Chapter 8 Chapter 6 Broken Love

After getting off the train, there were already many cars yelling and pulling people. The familiar local accent and the humid air of my hometown rushed towards me. I rubbed my slightly dry eyes from a sleepless night, oh, I have arrived in Jiangcheng. I followed the crowd and walked straight to the square. A taxi happened to be parked beside me. I waved without hesitation. The driver opened the trunk. I packed my luggage and got into the taxi. I closed the door and the car started. When I got up, I suddenly realized the driver's appearance. He was wearing a pair of Ray-Ban glasses and a red and white thunderbolt suit. It was hard to tell whether it was a cotton jacket or a down jacket, but it looked like a tortoise shell. The trendy boy of the 1900s was still humming in his mouth: "Don't guess what a girl thinks, you won't be able to figure it out even if you guess it..."

I thought to myself that if Xin Chao was here at the moment, he must be very excited. Maybe he would have to drag the driver to talk about fashion. In the end, the driver was so happy that he waved his hand and even waived the fare. It happened in Beijing. In this matter, the driver only wore a pair of shoes with wings, and Xin Chao’s expression was the same as seeing his own father. Along the way, he and the driver chatted directly from Paris Fashion Week to the armor of aliens, and the fashion level directly surpassed the earth. Heading straight into outer space, the driver and Xin Chao almost confessed to each other in the car. He was so excited that the car swayed to and fro, which made me tremble on the side.

Maybe it was because of the sleepless night and the exhaustion of the journey. Not long after the car drove, I felt that my brain was a little lack of oxygen. It’s a bit foreign, who said we are old-fashioned in driving taxis? But let me tell you, you are the first person who has the guts to ride in my car today.” I tried to relax and said: "It's okay, fashion is not enough, it will help the appearance of the city." "Of course, I am contributing to the construction of a new civilization, girl, don't you think so?" The driver was very talkative, and I followed suit.

"Girl, your face doesn't look healthy enough. The train is really not a good thing. I threw up on the first ride." "Do you throw up on the train?" The driver's voice rose sharply, as if he had been pumped, "Oh, don't mention how unlucky I am, since I was a child and vomited in a small broken boat, I can't go upside down. It's very hypocritical, it threw me off on the spot, almost broke my neck, and I lay in the hospital for several days before I came out, just the convertible car, no, I mean the tractor, I was with my classmates Hanging the back of someone’s tractor to save the effort of walking, but I vomited while hanging, the tractor was speeding, and the wind was very strong, all the things I vomited were blown onto my classmate’s face, and my classmate was so angry Kicked me down, luckily I was lucky, I didn't get hurt that time, and I also broke up with that unjust classmate."

"It's not that your classmate is unjust, if you want to blame, you can blame that evil wind." The driver glanced at me from the rearview mirror, grinned and said: "That's true, but he can't kick me down, it's too heartless, isn't it? Anyway, we are also classmates, but we just treat it as food." Just a few sips of water, you can't be evil, let's kill the helpless classmates! No, why don't you wonder how I got into the job of a driver because I love dizziness so much?" "Challenge the limit." "Wrong, I just don't get dizzy with cars, the more expensive the car, the less I get dizzy."

I knew the driver was joking and joking, but neither side took it seriously, so I happily followed suit, "Motion sickness depends on the partner, you are really weird." The driver giggled, "I hate the poor and love the rich. I didn't see it. Give me a Ferrari convertible, and I can't spit out horse manure." Just chatting along the way, the traffic was a bit congested, the car stopped slowly, the driver turned on the radio, and the male and female hosts on the traffic radio were chatting hotly. "In two more months, the area of ​​Lulan Village will be popular. I heard that the most beautiful area there is the large expanse of rapeseed flowers. Oh, that's green and yellow. It is said that many donkey friends from other places go there. "

The male host responded exaggeratedly: "Hey, it's so good, I'll take the whole family there after a while. In this spring, who doesn't love flowers and plants." "That's not true. Recently, there have been a lot of people asking for directions on the hotline. Some people say that there is Provence in France, and there is a Lulan Village in China!" The male host has a strong northern accent, "Where is this? Someone consulted so early. The year has not passed yet. It seems that everyone loves to enjoy life now, not bad." "Whatever you do now, you have to prepare early."

As soon as the hostess finished speaking, the driver laughed, shrugged his shoulders, and chattered: "These two people really have never seen the world, as if they have never seen rapeseed flowers. Tell me about the people now, In the old days, there were rapeseed flowers all over the place and nothing happened, but now they all look like babies, just blow it, blow it hard!" I lowered my head and didn't answer. Lulan Village is my second hometown.Although I was born in the city, I grew up in that beautiful small village, surrounded by nursery rhymes sung by my grandmother. I have some of my fondest memories there.

about childhood. About grandma. Also about him. The wind outside the car window was cold on my face, and it also made me very awake, without sleepless fatigue, but my lips were chapped and uncomfortable. I silently recited the name of my hometown, Lulan Village, in my heart.This time many years ago may be the most beautiful time in my youth memory, just because of him. The vehicle ahead finally cleared up, and the driver whistled happily, "It's finally moving." I watched the lane move faster and faster in front of my eyes, as if it took me back to that spring afternoon, I was sitting on a green leather bus, I was wearing a light green sweater and a long white skirt at that time, His short hair was tied up casually, and he sat by the window at the rearmost position, with the easel at his feet, and opened the window. Although it was a spring day in his memory, the sun was extremely warm, and his face was slightly hot, letting the wind Blowing on the face, blowing the hair around the ears.

At that time, Lulan Village was far less famous than it is now. There were not many buses leading there, and few people came up. It's been a long time since I returned from my studies. Maybe it was because the body and mind were too comfortable, and the eyelids closed unconsciously. Under the sun, I feel that the eyelids are closed, and the translucent red is not the endless black after closing the eyes at night. As if in a dream, I was walking slowly in a bustling street, feeling extremely warm all over my body. It wasn't until I was awakened by a burst of noise that I instinctively straightened my head from the window and looked ahead dimly. It seemed that a group of people came up with bags in their hands and women with children on their backs.Everyone sat down, the originally lonely carriage seemed to suddenly become lively.

Because the road was uneven, the car was a little bumpy. I wanted to move my easel further in, but out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of a boy in a white woolen coat. At that moment my heart almost jumped out. I thought I was still in a dream in the afternoon, but when I rubbed my eyes, I clearly felt the reality of the world in front of me. I just turned my head slowly in disbelief. There was a faint light flashing, and the white headphone cable swayed slowly with the bumps of the car. He was looking down at a book in his hand, but he came back to his senses. Those bright black eyes seemed to be transparent under the sun. He turned his face slightly, looked at me, took off the earphones, and said, "What a coincidence." I nodded, and shook my head quickly, my ears were a little hot, "I was sleeping just now, and I didn't see you get in the car." He took the initiative to ask: "Where are you going?" "Lvlan Village, what about you?" "me too." He replied calmly. The three words "me too" made my heart spin happily, as if I was dancing on a long white corridor, surrounded by flowers and green leaves, singing birds and insects, and sunlight shining through the cracks , like countless grains of golden sand slowly overflowing towards me. Under the sun, his fair face was set off by the light-colored sweater, making his existence so unreal. Before he put on the earphones, he asked me: "Do you want to listen to music?" I nodded dreamily. Then he sat down, and the faint smell of mint lingered in my nostrils. I picked up the earphones in his hand, and listened to an ethereal female voice singing strange and beautiful country songs. In my memory, the wind was blowing quietly in my ears, the warm yellow sun was shining on my face, and a slow tune was singing in a low voice. It was a spring afternoon intoxicated by the spring breeze, and even the air I breathed was slightly sweet. We didn't speak to each other anymore. Get off until the finish line. I am already satisfied. Just sitting quietly and close to each other without saying anything, just listening to a song together is good enough. I don't expect this car to go on forever, don't stop.Because I know, as long as this one click is fine. After getting off the bus, I went to my grandma's house first. He said he went to a relative's house. Then we wave goodbye. Coming out of my grandmother's house, I decided to sketch in the rapeseed field with my easel on my back, just to paint a vibrant spring scene. The teacher said that painting is not about beauty, but whether it has vitality. I came to paint with this mentality. But unexpectedly, I saw a familiar figure standing there with a camera in his hand, and a boy who looked like a junior high school student stood beside him. The boy's name was Chen Qi, and he must be the child of the relative Jiang Zimo mentioned. Chen Qi has a very cheerful personality and talks a lot, and he learned from him in a few sentences that Aunt Wang from Jiang Zimo's family is his mother, who watched Jiang Zimo grow up. The most obvious feature of Chen Qi's appearance is his round face, he is small, and at first glance he looks like Runtu in Lu Xun's works.He and Jiang Zimo stood together, although their appearance and temperament were quite different, they were extremely coordinated, perhaps it was the natural affection between their eyebrows and eyes. I saw a different side of Jiang Zimo than before. It turns out that he can also smile so heartily, and when he smiles, it seems like the world in front of him is full of spring flowers. I set up the easel and started to compose the picture. Chen Qi came to me and strongly demanded to draw both him and Jiang Zimo. Jiang Zimo was seriously taking pictures with his camera, maybe he didn't know that Chen Qi had come to me, and he exclaimed in surprise: "Aqi, I caught a bee, look..." I looked up at him excitedly. Perhaps this kind of him is like a real boy, instead of the faint brows, as if there is sorrow lingering, and it seems that he doesn't care about everything. I drew him like this into this picture, and another boy ran towards his direction. This picture can actually be hidden deep in my heart. But I couldn't refuse Chen Qi's request. "Brother, look at the two of us in Jiang Wei's painting. It looks so small. It looks a little bit bigger, but it's pretty good." Chen Qi turned his round face and gave me a thumbs up, "The painting is really good!" Jiang Zimo came over, leaned down and looked at my unfinished painting, as if he had pondered for a long time, and suggested to me seriously: "You can add another one." "I'll go back and add more..." My eyes never met his. I'm afraid that all my emotions will be seen through by the clever him. The sunset glow at that evening was very beautiful in my memory. The rape blossoms were in full bloom at the end of April. The three of us were lying in the rape field with yellow pollen on our heads, but we had no scruples. Although I was away from him Not close, but could hear his shallow breathing. The sky is extremely gorgeous, as if the sky and the earth are one color, the air contains a sweet fragrance of flowers, a few butterflies and bees are flying around aimlessly, our young faces are dyed with rays of light, as if at that moment, we forgot everything Unhappiness, pressure, and future. Life seems to be only now. At Chen Qi's request that day, I took a photo with Jiang Zimo, in that kind of sunset, I'm afraid the whole person was submerged in that gorgeous color. That's okay, this way, no one will notice that my face is already blushing. Jiang Zimo took a picture of me and Chen Qi, and I clearly remember Chen Qi yelling, "Eggplant!" At that moment, I smiled very brightly. The honking of the car outside came one after another, and the car stopped slowly again. The driver suggested: "This car is already in time for the Chinese New Year, and they are crowded together. Otherwise, let's take a different road ahead, take Cuilin Road, and go from the city to No. 1 Middle School." Walking on the other side, the road there is narrow, but there is no traffic jam on this side.” I nodded and said yes. Rubbing between my eyebrows, I looked out the window at the more and more familiar street. The smell of memory came to my face. I heard the rustling sound of pencils drawing on white paper. In the boring math class, the teacher held the chalk Writing formulas on the blackboard, I was buried deep behind a high pile of books, and the pencil outlined his back on a bicycle, and that familiar back seemed to be shaking in front of my eyes at this moment. The dark golden font of Shiyi Middle School shone with old light on the stone gate. When the car drove to the entrance of the alley, as soon as I turned my head, I could see the picture of the first time I met him, shrouded in old photos. dark yellow light beams. Pilu called vigilantly, he turned his head for a moment, and the young me fled in a hurry.But at this time, I seem to be able to meet his pair of black eyes that flow in time. I leaned against the car window, looked at all this almost greedily, and murmured in my heart: "My teenage dream..." When I got home, it was just in time for lunch. As soon as I entered the door, my father was carrying a piece of fish into the dining room. The weather was too cold, and it seemed that the freshly cooked fish was even hotter. When he saw me coming back, he grinned almost to the ear, "I Be good, come back." "dad……" I rushed towards my dad with a smile on my face, feeling a little excited, my dad knew me very well, he quickened his pace and put the fish on the table, and let my two paws dangle around my neck, my dad laughed so hard that his brows and eyes were wrinkled, and he was so intimate Scratching my nose, "Xiao Wei, you little guy, you really miss Dad, hurry up, wash your hands after hanging up for a while, and get ready to eat, your mother is burning chicken feet in the kitchen, your favorite food." "Obey!" As soon as I heard the word chicken feet, I immediately put away my claws, drooled and went straight to the bathroom, and turned on the faucet to wash my hands. Every time I come home, the first moment is always the most exciting and exciting. It seems that this is not my home, but a fresh place, and everything is fresh. I wash my hands and look at the old bathroom of my house, as well as the razor used by my father and the facial cleanser used by my mother. Happy. When I came out of the bathroom, my dad probably took a closer look at me, staring at my clothes and frowning, "Xiao Wei, what kind of clothes are you wearing? It's so big, your dad and I can't even wear it Such a big dress, like a sack, has no style at all, so hurry up and change it, or your mother will nag again later." "Old man, this is the most fashionable and coolest windbreaker, don't you understand? Xin Chao picked it for me. She is the benchmark of our company's dressing, and she will make you vomit blood if she lives here!" My dad smiled and waved his hands. I ran into the kitchen and patted my mother on the shoulder. My mother was holding chicken feet. My hands trembled when I slapped it. When I turned around, it was me with short eyes. In just a few seconds, I experienced all kinds of complex emotions, from fright to surprise to tenderness, then to slight anger, and finally to calmness. Professional actors can't compare with the grasp of eyes, but the mouth is not forgiving, " You dead girl, you're going to die, you don't call back when you get off the car, your dad said he was going to pick you up and you didn't let him, and he said he'd be home at 11 o'clock. Fortunately, I cooked a few more dishes, or you would come back Just drink the northwest wind, it's 12 o'clock now." "The road is blocked." "Oh, our small city is also congested, so Beijing still crawls like a snail every day! Walk around, don't just stand there, you're not hungry, have you washed your hands yet?" "washed." My mother handed me the plate, "here, your favorite chicken feet are made with beer and seafood soy sauce, without a drop of water, isn't it delicious?" I pretended to smell it, and it was so fragrant that I swallowed, and hurriedly slipped into the dining room with the plate, "Mom, hurry up!" While eating chicken feet, my mother exaggeratedly picked up the reading glasses and looked me up and down. As my father expected, my mother really slammed my clothes, showing that she is more vicious than me. , "I said Weiwei, the clothes on your body are better than just wearing a piece of cloth. Are you wearing such shabby clothes on purpose because you are afraid of being stolen when you take the train?" "Oh, I already said that this is the latest trend, beggar outfit." "You're not too young, wear some high-end clothes, here, don't look too good on a girl with a waist-tight coat! Look at you, you don't have any temperament at all, oops, don't gnaw on your paws On your nose, all over your face, alas..." I finished my lunch with my parents watching and judging. Fortunately, the two of them are my closest relatives. If it were someone else, I would probably suffer from indigestion, but every time I come back, I will stage this scene. I have been used to it for a long time, and I take pleasure in it. The rebellion in the early years, and even the estrangement with my parents, seem to fade away one by one in the years when I was wandering outside alone. Although I still find it difficult to accept some of my mother's personality, but After all, I can see things from her point of view. She is my mother, and I hope that my mother will be a good one. Whether she accepts her point of view or accepts her point of view, she hopes that I can live a better life. Maybe it was because I had eaten too much, and I hadn’t slept all night. The excitement I just got home was gradually covered by heavy eyelids. I went back to my small bedroom and fell asleep. The quilt and pillow smelled like sunshine , I quickly closed my eyes contentedly. I didn’t wake up until evening, got dressed, looked at the fruit plate on the writing desk, smiled, picked up an apple and gnawed it, fumbled here and there in my small room, as if it had changed , as if it was still the same, the music on the mobile phone rang, and I saw that it was Lin Zhenzhen, and I couldn't help but think of Lin Zhenzhen's tricks on MSN that day. This guy has always been the most thorough trickster. Persevering until the moment she is willing to say it, she is simply a hateful ant who always loves to gnaw on other people's curiosity. Her famous saying has only three vulgar words: I will kill you! I made an appointment to visit her house tomorrow morning, and I started playing online. Before I knew it, it was getting dark. My parents came back from the supermarket to buy a bunch of New Year’s goods. My mother came in and saw me playing on the computer, and let me know. "When you wake up, change into more beautiful clothes, and go out to eat later. I won't do it tonight. I will worship my ancestors tomorrow at thirty." I asked casually, "When are we going to grandma's house?" "In the second or third year of junior high school, the family of junior high school will have guests, and people from your father's unit will start the game at our house this year." "Bet again?" When my dad heard me say the word gambling, he hurried into my room, "How can that money be called gambling, so come and play." My mother patted me on the shoulder, "Did you bring the beautiful clothes you brought back? Show me." "it is good……" I made a long sound, seeing my dad winking at my mom, I felt a little baffled, "You two are old couples, what kind of code are you talking about, saying, what bad things did you do without telling me?" "Don't interrupt, quickly get your clothes and go out to eat. The goose feet made by that family are delicious." At the strong request of my mother, I finally wore a dark red tunic coat, and my long curly hair fell down. I dressed like a lady and followed my well-dressed parents to the restaurant. My mother was very excited along the way, non-stop Talking and laughing with my dad, I think the atmosphere is a bit too enthusiastic, and I always feel that it is not as simple as a family going to have a meal. "Mom, is there anyone you want to see?" "You'll find out later." After my mother turned her head and threw this sentence at me, she continued to joke with my father. I knew something was wrong, but the reality couldn’t allow me to flinch. The car had already arrived at the hotel, and it was too late for me to get out. What’s more, My mother's hand wearing a sheepskin glove was holding my arm tightly, as if I was afraid that my little lamb waiting to be slaughtered would run away. The waiters in the hotel are very enthusiastic and well-dressed. The restaurant is very classically decorated. There is a red desk lamp on each dining table. The lampshade looks like it is made of paper. Once you enter, you will feel that the light is very beautiful, simple and transparent. Looking gorgeous, but also a little ambiguous, I shook my head, what was I thinking, it seems that this is not the time to appreciate the lights. I just got home at noon, won't my parents just drag me on a blind date at night? I don't believe that my parents have become so anxious, but after walking a few steps inside, I realized that all my worries had... come true. "Come on, oh, the little girl is so tall, I hugged you when you were little." My mother smiled and reminded me, "This is your Aunt Zhang. When she hugged you, you still wet your pants!" The enthusiastic middle-aged woman directly grabbed my hand, rubbed it and patted it. The smell of perfume hit my face. I grinned unnaturally and responded, "Hello, Aunt Zhang." "This one is your Uncle Lu." "Hello, Uncle Lu, your hairstyle is really fashionable." Uncle Lu looked like an enlightened elder, and he patted his bare forehead with a smile, "Of course it's fashionable, Ge You and Guo Degang have the same hairstyle as me!" Everyone laughed happily. My mother grabbed my arm, pulled me a step forward, and motioned for me to sit in the seat. I heard a nice baritone greet me politely: "Uncle Jiang, hello Aunt Huang." My parents agreed, smiling from ear to ear. Aunt Zhang patted her son on the shoulder affectionately, smiled at me and groaned, "This is our family, Erhao, and this is Xiaowei." "Hello." "Hello." I took a long breath in my heart, and finally sat down. The gentle-looking man with glasses opposite had a very affectionate name: Lu Erhao. With affectionate but serious eyes, I immediately felt that I was going to have a mixture of tragedy and comedy tonight. After ordering food, the topic has been talking about the occupations of the children of both parties. Uncle Lu is doing business in Guangzhou, and he speaks in a somewhat quack manner, "Xiao Wei, I heard that you are still drawing manga now, so you have to keep doing it. If you have ideals, you just have to work hard. The career prospects of a manga artist are good, so get along well." , will definitely be able to mix it up." Auntie Zhang coughed, "Hey, don't talk like that, okay? It scares the kids, and they mess with each other at every turn. Xiao Wei is a beautiful girl, so don't get her wrong." "Hey, you still said me, didn't you say the word "engagement", and you said it more than once!" Lu Erhao on the opposite side asked me with a serious face: "How many picture books have you published?" Although I don't understand what his serious look is for, could it be that he is a manga fanatic, and when he has a fever, he always asks the other party how many manga books he has published? But I still answered him, it was just a little premeditated, "I co-published a book with someone else, the cartoonist who lives with me." My mother pushed my arm, but Lu Erhao asked with great interest, "Which cartoonist do you live with, tell me, and see if I've heard of it?" "Su Xiaoou." Only then did Lu Erhao's paralyzed expression return to normal, and he asked in surprise, "The originator of that rogue cartoonist?" "Yes, but he considers himself the ancestor of rogue cartoonists, not the originator." My mother smoothed things over with a smile on the side, "That's her college classmate, a good friend. I met him a few times when I went to Beijing. The child is pretty good, and he takes good care of our family." Aunt Zhang and Uncle Lu groaned and laughed even brighter. My little trick failed, so I just drank tea and continued to listen to my mother bragging about herself. It basically meant how hard she tried to stop me from learning painting, but she still let me learn it in a clear and righteous way. I can draw comics while working and make money. I never thought that I could publish a picture book. She is very pleased. Then it is the old routine, saying that my drawing is not very good, and I need everyone’s criticism and correction. I can guess it with my ears plugged Until she is talking about this.I know my mother all too well, always showing how low-key her pride is with a well-timed humility after her boast. Aunt Zhang took my mother's words seriously, and looked at me with joy, "It would be great if Xiaowei could be our daughter-in-law. If she can have a daughter-in-law who can draw, the family will have a little more artistic atmosphere." .” Uncle Lu is worthy of being a businessman, so what he said was more realistic, "Okay, okay, I want to have such a daughter-in-law, so I don't need to pay for the paintings at home in the future, let my daughter-in-law paint directly, anyway, it's her old profession. !" The muscles on my face couldn't help trembling, Uncle Lu, you don't want to drag me into the water if you want to save money... Lu Erhao is a heart surgeon. My mother kept praising him for his bright future, and my father also echoed his compliments. The table looked lively and beautiful. I looked at the way Lu Erhao raised the corners of his mouth and smiled. Is it because I am the only one at this table who is struggling... It’s just that after serving the steaming hot dishes, Lu Erhao suddenly stood up, and waved forward with a smile on his face. We were sitting in the middle seat of the hall. We probably met an acquaintance who came out of the meal, and Aunt Zhang handed me the Bowl of hot soup, I said thank you, I didn’t pay much attention at first, but I heard Father Lu’s loud voice, “Isn’t this Dr. Jiang from the Department of Neurosurgery in your hospital? call." Father Lu's tone seemed to regard me as a suitable candidate for his daughter-in-law, and he spoke this sentence very naturally.It's just that I frowned slightly. Could it be that after the parents of both sides hit it off like this, our marriage is a certainty?It's too exaggerated. Lu Erhao glanced at me, the eyes under the lens looked extremely sharp, I didn't think how fierce this man was before, but such eyes were too murderous. This posture, is it telling me not to say hello, or is it telling me to say hello? It's just that before I could take any action, I was stunned by the next faint voice and sat on the chair, unable to move. "Doctor Lu, what a coincidence, is there a family gathering?" My mind went blank, I only heard a voice, I don't know who it came from, reminding me, "Xiao Wei, come and say hello to Dr. Jiang." But his neck was so stiff that he couldn't twist it, and the wooden chopsticks he held in his hand were as heavy as if they were made of iron. "Weiwei..." My mother seemed to be a little embarrassed and pushed her arm against me, and the people at the table looked at me who was reacting strangely with puzzled expressions. In the end I was sensible, I can't let a table of people look at me with big eyes and small eyes, but I turned my head with great difficulty, but saw a pair of indifferent eyes looking at me, just as I was about to speak, Lu Erhao followed in a low voice Jiang Zimo introduced me, and vaguely heard the word blind date, and my ears felt hot all at once.Jiang Zimo nodded to me after listening, like a stranger he had never met before, "Hello." I can still hear a tremolo in my voice, "Hello..." As soon as I finished speaking, he turned his head and said a few words to Lu Erhao, it seemed that the two had a good relationship.Before leaving, I politely bid farewell to a table of people who were still strangers to him. I buried my head in the soup, but I couldn't taste any more. During the meeting, everyone continued to chat. Maybe it was because my performance was too stiff and unnatural. I didn't escape the eyes of a smart man like Lu Erhao. , do you know Dr. Jiang Zimo from our hospital?" "High school classmates." Lu Erhao lowered his head, smiled inexplicably, and put his face close to my ear. I was so scared that I took a step back, but he actually took another step forward. There was no serious look at the dinner table, maybe he saw me He was about to back away again, so he stopped teasing, and immediately changed to a serious face, "What a special high school classmate, his little face turns pale with fright at the first glance. But no matter how special, it doesn't matter much to me." I replied casually: "Of course it has nothing to do with you." Lu Erhao's face was a little uneasy, maybe he felt that his conditions were good enough, and there was dissatisfaction in his originally confident eyes, so he asked, "Could it be that you are not interested in me?" The implication is that he comes from a good family background, has a high degree of education, is highly educated, and has a strong job. He should be brilliant and brilliant. How can he allow a blind date to be rejected? I finally understood how serious and serious he was during the banquet. It turned out that all of this was an expression of arrogance. I couldn't help but feel that this guy was a little funny, so I naturally replied with a funny reason, "I'm not interested, your name is too funny Every year when the students are on vacation, your name keeps popping up on the TV station!" "You... Where do you think your name is easy to hear?" Lu Erhao estimated that he would never have imagined that he would be dismissed like this in eight lifetimes, and his face was flushed red with anger. I thought it would be because of this that night, the filming would break up, but I didn't expect the Lu family to take it seriously. As soon as Lu's mother came home, she called and said that her son thought I was a good person. My parents were pacing up and down at home with beaming faces, as if they had watched Errenzhuan too much, dragged me around the neighborhood, and the two of them took turns brainwashing me. How good is the Lu family? It is my blessing to meet such a nice family. But my mind is always haunted by that person's eyes, why, why doesn't he seem to know me? Is it really a stranger? But in my heart, I felt that something was wrong, but I couldn't taste it carefully. What is wrong? On the 30th day, I went to Lin Zhenzhen's house after offering sacrifices to ancestors and having dinner. Lin Zhenzhen's daughter Nini looks exactly like her father, especially the round nose and small mouth. Lin Zhenzhen took photos of Nini's skirt Dust complained: "Why did I roll out of my stomach like him? Pregnancy was so hard for ten months. During the birth, the pain made me die. In the end, he took advantage of it for nothing." "Sister, you've said it dozens of times, and you've complained in a tender tone. Don't you think it's a form of showing off?" Lin Zhenzhen laughed darkly, just like Miejue Shitai. Nini was lying on the blanket in front of the TV and watching the comics, her round body rolled left and right, Lin Zhenzhen said a few words to me and then turned to pick up Nini and pat the ashes, muttering, "Rolling around is covered in germs, don't you understand?" After all, she is a mother. In her eyes and mouth, it is either her husband or her child. Very plain happiness, easily infected me. "Weiwei, I'm so envious of you, you don't have such a little debt collector making trouble in front of you every day, so don't worry!" When he said it, he smiled. "Student Lin Zhenzhen, you are hypocritical enough, watch out for my dog's head to serve you!" Lin Zhenzhen laughed out loud, the sun shone brightly on her face, "If you are greedy, marry yourself quickly, look at how you have made yourself so pale and emaciated, like a bitter cauliflower, hurry up and make up for it!" Get fat and get married!" I laughed and murmured to her, "I'm fat enough to be a pig and I won't be able to get married!" She finally calmed down, Ren Nini tossed about, sat down in front of me solemnly, and said seriously: "I'm not joking with you, if you want, I'll introduce you to a few partners, if you don't like it, let's go to the TV station Don’t be too popular with the blind date show now! If this show came out a few years earlier, I might not look down on Suhang, an old-fashioned one!” "Your Dr. Su Hang is so honest, he is not satisfied." Although I said that in my mouth, I felt that there was something in Lin Zhenzhen's words in my heart, but as soon as I thought about it, Lin Zhenzhen suddenly became quiet and looked at me as if hesitant to speak. It turns out that people's sixth sense is always so accurate. I was already mentally prepared, and asked her: "If you want to say something, just say it. The friendship between the two of us is here. Why do you have to be embarrassed to speak? You should also solve the riddle you made last time." Alright, although I guess who you're talking about." Lin Zhenzhen glanced at Nini, then at me, and finally said intermittently, "I guess you have already guessed that it is Jiang Zimo... Is there anyone else besides him, but I just want to ask you , are you still so stubborn?" In front of my friend, I don't need to deceive my heart, but I just instinctively miss her eyes, maybe I'm afraid of seeing surprise and disbelief, "I... I'm still the same, I haven't changed." The atmosphere seemed to be silent for a while. Only Nini's voices of flipping books and humming nursery rhymes can be heard. Another long sigh. "You... Weiwei... This is too unrealistic. Although the kind of love when I was a child is simple, but people will change slowly. Besides, you have never been in love with each other. Who will wait for whom? You, everywhere Well, it's just that you are too dead-minded, and you are as stubborn as a donkey." "Stop talking nonsense, you're going to get stabbed anyway, and you've stabbed me to my heart's content." In fact, I already roughly guessed what she was going to say, to persuade me like this, to feel sorry for me like this, probably means that there is no hope, and I completely give up. 联想到昨天见他时他淡然陌生的神情，便知晓，若是有一丝丝希望，也不该是如此。 “妮妮上次生病，我带她去江大附属医院输液，在大厅里遇见他，不过，你知道的，他又跟我不熟，上学的时候就没说过什么话，我也就没叫他，就这么擦肩过去了，我只是奇怪，学校里不都说他移民德国了吗，怎么会一身医生打扮出现在这里……后来输液的时候，我就问了一下护士，那个护士一听我问江医生，就直接报上了他的名字，看来他在医院跟在学校一样，都是那种被人瞩目的，我当时想到你还单着，就装作八卦地问了一下，他是不是也单着，可是得到的答案却是……他已经有未婚妻了，那个护士说的，全医院里都知道，就是不知道他是不是为了未婚妻回国的，估计他的未婚妻也是江城人。小唯，这句话我也许不该说，其实你早该断掉这些念想的，人总不能一辈子活在不可能发生的梦里吧。” 我直直地盯着林珍珍的眼睛，她的口型一张一闭，我已经听不清楚她在说什么，脑海里像是在坐过山车，风呼呼地吹，只留下那空旷无比的三个字“未婚妻”。 accident? Not at all. 正如林珍珍所说，之前的我只是一直生活在自己的旧梦里，已忘记了世间变幻很多年。身边的同学一个个结婚生子，我依然孑然一身，不是我在等待他，而是我始终走不出来。 我想起苏晓鸥说的那句，“岁月已逝，人各有志。” 原来现实点，是对自己最好的。做梦做多了，平添期盼，只会伤得更重。 这个世界，最重要的人和事，总是等不及。我们来不及拼尽全力，便已经稀里糊涂地错过了。最悲哀的是，我们无比清醒地看着这所谓的稀里糊涂。 我想到回来前和辛潮躺在床上那些梦一样的呓语，那些婉转的期盼，只不过是痴人说梦罢了。当我有勇气决定拼尽全力时，一切都太迟太迟了。 我不怪任何人。 也不怪这命运。 我只怪这三个字——忘不了。 林珍珍摇了摇我的肩膀，“小唯……” 我的嘴角不由自主地向上扬了起来，看着林珍珍有些忧心的眼睛，“珍珍，你知道吗，前些日子我在北京机场就遇到了他，这么些年过去了，他还是那个样子，只是成熟了些，我那样想他，曾经还夸下海口去找他，可现实却不敢上前一步，这一切又有什么关系呢，起码我知道他现在看起来不错，而且我能远远地看他一眼，总比永远见不到得好。昨天我又见到他了，我爸妈带我去相亲，他见到我，跟见到陌生人一样，我还是对自己说，没关系，起码知道了他的工作地址，他在做什么，我可以鼓足勇气去找他了。今天，你告诉我他有了未婚妻，也许过不久他们就结婚了，有了自己的家庭和小孩。我现在想想，我只是一厢情愿，从一开始我都是在一厢情愿。我怕他不喜欢我，怕跟他连朋友都做不成，怕他拒绝米粒，又怕他接受米粒，更怕再也见不到他……从认识他，我就怕了很多事。珍珍，真的，我现在什么都不怕了，我只是怕我这颗心还是收不回来，我就单单怕这个……” 我没有哭，我原本以为我会大哭一场，却发现眼睛里干干的，一丁点湿润的感觉都没有，甚至没有热意。 我回到家里的时候电视台正在播放春节联欢晚会，外面的烟花爆竹声噼里啪啦，一派热闹喜庆的过节气氛，客厅里的大饭桌上摆满了各种冷热菜，妈妈还在厨房里忙活，爸爸拿一包瓜子递给我，“先嗑着点，一会儿就吃年夜饭啊。” 我抓起瓜子坐在沙发上嗑着，瓜子壳的声音很是清脆，爸爸在一边问我：“去珍珍家啦，怎么不让她和妮妮过来玩？” “初三来玩儿，你也得让人家先把年过了好不啦，老爸你也太贪心了。” “我不是喜欢妮妮那个小不点儿嘛……哎哟，我什么时候才能有福气做外公哟。” “又来了，又来了……” “嘴皮子都嗑出血来了，别嗑了。” "Have it?" 我看着我爸关切的眼神，跑到卫生间里一看，嘴唇的皮还真是破了，血珠凝结在上面，我狠狠地撕了下那个皮，疼得“咝”了一声。 我爸跑到我后面，打了一下我的脑袋，“撕什么啊，对自己这么狠啊，这两天多吃点水果，我估计你是上火了。” “多大点儿事，爸，走，咱们看朱军说相声去！” 年夜饭在热闹的春节联欢晚会中成功落幕了，我爸妈被我逗得很开心，我爸多喝了几杯，红光满面地直打嗝。 又打了两个小时的牌，我输得一塌糊涂，最后连钱包里的两毛钱都被我爸无情地夺走了，当然只是暂时的，睡觉前还硬塞了我一个大红包，说是他和我妈给我的压岁钱，说希望我快点结婚，到时候给两份压岁钱他们也不心疼。 他们不心疼，我却是心疼了。 他们日渐衰老，而我的个人幸福，却让他们觉得盼不着头，我感到惭愧，更多的是心疼。 时钟指向了12点，外面的鞭炮声和烟火像是雨点一样密集地轰轰隆隆，新的一年来到了，大家都欢天喜地地迎接新的一年到来，而我，却感觉到疲惫，看着窗帘外烟火绚烂的影子，我却被心中突至的冷清包围。 鼻子有些塞，嘴唇更加干裂，我舔了舔嘴唇，只觉得身体有些冷，冷得忍不住用手抱紧了身体，侧着身子缩成了一团，缩在了两层棉被里。 不知过了多久，头晕晕的，我睁开眼看眼前的世界，像是模糊了，我只好又闭上眼，把自己的身体继续往下缩去，我感觉到黑暗，冰冷，却非常困。 Where am I? 回家了吗，还是，我仍然在那辆穿越时光的火车上，还是躺在北京的小床上，我只是做了一场梦，只是一场梦。 篮球场上他离去的背影，在我脑海里越来越清晰，清晰得仿佛就在我伸手之间。 可我却收回了手，停住了脚步。 看着他消失在眼前，头也不回。 “这些年我为什么还是这样？” 明明早跟自己说了一万遍不可能，为什么我还要留一丝缝隙让不切实际的希望钻进来，然后尽情地啃噬我的心、我的血、我的骨。 我奋力地呐喊，蹲了下去，双手捂住脸，滂沱的大雨淋了下来，湿答答的衣服贴在身上，冰冷彻骨，我忍不住抱紧自己的胳膊，身体却像是风中飘零的落叶，瑟瑟发抖。 雨水顺着我的脸流了下来，嘴唇里，已觉不出，是苦，是涩，还是咸。 “唯唯发烧了，难怪打牌的时候声音哑哑的……” “不知道是不是坐火车给冻着了。” “我看是家里没有暖气，她从北京回来一下身体适应不了。” 我依旧停留在冰冷的雨水里。 可是却能听到爸爸妈妈的声音。 声音越来越小，直到听不见，我已分不清是真实，还是虚幻。 雨却越下越大。 仿佛我的世界，只剩下了冰冷的，砸在塑料袋上，会噼啪作响的雨水声。 我艰难地站了起来，从空旷的操场上缓慢离开，直到教学楼。 教室的走廊里站了很多人，陌生的，熟悉的面孔，在我眼前一一晃过。 可他们却无一人向我看来，尽管我与他们是这样不同，浑身湿透，像极了落汤鸡，每走一步，后面定是一长排水印儿。 走廊里有人闹作一团，嬉笑着推推搡搡，尖叫声，哈哈大笑声，不绝于耳。 也有人平静地站在阳台边，只为了欣赏眼前的雨景。 “今天的雨好大呢……” 不知是谁嘀咕了一句。 我看到了一个梳着齐耳短发，白色衬衫，蓝色裙子的女孩子向我迎面走了过来，大大的眼睛望着走廊里的人群，神色有些局促。 女孩与我擦身而过，我伫立着，不得动弹。 那个女孩子，不就是我自己吗…… 我慌乱地回过头来。 却已见那个女孩子站在一个教室的门口，我往前走了几步，便见一个身着白色衬衫个子高高的男生走了出来，我看着男生垂下来的眼角，头痛欲裂。 江子墨…… 我几乎想立刻捂住自己的眼睛，不想看记忆里那个灰色的场景，可是我的手却还是扶着墙，眼睛一动不动地看着正对着我的江子墨。 “这是……我的好朋友米粒让我给你的信，还有这个。” 女孩把一封信递给他，还有一个透明的玻璃罐子，罐子里有满满的千纸鹤，颜色各异，白色的，粉色的，浅蓝色的……像是少女缤纷多情的心。 可这些悸动的滚烫的情怀却在女孩的手里微微发颤。这里装满了别人的心，却唯独没有她的，她的那颗只有自己能看得清的心。 江子墨接过了那封信和装满千纸鹤的玻璃罐子。 女孩冰冷的手碰触到他的指尖，像天空淋下来的雨水，一片冰凉。他……接受了吗？ 她该为自己的朋友高兴的，心却像是撕开了一个小口子，滴滴答答地在流血。 我看不到江子墨的表情，仿佛有股阴影笼罩在他的眼眉间。 只听那个熟悉的声音低沉响起。 竟是比那指尖更要冰冷，淡漠得不像是他的声音，“我对这些没兴趣。希望这是我最后一次说。” 我看着女孩的肩胛骨微微缩起，垂着的手指蜷曲成一个半圆的弧度。 心痛的感觉，又开始如那雨水，一点一滴侵入心扉。 我依然记得，那时的我，心乱如麻，听到他这一句冷漠至极的话语，更是觉得自己可笑得像个小丑，卑微的小丑。 暗恋像是一盆没有任何浊点的水，将自己的卑微照得清澈见底。 “可是……你得回复她呀？她说她下周末中午在体院溜冰场那里等你。” “刚才我说的，你难道不明白吗？我会亲自还给她，不用你费心。” "Then... goodbye." 年少的我，依然能将欲哭的脸挤成皱巴巴的浅笑，与他挥手告别，仿佛刚才那一瞬的不快从未发生。 尽管，这一切自己不情愿，且小心翼翼。 如今的我，以一个旁观者的角度，看着过去真实发生的这一幕，听着他那句冰冷刺骨的话，“不用你费心。” 我像极了角落里的一粒微小的尘埃，风吹不走，只能隐藏于此。 却还要伪装成一副不被刺伤的模样。 之前的那些相处的美好片段，仿佛都在一瞬间灰飞烟灭，只有他的冷，他的刺，和陌生至极的疏远。 也就是从那会儿开始，我和他之间，有了一层若有若无说不清道不明的隔阂，再也回不到从前，仿佛我以前费尽心思地和他做了一场普通的朋友，都变成了虚无的烟雾慢慢退散开去。 听到有人在喊我的声音，额头的冰凉感觉缓缓传来，身体上的不适微微缓解，我看着年少的自己从我身边飞快而过，我叹了口气，往前走去，却看见江子墨手中拿着那封信，眼睛掠过我盯着前方女孩离去的方向，那样直接压抑的眼神转瞬即逝，又侧过头去，转身进了教室。 我清楚地看到他手中的信件，被手指紧紧抓起，变了形状。 Hallucination? 我往前奋力地跑着，鞋里的水却重得仿佛迈一步都变得艰难，我就这样跑到了他消失的那个门口，本是打打闹闹的教室里却一下安静下来，无数双陌生的眼睛向我扫来，我拼尽全部力气冲着他的背影喊道：“我喜欢你！” "I like you……" “江子墨，我喜欢你……” 那种感觉像是在对着空谷疯狂地不顾一切地呐喊，耳边能听到自己的回声。 教室里一下暗了下去，声音却又从四面八方传来，有无数的讥笑声，我看不清楚所有的人，包括他。我抹了抹脸上的雨水，喉咙疼痛无比。 我咬着嘴唇，感觉到一阵撕裂的疼痛，猛地睁开眼，墙上熟悉的挂钟正在滴滴答答地走，便知道，自己做了一场旧梦。 梦里虚虚实实，真实的记忆里，年少的我强忍着泪意跑到楼道口，脚步停了下来，转过头，往他刚才站立的方向望去，却是空落落的，他已进了教室。 “好受些了没，唯唯？” 门开了，爸爸满脸担忧地看着醒来的我，我冲他浅浅地笑了笑，说出的话也虚弱不已，“爸，你怎么还不去睡啊，天这么冷……” “还是你妈细心，说打牌的时候觉得你嗓子哑哑的，生怕你感冒，催我来瞧，喏，刚才你还冷得直哆嗦呢，来，把药吃了。” 吃完药，爸爸又去给我换了块毛巾放在了额头上，就这样安静地坐在我旁边，替我把被子掖了又掖，我后背已经被汗湿透，可他还是怕我着凉，嘴里念叨着。 “爸，被子快压死我了，怎么又加了一层？” “出汗才好得快，不要怕重，快点好起来，大过年的生病怎么能行。” 这时的爸爸倒像是个爱唠叨的妇人，他俯身间，我已看到了他两鬓和头顶上的丝丝白发。 我侧转过头去，眼眶酸楚不已，额头上覆盖着的白色毛巾随着我转头，掉了下来，我赶紧把它重新放好，生怕被爸爸看见我现在的样子。 “爸爸，我好多了，头不怎么痛了。你快去睡觉吧。” “那就好，那就好……” 我就这样流着泪，以静悄悄的方式。换毛巾的时候我擦了把脸，侧着身，背着光，任谁也不知道。 屋子里又恢复了安静，可我却没有了一丝困意。 我闭着眼，米粒的话一下浮现在我耳边，“小唯，我在溜冰场遇到一个男生，好帅啊，溜冰玩得特别好，是你们学校的哦，不过我真是不能把他的样子和他的名字联系起来唉。” 高二五一休假，很久没见的米粒约我出去喝奶茶，我妈见我要出门，问我刚才家里的电话是谁打来的，我撒了个谎说是去林珍珍家里，我妈紧紧地盯了我一眼，“小孩子可不能说谎哦，如果让我看见你还和那个不良少女米粒在一起玩儿，你以后放假就给我通通去上补习班，一天休息都不给你，明白吗？” "Ok." 我点头如捣蒜，吓得后背都起了热气，我妈精明地冲我点了点头，“去吧，待会儿我去珍珍家看你们在玩些什么？” “妈，你也把我看得太紧了吧，我又不是囚犯，一点人身自由都没有。” “那你还出不出去？” “我走，我走。” 我一边骑着自行车一边骂我妈的惨无人道，本想和好久不见的米粒一起玩个痛快，我妈却把后路都给我堵死了，算了，我对天翻了个白眼，长叹了一口气，脚上蹬自行车也越发快了，像是匹脱缰的小野马。 谁能想到，我想跟好朋友玩，也要这么玩命地赶时间呢？ 只是米粒怎么染了头发？ 穿着浅色短打连衣裙的米粒，头发棕黄色的，披散到了肩头，还带着微微的卷发，看起来像个洋娃娃。 我刚进奶茶店，米粒就蹦蹦跳跳地一下蹿到我面前，穿着打扮让我眼前一亮，并且一如往常，大力地抱着我的肩膀快乐无比地笑。 “米粒，你好漂亮啊。真的，像大学生的样子，一点不像高中生。可是，你们老师不骂你吗？” “骂什么，我们的那个班主任啊，是个刚大学毕业的男生，看见我还会脸红呢。” "No way..." 我的思维出现一阵短路，米粒帮我点好了草莓奶茶和海鲜棒，她看着我，拖着腮，笑得很甜蜜，“小唯，你知道吗，我都快想死你了，每次打电话找你，都是你妈妈接的电话，你知道的，我米粒天不怕地不怕就怕你老妈……唉，我们都快一年多没见面了吧，在建中那个寄宿学校真的一点意思都没有，每天都像坐牢一样，离家还这么远，回来一趟真是不容易，大包小包的。” 就为了我妈妈不喜欢米粒这件事情，我心里对米粒一直有愧疚，“对不起，米粒，我妈妈她……” “哎呀，你跟我说什么对不起，反正你妈妈认为我是个坏孩子，怕带坏你这个乖宝宝嘛！” “我哪里有乖。” 米粒拍了拍我的脸颊，跟捏小孩的脸一样捏了几把，笑得鼻头都皱了起来，“还说不乖，你看你的脸好像个小圆球，太可爱了！哈哈！” 闹了一会儿，我问米粒：“寒假我去你家了，你妈妈说你去上海了，怎么回事啊？” 米粒长叹了一声，“我去面试的呗，我想做杂志模特，早点赚钱早点享受，就不用看人的脸色啦。” “面试上了吗？” “嗯，面试上了，不过人家让我高中毕业以后再去拍照，我住得又远，年纪又太小。” “哇，米粒，你太棒啦！以后说不定可以做明星呢！” “说实话，小唯，我真是不想上学了，直接辍学去上海当模特多好啊，可是我妈死活不肯！” 米粒的经历在那时我的心里，简直就是女英雄，而不像我，每天被妈妈安排得学业满满当当，每天除了学习就是学习，毫无乐趣可言。 我们两个像小鸟一样唧唧喳喳地说了很多话，关于学校的，老师的，同学的，还有未来的，仿佛说不完，从奶茶店里出来，我和米粒直奔商场五楼，那里有拍大头贴的，还有游戏厅，我们已经太久没有来过这里了。 拍了大头贴，在游戏厅里玩了打僵尸的游戏，我和米粒又一起去夹娃娃，我们的手气很背，直到把彼此身上最后一个硬币用完，都没夹到一个娃娃。 我有些沮丧，米粒却是搂着我，笑道：“傻瓜，这台机器就是骗人的嘛，你干吗不开心，等我开始赚钱了，我买好多玩具给你玩。” 我心里既开心感动又有些叹息自己的手背，原本想抓个KITTY猫送给米粒的，我知道她最喜欢那个粉红色的可爱小猫了，可是还是未如愿。 出了商场，我们俩坐在街头的椅子上，米粒还穿着高跟鞋，脱了鞋开始揉脚，说刚才站太久有些累，我把我们拍的大头贴从包里拿出来，米粒一脸兴奋地冲我建议，“小唯，我们把这些大头贴贴在各自的钱包里怎么样？” "OK!" “不会被你妈妈看见然后撕了吧？” “不会的，我会藏好的，不让她看见。” "That's good." 我们两个人傻傻地坐在街头，贴着浓浓友情的大头贴，照片里漂亮夺目的米粒和依旧稚嫩的我灿烂地笑着，我凝视着大头贴上的照片，心里不禁感叹，刚上初中那会儿会被当成双胞胎的我们，真的越来越不像了呢，米粒越来越会打扮自己了，变得明艳动人，而我，这些年却没多大变化，仍旧是一脸的青涩。 米粒突然想起什么，主动问我：“唉，小唯，你有没有……偷偷地背着家里谈恋爱啊？” 在米粒面前，我很自然真实地回答，“没有啊，我们学校谈恋爱的很少呢。” “也对，你们那个学校，书呆子的摇篮。是不是女生都很丑，男生都很无趣啊？” “没有啦。还是有漂亮女生的，不过，那些漂亮成绩又好的，说实话，挺高傲的，男生嘛，很多还是很调皮捣蛋的。” 米粒嘴角咧得很开，看着我的眼睛晶晶亮，“小唯，你知道吗，上个月月初吧，我在溜冰场遇到一个男生，好帅啊，溜冰玩得特别好，是你们学校的哦，不过我真是不能把他的样子和他的名字联系起来唉。” “真是我们学校的？” 米粒飞快地点头，“对啊，你也知道我胆子很大的嘛，很豁得出去，他的样子是我喜欢的那一型，所以我就主动跟他搭讪了啊，我问他，他一句话都不说，很酷的样子，我当时觉得这个人怎么这么奇怪啊。想想可能是他见到陌生的女孩子有些害羞吧，然后一个小男生溜了过来，皮肤黑黑的，叫他哥，看起来很活泼的样子，就是这个小男生全告诉了我，说是你们一中的，而且他的名字我要说出来，你一定吓一跳。” <