, and her temperament is even five points similar. The queen is the sister of Queen Chunyuan, so how can she not understand it more clearly. What kind of affection does the emperor have for Queen Chunyuan? , has long been a person who must be eliminated. What's more, the lady's father and brother all made great contributions to the pacification of the Runan King at that time, and the lady has always been favored. She thought about it for a while, "If in the past, the slaves only thought that the queen had a little bit of city power, but now they have experienced it with the lady, and then they know how powerful the queen is. These days, the slaves have also been thinking about it, and finally understand .In fact, the empress has already planned every step of the way and plotted against us." The cold rain knocked on the wooden window lattice with a "thump", and sometimes the cold wind blew through, and the sound was like a ghost whistling, which was thrilling.The coldness of the rain, through the window paper, is also sharply pressing on the body. "Zhu Yixiu!" The queen's name came out sharply between my lips and teeth, and every word was heartbreaking. "I thought I didn't hinder her, but in her eyes, I was already the most obstructive person." I looked at Jinxi, and a sense of weakness and sadness suddenly surged in my heart, "At first, she just used me and Hua Concubine to fight. Since I entered the palace, I have been in her schemes every step of the way. I am a fish and meat. I don't know how to fight her. She has already laid a net!" Jinxi lowered her head slightly, and her increasingly thin jaw had a slight firm arc in the dim candlelight flickering shadow.The reddish candlelight streaked across like water streaks, casting a rather coquettish bright red on her slightly pale cheeks, but the bright red was also like a shadow, with a dark halo.She silently calculated for a long time, "Don't talk about today, even in the past, we will not be able to compete with the queen for a while!" What Jinxi said is the truth, why haven't I thought about it carefully.In the morning light when I was drowsy, I was in the pain of my body, but I didn’t fall asleep completely. I suffered countless times, and every nerve in my body became more awake and tired because of the pain.No matter how unwilling I am, I can only admit, "In the harem, most concubines think that she is virtuous and virtuous, and concubines who know her true face will often have unexpected disasters, so her smile when facing the harem is always gentle and virtuous. More importantly What's more, even the emperor thinks so. She is the daughter of the Zhu family, the empress dowager's niece, the emperor's cousin, and the only younger sister of Empress Chunyuan. ..." I sneered, like the shrill cry of the night owl quietly covering the branches in the dark night, "No, the son of Concubine Cui has become her own son. That's the seat." "Emperor..." The veins on Jinxi's forehead twitched slightly, and she looked at me with burning eyes. I don't understand what she means.A miserable smile quietly spread to the corners of my lips, like a crack across my face.I said quietly: "During the few days after I was pregnant with the moon, things happened at home, and accidents happened. I never thought that if I was willing to compromise, I might be able to ask him to believe the Zhen family's innocence, but how could he believe it? It was still an imperial decree that demoted my family. In fact, I couldn’t figure it out at the time. If he believed me, I wouldn’t have been grounded because of an old dress worn by Empress Chunyuan. Losing Liuzhu's life, even I was not allowed to go out when I was pregnant. I thought about it before and after, so I asked to go out of the palace to practice. Actually, even if I was still by his side, he still called me Zhaoyi. How could I Forced to smile at him, endure humiliation and enjoyment. He is the emperor after all, and I, Zhen Huan, definitely don't have such a temperament." Jinxi patted my hand comfortingly, and said, "Actually, although Lord Zhen, Mrs. Zhen, and Mr. Zhen are separated from each other in the north and south, they have finally saved their lives. Although the lady is strong, she is not as resolute as Miss Ruipin. , committing suicide to declare his will and appealing for grievances, but he was also charged with intimidating the king, and he will not die. It’s just a pity for Mrs. Zhen Shao and the young master.” Jinxi pondered for a moment, and finally asked, “Actually, there is something that I have been unable to understand. If An Lingrong hates the lady, even if it is justified to attack the lady or her close relatives, how could it be Mrs. Zhen Shao and the young master who suffered misfortune? I heard that the malaria treatment for Mrs. Zhen Shao and the young master , it is An's own imperial physician, it is really strange." In the past, if I was in the palace, I wouldn't be able to say anything about this reason, so I had to let it bury in my heart and let it rot in my stomach.Today, however, is different. I tried my best to restrain my tone, from intense restraint to plain, "Women's jealousy is very terrible, especially better than scourge." I paused, "Especially the love between men and women." Jinxi was startled suddenly, and immediately understood.Her surprise was no less than the tears and weeping of the mausoleum I found the night before entering the palace.She was stunned for a moment, her face recovered slightly, and she said: "My servant asked herself that she has seen many people and things in the palace for many years. Although she can sense An's slightly unruly intentions, but Mr. Zhen... An's respect for Mr. Zhen, the servant girl really didn't see half of it at the time." I sighed a long time and said, "It's not just you. If I didn't see it with my own eyes and heard it with my own ears, even I would hardly believe it. However, the so-called evil fate really exists. An's thoughts It’s so deep and detailed.” I shed tears in a daze, and the hot tears almost scalded my mind, “In the past, you made indirect remarks and reminded me that An Lingrong might have a second heart, and it was me who asked me to be careful. I believed too much in her, I believed too much in the so-called sisterhood, and I got to where I am today, and I was careless and gullible, and I have to blame myself." Jinxi said: "This is the weakness of the lady, she is too affectionate. In fact, in the court, you might as well take the word 'love' lightly, just like respecting the concubine, maybe you should be at ease Much more." I choked with sobs, and brought out my thoughts that I had never figured out: "Jinxi, I have never figured it out. I treat An Lingrong with all my heart and soul, although I am not as devoted to Meizhuang as I am to Meizhuang. Why? She hated me to this point, first killed the youngest child in my womb with Shuhen glue, and then joined forces with the queen to overthrow me, trampled me to the bottom, and even my family, young and old. I don't understand, how could she hate me so much? I?" Jinxi's expression was also complicated and confused, but she smiled calmly, but she had a clear understanding of the world, "The complexity and fickleness of the human heart probably lies in this." "People's hearts are complicated and fickle..." I muttered to myself repeatedly, "Jinxi, now I often have a kind of wishful thinking. If life is just like the first time I saw her... For example, the mausoleum is just as delicate and delicate as when I first saw her, Sister Meizhuang is also so hearty and generous. And he is just the way I saw him for the first time..." I smiled sadly, "He came with a smile in the apricot blossoms scattered all over the sky, that spring...but spring, after all, is It's going to pass. It would be great if time only stopped at that moment, without all kinds of entanglements later." The night wind penetrated through the cracks of the window, with a damp and cold breath, like a sigh that was about to be vomited, shaking the originally thin candle flames flickering and flickering.Jinxi stretched out her hand to protect the flames, and after a moment of silence, said: "The autumn wind is sad, so people's hearts are changeable. Things in the world are often like this." "Lishan language is only in the middle of the night, and Ye Yulinling will never complain. How can you be so lucky as Jin Yier, who will make a wish that day." I slowly finished reciting, Ye Yulinling was so sad that I actually smiled softly , Said: "Tonight is also the time of cold rain and rain. Jinxi, believe it or not? Bao Xingjinyier, these days, he hardly wants to dream of me. I am afraid that if it goes on for a long time, I will almost forget it." changed his appearance." Jinxi's smile was heavy and gentle, comforting people's hearts, and said: "He was originally the person my wife was determined to forget, so it's the best thing not to remember. Life in the palace has never been the most sharpening of people's edges and corners." , the lady has been in the palace for many years, and she is tolerant and seeks perfection in dealing with personnel and him. There are constant disputes in the palace with red walls and red shadows, and slaves often feel that the temperament of the lady when she first entered the palace has been exhausted. Until that day , the lady said goodbye to him resolutely, and resolutely recited "Jin Shui Tang Tang, and the King's Jue", so resolute and resolute, she would never turn back after leaving. Only then did the slaves clearly feel that this is the true nature of the lady. The reason why the lady is Ladies, it’s just like that. It’s a pity that the palace can’t tolerate such a good temper. Ladies can come out and save themselves and others, which is considered a great fortune among misfortunes.” I am grateful for Jinxi's comprehension, but I also said: "Even if I forget him, there are some things, some resentments and sadness, I'm afraid it will take a long time to forget." "After all, the wild goose leaves scars, let alone people? Even if the lady really forgets this person after a long time, some scars cannot be erased after all. People have demons in their hearts, and the lady should do her best to calm down." Jin Xi After persuasion, the smile is bright and clear, like water waves swaying, as if it can illuminate people's eyes, "So, is it actually the lady's affection for him or not really unforgettable? So resentment and sadness are more than yearning and admiration." If the true affection is deep and firm, it will not be easily covered by hatred and resentment. Naturally, such affection is never needed in the palace. It's going to dissipate. But then again, if it's just the lady who works hard to maintain such affection, he suspects and speculates how this affection can last, and instead makes the lady fall into sadness. The good affection in this world must be that you have affection and I have intention , You believe in me and I believe in you, only then can we truly know each other and go for a long time." I smiled and said, "Jinxi, are you over 35 years old this year, have you really grown up and served in the palace?" Jinxi was slightly surprised, "This is natural." I laughed: "Then, why do you know more deeply than thousands of foolish men and women in this world?" Jinxi also couldn't help laughing, "My lady is making fun of my slaves. My lady has always been smart, so why don't you know that things in the world are clear to the bystanders and obsessed by the authorities. Especially love. Just the most stupid people." I nodded slightly, "It's just Jinxi, you are the most shrewd, how can you fall into love and have a day when you can't extricate yourself?" Jinxi's expression was in a trance, but I felt that the trance was wrong. How could Jinxi have such a sad and melancholy expression for a moment, I must have been wrong.She quickly smiled and said: "The servant girl came from a humble background and only knew how to serve the master. She is a thirty-five-year-old woman again. Most of her life has already passed. How can there be love affairs? It's really a joke." When I talked to her, most of the annoyance in my heart had been relieved, and I smiled at the moment: "Yes, I was indeed joking about this matter. It's just that it seems to me now that ruthlessness is much better than love." Jinxi just laughed, "Really? If one day my lady might meet someone who treats her sincerely, and my lady treats her sincerely, I'm afraid my lady won't say such things." I couldn't help but laugh, "Jinxi, you're a joke that's more extreme than I made fun of you. I'm already in Buddhism, how can I meet such a person?" Jinxi helped me scrub my body and fell asleep, she just smiled peacefully, "It's true that the maidservant made a joke, so I can make the lady smile so that I can sleep well." So I fell asleep again.Outside the window, the sound of the rain murmurs, the wind rustles, and the window is endless in autumn, but the wind and rain make the desolation, and it also affects the separation and hatred, and the world is desolate.During the long talk, I didn't feel that the window screen was wet with tears, and it was calmed down a little, and I gradually fell asleep.