Chapter 9 8 first love half a century late

Beloved is finally in love. Since that interview, Lu Kefan started dating her logically. He didn't comment much on the content of the interview, but he seemed to acquiesce in the role of "sweetheart".Just like the most standard boyfriend, playing around with my beloved, buying her flowers and chocolates—although, he only sends birds of paradise and not roses, and my beloved never likes to eat chocolate. The most important thing is that he didn't say love to his beloved. Xinai declared to the world that he was her sweetheart early in the morning, but he didn't deny it, but it didn't mean he agreed; even if he agreed, he didn't necessarily agree to respond.

For my heart, for your heart, I know each other deeply. However, his heart and her heart do not correspond.Beloved couldn't even take the initiative to ask him.Because as soon as you ask, it becomes entanglement. She voted for Qiong Yao, but he rewarded her with a peach. But she can't even care about gains and losses. All she can do is try to keep the jujube fresh, making it an immortal peach that can live as long as Qiong Yao.Otherwise, she can only watch the wooden peach and weep until it rots into dust. The law of love has always been like this.It was she who made love to him first.She was wrong from the start.In the game of love, whoever takes the initiative will lose the opportunity, whoever is serious will be at a disadvantage, and whoever loves deeply will have no sovereignty.

But no matter what, as long as they can be together, she can see him and be with him, that is the happiest thing in the world.With him, no matter what you do, it makes her feel infinitely meaningful; when you go to the beach to watch the sunrise, the sun will be brighter than before; Replaced Peony as the leader of Huaguo; in order to go to Kefan for a date, she would not hesitate to turn down any media interviews or calligraphy and painting auctions; Leave it to Kevan.She is no longer as fluent and calm as she used to be, but she consults Kefan before saying every word and doing everything, and acts according to his wink and willingness—although, his ideas have never been wise. .

As long as Kefan is willing, everything can be put aside, all honors are no longer important, anyone can be ignored, and everything can be ignored. Zhen Xinai was born and lived for Lu Kefan. When they first dated, he tried to pull her face to kiss her. She felt uncomfortable, but couldn't resist.The first kiss did not bring her the sweet touch she longed for, but it was also shocking for a long time, with endless aftertaste.Moreover, she found that her movements were quite clumsy, and she couldn't remember her previous experience at all—it turned out that kissing can't be used from the previous life to the present along with the memory.

When she got home, she jumped into the bathtub, reminiscing about the kiss during the day for a long time, and dreaming about it.What will happen next?If Kefan makes further demands, should he accept them or reject them?Du is only sixteen years old, so it's too early to say a skin-to-skin relationship, but if she refuses, can she do it?If Kefan said "yes", can she say "no" to Kefan? "Sorrow arises from love, and fear arises from love", she found that she was a little afraid of Kefan. Based on the experience of the red dancer in her previous life, it's not that she doesn't understand that if you really love a man, you shouldn't pamper him too much and let him get too much and too easily.

Yet she couldn't help it. She regards him as her sweetheart, and it is good that he is willing to be her side.Even the people around him don't know how long they can last. In her previous life, she was an unclean and unchaste woman, but that was fate; in this life, she really wanted to be a pure and pure woman.This makes cute love to develop a hobby of bathing in this life. She has always believed that bathing should be a very extravagant thing, only extravagance can be comfortable.This extravagance includes endless flushing, smearing the body with bath liquid and letting the head halfway up to let it dry in its natural state instead of scrubbing with hands, no consideration of time, and of course, adequate heating and lighting.

If you can do whatever you want, it is best to have a huge bathtub filled with water and milk in an appropriate ratio. The moment you put your body in it, you can see the excess water being discharged from the tank with a bang by your body weight without hesitation. In addition, every subsequent turn will splash some water; or the surface of the water is covered with petals of various colors, and the body is faintly visible under the petals. The flowers bloom between the limbs, and after taking a bath, the feeling of stepping out of the bathroom with petals on the floor is an almost cruel pleasure.

Only those who don’t care about paying can be called extravagance—you can take a shower at any time you want, for as long as you want, and with any ritual you want—this kind of joy is probably It can be counted as luxury comfort.In comparison, music or joss sticks are the easiest thing to do because the consumption is limited. In the past, I had to reach out to my parents for all consumption, and I bought bunches of flowers just for bathing. It was really hard to say it—not to mention that my former lover couldn't speak at all.To this day, she can finally do as she pleases, rearrange the bathroom according to her own wishes, buy as many flowers or milk as she wants, and jump into the bathtub to think or ask and answer to herself at any time.

She tossed and sighed among the flowers and water waves, thinking about the kiss during the day, thinking about that kind of intimacy and sweetness, thinking about the past life from reality, once, the moment she was closest to the young master was on the boat. Because of seasickness, the young master had to accept her care obediently.She ran for him, gave him water and medicine, and even changed his clothes—his clothes were dirty from vomiting, and he had to dig out a clean shirt from the bottom of the box to change. He struggled to take it off by himself, but almost fell to the ground. She quickly supported him, and unbuttoned him one by one, revealing the moles on his chest, which were neatly arranged and counted. There are a total of six - it turns out that they are not moles, but ring seals of burning incense.

She remembered what his wife had mentioned when they chatted with her before, saying that Kefan asked someone to tell his fortune when he was a child, and he didn't live long.Most of the wealthy families at that time had such a rule: fearing that the child would not grow up, they sent it to the temple, received incense, asked the master to take the name of the monk, such as Huijing, Wukong, Zhizhi, etc., fasted and bathed, and strictly observed clear rules.After a few days, I will pick it up from the wall, hoping to deceive the Buddha and tell him to take more care of the fake monk. I don't understand what kind of mentality this is - superstitious belief that the Buddha is omnipotent, but he also thinks that the Buddha is a fool, thinking that he can get away with it.There are ten thousand things that don't make sense, but everyone believes in it and does it the same way.Lu's house also drew gourds and ladles in the same way, and fearing that they would not be deceived, they specially expressed their sincerity-asked the abbot to burn six ring scars on Kefan's chest with incense sticks, proving that he was a genuine monk. The skin and flesh are taken out to serve the Buddha, so is it fake?

Xingren'er has heard this story a long time ago, and she has heard it more than once - she likes to hear stories about the young master told by her wife, and she never tires of hearing it.However, today, it is the first time for her to truly prove that the young master in front of her has merged with the little boy in the story, so, as if she has witnessed his growth from childhood to adulthood, she is closer to him. There is more kindness and familiarity, the familiarity is unforgettable, and the flesh and blood are connected. She lightly stamped the ring marks on the chest with her palm, as if she had also imprinted the six ring marks on her own palm, and then slowly put on the clothes for him.The palm of her hand pressed against his heart and the seal that represented his destiny. They were truly in love with each other. They would never be separated for the rest of their lives, and she would be his closest person for the rest of their lives. Xinai lifted her hands out of the water, held the petals in one hand, and said to herself softly: true love, is the closest person in Lu Kefan's life. The holidays are short, and Kefan is about to start school, his sweetheart is tender and tender, and he has been longing for each other before separation, his eyes are red and swollen from crying.Ke Quefan only felt exaggerated, and had no feelings of parting, but was impatient: "You can write letters, you can make phone calls, you don't need to be so separated from life to death." Xinai also doesn't want to act so useless and worthless, but a person's sadness is directly proportional to what he gives, not what he gets.Kefan gets too much and is too easy, so he doesn't cherish it; if he pays too much and thoroughly for his beloved, he will not give up. Kefan teased lightly: "When I was young, I went to school, and I didn't ask you to follow, but you wanted to follow, and that's how you cried." He shook her hand, "When I think of my childhood, it's like my previous life. My dear, we seem to be We've known each other for a whole lifetime." Lovely and smiling, they have known each other for a lifetime, from the previous life to the present, and even from life to life. "At that time, I never imagined that one day you would become so beautiful and popular, and you would become my girlfriend." He suddenly remembered, "My mother said that a famous foreign school would admit you as a student without taking the exam. , are you going abroad soon?" "Not so fast. The procedures are quite troublesome." Xinai reluctantly said, "Besides, I don't want to be so far away from you." "But I'm leaving you to-morrow. But I'll write to you." However, he broke his promise. Back at school, Lu Kefan had no time to sit down and write a letter in peace, since new people and new things caught Lu Kefan's heart looking around.He had little time to read the long and frequent letters from his beloved. Xinai writes letters to Kefan almost like a diary, sometimes writing three or four letters a day, the writing is clear, calm, sincere and full of fragments.She doesn't write a lot of nasty words, and she doesn't even mention missing much, but her missing and love are hidden between the lines and jump on the paper, and you can feel it without being careful—— "Kefan, the peach blossoms are blooming, and there are large pieces. When the flowers bloom, you can hear the waltz music. I picked a few to make bookmarks, and I will send you two with this letter. There are also peach blossoms in Beijing, right? Are you in bloom? Do you want to dance?" "Kefan, it rained last night. When I got up in the morning, I saw many petals were knocked down. The moss was very moist, and some thin-necked mushrooms grew under the pine trees in the park, like umbrellas that couldn't be opened. I tried to They can be painted, but the aftertaste of rain cannot be painted. Recording is actually an unbelievable thing, because you can only record this moment, and you don’t know what it has experienced before.” "You said in your last letter that you were going from Tianjin to Dalian to shoot exterior scenes. Did you go by boat? Did you get seasick? Remember to bring seasickness medicine. The waves are so big, the boat is shaking all the time, and people are dying. That memory is really scary. If every day A wave has a memory, so how many stories will there be submerged in the waves? Every time I hear the sound of the waves hitting the shore, I feel that they are telling endless unknown and distant secrets.” She seemed to be trying to remind him of something, and if he felt it, he didn't want to think about it.It's just that her photos are always with me, not for myself to see, but for others to see. "My girlfriend, a talented painter, I really love her." It is very cool to have a beautiful girl like my beloved as a girlfriend.Because her value can be used to affirm and enhance his value, but it does not prevent him from pursuing other girls. When encountering a mountain that cannot be conquered, he will say with regret: "My beloved is really good to me, but I am willing to give up her for you." Often it has a miraculous effect. Lu Kefan's girlfriend must have at least two digits. But these beloved ones don't know it.She wholeheartedly waited for Kefan to come back, and sincerely prayed that he would succeed sooner, become popular sooner, and become an idol star for more people and even the whole world sooner. Sometimes when Li Yuanzheng came to see her and listened to her talking "Kefan" and "Kefan", several times he couldn't help reminding her that Lu Kefan was not a good lover, but he couldn't bear to speak up.A gentleman does something and doesn't. He can't let himself say something that is not good for his friends, so he has to keep silent. Xinai smiled: "Now I'm just the opposite of you, I always tell you to listen." Yuan Zheng smiled wryly, to be honest, sometimes he really missed the days when his beloved didn't talk, when she was gentler and quieter, and she wouldn't call other people's names endlessly.But maybe in the past she was calling in her heart, but he couldn't hear it, so he only read what he wanted to believe.Who knows? Life is just deceiving yourself to be happy.At least he can still enjoy the joy of meeting his beloved these days. "You socialize so much now, have you given up painting?" "Of course not, but the time for painting is indeed much less than before." Xinai said regretfully, "Mr. Zhang really has a lot of communication, and he has to run a joint school with others and give lectures everywhere. He has decided not to teach me anymore. .” "Zhang Peicen is more like a businessman than a painter." Li Yuanzheng commented. Xinai was a little surprised that the good old man would say harsh words, but he hit the nail on the head.Zhang Peicen once said personally: "My dear, you are the most worthwhile investment in my life." The tone is full of those stock refugees who focus on the "bull market" and "bear market" to study buying and selling. They also go out together from time to time, go fishing or watch movies, and go out as a couple.However, it feels completely different from being with Kefan.When she faced him, she would not blush and her heart would beat; if he missed an appointment or was late, she would not be so anxious that she would fidget and think wildly.Most of their games are boring, but not boring, because the movies they like to watch belong to the same category, with the same praise and criticism, and similar interests. At this time, Li Yuanzheng was thankful that his beloved could speak, allowing him to enjoy the joy of communication.He can be regarded as a good-looking talent in school, with excellent character and learning, and it's not that there are no girls who favor her, but none of them are more flavorful than lovable.He has his pride and persistence, he would rather be short than abuse, and make room for his beloved, which doesn't mean he can be sloppy with other girls. What's more, love's study abroad procedures have been completed layer by layer, and the trip is imminent, even such a relationship cannot last long.Li Yuanzheng cherishes the good times very much, and he is unwilling to waste time with narrowness and jealousy. He knows that he only occupies a second place in the world he loves, and every time he comes to Kefan for a holiday, he will automatically disappear for some days. Everyone will pursue what they think is the best, and until despair comes, they will not know how to turn or settle for the second best.Either persistent, or bothering, few people are truly contented. Li Yuanzheng and True Love each have their own attachments. Over the next winter, Lu Kefan had the opportunity to play an important supporting role in a TV movie.On the day of the broadcast, Lu Zhen's family made an appointment early in the morning, and before eight o'clock they were already sitting in front of the TV and waiting with bated breath. Mother Lu made a fruit salad for the guests, and Professor Lu opened a bottle of red wine to drink with Mr. Zhen. He has always disapproved of his son entering the film and television industry, but it is a done deal, and everyone is so positive, so he has no choice but to follow the crowd and blend in with the crowd . The most nervous thing is love. She has never seen the image of brother Kefan on the screen. She doesn't know how far it is from the real Kefan. Does he have a camera face? Will he be popular with the audience? , Will she become famous overnight... She just feels more nervous than holding an art exhibition by herself, and cares more about the results. Finally the commercial ended and the feature film was released. When Lu Kefan appeared on the screen, the people in the room couldn't help but cheered, and then fell silent—the young Lu Kefan was actually far from the superstar demeanor. Playing as a cool boy, his behavior and speech have such a strong taste of imitation, as if he is on the stage of a drama, and he seems to be taking an acting class. His expression is jerky, his movements are exaggerated, and he is completely out of touch with the role. The story is about an old-fashioned love story in the 1930s and 1940s. Riding on the craze of the TV series "Shanghai Bund", I picked a few waves and turned it into a stream.Ke Fan's role is equivalent to Ding Li's role. The same siblings came to Shanghai to fight the world. They were fledgling and brave, fell in love with the same woman as the boss, and finally died under random guns to save that woman. Boys are different from girls. Girls have poor acting skills. As long as the image is young and beautiful, they will also receive unexpected effects that are even more pitiful. Male actors can’t rely on their appearance alone, and youth is not capital. The appearance is actually embarrassing, and if the performance is slightly out of proportion, it will be deformed.If it were any other actor, Lu's mother and Zhen's mother would definitely blurt out and ask, "I don't know why the director chose him to act"; , really has some acting talent." By this time, everyone had already understood that the reason why Lu Kefan had the opportunity to participate in the performance was simply because the crew was short of money. The TV movie was produced at a low cost, and everything was kept simple. It should be a classmate, maybe the producer or the director has something to do with the school, this film can almost be said to be a performance report by the students, or an internship result. However, Lu Kefan himself obviously didn't think so. He called back excitedly and said in a high voice: "Did you watch it? How was my performance? Is the action of drawing the gun handsome? It's just that the scenes are a little less. But the director said If there is a chance to cooperate again in the future, I must be the protagonist. My classmates also said that I did a good job, and I plan to go out and have a meal to celebrate. Well, they are calling me, so I won’t say much.” He didn't ask for a private conversation with his beloved. Although true love is undoubtedly Lu Kefan's most loyal lifelong fan. And Xinai stared at the screen from the beginning to the end, but didn't see clearly what the film was telling, and didn't care how exaggerated and jerky Lu Kefan's performance was.All she devoted herself to was the handsome image that was so familiar to her heart. Lu Kefan in the film is more like his past life than his present life.In particular, there is a scene of standing in the elevator of a department store looking down. It looks like it was retrieved from memory and copied directly to the screen after half a century of wind and rain. True love, I will never forget that moment, that image, that frozen frame that I have been looking forward to for a long time like fireworks. It was in the late autumn of 1947, when the pseudo-"National Congress" of the Kuomintang was held, and the Nanjing government issued an order to "impede morality, promote economy, and implement a ban on dancing."For a while, the market was in chaos and the prostitution industry was depressed. Dancers organizations were set up in various dance halls. Taipan Jin became the leader of this organization and went to meetings, appeals, and even organized parades every day. "Paramount" opened for a few days and stopped for a few days, so there is no certainty. Dozens of ladies in "Paramount" are mostly young and old. When they go to work, they are rouge and silky, and they are still unkempt and unkempt when they get home; Bi Tao is only one person, and the whole family is not hungry when they are full. The pressure is light and the status is light. On the contrary, it is more important, because there is no need to rush to make money, so the attitude is a little calmer.It's up to others to make trouble, but she's not in a hurry, and she's happy to use the few days off to have fun everywhere. Waking up at noon this day, she put on her makeup as usual, changed into a cheongsam, and walked coquettishly to the department store.The sun's light danced on the leaves of the sycamore, and jumped onto the asphalt road, like sprinkling gold, she was almost reluctant to step on it.It turns out that Shanghai during the day can be so beautiful.She has been in Shanghai for more than a year, and she hasn't had a good time shopping in the daytime yet. After entering the company, she put her hands on the escalator and leaned out to look at the scene, like a kid who hasn't seen the sun for a long time, full of greedy curiosity about the present world.However, at this moment, she saw a very familiar figure in the elevator opposite, with her head divided, a suit, and her hands folded in front of her body. She leaned her face slightly and listened attentively to the chatting and laughing of a girl beside her. .The girl was very young. Although she was not wearing a school uniform, she was recognizable as a female student. Her hair was cut very short and curled against her scalp. She wore a white shirt, mid-length trousers, and canvas shoes with white thread. Socks, revealing a round calf—this kind of dress is quite out of the ordinary in winter, but it is fashionable and refreshing enough, and it is youthful. Bi Tao watched from afar, as if the Cowherd looked at the Weaver Girl across the Milky Way, and suddenly felt ashamed.The elevator went up and up all the way, but she felt that her figure kept getting shorter and shorter, so short that she became a dwarf, a mustard bean, and a weed—she was just a weed at first. Flowers and weeds, no trees to climb. She climbed all the way to the top floor, stopped, stood still and thought.She thought about him so painfully, and wished him so much, but now that he was in front of her eyes, only an elevator away, she dared not call him, and dared not walk in front of him.She thought how could she go up to him and talk to him who was so tall and straight?Only the student lady can walk side by side with him. If she walked over rashly, what would the lady think and say? If the young lady asked who she was, how would she answer? Even if he asked her how she lived now, how could she answer? Could it be that she said that she used to be his father's concubine, but now she is the dancing lady of Paramount? No, she couldn't walk up to him, couldn't call him, couldn't recognize him like this. Not only could she not move forward, she even kept retreating, until she could no longer see him. In fact, she couldn't see him for a long time. Once the elevator went up and down, they were separated on both sides of the Milky Way.She could no longer see him.When she realized that she could no longer see him, she suddenly woke up, feeling very reluctant. She jumped to another elevator, sat all the way to the ground floor, rushed out the door, and rushed to the street. He rushed out, but he was never seen again. He has gone out, maybe into a shop, maybe on a tram, maybe they came in their own car, and now they drove away, into another world that she couldn't go into. Go, pass by her from now on, the vicissitudes of life, eventually become strangers... Lying in bed that night, she thought about every minute of the day and felt deep regret. Why did she get distracted and focus on looking at the female student instead of looking at Master Kefan so many times?Did she really see him?How tall and fat is he now?Do you have a beard?What clothes are you wearing?Which button is the button below the neck?Whether the leather shoes are shiny or not...why the more I think about it, the more I can't remember it? Only the young lady's appearance is vividly imprinted: short hair, plain face, white shirt, mid-length trousers, canvas shoes and white linen stockings—female students wear white linen stockings, while Miss Wu wears glass silk stockings, which are still imported products. Expensive, but for some reason, when compared to her shirt and trousers, it felt dusty and dusty.Maybe her eyebrows and eyes are not more beautiful than her own, but there is a noble taste in her temperament.When she was studying with Ms. Keyan, she once learned a poem called "There is a poem in the stomach, and the spirit is self-sufficient". She knew that this described that kind of girl. Learning, what the girl has is something she will never have, which is learning.And knowledge is more precious than style. And she has a kind of vitality that I don't have. Her shirt and trousers are indescribably chic, and her expression is indescribably flying. I don't know what she is talking about. Young Master Fan slightly bowed his head, listening very seriously.When did Master Kefan listen to himself so seriously?Did he say something worth his attention? There was the sound of trams rattling and rattling outside the window, and the curtains were not drawn, so you could see a blue light flashing from time to time in the corner of the window, which was the electric spark from the high-altitude cable.It is like fireworks in a trance and cold in this winter night, steel blue, crisp, trying in vain to illuminate the night sky, but it is always fleeting. Bitao's apartment is on Nanjing Road, the address was chosen by Jin Dapan for her, and Jin Dapan paid the rent in advance.But she knew that Taipan Jin had already demanded those money back dozens of times from her regular customers—always after receiving a thick wad of money, Taipan Jin would be very embarrassed and very careful to take a small coin. The key was handed over to the person who "paid the rent for Miss Bi Tao". Therefore, the keys of Betao's apartment are always changed from time to time, not only to avoid "collision" of different guests visiting at the same time, but also not to want the guests to pay for one time and want to enjoy the courtesy multiple times.Bi Tao often can't remember that the key has been changed, and she has to be shut down every so often, so she has to go all the way to Dapan Jin's house to pick up the key, or simply spend the night at Taipan's house. Bitao would never argue with Taipan Jin about such inconveniences.Because her today is given by the Taipan, and her tomorrow will depend a lot on the cultivation and preferential treatment of the Taipan.She just gave up her body to go out, and the grace of saving life should be promised with her body. She is like a child who refuses to grow up, firmly imprisoning her thoughts and emotions in a body that has already matured, but desire wakes up before all reason and emotion.She's just as creative in bed as she is on the dance floor—she's not all about variety, she's just good at catering.When she bears and responds seamlessly, all the desire and inspiration of the man will be aroused, so the twists and turns are full of tricks.This is a kind of instinct for her, instinctively cater to, instinctively endure, instinctively strive for survival. But today, after reuniting with the young master and witnessing the young master's female companion, Bi Tao deeply felt inferior, and realized that what she had done so far was despicable and worthless. Looking at the blue sparks flickering high in the sky, she had the urge to hang herself on the high-altitude cable to hang herself.She thought that if she could freely choose the way of death, then flying to a high place, holding a steel-cold blue spark and electrocuting herself, must be the most pleasant death.If she died and came back to life again, wouldn't she be more worthy of him? She looked at her hands, as if she was looking for the six rings branded on his chest in her palms.She wanted to see him, she really wanted to see him.That blue spark burned in the bottom of her heart, stimulating her to be hot and cold for a while, as if suffering from sadism. Love is like sadism. Only by holding the body of your lover can you find peace.She didn't understand love, but she knew that she wanted to see him, wanted to see him like crazy, if she could see him, she would be willing to let her die immediately.She had been lying down, and got up again--even in the grave she would get up when she thought of him. She redressed and went out, called a rickshaw all the way to the door of the closed department store, sat down under the eaves, hugged her knees, lowered her head, and waited foolishly—just like the day she was lost at the pier, She waited hard at the pier, hoping that he would come back to her. But he didn't come to her. He didn't look back for her that day at the pier.Today, I still won't look back for her. Always she was looking for him.She is waiting for him.But you can't find it and you can't wait, even if you see it from a distance in the crowd, you can't squeeze in front... The patrolmen came to chase her away, taking her for a wandering warbler.She didn't make any excuses, and sat with her head down for a while, then got up and left.When I walked back to the apartment, I really had a fever, and my whole body seemed to be sitting on a boat, low and high for a while, but very dizzy. There were so many people on the boat, rushing to and fro, she was terrified, looking for his figure in the crowd, afraid that she would lose him again if she was not careful.He was far in front of her, clear and blurry for a while, she pushed forward hard, pushed forward hard, determined to squeeze to his side, follow him, and hold him tightly.But it was unsuccessful, no matter what she couldn't squeeze through, the distance between her and him was so far away that she would never be able to reach it. She cried in despair in her dream, tears wet the pillow covering beside her ears, she lost him and could never find him again...