Chapter 106 Section VII

In the early winter of this year, when the first sleet fell in Shacheng, Luo Yang and Liu Xu finally walked into the wedding hall. Luo Yang showed a certain daze at the wedding.At this moment, he could neither be joyful against his will nor truly sad.He walked up and down the wedding hall holding the bride's arm in confusion, smiling mechanically and offering wine to every guest.He was so bored, looking at every smiling face, as if it wasn't him who got married, but them.That's all very well.But in fact, only he is the party of this wedding.He suddenly felt heavy, because after the wedding, it meant a certain kind of farewell—farewell to the real self and everything in the past.It burned him physically and mentally, and he couldn't even smile mechanically and offer wine.

When Luo Yang was looking around blankly and immersed in his own sadness, his body was touched lightly by a hand.He turned his head and saw the hand with the crystal jade bracelet on his wrist that was touching him, and then he suddenly noticed the bride beside him, and the scent of the powder blowing towards him. The bride Liu Xu wore a pale pink gauze dress with lace trim, her face, neck and exposed arms were covered with thick powder, she was as white as a mask.The heavy makeup on that pale face made her look extraordinarily glamorous and enchanting, and it also brought out her extremely excited mood.She glanced at Luo Yang, who was full of worry, and clearly showed a kind of ridicule. "Why are you in such a bad mood? Today is our wedding day, you should be happy!" She said to Luo Yang.

"Do you think I'm unhappy?" Luo Yang replied blankly. "Okay, let's toast the guests." Liu Xu pulled Luo Yang into the crowd. Many guests sat at the entrance of the lobby, and on days when snowflakes were slowly drifting, there was a biting cold wind blowing past the door.The catkins wearing gauze skirts were frozen through in no time, and their chattering teeth rattled. Luo Yang glanced at the bride beside him in disgust.The gauze skirt was bought in May, and the season for wearing it has already passed.Luo Yang tried to persuade her to change her attire in the morning, but Liu Xu insisted on being graceful and graceful against the background of the pink gauze skirt despite the severe cold, fulfilling the dream of a beautiful bride.When they first arrived at the wedding hall, the guests had not yet arrived, and Liu Xu held Luo Yang's hand tightly and stood in front of the hall door to accept the guests' congratulations.Both he and she seemed a little impatient with the effusive words of congratulations.In fact, Liu Xu likes to hear everyone's blessings, and her impatience is just her impatience with the weather.She didn't understand why Luo Yang chose such a windy, rainy and snowy day to hold her wedding with her.This probably hints at their ups and downs in the years to come?

Liu Xu felt very cold because of her thin clothes.Gradually, she became stiff and clenched her teeth, and her face changed from the excited expression just now, showing some kind of bitterness and hatred.Bitter and bitter, this should be the prelude to their married life.Finally, when the banquet was about to end, some guests had already started to leave, but there was a table of young people sitting in front of the door, all of them were rowdy masters, from letting the newcomers drink wine mixed with vegetable soup to topping wine bottles to eating apples , They have tried all the shows they can think of and still refuse to give up. They don't care whether the bride's clothes are thin or not.Liu Xu could only continue to endure.

In fact, Liu Xu has already prepared from the bottom of her heart to endure for a long time. At last the wedding banquet was coming to an end, and the last few young people who liked to be rowdy also left.Luo Yang poured himself a glass of wine and drank it down. Liu Xu grabbed his wine glass and said, "Do you regret it now?" "What regrets? I'm a man, I have the right to drink!" "You shouldn't be drunk on this day, you can drink it tomorrow." Luo Yang grabbed her hand and said, "I want to get drunk today..." Finally, Liu Xu returned to their new house with the drunken Luo Yang.She threw him on the bed and looked at him with some hatred—the man who got drunk on purpose because he married her.

On the wedding night, looking at the man lying next to her with a face full of worry while intoxicated, Liu Xu thought angrily and viciously: She should hate him.Being husband and wife with her is her greatest revenge on him.If you love someone, you marry him (her); if you hate someone, you also marry him (her)--it's a wise saying that never changes through the ages. In fact, Liu Xu married the person she wanted to marry, which has nothing to do with love or hate.In the days to come, she did not want to think about love or hate anymore.Apart from getting the reward she deserved after giving everything in the form of marriage, she has nothing to look forward to, and of course she has nothing to pay.For Liu Xu now, marriage is the goal.Just like a person driven by a certain desire—the desire to possess a certain item, she held Luo Yang tightly in her palm, as if holding a piece of spoiled chocolate—sweet, Musty chocolate as the price she paid for him.Their marriage is also like this piece of chocolate. Although she doesn't like to eat it, she is not willing to let others pick it up, or let the man around her take advantage of it.The only thing she can do is to hold it tightly and let it dissolve naturally with the dissolution of her and his flesh one day in the future, so that her angry heart can find a little balance.

From the day of her wedding, Liu Xu never touched the needles again.The pair of maroon wool trousers that were not successfully woven will always be placed in the closet where the sundries are piled up. It has become a milestone in the beginning of their new life and an epitaph for their buried feelings. It was also from that day that Liu Xu moved into Luo Yang's hut.A few years later they moved into the spacious apartment complex of the Bureau of Justice.Later they adopted a boy, and Liu Xu devoted all her energy and enthusiasm to the child. The son grows up day by day.Life is as calm as water, without any ripples, and of course there is no passion.Later, when the son entered college, she and him were the only ones left at home, and he often didn't come home, so she was the only one in the empty home.She sticks to the result she wants, and everything in the future is like a clumsy meticulous painting, which is so blunt, clear and unobstructed in front of her eyes: he gives her money, and sometimes drives her to dinner parties or Sightseeing in scenic spots; they sleep back to back in the same bed at night; he will buy her a box of chocolates or clothing and jewelry on their wedding anniversary.But he never bought her flowers, even one—the rose she yearned for.Everything is so simple, clear and invariable.For Liu Xu, life has become a piece of spoiled chocolate, and she often feels boring.But she still chewed it hard, savoring its musty sweetness, like a tragic prisoner about to be bound to the execution ground, greedily swallowing the last communion.

In such a picture scroll, Luo Yang always plays the role of an indifferent bystander.Liu Xu knew that the him she held in her hand would not be tamed willingly, what she held was only some tangible material things, such as his body.There was nothing she could do about his heart or his feelings.But she still tied him and herself tightly together, and went to the execution ground together, and she would feel the pleasure of being a winner—even if both sides were hurt, it was also a pleasure for her. Later, when the geological team was not doing well and laid off staff, Liu Xu returned home and became a full-time wife. All her enthusiasm for life was left with "living expenses".

Luo Yang seemed to have seen his own final outcome, but he no longer struggled.From the day he and Liu Xu went to the marriage hall together, or earlier, from the moment he learned that Maisui was someone else's bride, his heart was sealed.He couldn't give it to this woman called "wife" or anyone else beside him, and he couldn't let it wait hopelessly, and he couldn't let it beat happily in his chest.The best way is to hide it in a deep and dark corner, just like dealing with that pair of semi-finished woolen trousers, let it accumulate the dust of the years, and become numb in the passage of time.He thought, or after many years, a numb heart will no longer feel pain.