Chapter 10 Chapter Nine Sorry, I Love You

Now, seven years later, Sang Li knew that Cai Xiang was right. At that time, I really had no humanity. What is human nature?Is it gratitude, cherishment, warmth, or love? It's a pity that at that time she was not grateful enough, not cherished, lacked warmth, and was far away from love. So what now? In the hot summer afternoon, the lotus in the Li Garden should start to bloom at full speed, and the trees at the gate of "You and Me" are all green, but in the ward, it is so lifeless and white every day. Every day, she just sat quietly by the bed and read newspapers to Shen Jie.Shen Jie lay on the bed, sometimes closed his eyes to rest his mind, and sometimes looked at her seriously.However, whether he opened his eyes or not, he must be holding one of her hands.

And Sang Li really only used one hand to hold and flip the newspaper, and when she must leave his side, she would gently pat his hand and smile slightly like a mother comforting a child. When doing this, Sang Li didn't know whether this relationship was born of sympathy or love, and she obviously resisted recalling all those bad deals in the past.She clearly knew the past that Shen Jie didn't want to mention on behalf of her, but she just couldn't turn a deaf ear to it. During the days of waiting for the liver source, Shen Jie's physical strength deteriorated day by day.Sometimes Shen Jie fell asleep while Sang Li was reading the newspaper.At this time, Sang Li could feel the moisture in the corners of his eyes, but he couldn't cry.

She suddenly thought of Zhang Aijia in the movie "20, 30, 40". When people reach middle age and lose their marriage, they go to volunteer in nursing homes with all their vicissitudes. They also read newspapers to others, and watch the passing years in their own lonely voice... that kind of loneliness, that kind of despair, that kind of unspeakable The desolation of the world, if you are not in it, you may not be able to feel it. Sometimes, Sang Li would also ask Shen Jie: "Why don't you go to the United States for surgery?" Shen Jie would smile: "Will you accompany me?"

Sang Li hesitated, but nodded. Shen Jie smiled, he pulled Sang Li over, and pulled her into his arms. He hugged her gently and said, "Actually, it's the same everywhere, anyway, a doctor will rush over from abroad on the day of the operation. But I don't want to be like my father, if something happens, I have to work hard for my ashes to cross the ocean. " Before the words fell, Sang Li couldn't hold back his tears. Shen Jie still smiled: "Little girl, I didn't expect you to cry for me before." In the past... Sang Li's heart was torn again—would Shen Jie have said these words before?

In the past, he always liked to go back to the residence late at night, wake her up from her sleep, and toss her over and over again; he always liked to stipulate that she should eat this and that, and not picky eaters; He wanted to label her as "goods sold"... He used to be so strong, he wouldn't lament, he would only demand. But now—or maybe it can only be said that it is a trick of good fortune. The waiting time for the liver source was not long, it was only a few days.In the past, Sang Li would think that this is the benefit of being rich, but now, she would rather believe that poor but happy couples tend to grow old easily.

It doesn't matter about the possession of wealth, it doesn't matter about the search for Liren... For such a Shen Jie, if there are fewer troublesome things, will he not get cancer? The night before the operation, Shen Jie talked a lot. He asked: "Little girl, do you remember when we first got together?" Sang Li nodded: "I remember. At that time, I owed Xiang Ning just now, and later, I owed you again." "No, little girl," Shen Jie said, gently stroking the top of her head, "you have to remember, you never owed me. It's my fault, I always appear at such inappropriate times."

Sang Li couldn't help crying again. He looked at her seriously: "However, I used to be able to steal love, but now I won't. I will bless you happy, watch you from afar, and watch you live a happy life." He smiled and said, "Little girl, remember, you must be happy!" Sang Li finally burst into tears. The next day, Shen Jie was pushed into the operating room. Sang Li stood quietly outside the door, surrounded by several Zhongyue's staff, and everyone had a solemn expression. Time passed by little by little. Few people passed by the quiet operating room, but there seemed to be a slight wind swirling in the silent space.There was no sound, not even the slightest movement, Sang Li stood up, sat down again, and so on, but couldn't suppress the indescribable weightlessness in his heart.

It was midsummer, but Sang Li felt cold and wet in his palms. Halfway through the operation, there was a sound of hurried footsteps, Sang Li looked up, and saw that the woman who was approaching quickly was actually Tian Miao again. She walked quickly to Sangli, and Sangli looked at her in surprise. They looked at each other for ten seconds before Tian Miao spoke with some difficulty: "Uncle Sang is critically ill. My mother just called this morning. She said she Tried your cell phone, but no one answered." Sang Li was shocked - because Shen Jie's operation was scheduled for today, she had turned off her cell phone since last night, shielded all interference, and just concentrated on being with him.

But how did Chang Qing know that Tian Miao had found him? "I told my mother," Tian Miao guessed what she wanted to ask, "you saw it too, the company is in a mess now, I can't leave, so, you have to go back and do your filial piety by yourself. That... the memorial service It's scheduled for nine o'clock in the morning the day after tomorrow, so let's go now, before we can see each other for the last time." Sang Li's eyes widened suddenly, his throat seemed to be blocked, he couldn't speak, he could only stare at Tian Miao. Sang Yuecheng...really...not here?

Dad...he's gone? In the silent hospital corridor, Sang Li leaned against the wall weakly, his eyes were a little straight, and he didn't say a word. Tian Miao turned around and looked at her, with a sad voice: "For a long time, I have been more obedient, better-behaved than you, and better in grades than you. I did this because although I don't like Uncle Sang, I hope that he will treat me better. Good to you, I hope to take away all the things that should not belong to you. For a long time, I thought I did it, and he was really kind to me, even if he couldn't smile at you, he would smile at me, too. I will show off my grades to others. But you don’t know, after your accident, he often wakes up from nightmares. After waking up my mother, Uncle Sang asked her if there was any news about Xiaoli, I don’t know Is she okay, does she have money... I didn't know until then that no matter how much he doesn't love you, he still treats you as his daughter. "

She took a step forward and handed Sang Li a white envelope: "This is the ticket to go back. I will keep Shen Jie here for you. If there is any change, I will notify you at any time." Sang Li took it in a daze, tears gradually welling up in his eyes. However, you cannot fall down. It was the same flight as last time. In the vast night, I couldn't see anything outside the porthole. The night lights were sporadically turned on in the cabin, and Sang Li leaned back in his seat, took out his MP3, and put on his headphones to listen to music. It was a little girl who sang in a childish voice: "I am a painter with strong painting skills. I want to paint that little house beautifully. I painted the roof and the walls. The brushes are flying around. Oh, my little nose. Changed, changed..." Suddenly stopped singing, paused for a few seconds, the little girl shouted: "Dad, it's over!" A man's voice sounded: "Sing something else." "What are you singing?" the little girl asked solemnly. "Sing whatever you can sing." The man's tone was slow. "Our motherland is a garden. The flowers in the garden are so bright. The warm sun shines on us. Everyone has a smile on their face. Wahaha Wahaha, everyone has a smile on their face!" The little girl yelled at the last syllable, stopped suddenly and said, "Daddy, it's over!" The man was still slow, and seemed to be hiding his impatience: "Recording, don't talk so much nonsense, think about what else you can sing, and show it to your mother later." "Oh," the little girl obediently agreed, and began to sing again, "From the earth to the sky, from the sky to the earth, everything is so alive..." It was the theme song of the children's program "Between Heaven and Earth" at that time. Many children at that time could sing it, but for the little girl who was only four years old at that time, this song was indeed a bit difficult. However, the little girl's talent is so good, she sang this song without embarrassment or out of tune at all, singing with high fighting spirit and vitality. After singing, she continued to sing spontaneously: "Little Swallow, wearing a floral dress, comes here every spring. I asked Swallow why you came here. Swallow said that spring here is the most beautiful... "The little conch whistle blows, the seagulls spread their wings and fly, the little conch whistle blows, the waves smile slightly... "Little rabbit, be good, open the door, open it quickly, I want to come in. I won't open it, I won't open it, mom won't come back, and no one will open it..." Until there was a "click", the singing was interrupted, and the sound of "Zi Zi la la" came again. Sang Li closed her eyes, turned her head slightly to the inside, and blocked the sight of the people around her. Tears finally fell drop by drop. In this recording, there are the four-year-old Sang Li and the twenty-nine-year-old Sang Yuecheng. Looking at it from the present perspective, Sang Yuecheng, who was already a father at that time, was so young. She couldn't remember what he looked like at that time, and all she could keep was a tape she found by chance later.She took it and turned it into a CD, and later transferred it into an MP3 file.In those lonely days that were almost empty, she saved this audio in the MP3 player and listened to it over and over again. Later, when I met Ma Yu, he even asked her curiously, "I always see you listening to music with headphones on, what are you listening to?" She handed him an earplug, and he listened, dumbfounded: "I thought you were listening to an opera." She laughed, and she said, "I'm listening to my childhood." Childhood... What a beautiful word, although Sang Yuecheng didn't necessarily love her very much, but at least at that time, he was still her father and she was his daughter. Except for the mother who had already gone to heaven, no one knew about those things. Unbearable secret. At that time, she didn't know many things in this world. The adult world was so far away from her. She was an innocent child who could sing unscrupulously, but a child with a singing voice had no worries... The plane landed, and Sangli took a taxi from the airport.It’s still tens of kilometers away, and it’s still the destination of the central hospital. The difference is that last time I went to the ward, this time, it’s the mortuary. Chang Qing was already standing outside the morgue, wearing a black dress, looking haggard. However, the moment she saw Sang Li, there was still a fleeting light in her eyes, and she almost couldn't wait to hold Sang Li's hand tightly, tears welling up all at once. Sang Li's nose also started to feel sour. However, she held back and just helped Chang Qing's arm: "I want...to see him." Chang Qing held back her tears, nodded, and led Sangli into the morgue.The man on duty was a middle-aged man, perhaps because he had seen many births, old ages, illnesses and deaths, he opened a drawer expressionlessly, and then unzipped the bag. In the faint mist, Sang Yuecheng seemed to be asleep. Sang Li stared blankly at Sang Yuecheng's face, he was much thinner, he was not the majestic look at that time, nor was he at all like the person who could beat her out of the house with a broom.Now he is very quiet, very quiet. I don't know how long I watched, until Chang Qing pulled Sang Li out of the morgue and sat in the small garden of the hospital, Sang Li remained silent. She tried very hard to remember Sang Yuecheng's appearance: at the end of her life, what he looked like. This is what she once vowed to do—she vowed that when everyone around her leaves this world, she can see their peaceful sleeping faces and remember them. She has enough regrets in this world, and she can no longer bear the burden of any missed encounters because of "missing". Even if it is the last expression of a person in this world. After a long time, Chang Qing said: "Xiao Li, maybe you don't believe it, but your father kept calling your name before he died." She sighed softly, looking into Sang Li's eyes: "If I say that the story you know is only half of the whole story, would you believe it?" Sang Li was taken aback, and looked at her in confusion: "Half?" Chang Qing nodded: "It's half, your father told me about the other half before he died." She looked up at the sky, as if she could keep her tears from falling, but her voice revealed the secrets related to grief: "Sang Li, you said that your name is because you brought separation when you were born. , but have you forgotten, your mother's name is Li Yifei, don't you never think that you will be called this name, and it is also a kind of commemoration?" Sang Li froze suddenly. Chang Qing's voice gradually choked up: "Your father and your mother, they were just ordinary classmates in middle school, but after graduation, they were assigned to two adjacent factories, both of which are hundreds of kilometers away from the city..." It's a long story. Men and women gradually become closer friends because of the same departure from home.People at that time probably didn't emphasize the raging love, they just felt that they were suitable for each other, the introducer came forward to confirm the relationship, and they got married the next year.It's just that they have been married for a long time and have no children. At that time, according to the traditional concept, if there is no child, it can only be the responsibility of the woman.Although the man was puzzled, he didn't think much about it.It wasn't until a year after the marriage that the man finally went to the hospital for an examination quietly, only to find out that he was infertile.At that moment, the world collapsed. However, an even more disastrous thing happened on the same day: that day, after he tore up the test results and returned home, his wife told him that he was pregnant. He felt that the whole world was grayed out!He really wanted to pinch his wife's neck and ask her who the child belonged to, but he couldn't tell the secret of his infertility—what a shameful secret, a secret he had to hide no matter what! Therefore, he stared at his wife's belly with hatred every day, and endured the meticulous greetings and laughing expectations from his parents.He wished that the child in his wife's womb would die, but he didn't know how to make another child if the child did not survive... Gradually, in the end, he just prayed that it would never be a boy, as long as it was not a boy in the eyes of his parents. With the male grandson surnamed Sang carrying on the lineage of the old Sang family, coupled with the strict family planning policy, everything is easy to say. He was fighting wits and courage with his wife every day in such contradictions and hatred. He really wanted to ask something, but his wife didn't say anything.More than nine months passed in such a hurry. On the day his wife gave birth, he was waiting outside the delivery room. When he heard that it was a girl, a big stone in his heart fell to the ground, but at the same time, the anger in his heart The fire is burning! He didn't know at all, how would he treat this child?How would you treat your own wife? However, what he didn't expect was that God never gave him a chance to contradict—a few hours later, his wife died of postpartum hemorrhage.And until she died, he didn't know who the child belonged to. However, what he didn't even think of was that the moment he saw the wrinkled child for the first time, he suddenly felt some kind of soft emotion in his heart—the ugly, wrinkled child howling with closed eyes More than a little thing, she seemed to have magical powers, and instantly wiped away his resentment towards his wife. After all, this is a child bought by a woman in exchange for her life! Facing this kind of life replacement, he really didn't know how to continue to hate. So, he named the little girl Sang Li—the Li of Separation, and the Li of Li Yifei. It's just that he forgave his wife, but it doesn't mean he can forgive the existence of this child.He watched Sangli grow up day by day with an indescribable feeling, becoming more beautiful than her mother day by day.He even imagined that a person with such an ordinary appearance like himself must not be as handsome as the child's biological father... Such speculations burned his reason several times, and he couldn't help but feel sorry for the little girl who called him "Daddy". Show the most violent side. But, after all, he also watched the child grow up with his own eyes.So every time he finished yelling at her or beating her, he felt uncontrollably distressed.As the child grew up, he gradually couldn't figure out what his attitude towards this child was, was it hate or love? His confusion accumulated like this year after year, until that autumn, when he learned that Sang Li had broken up with Xiang Ning and turned to "get rich money", he exploded - this plot quickly made him He recalled his "green hat", and he kicked her out of the house with a broom without hesitation, declaring that he would never have any contact with her! However, even if he ignored her and refused to accept her, he was shocked to find that his "daughter" Sang Li had gradually become a common face on TV. The TV station has made several programs and participated in some performances... He remembered with horror that Sang Li actually fulfilled his promise back then, stepped onto the best stage, and started singing operas that Chinese people can't understand? ! The world is getting more and more out of bounds! He doesn't want to look at it, he absolutely doesn't want to look at it! However, he couldn't resist his habitual search for Sang Li with the remote control. As long as he saw her appearing, he would be very focused, and he could watch the show without eating or sleeping.He didn't understand what was wrong with him, maybe he was bewitched, and it was very evil! It was also at this time that news suddenly came that Sang Li fell from upstairs and was taken to the hospital.Some people said that she made a drunken slip, and some said that she committed suicide on purpose, but he knew that these were definitely not the answers. A girl like Sang Li would never drink at the risk of ruining her voice; a girl like Sang Li would never let so many unfulfilled wishes go and commit suicide! At this time, it was Tian Miao who told all the stories he didn't know: including the story after Sang Li and Xiang Ning broke up, including who she was with again... That was the last time he talked to Sang Li. He did say: Sang Li, you are to blame for this. I am most fortunate that you do not have my blood on you! But later, he regretted it. However, no matter how regretful it is, she will never be found again. Even if she came to see him later, he knew that they would never be strangers. He is no longer her father, and she is not her daughter. From the moment when that sentence and that secret came out, they will never go back to the past, and they will never go back to that "home" even though it is desolate. the past. Before leaving this world, he had hallucinations many times. He seemed to see Xiao Fei smiling in front of him, and said to him: "Yue Cheng, haven't you ever thought about taking a paternity test? How do you know Xiao Li's love?" not your daughter... He woke up from the hallucination and looked towards the door with his eyes wide open. He thought that Sang Li would come back, but no, she still didn't come back after all. Chang Qing always comforted him: the phone didn't get through, but she will definitely come back when he gets through. But he knew that she would not come back, he drove her away with his own hands.Some things, once thrown away, can never be found again. Up to now, he really doesn't care if Sang Li is his daughter or not, he just wants to take one last look at her, say "I'm sorry", and then remember her current appearance. She talked a lot about her daughter. But, it was too late, and it was too late. We are always like this, only remembering to say those three words when it is too late. Whether it's "I'm sorry" or "I love you". The initial breakup with Xiang Ning was not without heart-piercing pain. Whenever he heard the news that Gu Xiaoying secretly sent Mu Xin and Cai Xiang behind his back, Sang Li would feel difficult to breathe. Gu Xiaoying said: "Sang Li, you should give Xiang Ning a call, he just doesn't believe that you really want to break up with him. He called me to ask me where you are, and said he would come to you to find out in person. But how do I know where you live? Nan Yang also called and asked me if you were forced to wrong yourself because of being blackmailed. He said that if it is impossible, he can use legal means to protect his rights. I think so too. Really, we don't even believe that a society ruled by law can really be ruled by evil people?" Sang Li held the microphone with mixed emotions in his heart, not knowing whether to cry or laugh. Gu Xiaoying said: "Sang Li, I don't believe you are that kind of person, I absolutely don't believe it! If you have any difficulties, you can just say it, you can only make things difficult for yourself if you keep it in your heart, you can speak up, let's discuss it together, the three stinky people Can't the cobbler still be able to stand up to Zhuge Liang?" Sang Li finally gritted his teeth and said: "Xiaoying, I haven't encountered difficulties. Really, no one has ever threatened me. I am indeed willing to be with Shen Jie. You also know that Xiang Ning is in Beijing, and everything in the future is so far away , when I need him, he is not around, I just want someone to be with me, and it happens that this person is very rich, that's all." Sang Li knew that this was a half-truth and half-false answer: it was true that she needed someone to accompany her, and the false one was that if Shen Jie had no money, she might not let him accompany her... But to Sang Li's surprise, Gu Xiaoying resolutely chose to believe in Sang Li after a long period of silence. She believed that Sang Li was such a girl who was lonely since she was a child, so she must be accompanied by someone.Gu Xiaoying's brain, which has been poisoned by romance novels, quickly finds a reasonable story logic for Sang Li's experience - there is a young and beautiful girl who has been unhappy since she was a child, and the only person who can give her happiness is thousands of miles away , so when a person who can give her happiness both materially and spiritually appears, she simply cannot refuse.She broke up with her first boyfriend in grief, just to gain warmth more realistically... At that moment, Gu Xiaoying was moved by her understanding! She finally gave up on persuasion, and just said a little sentimentally: "Then you can figure it out. Anyway, if you are in a bad mood, remember that my sister can accompany you to vomit bitterness here." She spoke simply and calmly, but Sang Li's eyes turned red in an instant. Her heart ached again, and she faintly thought: From now on, besides Shen Jie, there is only one Gu Xiaoying by her side. However, after more than a month, Xiang Ning finally blocked Sangli. Many times later, Sang Li would think of that day, in the rustling autumn wind, the leaves of the phoenix tree outside the piano building of the Academy of Art fell all over the ground, and that thin figure stood on the thick leaves, staring at him sadly. look at her. Standing at the door of the building, she didn't know how long it took to break free from the initial shock and pain, and then walked towards him step by step with a heart wrapped in thick armor. He is still that good-looking person, after experiencing the baptism of social ups and downs, he has become more stable and mature. After a long time, I heard him say: "Sang Li, if you want to hide from me, do it thoroughly. It's so easy to find, what's the matter?" The moment she heard his voice again, she almost couldn't control the tears surging in her heart. However, you still have to hold back, you have to look cold, and you have to speak indifferently, which is more indifferent than indifferent. On the stage in real life, she still has to be a conscientious actor. So, she answered him blankly: "It's a breakup, but it's not missing. Is it worth dropping out of school?" Xiang Ning felt a surge of anger in his heart, reached out his hand and squeezed Sang Lide's shoulder, and gritted his teeth: "Sang Li, tell me clearly, what are you doing?" Sang Li looked up, with a confused expression: "What are you doing? Didn't you say you want to break up?" Xiang Ning was so angry that her head ached: "If you say break up, break up, who will agree?" Sang Li glanced at Ning, still expressionless: "Brother, falling in love is a matter for both parties. If one party wants to break up, even if the other party is unwilling, so what?" Xiang Ning's expression became more and more ugly: "Sang Li, falling in love is not a child's play. We have known each other for eight years, and we have been officially together for two full years. Now..." He took a breath and suppressed the anger in his heart: "Do you think that with our current relationship, we can break up as soon as we say it? How can you be so irresponsible to yourself?" Sang Li suddenly laughed: "Brother, you are really kind, I didn't even want you to be responsible, why did you take it on yourself?" In the autumn wind, she smiled so strangely and alluringly: "Brother, don't worry, 'Yu Ting' is very useful." At that moment, Sang Li knew that she was really crazy, because she would use such vicious words to challenge a man's self-esteem, and she could say in the most indifferent tone: "Besides, my current boyfriend doesn't care about these things. .” In an instant, Xiang Ning's face turned pale! He didn't believe his ears, let alone his eyes: Is this Sang Li in front of him the Sang Li in his impression? Is it the Sang Li who made him wait for so many years to be by his side, and was held in his hands carefully and reluctant to touch? He couldn't bear it anymore, the next second, he raised his hand and slapped Sang Li on the face with a "slap"! At that moment, Sang Li was stunned. Xiang Ning's right hand also trembled a little. He looked at Sang Li with red eyes, and his voice changed a little: "Sang Li, even if I'm not your boyfriend, but just your brother, I can't save this slap. This is It’s the first time in my life that I hit a woman. Remember, if you walk too much at night, you will always run into ghosts. If you really decide to go on like this, none of us will stop you. But you have to know, as long as you want When you look back, not everyone is still waiting for you in place." After saying these words, he really left without looking back. In the autumn wind, his back is so lonely and desolate. She had never seen Xiang Ning like that! Tears finally roared out at that moment! It was time for dinner, and men and women walked past her, someone pointing fingers from time to time, and there was a row of onlookers standing behind her... But she couldn't care about anything, just let her tears fall all the way to the ground up, rolled under the leaves of the sycamore tree, and was never seen again. At that moment, the world collapsed in an instant for her. That day, she herself didn't know how she walked all the way to the school garden. It was still those big flowerpots, the same double-petaled jasmines that covered the sky, and it was still such a clear night, the autumn night sky was full of stars, but the person in front of him was gone. It was also that day, in the night wind, she finally knelt down slowly, hugged her shoulders, and cried loudly. However, the time of pain was much shorter than she expected.Because it cannot be denied that Shen Jie is indeed a man who knows how to please a girl—he is twelve years older than her, so he knows what distance is appropriate. During her most painful days, he took her to Shanghai to study a major, went to Beijing to attend a concert, and even used the excuse of "studying a major" to ask for leave for her, and then took her to New York. It was a bustling city far beyond her imagination: tall buildings, crowds, and a completely unfamiliar language... There, she suddenly found herself such a small speck of dust, and she was not without fear.So, he walked cautiously with him in this huge and noisy city, with a vague uneasiness always on his brow. Until entering the Juilliard School of Music, accompanied by the sound of music and singing, the faithful musical cells in her heart were quickly aroused. everything. She didn't hide it, because she knew that she couldn't hide the envy, yearning, and expectation in her eyes at all. She shook off Shen Jie's hand happily and excitedly, and walked quickly in the hallway full of sacred feeling.Through the small glass window on the black door, she could see the young men and women singing with their souls beside the Steinway grand piano in the spacious piano room... At that moment, Sang Li suddenly felt tears Orbital! It is a kind of piety from the heart, and it is the sacredness and inviolability that can still be felt even when stepping on the ordinary red carpet in the Julia teaching building and sitting on the ordinary dark gray sofa! She knew that she was completely possessed! She looked at Shen Jie with such happy eyes, those eyes were sincere and simple, Shen Jie was almost dumbfounded. In the evening, Shen Jie made persistent efforts and took her to the Metropolitan Opera House to watch a performance.In the majestic symphony, Sang Li felt his blood boiling quietly! Three days, not a long time, Sang Li felt that his life had never been as fulfilling and happy as these three days. At times like these, it is obvious that all grief has to give way. In fact, it was this trip to New York that established Sangli's even more ambitious goal: she wants to sing, sing the best, not only to sing on the best stage in China, but also to go out one day and stand in the West. The hometown of opera, singing. Therefore, Sang Li recovered quickly with a speed that no one could have expected, and the pain of losing love was almost defeated in the face of such high fighting spirit.That is a feeling that ordinary people can't understand, but Sang Li is not an ordinary person—when the seeds of music were deeply buried in her blood, she suddenly felt that she was born for music, and even, only for music ! That is a kind of mania for art itself! Perhaps we can say that at that time, Sang Li only had art in his eyes and nothing else. When Duan Rui called, Sang Li was preparing a repertoire to participate in the national competition. It was an excerpt from the opera "Fali", "Goodbye, I will go to a distant place". In the future, they will go to the distant place, like the clear and crisp bells disappearing without any echo, rushing to the snow-capped peak, the place surrounded by golden light, they will bring hope... When the phone rang, Sang Li just sang the phrase "Go to a far away place, and I will never come back again", and was stunned for a moment, before he lowered his head and looked for the phone in the bag next to him. A very inexplicable emotion swelled up at that moment, and the emotions in the song made her feel a little unspeakable.Sang Li smiled slightly when he took out his phone and saw the word "Duan Rui" displayed on it. At that time, Duan Rui had already been admitted as a graduate student at the Central Conservatory of Music, and when he called, he just heard the news that the younger junior sister was going to participate in the competition, and he was excited to say some words of encouragement. As he talked, it was inevitable that he would not get around to Shen Jie, Duan Rui asked casually: "Are you really with Shen Jie?" Sang Li said "hmm" and asked her, "Are you going to teach me too?" Duan Rui smiled: "How could it be? It's not your choice who stays with whom these days? Who can control other people's affairs." She chuckled on the phone: "Who is not snobbish? Remember the last performance, the boss of the sponsoring unit, who is obsessed with sex, what the hell! But some people in our school are not respectful to others ?Let’s talk about ourselves, who doesn’t know that Xie Yaqin from the school department has no culture at all, her quality is terrible, but she is the leader, every time she sees her, don’t you just smile and say ‘Hello, teacher’? She’s just a poor kid In an environment where you don’t laugh at prostitutes, what kind of saint are you pretending to be?” Duan Rui went on like this for a long time, and Sang Li was dizzy at what she said, so he could only smile wryly: "Senior sister, in fact, I can't blame others, maybe... it's my own fault." Duan Rui was stunned for a moment, then sighed after a while and said: "Sang Li, I know you see a lot more world than I do, but I still have to say, there is really nothing permanent in this world. No matter how good a man is, no matter how good he is, I swear to the sky that I love you, and I don’t know how long this kind of love can last when you are old and not beautiful. So you can believe in anything, just don’t believe in those rhetoric. While you are still young and invincible, you should If you study a major and study a major, you must not give up the opportunity to participate in the competition and win a prize. You must always be prepared to find a good job. After all, only those things that truly belong to you can support you and stay with you for the rest of your life. Women, you can take men As a pedal, but you can't use them as a job..." Sang Li was silent, her heart sank helplessly, but whether it was because of Duan Rui's pessimism, her confusion about her own future, or her distrust of Shen Jie... She didn't know herself. In a few weeks, the final of the national competition will begin. Before the competition, Shen Jie had already done many things for Sang Li: sponsoring the competition, communicating with the organizer, meeting with the judges... Dinners and venues followed one after another, and Sang Li Qiaoxiaoqianxi accompanied him, incidentally sharing those private events. You can also have a panoramic view of the RBI here. At the beginning, I was also unwilling and angry. I felt that I had studied so hard, but in the end I had to get involved in these crooked ways, which was really disgusting.But thinking of Duan Rui's phrase "Laughing at the poor, not laughing at the prostitute", and thinking about her original intention of choosing this road of no return, she inexplicably developed a thought of seeing death as at home, supporting her to go on without looking back. Walking and walking, we came to the day of the game. Because of the inter-provincial competition, the school specially organized a team led by the deputy director of the music department, and allocated special funds for the competition to ensure that the five students participating in this competition can participate in the competition without distraction, so as to play their best good level.As the most powerful player in the representative team of the Art Academy, Sang Li also had teachers from the Art Academy participate in the whole process of participating in the competition: In addition to singing skills, clothing, styling, board and lodging...everything was taken care of.Therefore, she did not expect that Shen Jie, who had helped her a lot, would personally rush to N City, which hosted the national competition, before her competition. It was to cheer her up. Sang Li was not unmoved. The competition was held in the studio hall of the TV station in N City. The finals were divided into three days: the first day was folk singing, the second day was bel canto, and the third day was popular singing.A total of 20 people participated in the finals of the bel canto professional group, from major art colleges, army art troupes, song and dance troupes and local song and dance theaters across the country.Sang Li is the youngest one among them, and also the thinnest and most beautiful one. When drawing lots before the competition, even the director of the TV station encouraged her: "Come on, Xiaosang, if you can sing, you must be the most beautiful singer in the Chinese bel canto circle!" This is even the same as Liang Weisong and many other people said later: beautiful, tall, good voice, strong strength, Sang Li, you are a natural soprano! Speaking of Liang Weisong, it was a coincidence that there were two people that Sang Li had been in contact with sitting on the judging table for the final, one was Ye Yuxia and the other was Liang Weisong. It was that game that made Liang Weisong completely remember the girl named Sang Li. During the semi-finals, Sang Li sang "Goodbye, I will go to a distant place", which made many teachers admire.Liang Weisong couldn't come to be a judge of the semi-finals due to work reasons, but he heard a friend who was also a judge say, "There is a little girl named Sang Li who is definitely a talent to make." At that time, he was noncommittal. Until he finally sat on the judging table of the finals and saw the girl in the bright blue costume singing "Song of Indian Silver Bells", he couldn't help being surprised. At the beginning, the air was like a gossamer, and gradually it contained strong emotions. Such an ethereal singing voice made the audience extremely quiet, as if everyone held their breath.The gentle lyrical song sounded, and gradually turned to the coloratura soprano accompanied by the crisp bell, which was extremely light and flexible! Is this a junior girl? Everyone was shocked by the voice, the beautiful young girl, and the light on her face from the music.Under the light, the bright blue satin and white pleated lace on the costume fluffed into a fuzzy mist, enveloped around this lark-like girl, it was too beautiful to describe! There is no suspense—Sang Li won the first place in the bel canto professional group that year, and the award presenter was Liang Weisong. That was the second time that Sang Li shook hands with Liang Weisong, but this time, Liang Weisong's eyes were much warmer than the last time.In this regard, Sang Li intuitively understands that this is the recognition of "high mountains and flowing water", and it is the affirmation of himself by the seniors in the industry.She accepted the trophy and certificate with a smile—that smile was so beautiful, Liang Weisong was calm on the surface, but his heart was throbbing for this girl who was nearly 20 years younger than him. On that day, after Liang Weisong walked off the stage, he quickly asked for Sang Li's mobile phone number from the competition liaison office. At that time, mobile phones had just started to become popular, and Shen Jie gave Sang Li a pearl white "Mitsubishi" that was very popular with girls. Xiaofei", for the convenience of contact during the game, Sang Li left his mobile phone number in the liaison office. It was also that year that the "short message" service entered the trial period, so the first thing Liang Weisong did after getting this number was to send a text message to Sang Li. The content is very short, with only a few numbers: Congratulations on your success in the competition, and hope to make persistent efforts.Liang Weisong. The tone was very businesslike, sounding righteous and caring.This was far beyond Sang Li's expectation, she was so excited! Think about it, this is your idol standing in the distance like a god since you started learning vocal music—his songs and his whole body are overlooking you from the top of a distant mountain. Your goal in the past was just to approach the mountain. I never expected that one day I would be able to touch every plant and tree on the mountain, let alone talk to the God on the top of the mountain! So, as expected, Sang Li replied with a very respectful text message: Thank you, Teacher Liang, I really appreciate you giving me such a high score. I know that I still have a lot of shortcomings. Please give me more advice. I will definitely work harder .Sang Li. The next day, Liang Weisong sent a text message: If there is an opportunity, you are welcome to come to Beijing. We can discuss and make progress together.Of course, I also often go to City G. Your department head is my old classmate. Next time you go, you will be a tour guide and do your best to be a landlord! It was a hearty feeling. Sang Li was very happy when he saw it, and hurriedly replied: That's for sure!Welcome to G City, and I look forward to your criticism and opinions on me. I will definitely live up to your expectations, study hard and make progress every day. ... This was the beginning of Sang Li and Liang Weisong. In the era of mobile signals, connections have become simpler, more direct, and hidden. Even at the beginning, even Shen Jie, who was giving away Sangli's mobile phone, didn't realize that Liang Weisong's threat had begun to infiltrate quietly and approach step by step when no one thought of it. At that time, Shen Jie was still at the stage where he didn't even know why he treated Sang Li so well. Maybe it's just out of possessive desire for a beautiful little girl, maybe it's just satisfied with the kind of relaxation when being with a girl with simple experience, in short, he is very clear that the strong feeling deep in his heart is to Be nice to Sang Li - when Sang leaves his heart, he feels very happy; when Sang Li smiles brightly, he can't help but laugh too. He knew that when he and Sangli were together, he didn't need to calculate many things. After the game, he took Sang and left Suzhou. In the old city, there are no high-rise buildings, only small bridges, gray tiles, white walls, and meandering rivers... Standing on the not-so-high bell tower of Hanshan Temple, you can see the quietness of the entire old city through the setting sun overflow color.There are also Lingering Garden, Humble Administrator's Garden, and the "leaky" Taihu Lake stones in the Lion Grove, those black and shiny "beauties", those pavilions, and those plums, orchids, bamboos and chrysanthemums. The warm humidity, blooming spots of light in the sun, are too beautiful to be real. They just walked through the sunshine in the early winter of the south of the Yangtze River, holding hands, talking a few words occasionally, and feeling the tranquility and tenderness most of the time. Later, when he was tired from walking, Shen Jie loosened his tie and sat down on the Taihu stone by the lake.Sang Li also eagerly wanted to find a rock to sit on, but Shen Jie stretched out his hand to pull Sang Li into his arms. Embarrassed, Sang Li struggled a little and complained: "Don't gossip in public." Shen Jie glanced at her and rubbed her hair: "Little girl, you really don't know what to do, it's so cold on the rock, aren't you afraid of a stomachache?" Sang Li was taken aback, his face blushed quickly, and he said stiffly, "Then we can sit in the corridor, the chairs there are so long." Shen Jie smiled: "It wasn't you who yelled when I saw the fish just now? You can't feed the fish by sitting over there!" Sang Li puffed up his cheeks, blinked and stopped answering, just found a comfortable position in Shen Jie's arms and sat down, happily sprinkled bread crumbs into the water.As long as she saw the schools of fish scrambling for each other, she would be elated, and she would also get the bread crumbs all over Shen Jie's body, but since he didn't bother to complain to her, she herself couldn't be bother to help him brush it off. It was November, in the afternoon sun of early winter, Shen Jie sat by the lake peacefully with Sang Li in his arms, watching the red carp glisten in groups under the early winter sun.From time to time, he could still hear Sang Li's childish exclamations, "ah, what a big fish", "ah, that golden one is so beautiful"...Suddenly, he even had a strange idea, thinking that if he lived like this for the rest of his life, he would hug him. It must also be a wonderful thing to watch his little girl and bask in the sun leisurely together. This thought was fleeting, and Shen Jie was surprised by this sudden whim.He turned his head to the side, looked at the little girl who was gradually lazily lying on his body, and couldn't help smiling. In fact, Sang Li has always been very clear: No matter how good Shen Jie treats her, they have no future to speak of. Although Sang Li always feels that she is very young and marriage is an extremely distant thing, she is no longer a simple middle school student. She knows that the woman who can be Shen Jie's wife can be young, but she must have a certain amount of love. Experience and considerable ability—Shen Jie has always disliked vase-like women, and seems to have a sneer at policy marriages, so the only possibility is to marry a "comrade-in-arms" who stands shoulder to shoulder. Every time she thinks of this, she feels a little sad, but she doesn't feel much pain. She interprets this as: since leaving Xiang Ning, she has given her love to music.From now on, she will never fall in love with any man again. In his early twenties, when he was half-baked, at an age when he thought he knew himself but actually knew nothing about himself, youth itself was a matter of self-righteousness—this is what Sang Li learned later, perhaps, this That's why she would hurt so many people back then. After returning to school, the first red list that Sang Li saw was posted on the bulletin board outside the music building, "Congratulations to Sang Li from the Music Department of our school for winning the first prize in the National XX Vocal Music Competition".She stared at the red list for about half a minute. Although she didn't know why she had to look at this list for so long, she knew that, looking in the direction of the bulletin board, under the sycamore tree behind the bulletin board, she once I buried my love with my own hands. She just stared blankly at the red list in the cold wind, until a voice came from behind her: "Sang Li, is this what you want?" Sang Li turned around and saw Mu Xin who hadn't seen him for several months standing on the Yong Road not far away. For a while, neither of them spoke, but looked at each other quietly. After a while, Mu Xin took a few steps closer, the cold wind blew the white shawl on her shoulders, she stretched out her hand to hold it, and then tightened the neckline of the light gray coat - in fact, she has always been a beautiful girl , compared to Sang Li, she is a little less charming and a little more heroic. Her gaze has always been calm and penetrating - Gu Xiaoying said that a person with such gaze will one day become a master.Although the future is still a little far away, Sang Li knows that Mu Xin can understand her heart more easily than anyone else.In front of Mu Xin, there is no need to lie, let alone make excuses. "Sang Li, do you think it's worth it?" Mu Xin spoke again, her eyes were cold, but there was a pity in her expression that Sang Li couldn't ignore. "What is value?" Sang Li replied with a faint smile, "Follow your feeling, isn't it good?" "Feeling?" Mu Xin smiled, slightly mocking, "Sang Li, if you really followed your feeling, you wouldn't be where you are today. The reason why you became like this is actually because you didn't follow your feeling , but a deformed rationality. You think you know what you want, but in fact, you never know what you really need!" Sang Li took a deep breath and said slowly, "Mu Xin, I thought you would be more straightforward and just give me two slaps." Mu Xin looked at Sang Li with a half-smile, holding the corners of the shawl tightly with both hands, and said after a while: "Sang Li, why don't you think that the reason why I didn't slap you these two times was because I was afraid Dirty my hands?" Sang Li suddenly smiled, that smile was full of despair and self-abandonment, and at the same time there were so many determinations: "Mu Xin, it is already a great gift for you to tell me these things? Strong personality, even if you want to save me, you won't admit it. But I'm sorry, I don't even plan to save myself." She turned around and walked past Mu Xin. The moment she walked past, Mu Xin heard her say: "Mu Xin, thank you." At that moment, Sang Li didn't see it, and Mu Xin's eyes were red. But Sang Li knew that those who were willing to criticize him were friends. Because, in a place like the Academy of Art, many people are used to being able to sweep the door by themselves, regardless of what others do. Since everyone is excellent in their own field, even though they don’t know anything about other fields, But it does not prevent them from living a colorful life on their own stage.Correspondingly, everyone loves the category of art they are engaged in, and although they do not despise other categories, they have never had the desire to approach them. However, the high cost of teaching and the characteristics of art education have led to almost zero possibility of mutual selection of courses among various departments. In addition, each department is used to organizing student activities independently. They became more and more alienated, and departments of the same category still looked down on each other, which continued to carry forward the old saying that "literati look down on each other"... As a result, the advantages of comprehensive art schools could not be brought into play, and instead became a figurative separatist regime. Under such a background, perhaps many people would treat Sang Li with contempt and alienation, but they would not show it.Even when many people passed by her, they unconsciously cared more about what clothes she was wearing, what bag she was carrying, and whether this girl was really beautiful. For others, Sangli's character And the choice is her own business. Since the story of "a beautiful woman marries a wealthy family" is not an example in the art academy, it is naturally not worth paying more attention to. Even in the music department where Sang Li works, although many people were disappointed and hated her for ruining the reputation of the music department, if they met face to face, they would still greet her warmly and say some casual greetings... Therefore, even though Sang Li chose a path that was cast aside by many people, she didn't feel any pressure except the loneliness and emptiness after being kicked out by 407. This is certainly a kind of tact and maturity in interpersonal relationships, but is it not a kind of desolation? Hello, you are not good, no one cares.And the person who is willing to care is locked on the other side of the door with your own hands... The moment the door is closed, it may be just a small step, but it is life turned upside down. In the cold wind, Sang Li walked away quickly, no longer looking at the back of Mu Xin behind her, she raised her head while walking, took a deep breath, and watched the white mist in the air blurred her vision. And her heart was also hardened by the cold air at that moment—like a small iron ball that couldn't be smashed, it fell there heavily, telling her resolutely that she can't turn back, absolutely can't turn back.Now that you have chosen, go on, it is what she wants and what she expects, so, you can never look back! That year and that month, she did swear in her heart like this. After moving out of the school’s student apartment, Sangli lived in the house that Shen Jie bought for her—a community 30 minutes away from the art college. The ten buildings are all small apartments, with the largest area not exceeding 100 square meters.The location facing the mountain and facing the lake makes the price of the whole property very dazzling.Sangli's room is a 65-square-meter open-style large one-bedroom apartment. According to Shen Jie's intention, she wanted to buy a bigger one, but she refused. What she thought at the time was: the bigger the house, the more spacious it is, and the smaller one, maybe it can be used as a warming nest. Just a nest, not a home. Perhaps it was also because she didn't have that strong sense of belonging, so she didn't put forward any decoration suggestions for the whole house.All she needs is a bed, a desk, a piano, a few household appliances... nothing else matters. Except for that little balcony. The black wrought iron fence, the location due to the south, and the tiled floor are very warm under the sunshine. She asked someone to plant a large pot of jasmine and placed a round table and chairs of logs beside the flower pot.In sunny afternoons, she reads a book while basking in the sun; at night, she smells the fragrance of jasmine and listens to opera excerpts from the stereo... She is already very content with such times. Shen Jie would come here often, driving his expensive BMW, and parked in the designated parking space downstairs.Such a good car and such a small apartment will gradually arouse people's curiosity.For example, when Sang Li went out one day, he vaguely heard two women muttering behind him: Look, this must be a "second wife" hired by a rich man, so he has to be raised outside... Sang Li smiled noncommittally, not even bothering to turn his head. Telling Shen Jie at night, his face darkened, and he scolded her: "Don't say such things in such a tone!" Sang Li was sitting on the bed watching TV, when he heard this, he turned around and smiled at him charmingly: "What's the matter? Are you angry? I'm not angry at all, and they are right." Shen Jie said coldly: "That's right? Do you also think you were raised by me?" Sang Li thought for a while, then nodded, and said casually while watching the TV: "That's right, you're not even married, where did you get a 'second wife', at best, it's just a mistress." Shen Jie got angry and slammed the door out. Sang Li looked at the door that was heavily closed, and was slightly taken aback for a moment, but quickly jumped off the bed as if nothing had happened, picked up his pajamas and went into the bathroom, as if nothing had happened. It was just that that night, when she soaked herself in the lavender-scented bathtub and listened to the singing from the "New Year's Concert" on the TV in the outer room, she suddenly lost her mind. Well, it's December 31st again. It seems that only two years ago, when the bell of the new millennium rang, someone still whispered in her ear, "Xiaoli, I love you..." But now, where is that person?doing what? I heard from Nan Yang that he went to Frankfurt. Frankfurt... If it weren't for him, all she knew about that city might be limited to a food called "Frankfurter sausage". But now, thanks to the Internet, she knows that "Frankfurt is one of the few cities in Europe with skyscrapers, eight of the ten tallest buildings in Europe are in Frankfurt", "Frankfurt is not only the economic center of Germany, but also a A famous cultural city", "This is the hometown of Goethe, a world-famous writer. Goethe's former residence is in the city center. There are 17 museums and many places of interest. German is the official language, and English is widely used"... She looked at the colorful pictures on the Internet, imagining that he might be everywhere on the streets with people coming and going, on the banks of the brightly lit Main River.He walked through the crowd, through the breeze, through the background of the pictures she was browsing... That was Frankfurt with him, a Frankfurt that had become extremely cordial because of his presence. She closed her eyes wearily in the mist of water—now, she couldn't even shed tears. That New Year passed quietly like this. When she opened her eyes in the morning and saw Shen Jie lying next to her, she was still in a daze for a while - she didn't know when he came back, and she didn't know if his leaving last night was a dream she had . Since then, her life has entered into an unavoidable period of contradictions—with a very clear goal in terms of direction, but also a muddleheaded state of mind that cannot be changed... Liang Weisong appeared at this time. It was one night not long after Chinese New Year, when Sang Li was about to rest, he received a text message from him: Is it Xiao Sang?I'm in City G, I'm leaving tomorrow, do you have time to get together, we're in "Guteng". Sang Li was surprised at first, then puzzled, and then delighted. Surprised because she didn't expect Liang Weis