Chapter 5 Flying gossip coat

Mr. Wu left, and before he left, he left me a Pacific card with a small sum of money in it, using my name: Yun Wuxin. He said: "This card is left to you. We all know the password. I will remember to ask the secretary to check it at any time. If you encounter any difficulties and withdraw the money, I will arrange for the secretary to deposit it in." This kind of care is better than I expected. This made me suddenly feel a little true to him on the last day before he left.Before that, I tried all kinds of means and said a lot of sweet words, all of which were just acting, but that day, when I waved goodbye to him, the tears in my eyes were real.

I give away my smiles for free to many unrelated people, but never my tears. Tears are my most precious truth. After Mr. Wu left, I was somewhat lonely.After all, he was the only guest who asked for my name before leaving. When he left Meizhou, on the eve of parting that he would never see each other again, the last question he asked me was: What is your name? Just for this, I know that the relationship between me and him is not as simple as a client and a prostitute. Clients don't have to care about the prostitute's name. I wonder if Mr. Wu has some love for me.Sincere, not limited to sensuality and beauty, the kind of love that belongs to the purely spiritual realm.

It was at this moment that I realized that I was still longing for love. From freshman year to now, nothing has changed. I used to be so beautiful in college. Ruhua's age, Ruhua's appearance, top academic performance, rich pocket money, she behaves like a princess everywhere, who would understand the bitterness of a semi-outcast behind the diamond crown? Every day after self-study, there are little boys standing outside the dormitory door waiting; when the phone rang, the roommates said without looking up: "Wuxin, I'm looking for you." All the holidays are filled with appointments; just choose the weekend The dance partner at the party is already a headache...

The dance party was held in the large classroom, with snow-white fluorescent tubes, simple audio equipment, no band, no scenery, and the desks were pushed to the corner to create a paradise. Boys and girls blushed, and their eyes dared not meet, but their eyes were full of tears. Ambilight.I always enter when the ball is more than halfway through, causing a little commotion, envious and jealous eyes entangled around me, a boy I don't know comes up and asks: "May I know your name? " I unfolded a sweet and innocent smile like an angel, neither answering nor revealing.How could they not know Xiaohua Yun Wuxin's name, but they just wanted to use this old question to get close.

After so many years, someone came to ask me again: what is your name? The person who asked really didn't know, although he was already close. Where did the youthful, flower-covered road to success suddenly turn into a fork? The college student who was excellent in character and learning yesterday, the closed student of Professor He who studied, suddenly became the female singer of "Night Angel". Here, it is rare for someone to ask "what is your real name" is enough to make your heart surge... Why am I my mother's daughter? I said to Xi Yan: "Why am I my mother's daughter?"

Xi Yan replied: "There is no choice." At that moment, I was struck by lightning. This is obviously my tone, Xi Yan is like a mirror, no, it seems to be my other self, speaking for me what I want to say most. But she just sighed softly: "Wuxin, we are all the same person." "No, we are two kinds of people, completely different." "What's the difference? Both grew up in broken families, but struggled to find integrity." I was hit again.Boundless hatred welled up.Hate her intelligence, hate her sobriety, hate her seeing through me so thoroughly, but I don't know anything about her.

Xiyan asked for leave the night of her trip to Pankeng.But about her story and the mystery of her life experience, there are new versions coming out all the time, and they are all telling the truth. Rumors are like an old cotton-padded jacket with open sleeves fluttering. When it is slapped, the dust flies up with a "boom", flying from one room to another, from one person to another, passing by Dust hits the face, everyone seems to have tried it on once, leaving the smell of cotton clothes on their bodies. Rumors spread to the bar, and Ms. XO, who sells foreign wine, told everyone drunkenly: You know, Shelly's mother is a coquettish woman who steals people behind her husband's back and gave birth to a daughter without even knowing who the father is. Shelly's father, hey, what did Shelly say that day?By the way, Lin Dazhi.That Lin Dazhi was kept in the dark at the beginning, raising his daughter so much, but eight years ago, he accidentally exposed the secret. Think about it, a man, how could he stand such humiliation, anger? So he ran away from home that night without even leaving a letter.

As for the chance, the general situation is like this - Shelly had some kind of emergency and needed a blood test. After the test, it was found that Shelly's blood type was AB, Lin Dazhi's was A, Xiyan's mother was B, and A and B were blood types. How can a person with type B blood give birth to a daughter with type AB?So the mystery of Shelly's life experience was exposed. A hostess came out to interrupt: "You speak so professionally, as if you know a lot about blood types." XO retorted firmly: "There was such a plot in "Blood Doubt", have you not watched it?"

TV stories are their most powerful evidence. What has happened on TV, of course, can also be found in life.The person who raised the bar was immediately short: "Is that said in "Blood Suspicion"? I also watched that series when I was young, but I can't remember it. I was too young at that time, how can I remember it?" The people around laughed: "You just want to say that you are young, so you don't need to beat around the bush?" While laughing, the cotton-padded jacket stretched out its sleeves and flew to the tuning room. The DJ Ganzai, just like he usually hosts a show, said in a rhythmic and emotional way: "Have you looked at Shelly's face carefully? The left eyebrow is high and the right eyebrow is low. This kind of The face is the most restrained to his parents. His old man left home, 80% because father and daughter vowed to be incompatible, unless one party leaves, otherwise he will die or be injured. The old man wants to save his life and his daughter. If he doesn't want her to go, he just I had no choice but to leave by myself. Alas, it’s hard to find a tenth in life, and I ended up dying as a foreigner.”

"It's so pitiful!" A Rong was of course the first one to stand up and respond, "You have the best facial physiognomy skills, boy, do you know how to make faces?" So the topic turned to physiognomy, and after the limited exchanges of physiognomy were over, Xiyan's physiognomy would become a conclusion.Ganzai seems to have become an expert in physiognomy and the center of the crowd. This makes other people feel uneasy, how come such a creative idea did not occur to me?So I racked my brains, so I refurbished the tricks, so I found another way, so I kept talking endlessly, so there was a new romantic legend:

Xiyan was actually an abandoned baby, picked up by Lin Dazhi at the base of the city wall, and raised until he was a teenager. Seeing that Xiyan was getting older and more beautiful every day, he was moved to get involved.But when she was molesting her adoptive daughter, she was hit by Xiyan's mother, so she became angry and ran away from home... As soon as this remark came out, there was a sound of "tsk tsk", and someone sighed: "There are many things about the adoptive father molesting the adopted daughter, and there is a family in our neighbor..." Someone questioned: "I saw a documentary story in a magazine last issue. , It seems to be similar to your plot." Some people suddenly realized: "No wonder Shelly always seems to be unhappy, and she is so indifferent to men, she must be scared by her adoptive father." "Tsk tsk..." "Tsk tsk tsk..." Regarding the cause of his father Lin Dazhi's death, there are even more versions.Some said that his father joined the underworld and was hacked to death in Meizhou; others said that Lin Dazhi became a monk, so why would he be buried near the Pankeng Temple?Some even said that Lin Dazhi was a tomb robber who came to Pankeng to dig treasures, but died in the tomb...the whole framework of a Jin Yong novel. Everyone is a born screenwriter and a master of fictional stories. The only difference is that some people write with pens, some speak with their mouths, and some hide in the dark and guess maliciously on their own. If you see the waiters in twos and threes gathered together in "Night Angel" and heard that they are as absorbed and cheerful as a book, then you must be talking about Lin Xiyan. The gossip cotton-padded jacket with long sleeves was flying, flapping, and flaunting among the doors and rooms. The dust thickly covered every corner of "Night Angel" and blinded people's eyes. Xiyan's face gradually became blurred in the discussion of the crowd - an abandoned child, an illegitimate daughter, a "terrestrial evil star" who restrained his father and mother. Even the kindest person would choose the mildest of these to believe: that her father had a lover and left her mother and her for a new one. But what about the truth?What is the truth? This story about death, like a bright purple poppy, blooms enchantingly in the depths of my heart. I bought a lot of supplements, specially asked Qin Jindai to sing the whole audience, and went to the dormitory to visit the sick. Like a bat jumping into the night, and a dewdrop dying at dawn, death has an irresistible charm for me. Unexpectedly, A Jian, the backstage manager, was also there, cooking chestnut chicken for Xi Yan. Live chickens, plucked and bled, scalded in boiling water, took out the internal organs with chopsticks, and then rinsed them with water—do not break the chest, but keep the original energy of the chickens—stuff them into chestnuts that have been peeled and divided into two, and seal them. Tight, put it in the freezer overnight to make the chestnuts taste good, then add ginger, red dates, salt, white dry and other condiments and simmer slowly until the chestnuts are soft and the chicken bones are crispy. It is a typical Beijing snack, but it is made in the south, and the fragrance wafts up from the kitchen downstairs. I was salivating and envious - no one had ever cooked a dish for me with such care. I told Xiyan about my experience when I was three years old, the divorce of my parents, the indifference of my mother, until I ran away from home.But I didn't tell her my famous mother's name, nor would I say that the real reason I ran away from home was for Professor He. If you want to know the other person's story, the best way is to tell yourself first. Xi Yan listened quietly, she was a very good confiding object, she knew exactly what expression to match and when, and never interrupted the confiding. But my purpose is not to confide, but to hope that she will also be frank. But she just said: Wuxin, we are all lonely children, growing up in broken families, but struggling to find integrity. "Why?" My voice sharpened. "What is your brokenness? We are two kinds of people, we have nothing in common." Xi Yan looked at me with such clear eyes, in her eyes, I clearly saw my own projection... Never should, never should be, Ah Jian came upstairs with a chestnut chicken pot at this time, his face was red, wondering if it was because the stove was too hot.But I know the bright look in his eyes. I was so excited when I invited Professor He to a small banquet at home and refilled the wine with my own hands. My heart was moved, and I was secretly surprised, but on the surface I just pretended to be careless: "A Jian, you don't go to work, you come here to make a small stove for Xiyan, are you stealing chickens from the kitchen to pay the public account?" "How come?" Ah Jian smiled stupidly, gearing up, "Wenny, do you want to eat it? If you want to eat it, I will serve you a bowl too. Try it. I personally picked the chicken from the vegetable market last night. A little salt and wine brought from the club, isn’t it embezzlement?” "Then I'm not going to be polite, let me take advantage of Xiyan's light." I said and looked at Xiyan.But she was just absent-minded and turned a deaf ear.It's not hard to see Ah Jian's admiration for her with her intelligence, right?But she just acted like this sick Xi Shi was in a trance, who would she show her? I slowly stirred the soup in the bowl with a spoon to cool it down, grinning and gritting my teeth secretly. It is tolerable, what is unbearable!Someone cooks for her, and I'm just a sharer.what a shame? ! Sometimes a woman hates another woman for no reason, maybe just because the other woman is more popular than herself. Too many men's eyes lingered on the face of the not-so-beautiful Xi Yan. And her smile is so indifferent. I am also a woman, I have to sell my appearance in exchange for some gold, pearls and silver ornaments, but she can make people willing to sweat for her with just a frown and a smile, why? ! It was hard work, so I didn't pour the soup in my heart on her face, her breezy smile, and her pretentious elegance, I hate it!If I can't defeat Xiyan, or make her cry, I, Yun Wuxin, will never give up! After Ah Jian left, I asked Xi Yan: "Qin Jin and Ah Jian, who do you like?" Xi Yan froze, her face suddenly turned pale like blood under the unprepared question, and then flushed again in an instant. "People in the club say that Jian is secretly in love with you." I smiled and asked casually, "You know? It’s really cool not to express your opinion. You also know that those eight women rank Qin Jin, A Jian and Qiang Zai as the three cool guys in the club. You can take two of them by yourself. Are they still mad? Especially Qin Jin, Everyone calls him a male singer, trying to catch his attention, you are so close to him, you are envious of others." While talking, I secretly paid attention to Xiyan's reaction, her face was cloudy, and her eyes gradually became crystal clear.No need to answer, I already know clearly: the person she loves is Qin Jin. "The person I love is Qin Jin." Sure enough, Xiyan said clearly. When she said that, it shocked me.Love, this word is too noble, too heavy, we who are intoxicated with feasting and feasting, we can say we like it, we like it, we say we like it, we say we have feelings, we can even hug each other and go to bed at any time, but we will never talk about love easily.Once exported, it can never be taken back.Once you admit it, you have to bear the many sufferings and tears caused by love.Even if it's just a woman admitting in front of another woman. I suddenly envied her courage and frankness.How I wish, I can also have such a person that I can love and protect with all my heart. "When did it happen?" "From the first time I saw him." "love at first sight?" "Yes." Xi Yan looked at me with a strong word, "Wuxin, do you still remember the night when Qin Jin came to 'Night Angel' for the first time? At that time, Miss Qin introduced us to each other, and I just held his hand hand, the power went out. I took him to the power distribution room, we held hands in the dark, walked through the long corridor, the two of us breathed and heard each other, in the dark, it seemed like the end of the world, the stars died, and there was only The two of us. I seem to be able to clearly hear his heartbeat, which is the sound of life. I hold his hand, so kind, so warm, so real that people want to cry. We have been walking in the dark for a long time. When I came to the power distribution room, the moment the lights came back on, I suddenly felt very disappointed in my heart, as if I hoped that the lights would never be turned on. I hoped that the corridor would have no end, and I could just hold his hand like that. I've been through my whole life..." "You guys are in the dark, didn't you talk?" I was a little dazed, her description seemed familiar, wasn't it exactly what I imagined on the night of the power outage, as if I had already witnessed everything that happened in the dark. "No. I took him to the power distribution room and stopped. He took out the lighter from his pocket and handed it to me. I lit it for him and lit it. He reconnected the circuit with that light. From beginning to end, I didn't say a word. At that time, I thought, how rare is such a person. I have been a singer for so many years, and I have sung in so many places, but there is no dust on my body, and I don't look like a singer at all." Suddenly, the word "Feng Chen" pierced into my heart like a sword.I couldn't help clenching my teeth, every word she said could always pierce my sore spot.Pain out a deep hatred. But I don't want to interrupt her, I need to know more about her, and know where her weaknesses are, so that I can be targeted and defeat her in the most direct and effective way, so that she will look up at me one day. Xiyan really loved Qin Jin so deeply that she didn't notice my fading, and continued to say affectionately: "From that moment on, I knew that this person would leave a deep, deep impression on my heart. It can’t be erased. But I didn’t think about whether this is love. The next day, the eight of us went to Pankeng together. In the mountains, I saw my father’s grave. At that moment, I suddenly felt a pain in my heart. I don’t know anymore. It was Qin Jin who carried me down the mountain.” "Hug?" I called softly. "Yes, hug." Xiyan looked at me and nodded seriously, "He told you that he carried me down the mountain, right? Actually, it is very inconvenient to carry a person down the mountain road. He carried me down the mountain. The mountain. I was in a daze, and I heard him call my name all the time, so eager, so nervous, I felt so relieved and touched. This is the first man who hugged me besides my father. This is my father. The love bestowed on me by the spirit of heaven was my father who handed me into his hands, in his arms. At that moment, I knew that I fell in love with this man. In this life, there is no second person who can fall in love so quickly and deeply. Walked into my heart. Whether you love someone, you already know the moment you put your hand in his. And I walked into his arms. In his arms, I feel so warm , I know, that is my home, the source and destination of my life, the place I yearn for the most in my life. To have his arms is to have the whole world, and to lose him is to lose myself. Wuxin, you loved Do you know what it's like to love someone? I just know now that love means that there is no self in the heart, only the other person, the sun rises behind the lover, spring comes in the eyes of the lover, everything in the world is only for love Existence. And the reason why I came to Meizhou was not to find my father, but for him, to find him, meet him, protect him, and accompany him until the end of my life..." Xiyan talked endlessly, and I was already fascinated by it. "So, how can you be sure that he is someone worthy of your love?" "I know." Xi Yan said firmly, "From the moment I saw him, I knew that he was the best man I could ever meet. No matter whether he loves me the same, no matter whether he accepts me or not. In this life, I am very lucky to meet him. A long time ago, I heard a saying that if a person loves another person too much, it is a kind of suffering. However, I believe in another sentence, That is, if a person can truly fall in love with someone in his life, it is a kind of happiness. When I met him and fell in love with him, it was the origin, the process, and the result. No matter what happens in the future, I will never regret it , I once fell in love with him deeply and truly." I looked at her and was deeply shocked. For the first time, I realized that love can be like this, that loving someone can be so desireless—— Don't ask for results, don't ask for peers, don't ask for what you once had, and don't even ask for you to love me. I just want to meet you in my most beautiful years. Falling in love, lovesickness, secret love, longing, waiting, disappointment, temptation, overwhelmed with pain, far away forever, reminiscing about fleeting years - all these, because of you, you will never regret it. I envy Lin Xiyan, who can love someone so thoroughly and purely. This kind of love, in a person like me, will never happen once in several lifetimes. Women in the Yun family don't know how to love others, they only love themselves. But how much I long to find someone to love, to love deeply and purely.find someone to love... Xiyan didn't come to work in "Night Angel" for half a month. Ms. Qin told me gloatingly one day that Xiyan had been searching everywhere to find out the truth about her father's death. Once she asked Fatty Chen to introduce someone from the Public Security Bureau to take her to the household registration department to check the information. I was taken advantage of by a small secretary.I was secretly startled, and hurriedly asked what happened afterwards. Ms. Qin said that the clerk took her in and closed the door, but somehow Shelly managed to escape.When he said it, he was regretful, as if it was a pity that Xiyan was not insulted. Then I found that this supposedly private matter was spread widely in the club, and it was undoubtedly written by Ms. Qin—the strange thing is that everyone's attitude was the same as Ms. Qin's, and they were talking vividly about the small officer's violation of Xiyan In addition, when it comes to the scene of escaping, there is a hint of regret. It is common for girls who work in the fireworks field to be taken out by customers to take advantage of it. Every time a sister falls into a trap, the first thing she thinks of is always to call Xiyan for help, and Xiyan can always think of a way to help. The sisters made a rescue.But now it's her turn, people are just gloating. I guess they are probably very disgusted with Xiyan's image of a saint who pretends to be noble and different, and wish she would fall down.But most of these people have received kindness from Xiyan, especially Ms. Qin, Xiyan has always defended her and done so many things for her, but she has no friendship for Xiyan, which makes me despise.At the same time, I thought that her thoughts and mine seemed to coincide, and I felt very uncomfortable. The days slipped by in small waves, like water plants rotting quietly at the bottom of the river. Street shopping, shopping, dating, surfing the web, killing or running in my dreams, and singing "Desperate Sunday" at Night Angels every night, my life is nothing new. No, it's not just Sunday, it's not just Sunday that despairs. For me, every day is Black Sunday, every day with no light in sight, no prospect, and no footprints to see.Death approaches me every minute like a curse. I was sleeping deep in the dark bottom, walking in the boundless snowy field, walking so lonely and hard, but I was unable to leave even a single footprint on the snow.My existence is so worthless, like a false flower that has bloomed at the wrong time. I am lonely, the rich makeup, gorgeous clothes and melancholy singing all show that I am lonely. The lonely heart is riddled with holes, although the smile is still sweet. Suddenly he was very concerned about the name "Yun Wuxin", and went to the bank every once in a while to withdraw some money or deposit some money.Be careful not to run a deficit on the card. Mr. Wu said that if I encounter difficulties, I can withdraw the money at one time, so that he knows that I am asking for help. It's not that I didn't think to try it, but I'm too old to play "wolf is coming" lightly.Although you will never know if he really exists on the other side of the ATM card without trying, but it is always good to have hope and dependence. With a Pacific card, with the name of "Yun Wuxin" signed again and again, I feel that the distance between myself and Mr. Wu has been narrowed because of his departure. Oh, how much I need someone to love. There are sweet-scented osmanthus and lilac blooming finely outside the window, reminding me that it is spring. Spring comes and spring goes, flowers wither and bloom.And my most beautiful moment, but I didn't meet a person who can love. Even if I wrap my arms around myself, I still feel cold. I want to find someone to love, I want to find someone to care for me. When I am acting like a baby in the arms of a man, in my heart, I long for a man who loves me to hug me. In "Night Angel", in Meizhou, I have so many friends who have fun together, but I have no one to love. Love, for women in nightclubs, is too extravagant, too far away, too vague, so vague that you can only look for it online. At night, I asked Dafeng Qixi on QQ: "If I am sick, will you make soup for me?" "I'm not an expert at cooking, but tell me what kind of soup you want to drink, and I'll buy the recipe to practice. Maybe the soup will taste bad, don't complain." I smiled: "As long as I can take a sip of the soup you made with your own hands, I am already very happy, and I will drink it even if I am poisoned." Chatting on QQ, knowing that there is no need to honor it, many dialogues that cannot appear in life will be easily paid, even if it is false, it is also happy. "You don't seem very happy recently." "I've never been happy." I couldn't help complaining, "Feng, I laugh too much, if I cry to you, will you get tired?" Never really happy. He became a single parent at the age of three, lived behind his grandma's clothes, and attended funerals endlessly. This is the music he is most familiar with. Then I grew up little by little, calling my mother sister, peeping at her with provocative eyes while calling, endless bickering, endless open and secret fights, she regretted giving birth to me, and I hated being born by her. But after my grandma died, I finally had to go back to live by her side.Mom's expression was very complicated, with a hint of distress in the joy, and said: You have grown up. In that way, it was as if we were reunited after a long absence and seeing each other for the first time in many years. But I did grow up.Fortunately, I grew up. That was the last time I went to a funeral. The charm of grandma's face still remains after makeup, there is a smile, perhaps because of the lipstick, the corners of the lips are slightly raised, it is not scary, but it has a kind of mockery, as if to say: people in the world are nothing more than prostitutes and prostitute. Oh, she's finally going, leaving this huge world of brothels full of clients and prostitutes, and going to bliss, or, as she says it is - to go ashore from good. I don't necessarily feel very sad, but I just regret that if possible, I should play "Yutangchun" for grandma to see him off. Then, I saw a little blood dripping on grandma's face, slowly bleeding.It was her, that woman, she was wearing a bright red satin jacket and a high bun, standing in front of her grandma's couch with full makeup, bleeding from her orifices, and muttering curses: "You are a prostitute, your daughter is a prostitute, your granddaughter Whore, whore! whore! whore! . . . " "Feng, I want to cry, I really want to cry." "Lend me my shoulder, cry." "I really want to find someone to love me, even if it's just for a short while, to love me sincerely and tolerantly, let me lean on his chest, let him hold me, and let me cry happily." "Yun, after knowing you, I really understand what it means for a daughter to be made of flesh and blood." I don't know when, we started to call each other wind and cloud. Hanging on the Internet for longer and longer.Chatting with Feng Qixi has become the happiest waiting in life. Gradually know many trivial things about him: thirty years old, married, with a son.His job is to teach at a university, and he writes essays and essays in his spare time. He has columns in many newspapers and magazines, commenting on poetry, football, and entertainment news. He is well-known and earns a lot of money. — how full and healthy it makes me feel inferior. Women always feel inferior in front of the man they love. I know that I have fallen in love with Dafeng Qixi, an online man with only a name but no face. Too eager to be in love, even if it's just online. A lover on the Internet will not fall in love with me just because I am a woman, he cannot see my beauty, cannot hear my singing voice, if he loves me, he must fall in love with my soul. I'm tired of trying to attract men with my sensuality. Such a man is a client; such me is a prostitute. The wind, however, is a different one.It has nothing to do with sensuality, a love that does not eat the fireworks of the world. How beautiful, how pure. Online romance is originally a fate in the wind.And I don't want to stop in the wind. If he is like a strong wind, I would like to gather and scatter with the wind in this life. Brigitte Lin drunkenly said to Leslie Cheung: "If one day I can't help but ask if the person you love the most is me, you must lie to me." How modest a woman's request is, expecting a mild lie. If you can deceive yourself to the end, why not be happy?