Chapter 5 Chapter 5 Too Young

Before meeting Chu Han again, I always thought that it was his fault that I became a dancer. isn't it? When I first met him 5 years ago, I was the most innocent and naive girl. I was in the third year of high school. My hair was draped in clear soup and noodles. I didn’t wear any makeup. My face had natural luster and I liked wearing puff sleeves. White skirt, Chu Han said, I am like a pearl. However, the me today is only 5 years, more than 1800 days, my hair is no longer straight, my eyes are no longer bright, my lips are no longer bright, I dare not see the sun during the day, and at night I look like a ghost but not a zombie .

Who Dust the Pearl? I can't blame the society, because the society treats me well.I grew up in a normal and warm well-to-do family. My parents are good people. From a young age, I was taught to be self-reliant, self-respecting and self-respecting. They didn’t have much culture, but they valued education very much, and worked hard to support me in college.They are very good parents. The only thing they did wrong was to introduce Chu Han to me. Chu Han is my father's colleague, a college student who just graduated. He is just a small technician, but he is in charge of cutting-edge projects in the scientific research team.He worked very hard. His father said that someone had seen Chu Han stay up for three days and three nights to revise a blueprint.

It was a Sunday, and he came to my house to ask Dad some technical questions. I heard him call his father Master Xu, so I teased him: "Be clear, is it the 'master' of the old shoe repairer? Or the 'master' who is a teacher for one day and a father for life?" He was embarrassed, his face flushed red, he was silent for a while, and finally said: "I wonder if Master Xu will accept me as an apprentice?" Dad is polite: "What skills can I teach you? You are all people who have drunk foreign ink." Chu Han said seriously: "But experience is the most scientific knowledge." He didn't talk much, but comforted his father very comfortably.Take out decades of housekeeping skills and teach them one by one.

After that, he omitted the initial surname when addressing his father, and called him "Master" directly, and I also yelled and called him Senior Brother.Dad smiled and scolded me for being a fool, but Chu Han felt that this statement was very special, so he always agreed quickly. I don't know when it started, maybe it was just the "senior brother" one after another, I gradually felt that every time I called him so coquettishly, I felt strange in my heart. At that time, because I had to take night classes, the school arranged a dormitory for girls, but I would rather go home at night and stay overnight, even enduring the fear of walking alone at night.But Chu Han didn't come every day, so I seemed very irritable. An 18-year-old girl who hasn't learned to hide herself yet, her face is full of longing and eagerness.

Gradually, it was the mother who noticed it first, and probably didn't object, but became more enthusiastic towards Chu Han intentionally or unconsciously, always leaving him a small meal, and asking about his family affairs vaguely during the dinner. Chu Han is dull, and has never noticed any changes in the attitudes of his wife and younger sister. He just sincerely thanked our family for treating him well, so he also treated our family well.I always take on all the physical work at home, and often buy some vegetables and fresh fish to add to the vegetables. Really, as far as I can remember, Chu Han never gave my family any gifts, and he didn't even say thank you many times.He just did things in silence, and later even did the cooking and mopping the floor for him.But just like that, it has gained more and more appreciation and trust from the elderly.Dad even gave him an extra house key so that no one was home when he came.I don't know if my parents had already regarded him as a future son-in-law in their hearts at that time, but Chu Han obviously didn't think so, he was only my junior sister, except that he would always bring me some fresh melons and tutorial books every time he came. The outsider didn't even look at me straight in the eye.

I was so angry that I did everything I could to attract his attention, including putting on heavy makeup, wearing a cropped T-shirt, wearing perfume, and even deliberately making love to boys on the phone in front of him.But it didn't work, he was always my little girl. On my 19th birthday, I decided to take a gamble and called him specifically to tell him to remember to come home for dinner at night.Then I put on the newly bought off-the-shoulder long dress, and I also specially prepared red wine.My parents let me make trouble, they said that it is only once a year, and I should be allowed to do whatever I want.

As I said, they are good parents, and their fault is that they shouldn't like Chu Han as much as I do, and they never stopped me from interacting with Chu Han.They don't know how painful it is for a girl to fall in love with a man older than herself and not be loved by him. Chu Han arrived on time that day, and he was carrying an An Qi cake with him.But he brought one more thing, no, he brought one more person—his girlfriend. The world became dark at that moment, the cream on the cake was no longer sweet, and even the light of the candle was miserable green.That whole night, I hardly ate a bite of food, but drank the whole bottle of red wine.

At 19, I was too clueless to protect myself.I don't care about my self-esteem, I don't know how to fake a smile, I show my pain as much as I want, and let everyone know that I am broken in love. Parents didn't expect things to be so serious, they kept apologizing to Chu Han and his girlfriend, but their expressions were not good. After Chu Han left, I was so drunk that I vomited out gallbladder, and I barely got over my breath. When I woke up the next morning, I saw that my parents had gone to work, and there was a meal and a note for me on the table.I didn't look at it carefully, and I knew it was the love of my parents without looking at it.

But I felt humiliated and deeply hopeless at the same time.I don't know how to face everyone in the future.Breaking up is bad enough, but let the other person and the other person's girlfriend know. I decided to disappear from the world, so that no one could see my tears again. Just like that, I dug out 2,000 yuan and ran away from home on the second morning of my 19th birthday. It's been like this for 5 years. In the past 5 years, I have traveled almost half of China.I don’t need to go into details about how I changed from one hotel to another during this period, and how I finally became a dancer from a waiter. In short, the environment can change people.But I also knew that this would hurt my parents, so I never dared to contact them.I just send money back every six months, with a few words, and the address for sending money is different each time.China is so big, it is not difficult for a person to disappear deliberately.

I didn't expect to meet Chu Han again. After 5 years, he did not see aging, but maturity.Time is really generous to men. He asked me to drink morning tea. I was not used to the sun, so I chose a shady corner, but I still felt lack of energy, so I ordered a big cup of coffee and drank.When drinking the second cup, Chu Han came.I was a little dissatisfied that he was late and didn't care about me like this.I regretted coming to the appointment, lit a cigarette, and asked him straightly: "Do you have a girlfriend yet?" "No." He answered briskly. I asked again: "Do you have a boyfriend?" After speaking, I smiled maliciously.

He wasn't as embarrassed or annoyed as I'd imagined, but just said softly, "I don't appreciate your kind of humor." I grabbed his hand and burst into tears.This is the person I have loved, but no matter how provocative or depraved I am, he will not feel sorry for me. Until this moment, I suddenly understood how stupid it was to run away for him. Chu Han silently handed me the tissue.I shed tears for a while, then took out the small mirror to touch up my makeup.Insufficient sleep, the powder puff on the face seems to have two skins.Stealing a peek at Chu Han, he was also haggard, but of course his reasons were not the same as mine. I guess he had to stay up late last night either for entertainment or business.I sighed: "5 years ago, you were a technician, and I was your junior junior; 5 years later, you were the section chief, and I was a dancer. The distance between us has become even greater." "Don't mention the word dancing girl again." Chu Han said suddenly, his tone was gentle, but he used imperative sentences: "When you come back with me, don't tell Master that you were a dancing girl." "Go back with you?" I widened my eyes, "When did I say I wanted to go back with you? I promised to come to see you today, just to warn you of this—don't tell my dad about meeting me." Chu Han looked at me: "It's not 'meeting', but 'finding'. Do you think we met by chance last night? No, I went to the ballroom to find you on purpose. Otherwise, how could I appear In that kind of place?" "That kind of place" hurt me so much that I ignored the concern in his tone, I stood up abruptly and said, "This is what I was trying to warn you—don't come to 'that kind of place' to find me again!" I fled away, and Ren Chuhan called me to chase me from behind.While he was being pestered by the waiter to pay the bill, I jumped into a taxi and left.I know that I won't be going to work in that ballroom tonight, and I won't even stay in this city for long.Anyway, "wandering" has become commonplace for me. When I got back to the apartment, I felt like I had come back from a big battle. I felt exhausted and fell limply on the bed, unable to move.I began to recall the encounter last night, a sister suddenly came over and asked my original name, I said it casually, and she told me that a gentleman was looking for me.I went out, only to find that it was Chu Han. After the initial shock, I quickly calmed down and twisted my waist to invite him to dance with me.When he put a hand on my waist, I suddenly couldn't help trembling all over, and there was a pain rising from my back. I didn't know whether I loved him more or hated him more. I think of myself 5 years ago, the off-the-shoulder evening dress soaked in red wine on my birthday.I was so young! Maybe what I love is only my youth, but Chu Han represents my past, the object of my first love, the most painful memory of adolescence, I can't tell him from myself, I only know when his eyes look at me I will never think again.Once upon a time, I tried my best to attract his attention, but today he finally decided to come and see me, but I was no longer innocent. I didn't finish that dance, so I told him that I had an appointment tonight and I couldn't accompany him for supper.I used to care too much about his presence or not, but now I have learned to pretend not to care. He rescheduled me for morning tea today.I hesitated and hesitated, but finally agreed. But I couldn't finish the tea either. In front of him, I couldn't do anything well, not even a really sophisticated dancer. Maybe, just because I still care about him. The very thought made me jump up in fright. I went downstairs, knocked on the landlord's door and asked for the bill, and told him that I didn't want this month's rent, but I hope he can pay me back the rent for the next two months.The landlord refused: "If I had known that you would only live for three months, I would not have rented it to you. You know, there are many people who want to rent a house, and I agreed to rent it to you cheaply because you are willing to pay a deposit. , just to guard against people like you who rent today and return tomorrow, otherwise, what are you doing with the deposit?" One word from me brought him a lot of complaints, which made my head dizzy.But I don't have a lot of money, and I don't want to pay back the two months' rent, so I don't know where to go next. Just as they were at a stalemate, a voice suddenly intervened and said: "If you don't refund, you won't refund. Anyway, you will never wait for money to rent a house again." I turned around, as if someone had cast a spell on my body—it was Chu Han again, he came here so quickly! He took my hand and went back upstairs, explaining simply and clearly: "I'm sorry, I followed you last night. I found you with great difficulty, and I have to prevent you from running away again." "This morning..." "I was late this morning because I have been following you, and of course I will arrive later than you." He didn't leave last night?For whom was the wind exposed at night, I burst into tears again, and said seriously: "Brother, I know what you mean. But what I did was because I was ignorant, I can't blame you, you don't have to feel guilty anymore. In the past few years, you have been looking for me everywhere, and you waited for me last night, I am very grateful and content, really..." I couldn't go on crying.No one is sorry for me, but just because I can't get what I love, I give up on myself and give up on myself.Everything is my own fault, I am too capricious, too selfish, too shameless.Thinking of the anxiety and worry of my parents, I cried so hard that I couldn't lift my head: "Brother, is it too late for me to change it now?" "Who said that? Is it too late?" Chu Han was usually gentle, "You can go to college again, and you can find a job again. Home is still your home, and parents are still your parents..." "Is senior brother still my senior brother?" I raised my face full of tears and asked him. "What do you think? Would you like to be my junior sister or my girlfriend?" I froze, looking at him in disbelief.After a while, he said softly, "Brother, you don't have to sacrifice like this." "Who said it was a sacrifice?" Chu Han sighed softly, "I told you. In fact, when I first saw you, I liked you very much, but at that time you were going to go to college, and I didn't want you to be distracted, so Never told you." "But your girlfriend..." "It's my buddy's girlfriend. I specially asked her to lie to you. I was smart enough to think that you would be able to go to college with peace of mind. I didn't expect it to be self-defeating. After the accident, I regret it very much. Over the years, I have been in each city one by one. Looking for you in the city. Every time you send money home, I immediately rush to that city to search everywhere. I thought I was making up for it, but I thought about it all night last night. It's not as simple as brothers and sisters..." "Brother, stop talking..." I threw myself into Chu Han's arms, letting tears wet his shoulders.I shyly told him a little secret: "I buy new college textbooks every year. I have been studying on my own. After doing the math, I should have graduated last year, only a diploma short." "Really?" Chu Han was pleasantly surprised: "I will help you. Let's apply for the self-examination. We can get a diploma in one and a half years at the earliest." We hug each other tightly.Yes, there is still time for everything, as long as I am determined to start again, these 5 years may not be completely wasted.At least, I learned to cherish everything and plan for the future.The university exam can be retaken, the job can be found again, and Chu Han and I can also start over. I looked at Chu Han, maybe I could finally get my wish, maybe after we got along we found that it was still inappropriate after all, but no matter what, I will never do stupid things again. After 5 years of wandering and returning, I finally grew up.Although the price of this growth is too great, from now on, I will never get lost again...