Chapter 6 red roses and white roses

This night is destined to be sleepless.On the one hand, I finally realized my dream of dating Zhang Ailing, which made me feel unbelievably uneasy and suspicious; on the other hand, the green color of "Nihonbashi" is refreshing, and I feel seasick after thinking about it for a long time.Perhaps, the negative effect of traveling through time and space has not disappeared? Wrapped in a nightgown, I sat curled up in the corner of the bed for a long time. When I suddenly looked up and looked into the mirror, I saw my whole posture, elegant and subtle, familiar—isn’t that the freeze frame in Eileen Chang’s photo album?

At this moment, I am extremely like her, as if possessed. Zhang Ailing fell in love with Hu Lancheng, and asked over and over again: "Is your person real? Is it true that you and I are together like this?" In the same way, I really want to ask Shen Cao. Suddenly, the phone rang suddenly, it was a shock, and it was also a call to revive one's soul. It was Zijun, he said that he was already on the train and would arrive in Shanghai tomorrow morning, and then hurriedly hung up after saying "see you tomorrow". My heart was in a mess all of a sudden, and my mind, which was already entangled like a hemp, is now even more confusing.Tomorrow, Zijun will be back tomorrow, should I tell him about Shen Cao?But me and Shen Cao, what's the matter?He said that he hoped to go back ten years ago and rewrite my love history. He expressed his interest and appreciation for me unabashedly, but there was no promise between us, not even a clear confession of love.What can I say to Zijun?Said I fell in love with someone else and decided to break up with him?Ten years of dating, can it be revealed with just a single sentence like this?

Zhang Ailing said that every man has had at least two women, a red rose and a white rose.Marry a red rose, and in time the red one will become a mosquito blood smear on the wall, while the white one will still be the moonlight in front of the bed; Marry a white rose, and the white one will be a grain of rice sticky on your clothes, but the red one will be a smear of rice sticky in your heart. A cinnabar mole. Why not, woman? Every woman also has two men in her heart, right?One is her confidant, and the other is her bosom friend.If you marry a bosom friend, your heart will be empty, and you will feel that there will never be an echo; if you marry a bosom friend, you will lose your voice again, and live in uncertainty forever.

How much you gain, how much you lose.Love and ideals, as long as you choose, you are doomed to be wrong. The so-called wrong love is nothing more than the fault and miss of love. It was getting brighter little by little. As usual, I went to the market with a vegetable basket to buy fish, so that I could cook porridge with shredded ginger fish and wait for Zijun to arrive—he said that every time he came back from a long distance, he always had no appetite, and what he longed for most was a bowl that I cooked myself fish porridge. If it wasn't for Shen Cao, maybe I would be so willing to wait in the house, cooking fish porridge for Zijun for a lifetime, right?

But what I desire more now is to have a cup of Longjing tea with Shen Cao. Tea is easily stained.I heard that people who work in tea houses are not allowed to eat fish, let alone get fishy smell on their hands. Walking in the noisy vegetable market with a fish basket in hand, I suddenly felt that I was so bad—how could I be thinking about one person, but buy fish and cook porridge for another? The fish fillets gradually rolled up in the pot, like my heart fluttering. When Zijun came in, the porridge was just right.He exaggeratedly threw himself onto the bed and shouted: "I'm exhausted, I'm exhausted, I'm exhausted, I'm exhausted, I'm exhausted."

strangeness.Before I met him, I struggled and troubled for so long, but when I met him, I didn't feel any embarrassment at all, and I immediately returned to the old mode, as if I had never been separated.After ten years of dating, sometimes it is impossible to tell whether the affection between us is like coffee and milk, whether it is love or habit. I put the porridge on the coffee table in front of the bed, and laughed at him: "Incoherent, what's wrong?" "I'm exhausted. The porridge smells great." Zijun picked up the bowl and drank it with a snort. I looked at him contentedly, with an instinctive sense of happiness in my heart.Sometimes, happiness is also an instinctive reaction.

Everything is patterned.He put down the porridge bowl, started packing his bags, and took gifts out one by one. At the same time, he reported what he saw on the way, and casually recounted some newly collected funny jokes. "There was a honeymoon tour group. When we were allocating rooms, we found out that there was a man and a woman who were single. The man was unemployed, and the woman was broken in love. They wanted to go out to relax and covet the benefits of the honeymoon group, so they signed up as a partner. But now what should I do? What? The rooms for the group members have been reserved, and there is no more room left. Although these two men and women are not husband and wife, they can only live together."

"But don't the tour group check the marriage certificate before signing up?" "Don't interrupt. Let's say that this man and woman live in the same room, and there is only one bed in the room..." "When you run a travel agency, you usually book a standard room, right? There should be two beds." "That's not true. This is a honeymoon tour group, so they booked a couple's room with one bed. There is only one bed. So the man and the woman said, let's guess the winner. The winner sleeps in the bed, and the loser people sleep on carpet..."

"Then this man is too rude." I commented, "He should ask to sleep on the carpet." "Listen to the story. The two men played a game of boxing, and the woman won. So she went to bed. But in the middle of the night, the man was so cold that he couldn't bear it, so he begged the woman to let me go to bed. I was too cold. , I promise to be well-behaved. The woman said, that’s not okay. I’ve been wronged to sleep in the same room with you. If we sleep in the same bed, wouldn’t it be impossible to wash it off by jumping into the Yellow River? But this man has been Begging and begging, the woman was soft-hearted, so she agreed, but took a pillow and put it between the two of them and said, this is the boundary river, you can't cross it. The man agreed, and nothing happened overnight. The next day, they A group of people went sightseeing, when a gust of wind suddenly came, the woman's scarf was blown away and hung on a big tree. The woman was very sorry, and she just said my scarf, which is very meaningful to me. So the man couldn't help saying, he climbed up the tree to take off the scarf for the woman, and wrapped it around her neck gently. Unexpectedly, the woman suddenly changed color, slapped the man across the face, and scolded him. In a word..."

I smiled cooperatively and praised, but I felt that my soul was divided into two halves, one half stayed in the room cooking fish porridge, and the other half was flying in the air looking for the Japanese bridge... until Zijun woke me up: " Guess what this woman said?" "What?" I made up my mind and guessed casually, "I think this man's hands and feet are unruly?" "wrong." "So, did you hate this man for touching her meaningful veil?" "Not right." "Then... I can't guess." "I knew you couldn't guess. This woman said: You can climb such a tall tree, but you can't get over such a short pillow last night?" Zijun proudly reported the answer, and laughed himself first. .

I also had to grin the corners of my mouth to make an expression that I was smiling. Only then did Zijun notice something was wrong with me: "Hey, did you wake up too early and didn't sleep well, or are you worried?" I cheered up and couldn't help asking: "Tell me, is there such a person in this world who is created according to your ideal. Because an ideal person is always composed of details and characteristics. It is a combination, not a complete and specific image. Therefore, this person is only part by part, and the details of each segment cannot be concrete, quantified, or implemented." Zijun didn't understand: "What are you talking about? Did you see a person's nose or eyes? Part by part." "Of course I didn't mean that." I was troubled by the fact that I couldn't express myself clearly. Maybe this question should not be discussed with Zijun at all, but if I didn't ask him, who would I talk to?And over the years, I have developed a habit of telling Zijun no matter what is on my mind.Sometimes, it is not to ask him for an answer at all, but just to let myself sort out my thoughts while talking. "What do you mean? One by one, the first half or the second half?" Zijun laughed wickedly, "If the first half is relatively normal, with a head, a face and a sense of beauty, then only the second half is left, two or two Walking over with the top of the legs cut to the waist, can’t it scare people to death? But if it’s a woman, of course the second half is more practical.” I can't laugh or cry. "Forget it, it's not up to you to say it, it's basically a chicken and a duck." "Okay, okay, let's stop making trouble, I'm all ears now, you speak slowly, what do you mean? How do you call a person who is built according to ideals?" "If there is a person, I mean if, he is exactly as you imagined, what you like, he also likes, everything he does is what you most desire, you just thought of one thing, he has done it for you You have done it well, even better than you imagined. He is like a gift created by God according to your ideal. But ideal is an illusory thing after all, just like a movie, it is a work, it is It is not complete to separate the real life and express it in details. So the person you can get in touch with is only composed of details, and you can only see his most perfect appearance. One side, but unable to grasp his whole, and unable to imagine whether a complete him can be truly possessed by people.” As always, in telling, I have slowly come to the conclusion myself: "No one can really have an ideal, just because, when the ideal becomes a reality, it is no longer an ideal. The ideal is never a A specific thing, but just a concept, a kind of image, if you can have an ideal in a certain moment, it is already the most ideal." "I still don't understand." Zijun gave up, and looked at me very distressed, "Ajin, I really listened carefully, but what are you going to say? One ideal, one realistic , Are you saying that you have an ideal? Or are you imagining someone?" I also looked at him, feeling helpless and apologetic. It was really hard for Zijun to think about such a problem.Just as I never found his jokes funny, he never understood the meaning of my musings. So, I smiled and ruffled his hair: "Don't think about it, I just said it casually." Seeing Shen Cao again, I felt a bit miserable for no reason. Want to see, but afraid to see; finally see, thousands of words, but don't know where to start.The corners of his eyes always carried his gestures, but he dared not make eye contact. I have been in love with Zijun for ten years, and now I know that the taste of love is so bitter. He came to discuss the details of the cooperation with the boss, and left in a hurry after only staying in the office for a few minutes, but his figure and breath seemed to be everywhere in the room, which made me unable to return to my senses for a long time. "Zhang Ailing's Photo Album" was spread out on the scanner, and the black and white pictures were transferred from the pages of the book to the computer screen. I picked out two pictures, aged eight and eighteen, and carefully colored them according to Yi Yi, restoring the scrolling patterns on the sleeves. While thinking of the lonely and thin wrists that were exposed after the sleeves were taken off. Next time I see Zhang Ailing, what year and month will I hit by mistake?See you next time Cao Shen, has his research progressed, allow me to try again? For me, Shen Cao and Zhang Ailing are inseparable, and they are inseparable from my ideals.The feelings for him are not just as simple as love, but also a pursuit of ideals. However, when he called, I still said against my will: "I'm very busy during this time, so I probably won't have the chance to meet." During lunch, the boss asked me to go downstairs together with a smile on his face, and Shen Cao was inevitably mentioned during the meal.Ah Chen hinted to me with flickering eyes that Shen Cao had a cohabiting girlfriend early in the morning. She is a well-known photography model who has appeared on the covers of many magazines. The two have grown from work partners to bed rivals for several years. I don’t know how true Ah Chen’s words are. I tell myself rationally that a photographer and a model are a natural relationship, and most of them are acting on the spot. Shen Cao’s conditions are so good, and his footprints have flown across Europe and Asia. It’s inevitable that he will be romantic Yes, he can't let his youth idle for more than ten years and wait for me to appear.Didn't I have Zijun before? Moreover, Shanghai men who are married inevitably have some kitchen spirit. They are either full of wine and food, comfortable and lazy like the boss, or sour and resentful, cramped and trivial like Ah Chen, and they will definitely not be as chic as Shen Cao. However, I still had to care about it in my heart, as if it was heavy with lead. I can't ask Shen Cao. It is the most embarrassing stage of dating. When we first met, we were flirting, cursing and showing off our cleverness, and everything we said was just fun.Once the two parties were sincere, they became deadlocked, talking and acting like a play, and the politeness was so fake.Talking back and forth, always missing the point, directly asking someone about their thirty-year past experience, it is unavoidable to talk shallow and deep, and to be proud of their familiarity.Don't ask, but always worry. In Hu Lancheng's memoirs, Zhang Ailing said that since she was in contact with him, she was "suddenly troubled and desolate. When a woman loves someone, she has this kind of grievance. She sent a note telling me not to see her again, but I don't think so. What will happen in the world, I still went to see her that day, and she was still happy to see me. After that, I simply went to see her every day." Such grievances, I am also the same.Could it be that you want to see Shen Cao every day? That person Hu Lancheng really understands women's hearts so well, how can she complain that Zhang Ailing didn't worry about him, fell in love with him, felt wronged for him, and even sent him a photo with the words on the back: "After seeing him, she became very low It is very low, as low as the dust, but she is happy in her heart, and flowers bloom from the dust." A woman who writes such words is a stunner; a man who disappoints such a woman deserves to be killed! However, Hu Lancheng said: "I have a wife, and she doesn't care. I have many girlfriends, and even play with prostitutes, and she will not be jealous. She wants all the women in the world to like me." I was shocked by Zhang Ailing's generosity, or was it a kind of helplessness?However, I can't be that chic, what I want is the love of a couple for the rest of my life, and there can't be any fakes. Ah Chen suddenly stopped chewing and stared at me.I was stared inexplicably, so I had to stare at him too.Ah Chen made a fuss and said: "Jin, you are so greedy. You must be gentle and elegant when you eat Western food. Look at you, the soup is dripping, and the egg juice is spilled everywhere. It is really rude. If you bring It’s the same when you go out for a big meal, but how do you meet people?” The boss was reminded, and raised his head curiously, looked at the plate and then at me, smiling as if interested.I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, I was holding a sandwich egg and didn't know whether to swallow it or put it down.Eating under the critical gaze of two big men, I was really afraid that I would get stomach stones. But this is not enough, Ah Chen turned around and blamed the boss more intimately: "Look at Ah Jin, young people don't know how to dress themselves up, they wear a white shirt every day, there are very few girls who don't know how to dress like this .” I sigh, step on me, step on me to death, the next step he will probably criticize my lipstick color.But if I were to follow his taste and wear that deadly perfume, I'd rather stop breathing. This light meal was a pain in the ass. When I got back to the office, I poured down a cup of coffee and exhaled hard, only to feel that my breathing was smooth. Just as I was about to make another cup, I suddenly saw a familiar figure who almost made me spit out the coffee I just drank—Cao Shen is here! It never occurred to me that Shen Cao would not avoid suspicion—no, not only "not avoiding suspicion", but "with great fanfare", "blatantly", "swaggering through the market", "for fear that the world will not be chaotic"—to rush into the office date me. He wasn't even asking me out, he was giving orders directly.The person he was looking for was Ah Chen: "Can I ask Miss Gu for half a day off?" Ah Chen was taken aback, and quickly put on a flattering smile and said, "Yes, yes. Of course, of course." That way, it was like the big class of dancers, and I was his red-card aunt who was ordered to come out at any time. I can't play tricks with Shen Cao in the company, and I don't want to see Ah Chen grinning and hissing like a toothache while complimenting me insincerely, as if very surprised that Shen Cao would take a fancy to me It was a surprise and a headache.There are such people who wish to trample others under their feet, and wish to see that their subordinates have a little bit of pride. When they see others winning the lottery, they feel as if their pockets have been robbed.It's better that other people are pouring rain every day, and he is the only one walking on the Sunshine Avenue. When I came out with the handbag, I was both annoyed and surprised, with hidden joy and heartache. Once in the elevator, Shen Cao immediately apologized: "I'm sorry, I have no other way to ask you out." I opened my mouth, but couldn't utter a word. Only when I saw him did I know how hard I was looking forward to meeting him.However, I must be a little angry at such a domineering invitation, otherwise it would seem too unreserved. However, before he had time to make a good draft and ask the teacher, Shen Cao had already changed the subject. He looked at me fondly and admired him sincerely: "Since the so-called 'Bohemian' style became popular, it has become rare for girls to know how to appreciate simple white. A shirt. I remember ten years ago, when I first saw you at the window of the Academy of Fine Arts, you were also wearing a white shirt. At that time, I said to myself, 'This is a fairy'." I almost burst into tears. Who wouldn't want to hear words of praise?Especially from someone you like. I know that many women's wardrobes are as colorful as a garden without sunlight, but when I opened the wardrobe, I saw only a few white shirts all year round. At first glance, it seemed as if they never knew how to change clothes. Only very careful people know how to appreciate each white shirt The styles are different. I immediately forgave him for his presumptuous assertion, including the unhappiness of being robbed by Ah Chen at lunch. It doesn't matter if you lose ten sentences or hundreds of sentences by irrelevant people, as long as you get a sincere affirmation from your confidant, it is enough. The car has been driven to "Always Cafe", or a window seat, or two cups of coffee. The difference is that Shen Cao prepared butter for me. He still remembers that last time I told him here that Zhang Ailing always asked for a serving of cream every time she ordered coffee, and complained that the current coffee shops use milk instead of cream to make up for it.he remembers. My heart ached. For the first time, I realized that the taste of coffee is really bittersweet. The last time I drank coffee here was not long ago, but it seems that many years have passed in the middle. Three autumns a day, it turns out that it is not only longing, but also hesitation and struggle. Shen Cao cut to the chase: "I heard that your boyfriend is back?" It is said that.Listen to whom?Ah Chen?I really don't understand why they like to spread news between Shen Cao and me so much.I was a little annoyed for no reason, nodded and said nothing, took out a string of marriage beads from my handbag, and played with them over and over again, whether it was a kind of cover-up or a hint, why should I just sit and say nothing like this? These two beads are a gift from Zijun, who said that if anyone can wear the two beads on the small wooden handle, he will be a destined person by the Sansheng Stone.But I twisted all night and couldn't wear it left and right.When I asked him the trick, he laughed and didn't answer, he just said that he would give me seven days to experiment, and if I did it, I would be rewarded. I asked him, "Why seven days?" He said: "God used seven days to create the world, and human beings use seven days to find marriage." "So profound?" I was a little surprised, but then I realized, "Is that what the seller of marriage beads said? Is it a slogan?" Zijun smiled embarrassedly: "You guessed it again. Just wait, sooner or later I will say a few very profound words to impress you." Just thinking about Zijun's words, Shen Cao suddenly took the Marriage Pearl from my hand and asked: "Just this little thing, do you want to tinker with it for so long?" Swapped positions. I was horrified: "How can you do it so easily? How did you do it? Have you played it before?" "I've heard of this game a long time ago. But it's not so boring, I really tried it. But seeing you playing so hard, I couldn't help but play it, and it solved your knot." Shen Cao looked at me and said There is something in it.He clearly knew the legend about the Marriage Pearl. I finally asked, "What's the matter with that female model?" "Break up." He answered happily. "So it really happened?" "I don't know which female model you are referring to. I have had many girlfriends, both in China and abroad. But now I don't have any. Now I am an innocent single nobleman, and I am dedicated to pursuing one of you." He looked at me, Smiling dazedly, "What about you? When will you have a showdown with that Pei Zijun and fall into my arms?" I have the answer, but I regret it—why ask?Obviously I can't give him the answer, but I still want to ask him for the answer.How unfair!I already have Zijun, but I want to be jealous of Shen Cao, what right do I have? I lowered my head, speechless. He suddenly sighed, and said: "Fan Liuyuan once said that Bai Liusu's best thing is to bow his head. It turns out that you are the same. Only by destroying a Hong Kong can the love in the city be fulfilled. If I want to have a result with you , do you want the whole of Shanghai as a dowry?" I was shocked.Shen Cao, Shen Cao, every word of his can always touch my heart so easily and deeply, like a spell in my life, the charm is unstoppable. Tears dripped into the coffee cup, like the wind wrinkling a pool of spring water, turbulent like my heart. He sighed again, stood up and said, "Let's go, I'll take you to a place."