Chapter 14 an unforgettable song

Zijun's letter was finally opened, and under the gaze of the God of Time, it unfolded slowly, slowly.Zijun's familiar handwriting appeared vividly on the paper, which was shocking. The letter was written on the eve of our separation: "A Jin: When you read this letter, something must have happened to me—at night, when you finally told me that you were willing to stay with me, I suddenly had an ominous premonition that this night was the same Your farewell is over, so I want to write this letter to you..." Just reading this sentence, I couldn't help but burst into tears.This was another nightmare of predicting the future, but since he already had a premonition, why did he still take part in that adventure?If you can't escape, why do you need to know?Zijun, why are you so stupid, why?

"...Jinhe, if I can't come back, you must not wait for me, and don't be too sad. In front of you, I was originally a stupid, dispensable person. I always can't understand your mind, can't Surprise for you..." No!no!Zijun, come back!You are not optional, you mean more to me than you know.You know that I am waiting for you to come back, send me bamboo paper umbrellas, batik skirts, fake ancient paintings, and many cute little things... You promised to choose many exquisite Tibetan ornaments for me , how can you let me down?I don't need surprises, I just want to be sure, be sure of your return, be sure of your mind.You don't have to say anything, I know what you are thinking; you don't have to guess what I am thinking, in front of you, I am willing to keep a secret, keeping it makes me feel at ease, proud and happy, even if I have regrets, regrets are also part of life.I'm already used to you, I'm used to what I know about you, and what you don't know about me, I don't want to change, as long as you come back!Zijun, I'm waiting for you, I can't stand that you don't come back suddenly, I can't imagine the days to come without you.Zijun...

I cried bitterly, murmured, and spoke incoherently.If Zijun could hear it, he would be confused again. He would stroke his hair and say, "Why are you used to me not understanding you? I really want to understand you. Don't you want me to understand you? " Thinking of his stupid appearance, I cried even more fiercely, and it hurt like my heart was torn open.Zijun, his simplicity, his innocence, his persistence and his temper, turned out to be such precious qualities, which have already been engraved into my life, take root and grow, and cannot be removed. There is a kind of love called heart-to-heart bond, and there is another kind of love called mutual affection.However, I don't have enough wisdom to cherish my friendship.

Zijun, I'm sorry for you!For many years, you have been bowing your head in front of me as if you had done something wrong, and murmured carefully, "Jinhe, I am not worthy of you." It turns out that the one who is not worthy of you is me, the small and superficial me. , not worthy of your deep and selfless love.I can't match you! I raised my head, with tears in my eyes, the god of time looked at me quietly on the wall, like a magical legend, like a huge exclamation point, how many surprises it has brought me, how powerful it has inestimable power, human beings Invented it, but can't accurately measure it and control it.

"Destroy the God of Time, destroy the God of Time, destroy the God of Time!" The voice was still ordering me. Yes, time god!The source of all evil fate is for the God of Time!It leaks the secret, it changes the reality, it makes everything out of the way it should be.If it weren't for the god of time, maybe grandma wouldn't die, He Chenglong wouldn't be dug out from the depths of my memory again, and parents wouldn't get divorced!Zijun, let alone disappear suddenly! "Destroy the God of Time, Destroy the God of Time, Destroy the God of Time!" If I destroy the God of Time, maybe I can save Zijun and prevent my parents from getting divorced, right?Will it?

Suddenly, there seemed to be a force pushing me, and desperately, I lifted the chair and smashed it against the wall. I am neither its inventor nor its driver, but at this moment, I want to be its terminator! The God of Time made a loud bang and fell from the wall, nothing more than a pile of equipment. I imagined that there would be explosions and flesh and blood flying everywhere, but it was just a pile of equipment, like the cover of a watch that was dismantled when I was naughty when I was a child. When I saw the core of the clock, the mythical inner shell that holds the most wonderful time pulse in the universe is just nothing. It's several gears and chains.

However, I still smashed hard and crazily, venting out all the grief and grievances.Zhang Ailing once said that disasters cannot be avoided if they are foreseeable, so why bother to know? Standing in wet clothes among the wreckage of the god of time, I burst into tears. "Destroy the God of Time, Destroy the God of Time, Destroy the God of Time!" I ruined the time god. I personally destroyed the divine purpose in my heart, what I thought was the greatest invention in the world, I destroyed it! Ever since I was a child, my greatest wish was to meet Zhang Ailing. For this wish, I came to Shanghai from Suzhou and read Zhang Ai's novels by heart.Then, with the help of the God of Time, I finally fulfilled my wish and made my dream come true.

But now, I have personally destroyed this God of Time who fulfilled my dream! When I destroyed the greatest invention in the world, I learned a lot about the mentality of the suicidal person.Every blow is like a wrist cut. What I destroy is not the god of time, but my own youthful enthusiasm, my desire and innocence, and my love. In the past, I was wrong and tried hard to change the story of the fait accompli.However, can I be sure that what I am doing is right? Shen Cao will not forgive me.I know.But knowing something doesn't mean you can avoid it. In the end, I still knowingly committed a crime.

Shen Cao's reaction was more violent than I imagined.He waved his arms at me, as if he wanted to strangle me to death: "You stupid woman! SHIT! How many years of experiments have I spent to achieve today's results with great difficulty. Time God is like my son, And you killed my son! No, you are worse than murder! You executioner!" His English was mixed with Chinese, and he poured all kinds of vicious words from all over the world at me like water. Yet my heart was strangely peaceful. Perhaps when a person is desperate and hurt to the extreme, it is this kind of peace. Under what circumstances would two people in love kill each other?

now I understand. I destroyed his most beloved thing, and now, he wants to destroy me. Why bother to say what you know you will regret in the future?But I couldn't help it. I know Shen Cao will be ashamed of his own vicious curses tomorrow, and I know he must know it himself, but so what?I know he's going to hate me for ruining the time god, but I'm going to do it anyway; he knows our relationship is going to die in the midst of his constant cursing, but he can't stop. After hurting each other like this, people who love each other no longer can come together again. This is what we all know together, just like we all know how much regret and regret we will have in the future, but we all have to do it.

This is God's will, calamity, and destiny. Love is deep and relationship is shallow! I looked at him sadly, waiting for him to calm down from his rage. I had already been scarred by his curse, but I knew that this curse was a double-edged sword. , he himself must have already been scarred. "Zijun is missing." Between his cursing, I broke in desperately. His anger was suddenly suppressed: "Zijun? Missing?" "He signed up for a self-driving cross-country team, but encountered an avalanche when he crossed Shenshan. Now no one can contact them, no one knows where they are, and they can't find him..." I said numbly, not knowing why To tell him all this.But if I don't say it again, I will go crazy. "Don't be afraid," Shen Cao comforted me, "We can take time to see what happened to them..." Halfway through, he realized the fact that the God of Time had been destroyed again, and his anger was rekindled: "Look at what the hell you stupid woman has done? If the God of Time is here, I can travel through time and space to see Where are they, even if they can't stop the avalanche, they can at least tell the rescue team what to do now. But now, you have destroyed everything, I really don't know what devil drove you to make you do such crazy behavior!" If there is no God of Time, maybe Zijun will not disappear; if God of Time has not been destroyed, maybe I can know how to rescue them now. In this unreasonable world, what is the cause?What is fruit? I stood up in despair and walked out, leaving Shen Cao who was chattering, no, I don't want to hear his condemnation and scolding anymore, everything has happened and is irreversible.I am very tired.Like my mother said, my body and my soul are tired. Love can actually make two people who love each other so exhausted... At night, I looked through Shen Cao's photo album and burst into tears. What Shen Cao records are the most magnificent and strange colors in the world, rose red, river green, coffee brown, night sky blue, soft and cool, with a kind of gentle sadness, like a sigh. He is sharp and flying, with sharp edges and corners, but his photography prefers to use intermediate colors.The stars and the branches live in harmony, and day and night are only on the line, with a sense of tolerance that is deep and deep. I still clearly remember that day when I accompanied Zijun to the supermarket, when I passed the bookshelf, I turned around and knocked down this book... The path of life is different. To find another way, or to go astray? But I finally experienced true love and broke up because of love.When we abuse and hurt each other because of love, my heartache is so deep and sharp, let me know clearly that I will never love another person more than him in this life. I haven't had time to tell him the secret about the angel in white, and that secret will always be hidden in my heart. In any case, after all, I have done something for the person I love deeply, and I have received his heartfelt gratitude without knowing the truth.He is such a lonely but stubborn and intelligent child. I swore in the bottom of my heart that I would guard him for the rest of my life and heal his childhood wounds. But I failed to do it. Now he would never want to see me again. It hurts my heart to think that I may never see Cao Shen again. However, if this can be exchanged for Zijun's return, if the price of keeping Zijun alive can only be my breakup with Shen Cao, I am willing. But Zijun, where is Zijun now? On this tear-soaked night, as much as my love for Shen Cao was, how much I missed and felt guilty for Zijun. Thinking of the ten years of love with Zijun, his unguarded smile, his habitual panic and recklessness, I couldn't help crying. Even in my dream I was crying. The person opposite is Zhang Ailing vaguely. I asked her: "As you said, I ruined the god of time, but I also ruined my love. I love him, but why would I do something to hurt him? I know I will anger him , knowing that we will break up because of this, and knowing that I am not willing to leave him, why do I still do that?" I know I'm dreaming, but I don't care, I'm too lonely and sad not to find someone to share with me. A voice answered me: "This is fate." This is fate.who?whose voice?Is Zhang Ailing?Is it the master of time?Or my own heart, and the great sorrow that lurks in my heart? "It's like I knew that falling in love with Hu Lancheng was a disaster, and that our marriage would not last long, but I still married him. You once asked me if I would regret it? Now I tell you, no. Because , love is just love itself, love is both a process and a result. As long as you have loved, it is enough." "But will we still be together?" "Do you want to be with Cao Shen more, or do you want Pei Zijun to come back?" "I hope Zijun will come back." I replied without hesitation, "Life is above everything else. Although some people say that love is more important than life, what is love without life as a carrier?" "If it weren't for the God of Time, you wouldn't know Shen Cao at all, and you wouldn't have the choice you made today. Now that you have ruined the God of Time, maybe your life will go back to the original track, and there is nothing to regret. " "Can you explain more clearly? Will Pei Zijun come back to me?" "You are still like this..." Zhang Ailing suddenly smiled, "Here again, you still always hope to predict the future ending. But, will you change your mind because of predicting the ending?" I hesitated, worrying about gains and losses.Oh I'm such a greedy little woman. Live like years.Shen Cao called me when the sun was setting: "I have already promised the landlord to return the apartment keys tomorrow. Today is the last night. Would you like to say goodbye to Eileen Chang?" I couldn't help closing my eyes, goodbye?The real farewell is not Zhang Ailing in the dream, but us who are in love but have to separate in reality. When Zhang Ailing bid farewell to Hu Lancheng, was she also heartbroken like this? At that time, they had been separated for a long time in fact. On the eve of fleeing, Hu Lancheng came back quietly once, and they slept in separate rooms.Before the morning dew was thinning and the rooster was crowing, Hu Lancheng leaned over to bid farewell to Zhang Ailing who was sleeping. She stretched her arms around his neck and choked up, "Lan Cheng." But he broke her hand reluctantly and left... … However, Eileen Chang said she has no regrets.Love is just love itself, love is both a process and a result.She meets him, falls in love with him, marries him, and eventually separates.Even if the ending is not a happy ending, is it not a perfect performance of a talented woman and a prodigal son? A good person is more jealous, and a clean world is the same.Her realm has already reached the loneliness of the high place, but he understands her, which makes her feel bright.Even if that one firefly can't keep warm, she has experienced it and obtained it in the end. I finally walked into the Changde apartment again. Without time, the apartment room of the Great God is just an ordinary home room.The furniture has been evacuated, even the pot of daffodils has been removed, the room is empty, only the old gramophone is placed in a conspicuous place, and it is still the first time I saw the God of Time The song at that time: "I'm waiting for you to come back, I want to wait for you to come back, why don't you come, I'm waiting for you to come back..." It turned out that as early as the first time I activated the God of Time, I was destined to fully pay attention to the spirit of this song today. I'm waiting for Zijun to come back. Shen Cao changed a record and held out his hand to me: "Let's dance." I froze and looked at him.He bent down in an inviting gesture and said, "It's just a dance." A waltz was playing on the gramophone, and I stepped forward and put my hand on his shoulder.We danced slowly, slowly, the brisk waltz tune was slowed down to dance, so that the music and the dance steps were separated into two time and space. The heart melts little by little in the music, this is the last dance between us, right?A farewell dance. "Jinhe, I have news about Pei Zijun." "What?" I froze and stopped. Shen Cao looked at me sadly, obviously smiling, but his eyes were full of despair and regret: "Jinhe, the most important person in your heart is still Pei Zijun, isn't it?" I bowed my head, unable to answer. Shen Cao continued: "I know you care about him, so I inquired about them through various relationships. Don't worry, he is fine. He was just blocked on the mountain by an avalanche and the communication system was broken, so he lost contact with the headquarters temporarily. They have been contacted. The helicopter rescue team has located them and will have news soon." When the bell rang, Shen Cao walked to the window sill, took out a portable satellite phone, listened to a sentence, and immediately handed it to me: "Sure enough, come and listen." I couldn't react for a while, so I just took it in a daze. I never thought that it would be Zijun's voice from the other end: "Brocade box, brocade box, is that you?" "Zijun!" I yelled, tears streaming from my eyes: "Zijun, where are you?" "I'm still on the mountain. I just got picked up by the helicopter rescue team. I can go down the mountain tomorrow. I have decided to suspend my trip. I will book a flight back to Shanghai when I get down the mountain. Jinhe, I want to see you!" "I want to see you too..." Suddenly, an incomparable grievance welled up in my heart, and I choked up. Zijun asked carefully: "Jinhe, are you crying? Don't cry, don't cry. Don't worry, I will return to you safely. Didn't you promise me that when I come down from the mountain, you will tell me Answer? I will never give up until I have your answer. " "Yes. Yes." I cried, "Zijun, I will keep what I promised you." "So, will you? Will you marry me?" There was a "hissing" sound from the other side, which meant that the signal was disturbed. I vaguely heard someone reminding Zijun to cut off the communication, but Zijun refused, and kept shouting: "Jinhe, Jinhe, answer me!" I could see the reckless Zijun avoiding the rescuers rushing to talk on the phone. I couldn't help laughing with tears, and said loudly: "Zijun, I promise you, we will get married when you go down the mountain. I promise!" The call was cut off at this point.But I was still holding the satellite phone that had lost the signal, and I was stunned, with tears streaming down my face, unable to restrain myself. Shen Cao came over and asked softly, "Jinhe, have you made your decision?" I nodded, nodding in despair, unable to answer. Shen Cao, Shen Cao, we are going to separate.Thank you for finding Zijun for me. I am about to marry him as his bride. This is the end of my relationship with you! Shen Cao stretched out his arms and hugged me gently: "Come on, our dance is not over yet. We can't do things like this without a beginning and an end. I don't want to be unable to dance a complete dance with you when I look back in the future." Pass." He laughed, but it broke my heart more than crying. Women can complain, but men must endure.I know his heart must be more sad than mine. I was in tears, looking at the man I loved the most in my life, the music was still playing in the air, we held hands again, and insisted on dancing this last dance. the last Dance.When the song ends, my love will come to an end. Tomorrow, Zijun will return, and I will return to my original life trajectory, get married, have children, and never see Shen Cao again. The waltz floats in the air, and the heart is the last red candle of Dali's New Year's Eve, and every inch of it is grayed out in joy. But the year is finally going to pass, and the new dawn is coming irresistibly. We clasped our hands, but it still seemed like two stones were colliding together through something. I lay in his arms, wanting to cry but not crying. I don't know whether to be happy for Zijun's safety or sad for my farewell to Shen Cao. "Cao Shen, I've been in love for more than ten years, and I only have one boyfriend. Maybe it's because I'm subconsciously unwilling, and I want to choose one more time. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to choose." "I have been in love more than a dozen times, but I have never tried to treat someone exclusively. I really want to take the initiative to pursue it firmly once. I also want to thank you for giving me this reason for being exclusive." Tears endured and endured, but they still flowed endlessly.Shen Cao, every word of his can touch my heart so deeply. However, I and him can only be separated and never see each other again.Never see you again. What could be more heartbreaking than willingly saying goodbye to the man you love the most? We never finished the dance. The pain made it difficult for me to take a single step, and the pain of the mermaid dancing on the tip of the knife without a tail was nothing more than that. I hugged him tightly, and tears seeped into his coat. Many years later, when the past has dissipated with the wind, this coat will still remember my pain. Shen Cao, Shen Cao, I really love you!