Chapter 7 The man in the dream turned around

"Boom!" There was a voice coming from my chest, such a thorough and sharp kind of destruction. Sparks sparkle in the night sky, thunder and lightning strike, and the wilderness is vast.I looked at him and couldn't believe my ears, it couldn't be, it was too funny.If it is said that the news that he is married has disappointed me to the extreme, then this sentence simply made me despair. I looked at Zhang Chu and asked stupidly, "what? Say it again." He sighed, sighed again, and whispered softly in my ear: "Girl, forget me, forget Zhang Chu, forget Zhang Guoli."

"No!" I jumped up, and the "girl" made me completely collapse.yes!He is Zhang Guoli!Only Zhang Guoli knows my name!Only Zhang Guoli knows that we have known each other for seventeen years!It turned out that Zhang Guoli was Zhang Chu!Zhang Chu is Zhang Guoli!But how is this possible?He is obviously Zhang Chu!He clearly told me that his name is Zhang Chu!How could Zhang Chu be Zhang Guoli at the same time?Zhang Chu is Zhang Chu, Zhang Guoli is Zhang Guoli, Zhang Guoli is my childhood friend, the snow lantern in my heart, I have been looking forward to finding him in the vast crowd one day, and meeting him again, at that time, I Will ask him: "Remember our snow lanterns?"

Zhang Guoli, the little boy with a sunny smile, who can whistle, tell stories, make snow lanterns and fight, is the purest and most passionate desire in my seventeen years of girlish feelings, and is my eternal companion.How could he betray me?After seventeen years, he changed his name to Zhang Chu?And reappeared in front of me as if nothing had happened, making me fall in love again?How can I believe such a ridiculous story? I stared at Zhang Chu and begged weakly: "I have had two dreams in my life, and you have broken one. Now, do you want to break the other? Tell me, you are not, you are Zhang Chu, You are not Zhang Guoli."

He was silent, his eyes were moist and red.I sat down again and whispered unconsciously: "What reason do you have? What reason do you have to break my two dreams? You are already Zhang Chu, why are you still Zhang Guoli at the same time? How can you still be It's Zhang Guoli? Can you leave me a dream? What reason do you have to break them? What reason do you have?" I held on to the bar chair next to me, trying my best not to fall down.No, I can't accept the fact that I can't lose two dreams at the same time in one day, I can't let my emotional world be broken so completely, leave me a little dream, leave me a little fragment, why is it so cruel Looting?Why?

Zhang Chu looked at me, his eyes were moist, and his voice was hoarse: "Girl, I have no reason, and I don't want to be Zhang Guoli. For the first time, I feel remorse and guilt because I am Zhang Chu and Zhang Guoli at the same time. In fact, as early as the second time I met you, I already recognized you. You told me the story of the snow lantern. You are so pure and warm, so beautiful. I can’t bear to tell you that I am Zhang Guoli , I'm afraid I'll break your dream. But just now, you grabbed everyone and asked Zhang Guoli's name, I know, I hurt you again. Girl, I don't want to, but, apart from telling you the truth, I I can’t do anything else. I don’t want you to stay indulging in the two dreams woven by my own hands, and block yourself deeply, girl, forget Zhang Guoli, Zhang Chu, and me!”

"No! No! No!" I screamed, alcohol and desperation made me unable to care about anything, I choked up and couldn't cry, "If I forget all this, what is left for me? Neither Zhang Guoli nor Zhang Chu , the snow lanterns and wooden lanterns are gone, what else do I have? Where am I still? I can’t live without these, I’m used to relying on them to survive, and if they’re gone, I’m empty.” I grabbed Zhang Chu’s hand , "You are Zhang Chu, you are married, let me know that loving you is wrong, but I can still lie to myself, saying that God deceived me, let me meet you too late. But you tell me you are Zhang Guoli, You let me have no reason to deceive myself. I have known you since I was six years old. You promised me that you would marry me in twelve years. I have been waiting for you for seventeen years. How can you lie to me? How could you? I knew you so early, more than ten years earlier than your wife, I have no reason to lose you. If, if someone told me that Zhang Guoli lied to me and he was married, then I can imagine how long he When I grow up, I become a bad person. I can hate him, comfort myself and arm myself with hatred. But, unfortunately, that Zhang Guoli turned out to be you, the first person I fell in love with when I grew up. Good man. Again, again, I have no reason to deceive myself, why? You can not be so nice, you can not be Zhang Chu, then, I will not fall in love with you; if you must be Zhang Chu, then, please Don't be Zhang Guoli, you can still give me a dream, a hope. Why did you take both away? What else do you leave me..."

"Girl, stop talking, stop talking." Zhang Chu hugged me violently, tears streaming down my face, I clearly felt how warm his embrace was, and his breath was so hot, I prayed that time would stop at this moment , the world is destroyed at this moment, or, at least, it is myself who dies at this moment, then I will be eternal in the arms of my lover. Thousands of longings, sadness and pain entanglement were suddenly relieved at this moment, and the heart was vented, and the whole person suddenly relaxed.I grabbed Zhang Chu's hand and fell down slowly. I couldn't hear any sound anymore...

I am sick.Endless fevers, endless lethargy, endless nightmares, and endless vomiting.At first I thought it was because of drunkenness, but later I had to admit that it was a disease, so I was sent to the hospital for IV drip. Xiao Li came to see me and brought books and CDs: "I don't know what you like to listen to, so just take some of all kinds. Here, Hong Kong and Taiwan ballads, popular songs, old songs, what do you listen to?" "It's an old song." Actually, I wasn't interested in listening to songs, but I couldn't bear to cheer him up, so I just clicked on a random song, "This one, "Man Jianghong"."

Man Jianghong, why Man Jianghong?Is it someone who has worked so hard to turn the river red like autumn leaves?I thought of the scene of Zhang Chu bathing in the afterglow of the setting sun that day, and I couldn't help but feel heartbroken. The exciting and simple tunes flowed in the ward: "I am angry, leaning on the railing, resting in the rain, looking up, looking up to the sky and screaming, full of excitement..." I won't burst into anger, and I don't have strong feelings, but I really want to cry up to the sky. Xiao Li said that my father called the company to ask me how I was doing and why I didn't turn on my phone.

"Then what did you tell my dad?" "I said you went on an outing and probably forgot to bring your charger. You will be back in a day or two. Mr. Tang asked you to call him back as soon as you come back." "Xiao Li, thank you." I said sincerely. At this time, the nurse came in and said, "There is a handsome man in the corridor. He comes here every afternoon, but I have never seen him enter any ward." "What does he look like?" "Tall, gentle, and wearing a blue suit." I grabbed the edge of the bed and vomited so violently that I wanted to vomit my heart out too.

Xiao Li was stunned for a moment, got up and went out. After a while, he turned back and asked, "It's Zhang Chu. Do you want to see him?" "No." I said, closing my eyes wearily.See you and fight like you don't see each other.What if I see you?I have lost my mind.My heart is vomited.When I completely vomit my heart out, my illness will be cured, I will forget Zhang Chu and Zhang Guoli, and return to the carefree Tang poetry. But will it?Will there be that day?Can I really forget?Even if I can forget Zhang Chu, can I forget Zhang Guoli?Can you forget that Zhang Guoli is Zhang Chu? My heart throbbed, I grabbed the edge of the bed, and vomited heart-wrenchingly, unstoppably. Zhang Guoli, Zhang Chu, I can't imagine, let alone accept, how can Zhang Guoli and Zhang Chu be the same person! Xiao Li already understood everything, he said in a daze, "But, you only saw him twice." "One time is enough," I gasped, and said sadly, "Some people, even if you just look at him, even without him saying a word, you already feel that you have known him for such a long time, and you are willing to trust him unconditionally. Follow him, you can give him all your feelings, even your life. For men, this is called leadership, and for women, it is love." Xiao Li held his head and blamed himself painfully: "If I could predict what will happen, I would definitely not take you to visit Huangye Village or Xueqin's former residence that day. In that way, you would not meet that Zhang Chu , you won’t become a blind butterfly from now on, drunk to death under a flower. If you are willing to look at me carefully, you may not find that I have more advantages…” No, the butterfly chasing love is not blind, on the contrary, every time I see him, I will have a feeling of light in my eyes.Some people are born luminous.I comforted Xiao Li tiredly: "Of course you have many advantages, it's not that I can't see it, it's just..." "It's just not cherished by you, is it? Compared with Zhang Chulai, all my advantages have become pediatrics, and I don't care about it." "No, no." I shook my head weakly, "I regard you as a good friend, a very good friend. But, no matter how deep a friendship is, it is not love. Friendship can accumulate day by day, and it will get deeper and deeper. But it’s different, it can penetrate people’s hearts in an instant, as if there is really a Cupid’s arrow, aiming at people’s hearts. If you don’t meet true love, maybe friendship can also be transformed into love through accumulation... " "But after meeting true love, friendship can only be friendship, and it can no longer stagnate. Is it?" Xiao Li interrupted me, and Gu Zi regretted over and over again, "Tang Shi, I really regret taking you to Huangye Village, it would be great if I hadn't been to Huangye Village that day." However, even if I didn't go to Huangye Village and meet Zhang Chu, Xiao Li would not be my choice, because there is still someone in my heart: Zhang Guoli! Thinking of Zhang Guoli, I got up again and vomited. Vomiting, coma, nightmares.night and day. In the dream, I trekked tirelessly, not knowing where I was going and what I was looking for. There is faint music coming from a distance: "Thirty years of fame and dust, eight thousand miles of road clouds and moons, don't wait for nothing, the boy's head is white, empty and sad..." If the mind is enlightened, it drifts to the ancient times that do not know the age, where there are billowing gunpowder smoke, yellow sand in the desert, dust and soil of thirty fame, eight thousand miles of road clouds and moon, but in a blink of an eye, it becomes empty, black and white are reversed.I think back then, Yue Fei was wronged for no reason in the storm pavilion, he died with hatred and vomited blood.At that time, he also had a place to lean on the railing, looking up to the sky and screaming, right?What is he shouting?What are you sorry about? It is powerless, helpless!Since ancient times, heroes have never been afraid of death on the battlefield, they are only afraid, they have no way to serve the country, they are powerful and difficult to do.It doesn't matter if you are incompetent, the most fear is helplessness... I shed tears, in the singing of "Aspirations hungry for Hulu meat, laughing and talking about drinking the blood of Huns", and in the sadness of the ancient road in the desert with yellow sand and setting sun. The moon is setting and the stars are sinking, the sky is covered with black and white frost, and the boundless desert wind and sand are flying, blocking the road ahead.Where am I going? At the end of the sky, in the flickering sand, there is a tall figure waiting for me.He has been waiting for a long time, and the sword in his hand has rusted. The sword has no chance of killing.So it became scrap metal. I didn't feel the sword energy, but I felt the chill and the deep helplessness of the sword bearer. Can a samurai who refuses to draw his sword still be called a samurai? I walked towards him, feeling his getting closer and closer, feeling inexplicably sad.Why?Why be sad?Why are you helpless?Give me that eternal heart, will you?Turn that silent back towards me, will you? The wind and sand became more violent, and the warrior finally turned around slowly, turned around, turned around, like a superimposed scene in a movie, countless armored warriors are slowly turning around. I held my breath, dumbstruck, not knowing whether I would see a mighty and handsome face or a fierce and terrifying face, but no matter what kind of image it was, I was not prepared to escape.I only know that I want to see him. I have dreamed of him too many times since I was a child. I want to know who he is. As long as I see him clearly, I can go to hell. Finally, I saw it, the sky was full of wind and sand, the earth was silent, that face was clearly displayed in front of me, it was just me! I yelled and woke up with a start, my neck was still chilling, as if someone was blowing gently. This is already the third day after admission. The symptoms of vomiting have been relieved, but the high fever still persists, and I am lethargic most of the time. I have one dream after another. The man in the dream comes back again and again. The answer I have been looking for since I was a child turned out to be myself . Jia Baoyu sleeps in front of the mirror, dreams of Zhen Baoyu, one self sees another.After waking up, I found that it was just a love affair... The truth makes me despair. The nurse repeated to me every day: "That man is here again." "Really?" I responded, feeling infinitely desolate.Love that cannot be confessed is a sword that cannot be drawn out of its sheath. It is rusty and blunt, and it only hurts itself.Maybe, the samurai in my dream is really just my other self, a powerless self. The same helplessness, the same depression.He because of war, I because of love.Love is also a battlefield where there is no smoke. Like him, I am not qualified to draw a sword. Never in my life has I felt so powerless as now.I kept calling in my dream: "Zhang Chu, Zhang Chu..." Sometimes when I was awake, I would suddenly say to myself: "Zhang Chu." I couldn't distinguish dream from reality at all. A sigh sounded from somewhere, and I suddenly found someone in the ward. No, I didn't find it, I felt it, or I woke up because I felt someone coming in.When I woke up, it was like a dream, I looked around in a daze, and then, I saw him, Zhang Chu! I stared at him blankly, and he also stared at me blankly, as if he didn't expect that I would suddenly wake up at this time. But I suspect that I didn't wake up at all, but just walked into another dream from one dream, a dream with Zhang Chu. Zhang Chu stands proudly in my dream, haggard and sad, but not concealing his handsomeness. I opened my mouth, made a voice that I didn't believe, and said softly: "Don't blame yourself. I am useless." He shook his head and didn't answer. I said again, "I'll be fine soon." He nodded, still not speaking. I closed my eyes, feeling a tingling pain in my heart, for myself and for him.No, I don't want to make him suffer so much. Is he so thin because of self-blame?However, he was not wrong, what was wrong was that the timing of our meeting was not right.The first time, it was too early. I was six years old and he was eight years old. Although they signed a century-old agreement with each other, they were too young to be responsible for their promises; He bumped into him head-on and fell in love with him without hesitation, but it was too late, he had already become someone else's husband.What's wrong with him?What reason do I have to ask him to experience pain just because I am in pain, and let him be tortured by guilt and self-blame? I didn't dare to look at him, so I summoned up my courage and said quickly: "I fell in love with you only because you are so good; Prove that you are good. So, don’t be sad because of my weakness? That way, I will be more sinful. Don’t worry, I will try my best to forget you, forget Zhang Chu, forget Zhang Guoli, forget the snow lanterns and wooden lanterns ..." Tears flowed down again unsatisfactorily, and I couldn't continue. The room was dead silent. After a long time, when he opened his eyes again, he had already left. It's like it's never been here, like a dream.