Chapter 172 life grows hate water long east

The snow is still falling, I don't want it to stop, because I want to bury my life in this snow-colored world, silently.No one knows that I have been here, and no one knows that I am gone at this time. For the first time, I felt desolate in this white snow scene, a kind of desolation where the prosperity has been exhausted, which is penetrating and pure. After dusk, I have been lying on the pear wood chair in the warm pavilion, and my thoughts slowly solidified. When the painting fan came, I didn't get up. She held my cold hand in her warm hand and said in a low voice, "Are you really going to do this? There's no room for change?"

I looked at her with a smile, and said softly: "Sister, you know that when you get to the end, you can't turn back, and I don't want to turn back." She held my hand even tighter and said, "I can be with you and always be with you. Since yesterday is gone, we will have tomorrow together, okay?" I smiled shallowly: "No, what is the difference between tomorrow and yesterday? When you feel that everything is the same, living has no value." "You still can't forget that you are Dayan's princess?" She looked at me and asked word by word. I held her hand: "Sister, I only hope that this is the last time you mention this matter, and I will leave with this secret. Just pretend that nothing happened, so that everyone will feel at ease."

Hua Fan smiled: "Actually, I have always admired my sister in my heart. If it were me, with such a background, I don't know what I would do. Destroy the Daqi River and Mountain, overthrow the Dayan Dynasty? I really don't know." I smiled coldly: "Does my sister think that I haven't destroyed enough? I turned the brilliant apricot blossoms in the sky into red blood like falling jade flowers. Let the many women in the harem make a magnificent and miserable foil. With my merciful hand, break off their splendid years. Because I don't want them to be like me now, go to the end and can't look back."

"Actually, they couldn't turn back a long time ago, because they couldn't turn back, so they left separately. All of this has nothing to do with my sister, and my own path is made by myself." Huafan's words are firm, but she is actually right. He came out by himself, so he has no worries with others.Just like my choice, it is only related to myself. I smiled and said, "It's all over, and looking back now, I don't have the slightest feeling." Hua Fan sighed softly: "I completely understand my younger sister's thoughts, since you have already made up your mind, I will not keep you."

After a while of silence, I said: "Sister, do you know? The emperor once said that thousands of miles of rivers and mountains are all on the chessboard. His world is a game of chess, and all living beings are those scattered black and white chess pieces, but I bow my eyebrows and don't be like him. One of them. I can't do it, I am a person who refuses to give in, even in the end, I won't." Hua Fan said concentratingly: "All of this is predestined, because you come from the previous dynasty, and you have the blood of the previous dynasty, so you are always stubborn and unyielding."

I nodded and said: "Yes, I come from the previous dynasty, and the blood of the previous dynasty flows, even if I can't overthrow the dynasty, I will not be a plant in his land. Although I never thought about destroying him, I wanted to overthrow the rivers and mountains , but I can't completely forget it." Hua Fan looked at me, her eyes were full of deep meaning, she said in a low voice: "Your seemingly weak life has sharp power, can penetrate history, and smash everything into dust. You said that he can lose the world, but he cannot lose you, he can lose the world, but he will not lose you."

"Yes, he did it. Although he can't count as losing the world, the world doesn't belong to him anymore. Even in the end, he didn't betray me. But he doesn't know, how can I be nostalgic for the dying land of the previous dynasty? How can he despise his vast world, the glorious and prosperous world? I don’t. I can’t go back to the past, I can’t give the future, so I don’t want anything.” I said proudly, every word, from the bottom of my heart , This is the real deep eyebrow, without any cover up. Huafan looked at me and said, "Sister has already lived a transparent life. If I keep you, it will be my ignorance, my cruelty, and my sorrow."

I looked at her gently: "Sister, it's good that you understand, the emperor gave me eyes and life. But it may not be what I want, I don't want to owe him, what I owe, I will pay back." "You will meet again, in another world. I will bless you and pray for you." Huafan said with concern. I shook my head slightly: "No, I don't want to meet again. I hope that from now on, I will just be strangers. I don't want blessings. As I said, what I lack is never blessings. I don't want anything, just let everything disappear." "Okay, I won't embarrass you."

I looked at her gratefully: "Thank you sister." "Do you still have unfulfilled wishes?" Huafan asked, her words reminded me of Chunzhen asking me last night. I looked at her and smiled: "No, the only wish is to wish you well. Sister, remember my words, since you want to live, you must live vividly, I think even if I don't say it, you will understand. With you The ability to control the entire harem, and I don't want too many women to repeat the same mistakes as Concubine Yun, Concubine Wu, Queen and me. I believe that my sister will definitely bring a new look to the harem, I would like to bless you."

Hua Fan lowered his eyebrows, and then sighed softly: "Sister, not everyone can take your place. Do you understand? Today's emperor is just as affectionate as the previous emperor." I gently covered her lips: "No, they are different, you will understand later, trust me." "Okay, I believe you, I will fight for it. Since I have come to Zijin City, I have no intention of being mediocre. As long as I have the opportunity, I will definitely fight for it. I will not force what does not belong to me." Huafan said confidently, I know she will be happy. I held her hand tightly: "Take good care of the emperor, don't let him be lonely." In the words, Chunzhen's appearance emerged in my mind, indeed, I don't want him to be lonely, especially because I don't want him to be lonely because of losing me.

Huafan nodded: "Okay, I promise you. Is there anything else my sister needs me to do?" I turned my eyebrows to look at Qiuxi who was adding silver charcoal in front of the fire, and said in a low voice: "Let Qiuxi follow you, she has been with me for several years, and now I entrust her to you, she is a considerate person , will be of great help to you." "Yes, she followed me for a while, I understand, don't worry, I will treat her well." She also turned her eyebrows to look at Hong Jian, and asked in a low voice, "Where is Hong Jian?" I looked at Hongjian, she seemed to have guessed our conversation, her expression looked a little uneasy, I understand her thoughts, just because I understand, I can't embarrass her.I smiled at the painting fan and said, "Hong Jian asked her to stay with me. She is inseparable from me in this life. If I want her to leave at this time, it would be cruel. Even if I owe her, it is ours. fate." "Well, I believe that's what she thinks too. She will be grateful that my sister knows her so well." I lay on the pear wood chair, feeling a sense of detached relief, and looked at the painting fan: "Sister, I'm a little tired, I want to take a rest." The painting fan took my hand: "Sister..." I waved lightly: "Go." Watching the painting fan leave and walk to the door, she looked back at me, with reluctance in that look, and more calmness.Because we all know in our hearts that this look back is a farewell. The night was getting dark, I lay quietly, watching the red candles weeping, the wind was blowing outside the window, I knew there must be large flakes of snow falling, it was beautiful, but the room was warm. I called Qiuxi and Hong Jian to my side, and said calmly, "I think you all know what I'm going to do." They nod. I held Qiuxi's hand and asked, "Qiuxi, I have had a relationship with you for the past few years, and I am very happy. From now on, you will follow Huashan sister, take good care of her, and she will treat you well." Knowing that I have made up my mind, Qiuxi just wiped away her tears and replied, "Qiuxi doesn't dare to disobey what my empress entrusts, even though Qiuxi is willing to stay by her side and serve her forever. But this is the wish of my empress, Qiuxi Must obey." I looked at her gratefully: "Good Qiuxi, thank you, you know, I can't live without you in Yueyang Palace, life has its gains and losses, so I entrust this task to you." Qiu Xi nodded: "Your Majesty, don't worry, the servants will definitely guard the Yueyang Palace well." Hong Jian, who was standing by the side, called me eagerly: "Miss..." I looked at her with a smile: "Silly girl, don't worry, I won't let you leave me." Hong Jian happily squeezed my hand: "That's great, Miss, Hong Jian already knows that you can't bear to part with me." I smiled and said, "Yes, I miss you no matter where I go, and I will never lose you no matter where I go." I got up slowly, walked to the water chestnut mirror, and said: "You guys should dress up for me again." Trace willow leaf eyebrows, like a crescent moon, like my name.Apply a touch of rouge, light red lips.Comb an elegant princess bun for me, and insert my beloved plum blossom and jasper hairpin obliquely.Wearing a white snow velvet skirt and my favorite white fox fur coat, I look in the mirror with light makeup and natural makeup, which is my favorite look. I smiled and said, "This is good, this is good." Qiu Xi sized me up, her gaze was like the admiring gaze she gave me when I first entered the palace. I looked at them and smiled slightly: "You all go out first, I want to be alone for a while." Indeed, I want to be alone for a while, I just want to leave quietly by myself, without anyone watching with me. They all understand in their hearts. Hong Jian held my hand tightly: "Miss, you go first, Hong Jian will come to accompany you later, we will always be together." "Okay." I looked at Hong Jian, my eyes were full of calm, so I didn't cry. It's so quiet, I'm alone in the Nuan Pavilion, and I once titled it Qiushui Pavilion with Chun Yi.Pushing the window, there is no moon outside the window, only heavy snowfall, I thought to myself, it is really beautiful to die on such a snowy night. I took out a pill from a small red box. This pill was given to me by Master Miaochen when I left Cuimei Temple. She knew me well, so she gave me this pill.She knew that one day, I would end myself in this way. I once said that even if I am dead, I have to kill myself.No one can kill me, no one can kill me, no one can.Now, I did it, I finally did it. A cup of plum blossom fragrant snow tea, swallowing this fatal pill, I am calm and calm. I remembered a poem, the name of the poem is: People grow up and hate water and grow east.Although it was a bit sad, it was so natural, so natural that I thought it would be the best ending. Take another look at my beloved guqin: the four seasons are all tuned, and the strings of the ancient qin have the same sound.No matter who wipes it off later, it's just a tone.No matter how complicated life is, there is nothing more than this. Lying quietly on the pear wood chair, looking back on these short years, it is enough to fill my life. Chu Yu, I'm sorry, I can't give you more favors, I'm sorry, to be enchanted or immortal only depends on your fortune in this life. Chunzhen, it's my regret that I can't accompany you, but I will give you all my blessings. Chunyi, do you know?When everything has nothing to do with me, I would rather die.I know that you love me, you gave your eyes and your life for me, I know you want to give me back the world, but I will not miss the broken rivers and mountains of my homeland, let alone your grand and unified world.Then I choose not to owe you, I choose to die in your world and be buried in your country. I, Shen Meiwan, only have one life, one life to live, and one death to die. The snow is still falling and I have stopped breathing. end