Chapter 15 pick up love

My beloved is indeed on the Lijiang River, waiting quietly to die in a private house in a fishing village that doesn’t even have a TV. After living for more than thirty years, her path finally came to an end.She didn't mind, and even looked forward to the day when she would leave sooner.She is too tired. If death were an end, she would welcome death with open arms. Unfortunately, she who has already died once knows very well: death is just the beginning of another journey.It seems that marriage does not mean that a happy love has blossomed and bear fruit, but only means that real life has just begun.

During the day, she would take a walk along the river bank, occasionally go to the market farther away with a basket to buy vegetables, and cook by herself; at night, she would sit in the yard and watch the stars.The starry sky in the city is not so clear, which is why she came here. She used to live in New York, the most prosperous and bustling place in the world, but now there is only a desolate place in her memory. The past of going to Chinatown with her parents at night seems like a lifetime away. Where will she go in the future. It's just that not all karma has a sequel, even if they can reach the same place, there is no chance of reunion.How many true love and Lu Kefan will there be in the world?

What's more, even True Love and Lu Kefan finally broke up. The air is clear, and the sound of water can be heard where she lives, crying like crying, and it lasts all night, like a long-running drama that never ends. Who on the riverside sees the moon for the first time?When did Jiangyue shine on people at the beginning of the year?The generations of life are endless, and Jiang Yue is only similar year after year. There is a wry smile on the lips of true love. For the bright moon, what is the difference between thirty years and a hundred years? She has no attachment to life. The sword of Damocles hanging high was about to fall, she would rather raise her head and prepare to kill without fear.

Bi Tao has never known fear in her life. Although Bi Tao's life was humble, she lived it calmly, and spent her whole life drifting with the tide.Wherever fate sends her, that is where she is, and whoever she is. Gu San, Master Lu, Jin Daban, many dancers, police chief Wu Tong, accountant Wu... What's the difference? After that reunion with the young master, she was captured by Wu Tong and repeated her fate of being played with and tortured day after day, day after day she repeated her fantasy and despair about escaping. However, before she could figure out what method to use to "run", Wu Tong "run" first.He took a boat and ran from Shanghai to overseas, running away without a trace, running like hell.

Bi Tao was suddenly free, but she couldn't believe it.It's like a person trapped in a prison who finds the door open one day and doesn't know whether to open the door to get out. He is afraid that there is a machine gun outside and will kill her as soon as she comes out. That's it, she didn't do anything for half a year, just stayed there, sat and ate, waiting for the next step of fate, waiting for the promise of "I will come back to you" from the young master; when the rent was due, she moved to a cheaper place Continue to wait; when it is more difficult, move again, and move more cheaply.

Later moved to Shikumen.The landlord's daughter, who was around her age, introduced her to work in a factory, and she went. No one knows her origin, except Accountant Wu. Accountant Wu was very afraid that others would know his wife's former identity, so when he got the certificate, he had to change her name.She doesn't care, she can say whatever she wants, to the party, to the revolution, to the founding of the country, to liberation... whatever. He shook his head, saying it might be simpler, just take his surname and her surname together as the first name. She couldn't remember her surname for a long time, after thinking about it, she casually said that her surname was "Tao", the peach of Peach Blossom.He didn't believe it, and said, "How can there be such a surname in a hundred surnames? It's better to be called Tao."

She had nothing to do, so she changed her name to Wu Taoshi. "No Peach"?She froze for a moment, feeling unspeakable sadness in her heart.Taipan Jin said that everyone has a peach blossom in their fate, and she is a "red and gorgeous peach blossom evil", so now, her calamity is probably over, and she has "no peach blossoms" ever since. There is no peach blossom, no style, no waltz, and no Paramount. However, Accountant Wu was still worried, and was still afraid that someone would find out, so she was not allowed to work any more and only be a wife. In the past, he had to lose his entire family to be able to have a good night with her, but now he could sleep with her every night for nothing - he didn't feel lucky, but felt that the pain he had suffered for her back then was not worth it.The words he cursed at her in his heart during the sleepless nights before could finally be said in front of her.

Wu Taoshi listened patiently, without making any excuses.She has now become a standard housewife, as she used to say: I can do everything, cooking, sweeping the floor, washing clothes... The freshness and vigor were shed from her face layer by layer like a cicada shedding its shell, gradually transforming her into the most mediocre middle-aged woman.In fact, she was only in her thirties this year.However, she was dying. Before she was about to die, she suddenly thought of her own life, and countless torrents of the past came before her eyes, making her see her real self clearly and hear her most passionate voice clearly.She heard the faint melody of the waltz, saw the young master dancing with her in the waltz and under the peach blossom grove, and said to her with compassion: "Unfortunately, you are willing to be a concubine."

"Unfortunately, you are willing to be a concubine." That "Qing" is her, who just walked into Lu's mansion, and just changed from "girl" to "Xingren'er"; that "concubine" is also her, who drank tea She became the "Aunt Xingniang" after Lili; later, by accident, she lost him, and changed from "Xing" to "Peach", Ren Bitao; but she did not forget him, she was always looking for him, finding him, She saved him, but lost him again; later, she became the "Wu Tao" family, and she was still looking for him, looking for him all her life, until she was old and died.

She is going to die.The girl is going to die, Xing Ren'er is going to die, Ren Bitao is going to die, Wu Taoshi is going to die... She thought about her identity and name in her life, and felt that there were many bodies lying on this bed, but the soul was all one. . oh soul. Her soul flew in the air, saying to herself: I love him. I love him. True love The only connection between the past life and the present life is love.just love. This is the purpose, the mission, and the whole meaning of her rebirth. Now, everything will eventually end, ashes to ashes, dust to dust, fame, love and hatred, all turned to ashes.

She looked at herself in the mirror, with long eyebrows, amorous eyes, and childish cherry lips—the self in the mirror was not haggard because of terminal illness, on the contrary, there was a kind of glamorous beauty like a flashback, which was caused by the collision of high-altitude cables The momentary blue spark, the extremely sad and beautiful glance before disappearing. She had already predicted that her life would be 32 years, but she never thought that the cause of death would be AIDS.In the most depraved and dusty days, she walked through it peacefully as she wanted; but when she was most compassionate and clean, she contracted HIV due to blood transfusion. I really don't know if this is an angel's mistake, or a devil's joke? Maybe the world has always been so unfair. She looked at herself in the mirror with a sense of trance and pity, and then realized that this expression had appeared in her previous life—at the moment of her death, her soul flew in the air, and she suddenly saw her ignorant life clearly. With vague affection, she said to herself: I love him.At that moment, she also looked at herself with such sudden and compassionate eyes. Hearing a knock on the door at this moment, Xinai's first thought was: Death is coming. However, when she opened the door, it was Lu Kefan standing there. Kefan has been looking for his beloved for so long, but once he saw it, he couldn't believe it. After staring blankly for a long time, he only said one sentence: "I heard that you have a terminal illness?" "Terminally ill?" My beloved smiled wryly: "I have been terminally ill since the day I was born—my love for you is the most incurable terminally ill. I knew that my death would be near, but I never thought that I would die so badly." romantic." "My beloved..." Lu Kefan finally believed that the beloved in front of him was real. He rushed forward to hug her tightly, but the beloved hurriedly hid behind him. Kefan grabbed the hem of his shirt and refused to let go, "Why are you avoiding me? You know , I've been looking for you, and it's been so hard." "Why are you looking for me?" Xinai pushed Lu Kefan away forcefully, and said coldly, "Did I tell you to look for me?" "Remember that night on the Lijiang River? You left the words 'remember me' on the car window. It was like a mantra. Since then, I have been thinking about you and thinking of you all the time. So, I went to the Lijiang River Here we come." Lu Kefan decided to hold on to his beloved even more tightly, and said in a deep voice, "Now, I have finally found you, and I will never let you leave again." "Remember me?" My beloved's tone seemed to be that she had forgotten about the Lijiang River, even if she thought about it, she still felt indifferent, and said coldly, "I take back that sentence now, I hope you forget me." "No!" Lu Kefan yelled. "My dear, so many things have happened, you still refuse to treat me as your relative?" "Forget me!" Xinai said again, "I want to forget you too. I once loved you, but before I die, I want to take back all my feelings for you. From past life to present life..." "You, hate me so much?" Lu Kefan was stabbed. This was the most sincere and passionate time in his life, but his beloved didn't accept him.She doesn't need him anymore.He finally knew the pain of love going nowhere. "My dear, what do you want me to do before you forgive me?" "You don't need my forgiveness. If I hate you, it's because I still love. But I don't love anymore, not you, or anyone. Kefan, I just want to forget you like never Know that." Lu Kefan's heart tightened a little bit, he never expected such an answer.How could it be possible to truly love him and no longer love him?She has been in love with him almost since she was born, her love asks for anything, the sea and the sky, how can there be no end? "Why can't you give me a chance to love seriously once?" He begged bitterly, "I have been loved by you for so many years, can't you let me love you again? I don't ask you to do the same Love me deeply, as long as you are willing to accept my love is enough. Isn't this also possible?" Beloved is almost soft-hearted.In front of her is the eldest young master she has loved for two lifetimes. He looks haggard and dusty, his famous brand suit is scrunched up, catkins are even stuck to the ends of his shoulders, and all of this is for her.However, she was at the end of her rope, and could almost smell the grass on the grave. At this moment, no matter love or hate, it was time to die together, and she didn't want to be entangled with him anymore. At the last moment of her life, the person she wanted to avoid the most was him. "Love is a very private thing." She answered him coldly, "You can declare to the world that you love me. That's your business too. You don't have to care whether I accept it or not." "You don't believe me. You think I'm putting on a show, don't you?" Lu Kefan was almost crazy, "You say, how can I make you believe? What should I do? Do you want me to get sick with you? , die together? Then come!" He suddenly rushed forward, frantically hugging his beloved and wanting to kiss her forcefully.No matter how beloved dodges, he just doesn't give up.After all, a woman's physical strength cannot compete with a man, let alone a sickly woman and a strong man, let alone that man is like a madman. Finally, their lips met tightly, and they kissed each other.Tears flowed into his mouth, his tears and her tears melted together. Kefan is already desperate at this moment, if she wants to go to heaven, he will let her go; if she wants to go to hell, he will also follow her! A person always loves selflessly once in his life.The person he loves can only be true love!Between them, there is a kindness of two lifetimes to count! He finally fell in love with true love, he finally saw all their fate and cause and effect, how much he wanted to love her well and repay her, but they had no time. Lu Kefan was almost going crazy. Lu Kefan has gone crazy. Lu Kefan had to go crazy. His heart ached as if it was about to split open, and his beloved was only more painful and desperate than him. Xinai spent her entire life trying to win Kefan's heart. Now, she finally got her wish, but she suddenly understood: love is actually just a matter of one person.Insisting that another person be in sync with oneself will only destroy the other person. After her parents passed away, she was devastated and felt guilty for not being with them well when they were alive; now that she was dying, Kefan regretted not being with her well in the past. Everyone is regretting the past, and everyone has to wait until the moment of loss to reflect on it. Everyone is dissatisfied, unhappy, and unwilling. She's not that different one.She is equally greedy, self-willed, and selfish. Her life is not so much a journey of finding love, but a war, a war with Lu Kefan, the enemy advances and retreats, the enemy retreats and pursues, and she is always on the verge of separation, worrying about gains and losses.If it was said that he owed her to make such atonement, then who did she owe to be persistent all her life? She was a little fascinated: what was the relationship between her and the young master in the previous life?She promised this life because she didn't get his love in the previous life, but in the previous life, could it be that she was the original sin for hurting him?In the beginning, how did their karma come together?Who lost whom first? However, in any case, she hoped that this would be her last life, and it didn't matter if she went to Huangquan hand in hand with him or remained separated by mountains and seas.What's important is that she has walked with him with her memory this time, and lived once soberly, persistently, and according to her own choice, and that's enough. Xinai looked up to God, with tears in her eyes, as if she heard her own vow in the previous life when she was dying: I want to live again!I want to get love!I want the world to return my innocence! "I was wrong." She tossed, sadly, and whispered in Kefan's arms: "It's my fault, I shouldn't ask you to be reborn with me, if there is another life, I would rather you forget me , I also forgot about you, even if we come face to face, we will never get to know each other again. I want you to live a good life, no matter who I am, you don’t owe me anything, and I won’t look for you anymore, I will pay you back No hanging..." Kefan broke down in tears: "Dear..." The beloved's sigh is low and inaudible: "Why are you looking for me? Why can't you be yourself as before, happily? My days are numbered. If you find me, you will only watch me wither day by day. If Let you also be infected with the virus, I will not feel at ease even if I die." "I don't care. Honey, if you have one year to live, we will live happily for a year; if you only have one day to live, we will love each other and go through this day. You like to travel, and I will accompany you You go to the ends of the earth; you like quietness, I will accompany you to live in the mountains and forests. As long as you like, I will accompany you to do it, my love, don't reject me again!" In a certain year, in a certain month, on a certain unnamed island in the Atlantic Ocean, there was a couple of gods and immortals. Their love had begun since the beginning of Pangu. We are going to separate. Kefan hugged his beloved tightly and desperately, not knowing how to become one with her, so that he could live forever and never be separated. Both death and love are beautiful once in a lifetime, and it is precious that these two things can be shared with the same person.Perhaps, he should be grateful that he finally understood the true meaning of love before he died, and that he could face death with the one he loves the most. However, even if he voluntarily dies on the same day and the same year as her, can it be guaranteed that they will return to hell or heaven together?Can you guarantee that you can meet again after reincarnation?Can you guarantee that you will be born in the same year, the same month, and the same day next time?Can Eternal Love After Rebirth Be Guaranteed? These days, they have traveled many places. He accompanied her, cared for her, cherished her, and repaid all the love owed to her.In the morning, when it was just dawn, he would pull her up and go for a run together, do morning exercises, and breathe fresh air. He firmly believed that this would be good for her health.However, she gave up early in the morning, because she knew the time limit of her life, which was a repertoire designed by the God of Death. The method may be different, and the time has already been determined.However, she couldn't bear to refuse his kindness, so she had to force herself to go to bed early and get up early, and try all kinds of strange foods and folk secret recipes with him that are said to have the effect of bringing the dead back to life. They didn't recuperate still, didn't waste a minute or a second, but sang while walking, traveling in the mountains and rivers. She felt tired from time to time because of her physical discomfort, so he carried her on the road and sang to her. Looking out over his broad shoulders, the whole world looks wonderful.Perhaps the most mellow is not the Burgundy red wine from 1978 or 2008, but his affectionate eyes; perhaps the most fragrant is not the Dutch tulips, but her sweet smile. However, one day he finally fell down too, and he didn't know when he got sick. At that time, she had also suffered heartbreaking pain, but he was relieved, and there was a kind of joy of seeking benevolence; they supported each other, and fell down again. Climb up until no one can move, so I rent this boat and drift with the tide... The clouds are light and the wind is light, and the boat is as light as leaves. Lu Kefan and his true love drift side by side on the Atlantic Ocean, drifting to the other side of life together. He said in a trance: "My dear, these days, I often have some strange dreams, dreaming that you and I are dancing in strange clothes, and there are peach blossoms flying everywhere. My dear, have we known each other for a long time? Like childhood sweethearts. Longer. Perhaps, since the beginning of the world, we have known each other, reincarnated, searched for, and loved each other..." There are 110,000 unbearable things in my beloved's heart. I can't bear Kefan to suffer for her, I can't bear Kefan to return with her, I can't bear the hardships of love.In the last period of her life, she finally got everything she longed for, and she was with the person she loved most. Not willing to separate, the most loving couple in the world is not as close as they are.For this reason, she has prayed for two lives before God and death, but now, she just wants to end it all. Her eyes have gradually faded, her voice is weak, but she still insists on saying the oath that contradicts Kefan word by word: "Everything should be over. It should be over. If there is an afterlife, I only hope, I will never meet you, and if I do, I don’t want to know each other, let alone remember. Kefan, forever and ever, I don’t want to have anything to do with you anymore, no matter love or hate, it’s all gone..." Kefan could no longer answer her, he approached death before her, as if he wanted to find the way for her. There is a faint tune coming from the sky, true love leans over hard, gently helps Kefan close his eyes, then lets go, with all her love and hate, her past and present, and sleeps tiredly together . She seemed to see angels and devils waiting for her at the end of her life, frowning, still arguing endlessly about the ownership of this soul... Xiling Snow Sunday, July 10, 2005 in Xi'an Chrysanthemum Garden