Chapter 7 Chapter 6 The Reunion in Sarnath

Sarnath, about ten kilometers north of Varanasi, is the place where Sakyamuni preached for the first time. It is also the place where the Buddhists said "the first turning of the wheel of Dharma". It can be called the birthplace of Buddhism. At that time, Prince Gautama Siddhartha shaved his hair and became a monk. After six years of penance, he could not realize the Tao. He was extremely weak and had no strength to climb ashore after bathing in the river.Fortunately, the gods took pity on him and let the big tree hang down its branches, urging him to go ashore.He fell into a coma on the shore for a while, and when he woke up, he couldn't help doubting what he had done in the past: If such penance can't bring him enlightenment, then maybe he chose the wrong way to understand the Dharma?At this time, a shepherdess named Sujada passed by. Seeing how emaciated and weak he was, she gave him chylus as alms.Seeing that he had accepted the offering from the shepherdess, the five attendants no longer insisted on the hunger strike, thinking that he had changed his ambition, so they despised him, and made a promise not to follow him and respect him.

Siddhartha lost his last companion, so he bid farewell to his five entourages in Sarnath. He came to a pippala tree two hundred miles away alone, spread auspicious grass on the ground, sat cross-legged facing the east, and vowed that if If you can't realize the supreme enlightenment, you would rather let this body be shattered than lose this seat.He thought hard and meditated for seventy-seven forty-nine days, and finally, on a moonlit night, he suddenly became enlightened, perfected his meditation, and completed the most important enlightenment. At that moment, the clouds hang down from the sea, the sky and the earth are clear, and Buddhism was born from then on.The Pippala tree is also called the "Bodhi tree" from then on, and the place where Sakyamuni became a Buddha is called "Bodhi Dojo" or "Bodh Gaya".Bodhi means "enlightenment".

After attaining enlightenment, the Buddha traveled west again and returned to Sarnath, where he found his five companions.The five attendants saw him coming from a distance, and they all agreed not to stand up to meet him.But when Sakyamuni approached, the majesty was self-evident, and they still stood up involuntarily, standing with hands down. So the Buddha sat down and explained the "Four Noble Truths" he had realized to his five followers, namely, the cycle of life, the boundless sea of ​​suffering, the cause and effect of good and evil, and the way to practice transcendence.Those five were sincerely convinced, and immediately became enlightened, and became the first batch of Buddhist monks, that is, the "five monks" in the history of Buddhism.

It was the rainy season at that time, the pond was full of lotus flowers, and the deer in the forest also ran out to listen to the teachings. The three treasures of "Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha" stood up, that is, the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha, and Buddhism was born from then on. Five monks followed the Buddha to spread the Dharma, and the Sangha quickly expanded to more than 60 people. All the disciples followed the Buddhist teachings, "begging for food outside to nourish the body, begging for the Dharma inside to nourish the wisdom and life", went to the villages and towns to teach the Dharma during the day, and returned to Mountain retreat.Buddhism takes Sarnath as its foundation and develops day by day.

Lumbini, where the Buddha was born, Bodhgaya, where he became a Buddha, Sarnath, where he preached for the first time, and Kushnaya, where he passed away and was cremated, are collectively called the Four Holy Lands of Buddhism. In particular, although India is the birthplace of Buddhism, the re-identification and excavation of these four holy places were completed through the records of Chinese monk Xuanzang in "The Western Regions of the Tang Dynasty". This is all thanks to the Muslims in Turkey.In the late twelfth century, Islam invaded India, claiming that Allah is the only true God, and destroyed a large number of pagan buildings and statues.By the time the Mughal Dynasty was established in the 16th century, Islam was only inferior to Hinduism as the second largest religion in the country. Akbar the Great and Shah Jahan both advocated the "unification of the three religions", but the crazy religion that killed fathers and brothers After the fundamentalist Aurunzeb came to the throne, he abandoned the teachings of his ancestors and wantonly destroyed Buddhist buildings.The Buddhist relics in Sarnath were completely destroyed, the houses were pushed down, and the Buddha statues were smashed to pieces. The slightest damage was to smash the Buddha's nose—probably they couldn't destroy so many Buddha statues, so they used the Buddha's nose as a Symbolize it.

Since then, Buddhism has gradually declined in India, and Sarnath disappeared into oblivion. There is no longer a Buddhist temple or a single monk in India. Buddhism is like a hurricane, once brilliant and then disappeared without a trace.It was not until the disintegration of the Mughal regime and the freedom of religion that Buddhism was reintroduced to India through Islamic cards, and Buddhist buildings such as the Four Holy Lands and the Lingjiu Mountain Lecture Center were redeveloped one by one. The main basis for development is the use of Chinese classical literature. According to Xuanzang, the Sarnath 1,300 years ago was huge in scale and had many monks. This is recorded in "Da Tang Western Regions":

"The Poroni River goes northeast for more than ten miles to Luyejialan. The area is divided into eight parts, surrounded by walls and surrounded by towers and pavilions. The rules are beautiful and poor. There are 1,500 monks and they learn the Hinayana Zhengquan method. There are essences in the big wall. The height of the house is more than two hundred feet... In the house, there is a stone statue of Buddha, which is equal to the body of the Tathagata, and turns the wheel of Dharma. In the southwest of the house, there is a stone stupa, which was built by King Wuyou. Although the foundation collapsed, there is still a hundred feet left A stone pillar is built in front, more than seventy feet high, the stone is moist with jade, and the reflection is reflected, and the one who prays diligently, sees all the images, and sees good and evil from time to time, is the place where the Tathagata has just turned the wheel of Dharma for the first time after he attained enlightenment."

"Jalan" specifically refers to the garden abode where monks lived and practiced together. The "Luye Garan" at that time was a very famous Buddhist temple in India. However, at this time, when I was walking in the green grassy Deer Park, the scenes of the terraces and clouds and the promenades in the past have long since disappeared. desolate. The "hundred-foot-high" Dhamekh is still there, with a simple shape, rising from the ground in the shape of a cone, like an upside-down stone bell; however, the "seventy-foot-high" stone pillars are nothing. Looking for traces, but I heard that there are fragments preserved in the museum, that is, the famous Ashoka Pillar, which has now become the national emblem of India.The abode where the Buddha lived is now so damaged that only a section of the foundation remains, but it is still painted with gold water by the believers who come to worship from time to time, showing that the remaining prestige is still there.

There are monks sitting under the tree, twirling Buddhist beads and reciting scriptures silently, and several Tibetan monks dressed as lamas are turning around the altar. The sound of Sanskrit adds a sacred atmosphere to the whole Sarnath. I walked alone stroking the uneven stone wall of the altar. In this ancient Buddhist holy place, I could not help but hear a lingering Chinese Kunqu opera: "What is the beauty of the day, who is so happy? Like this Generally, they are all paid to the ruins." What is given to the broken walls and ruins is not only the pleasure of the beautiful scenery on a good day?

Some tourists had a picnic on the grass, occasionally bursting into laughter.At this time, it is the twelfth lunar month of winter in China, but here are green trees, green grass, and birds jumping and pecking at the bread crumbs sprinkled by guests, just like a paradise.Especially after wandering around the noisy city of Varanasi for a few days, my ears are used to the noise of the city, and suddenly I came to such a place with singing birds and fresh air, like watching a black and white silent film from a color TV, or The symphony was replaced by a flute solo. Gradually, I discovered a rule. Most of the Indians I saw in the scenic spots were brightly dressed, with elegant attitudes, and even their expressions revealed a kind of superior grace and luxury; Son, immediately showed another face of Indians, dirty long shirts, wrinkled wide-leg trousers, always a mean smile on the face, it is simply the two concepts of "class" and "caste" speak out.

There has never been a time and place where the awareness of "birth" has been so clearly felt as in India.Although I can't tell exactly which one is Brahmin, which one is Kshatriya, and which one is Vaisya or Sudra.But there is no doubt that those who are peaceful and elegant must come from famous families, and the castes of those peddlers must not be noble enough, because in India, even a poor Brahmin from a poor family will not allow himself to do so. Nothing disgraceful to do.Although caste no longer determines occupation and income in India today, and intermarriage between different castes has become common, blood is hereditary, and the history of thousands of years has accumulated in the blood of Indians, reflected in the blood of Indians. In their attitude, even if you take off their clothes and shoes, you can easily tell their identities just by their eyes. Today's China no longer has the concept of "nobility". The resorts are full of big-bellied nouveau riche, and no amount of money can cover up their essential vulgarity and poverty. The richer they are, the lower their morals are. Because that money often does not come from the right way.But it is different in India. Although it is poor here, there are real aristocrats, aristocrats nurtured by blood, caste, education and wealth for thousands of years.They are noble in character and elegant in manner, and the most rare thing is that kind of diluted and clear expression, that kind of calm attitude that has not been seen for a long time among adults in Chinese metropolises. In India, the real nobility is not reflected in the clothes and manners, or even the good character and good deeds, but the expression and attitude - the noble expression, which is the most imitable and cannot be faked. I stood and watched the young people's singing and dancing for a while, then walked forward, crossed the grass, and saw a deer garden surrounded by barbed wire, only a few deer were walking, and there were seven or eight children. Selling deer food, as soon as they see tourists, they immediately gather around to sell them.Ten rupees a small bag, I was not interested in it at first, but in order to get rid of their entanglement, I bought a small handful for five rupees, just to experience the joy of feeding deer.Presumably those deer are not short of food. At first they were willing to raise their heads high to cooperate, but later they became lazy, taking a bite when they were fed to their mouths, and didn't even bother to lift their heads if they were not fed to their mouths. I have read the information before and know that the English name of Sarnath comes from Saranganath, which means King of Deer. To paraphrase a saying that Xiao Xin often said: "Here is a story"-it is said that a long time ago, there was a king who liked to hunt deer, so the deer king ordered all the deer to draw lots, and every day a deer would sacrifice himself to the king. Shoot to protect the rest of the herd.In this way, the king shot a deer every day, and returned to the palace contentedly.One day, when he was about to bend his bow and set an arrow, he suddenly saw that stag approaching with a magnificent demeanor and tears in his eyes, which was extraordinary. The king was very surprised, so he couldn't help but put away his bow and arrow and looked at the deer carefully.At this time, the deer suddenly said that he was the deer king, because today it was the king's turn to shoot a doe, and the doe was pregnant.The deer king couldn't bear to kill two dead deer, which doubled the number of deer, but it was unfair to the other deer, so he decided to dedicate himself to the king instead of the doe.The king was very moved when he heard this, and from then on he ordered that deer hunting should never be allowed in this area. In this way, Sarnath became a paradise for deer.The Chinese name is translated as Luyeyuan. While feeding the deer, I wondered, did Xuanzang ever stand where I was standing? The long bell is used to call monks to do evening classes and to urge tourists to leave the park.I left with the flow of people, and suddenly heard a whisper that was so familiar: "Nalan!" The sky is falling apart, and everything is still.I stood for a long time, listening to my own heartbeat, not daring to look back, for fear of becoming a pillar of salt. Very slowly, very slowly, as if it took as long as a century, exhausting all my strength, I finally turned around.Across the herd of deer and the iron fence, between the frolicking children and tourists, I saw him—Da Xin in cassock!Just when I was about to return, neither a minute earlier nor a second later, I just saw it and called it. He called me "Nalan"!That unforgettable voice that lingers in my heart and soul, turned out to be him!It turned out to be him!It's Da Xin, an Indian monk! I don't know whether to be surprised or weep, how could this be?Nalan!How could the voice in the dream, the person who called me thousands of times, be this foreign monk who had never met before?Is this what the Buddha meant?Or father's entrustment? If, if I hadn't come to Sarnath, if I had left a minute sooner, if I had continued my journey or returned to Derry, maybe I would never have seen Da Xin again, and I would never have known that he was The person I'm looking for. But now, I finally found him, what can I do?He is a monk, a monk, a disciple of Buddhism, why? For so many years, I have searched and searched, thought day and night, I have been looking for the owner of that voice, and I have turned back thousands of times among thousands of people, and every time I was wrong.Now, I finally found it, but what future can he and I have? Daxin told me that he has been here for three days, and he is placing an order at the nearby Moganha Kuti Vihar (Mulgandha Kuti Vihar).Because there are too many tourists during the day, they stay in the temple to do their homework, or help the abbot to thank the abbot. Only in the morning and evening when there are few tourists do they come to the garden to meditate. I nodded, my mind was rumbling, as if ten thousand carriages were rolling by.Ever since I met him by the lotus pond, I have been missing him, hoping to see him again, and always believing that we will meet again.But I swear my admiration has no distracting thoughts, I just see him as a virtuous monk, a benefactor who saved my life, and also, a good friend's brother.that is it. Of course, maybe I'm deluding myself.Maybe I have fallen in love with him long ago. When I looked at his handsome silhouette intently by the lotus pond, when I faced a breakup the next morning, I was nostalgic in my heart, and when I was thinking about it every day in Varanesi When I was wandering around, when I came to Sarnath and searched subconsciously, I should know: love leads to sorrow, and love leads to fear.My inarticulate longing and nostalgia for him is love. But if no one exposes it, I don't have to face it, don't have to admit it, and let that little bit of love slowly dissipate in the long river of time. However, he just tore apart the truth, with a short call, a familiar voice, so neat and straightforward, and easily revealed the truth, so that I didn't even have a chance to turn around, and I faced myself The love of a lifetime. At first it was just an encounter, but now I know that it is far from that simple, not as easy as a chance encounter or an intersection, everything is not accidental, I came all the way to India, it is for him! I came to India, to Varanasi, to Sarnath because of him! In an instant, thousands of thoughts flashed through my mind. I wanted to run to him and hug him tightly to make sure it was not an illusion; Having a relationship with a monk is destined to hurt me! I don't know what I said nonsense, and I don't know how I got out of the garden, it seems that the soul was called away the moment he opened his mouth to call, and now it is only my body walking on the street. If he comes one step later, or if I leave one minute earlier, we will pass each other and never see each other again, and I will never know who the person in the dream is, maybe I will keep searching and find die.But if so, will it be a blessing in my life? In this short life I have been losing the one I love, but never more completely than this time—I was doomed to lose him before I even started.So, why meet, why acquaintance? I knew I was going to love him, I knew it the first time I saw him pass by with his umbrella in the lotus pond.But I have been using my reason to restrain myself.But in the face of fate, in the voice of his call, what is the use of reason? Love is a helpless thing, it will never be predicted, and when you know it, it is already too late. I almost staggered, and when I got to the bus stop, I saw the tourists rushing to get on the bus and heard the driver's urging to get on the bus, but I couldn't lift my feet anyway.A voice said to me, get in the car, go back to Varanasi, go back to your original plan, forget about each other, pretend nothing happened; another voice said, is this the end?You have been looking for him, and now you finally found him, but you didn't say anything, just left in silence like this?So, what is the point of searching in the past?Won't you regret it in the future?Come on, whether he accepts or rejects, this is your only chance. Finally, I turned around and walked back to the ruins park again. I walked past the tall bodhi trees and stone waves, past the brown broken steles, and walked to the ruins of the Buddha’s abode, where he really recited sutras. Seeing him, I felt that all the strength in my body was drained, and my body evaporated in the air like cream. The twilight is sombre, covering the entire Deer Park, and the broken foundation and the greenery are coated with a gentle orange-yellow layer, which looks like a whole.It seems that those broken walls were born so incomplete, as if this green grass has been born and died for thousands of years, and he has been sitting there reciting scriptures since ancient times, and I have traveled thousands of mountains and rivers just to come here. I couldn't bear it any longer, leaned on the broken wall and sat down slowly, and finally covered my face and began to cry. He stopped chanting, but he didn't ask me why, nor did he try to persuade me, but just waited quietly. Time, like the water of the Ganges, turned a corner, rushing back, back to the moment when we met by the lotus pond.It was the same that day, I was crying while he was chanting. Why, every time, I face him with tears? After a long time, I wiped away my tears and said simply: "I like you." If I were facing a secular disciple, no matter how much I love him, I would not be so blunt and reckless.However, he is a monk, no matter how many temptations and detours, hesitating to appeal, worrying about gains and losses, or pretending to be mad and shy, what is the meaning to him? If I fall in love with such a person, what can I do other than confess, or confess? So, I confessed: "This is our second meeting. However, I have been dreaming of you and hearing your voice before. I saw you meditating under the Bodhi tree. Maybe then I should understand that I love you The one who went up was a monk. But I didn't expect it. I thought that following the guidance in the dream, I would find happiness in my life. But now I realized that it was a kind of guidance. Could it be that the Buddha wanted me to be taught to become a monk? There is a famous play in China called "Dream of Handan", which tells about Lu Dongbin turning into a fairy. So, are you also sent by the Buddha to enlighten me? But I don’t want to become a monk. The Buddha said that the six senses are pure. No envy, but I have ten thousand doubts in my heart, and I will never be able to do nothing. By the lotus pond, you said that I committed suicide, but I didn’t—not exactly. I didn’t want to commit suicide, I Just don't want to live." I paused and found that I could no longer express my love in English, so I changed it to Chinese and asked him in disbelief: "I don't want to live, and suicide is two different things, do you understand?" He nodded, and switched to Chinese to recite a Buddhist verse: "All conditioned dharmas are like dreams and bubbles, like dew and like lightning, so you should contemplate them in this way." He paused, and continued to say in English, "Life and death, Gain and loss are relative concepts. Why do you enjoy life and why do you fear death? You have no attachment to life, so you have no fear. You are not afraid of death, nor love life. You will not commit suicide on purpose, but When faced with death, there is no desire to live." My tears flowed down again, because he once again spoke my heart so accurately.People always instinctively distinguish their own kind and are attracted to those who are similar to themselves.But Daxin and I have never lived together. There are differences in monks and laymen, even in nationality and skin color, but we are so familiar that we seem to be facing another self. Even if we expose our wounds in front of him, we will not feel ashamed. It is already doomed that there will be no future, so I can only hand over my past, confess without reservation, give everything about myself to heaven and earth, and to this Luye Jialan who has just turned the Buddha's wheel: "Since my father passed away, my mother remarried , I lost the two people who loved me the most and who I loved most in the world at the same time. After leaving my mother's house, I have been living in a boarding life, and no one has ever visited me. It seems that the world has abandoned me The same. Boundless freedom, boundless panic, like a dandelion being blown by the wind and floating around, no one knows where it is going, and no one cares." "I have tried hard to love others, people who are not related to me by blood or relatives, but they can't reach my heart. I try my best to help my colleagues, love every student, and always try my best to meet the requirements of my friends. To make me feel that I am still alive, but I still can't really get close to anyone. For many years, I can't sleep next to anyone, for fear that they will die while I am asleep, and the huge shadow of death hangs over For me, it's like breathing all the time." "I'm afraid of facing death again, but I'm not afraid of dying, because if I die, I have nothing to lose..." As the sky darkened, there were only the two of us left in the huge ruins park—or, were there still countless undead wandering about 2,500 years ago?If those recluses had never passed away and had no time to reincarnate, would they continue to wait here to remember the past? Daxin urged me: "The park is going to be closed, you should go back. There is still time to go back to Varanasi." "I won't go back." I looked up at him, in the afterglow of dusk, his eyes were as bright as stars. "If you don't give me an answer, I will never leave." "The world is impermanent, why bother to be persistent?" Dashui said, "Possession and loss are relative and side by side. Everything in the world is illusory—parents, brothers, lovers, and enemies are all due to cause and effect. In previous lives The cause of this life is the fruit of this life; the cause of this life is the fruit of the future life. You said that you saw me in your dream, maybe it is because we had a fate in the previous life, and this life is just a reunion." "So, were we husband and wife or lovers in our previous life?" I asked deliberately. Da Xin didn't think he was disobedient, and said calmly: "Maybe it's a husband and wife, maybe it's a sibling, maybe it's a benefactor, maybe it's an enemy, or maybe we're not two people at all, but just a flower, a grass, a bird, A fish met strangers somewhere at a certain time, and had an unfulfilled wish, so it came to this world to end it.” "It's like, I'm a cloud in the sky, occasionally projecting on your heart?" Listening to his eloquence, I couldn't help being sarcastic.But then I thought that although he was proficient in Chinese, it was impossible for him to know Xu Zhimo. I couldn't help sighing secretly, and said softly, "I have heard a story: It is said that there was a woman whose body was exposed in the wilderness. another person who passed by dug the soil and buried her. In the second life, they met again. A person who buried her and lived forever—this, is what you mean by fate and cause and effect?" He didn't answer me directly, but said: "When we meet, it's fate; when we leave, it's fate. A flower blooms and thanks, it's fate; people get together and part, it's also fate. It's blessing to live according to fate." "I don't believe it. If meeting is fate, then why do we have to separate? If parting is fate, then why meet? I don't believe that the fate between you and me is so shallow. I don't believe that we have been searching thousands of miles for twenty years just to see each other. One side, two sides. I want to be with you to find the real answer." "The Buddha's verse says: 'If this exists, then that exists; if this arises, then that arises; if this does not exist, then that does not exist; if this ceases, then that ceases.' You are too attached to the concept of 'you' and 'I', that is, From 'this' and 'that', in fact, there is no 'that' without 'this'. You said that you are a teacher, if the teacher is the cause, then the student is the result; the previous life is the cause, and this life is the result. All The cause and effect of each other is a relationship of correspondence and mutual existence. The Buddha said: "Seeing the origin of the relationship is to see the Dharma, and seeing the Dharma is to see the Buddha." If you can understand the cause and effect, you will also understand the origin and relationship, and you will be enlightened." "I don't understand. I only know that before I knew you, I had already felt you. What kind of cause is this, and what kind of result is arranged? Is it just meeting and acquaintance, seeing this side? You say that gathering and parting is fate, But this kind of fate caused me pain in vain, so how can it be regarded as a cause and effect?" The number of stars in the sky gradually increased, but Da Xin couldn't convince me, so he gave up debating and began to meditate and recite scriptures. I just felt very hungry, but stubbornly refused to leave.I want to see how long he can read?It's a big deal, so I meditate with him until dawn. That night by the lotus pond was the most sound sleep I had in more than ten years.The blue lotus in the pond that seemed close but far away, the sudden sun and rain, the monk holding an umbrella passing by the bank when I was drowning, and the monk sitting next to me chanting when I woke up the next morning Silhouette... Deep down in my heart, I always hoped that that scene would repeat itself, that I would spend the second night, the third night, and the thousand and first night with him again.I hope that every morning when I wake up, I can see him at first sight and hear his voice of chanting sutras. I don't know what is "this" and what is "that". I only need to have "you", "I" and lotus. After the sound of the scriptures stopped, he had finished reading, so he had to ignore me and asked, "There are guest rooms in the temple, where believers can stay overnight. Can you arrange a room for me?" "I'll find a place myself." I replied capriciously, wanting to see what he would do.Will he worry about me?Will you beg me or coax me?Will you do everything you can to make me happy like men and women in this world? He said gently: "The garden has been closed. Only monks can enter and exit through the small gate. When I go out, the gate will be locked." "Then lock me here overnight, maybe you will see the Buddha appear." He stopped talking.I thought he would continue to persuade me or stay with me, but unexpectedly, he just stood there for a while, then turned around and left. I am stunned.Facing the devastation and the sky full of stars, I sat alone under the broken wall of the Buddha's hometown, let the night wrap me layer by layer, and vaguely heard the distant and ethereal Sanskrit music, the music in my dreams. The entire Sarnath is full of Buddhist temples built by various countries, and I can't even tell whether the voice comes from the real world or the illusory BC.This former Abode, no matter how glorious it was two thousand years ago, is now dead and desolate, a place abandoned by time. A place with too long history and crowded with too many stories will always have a melancholy atmosphere, not to mention that it has been buried in dust for nearly a thousand years.Weasels come and go, birds chirp and chirp, this is a night that only exists in "Liao Zhai", where countless evils are bred in the darkness.It's not the first time I've fallen in love, nor is it the first time I've lost my love, but it's unimaginable to be left in the wilderness like this coldly.How could I put myself in such an embarrassing situation?Is falling in love with a Buddhist disciple a self-inflicted humiliation? Since leaving my stepfather's house, I've been moving frequently.Whenever I move to a new place, breathing in the smell of the previous tenants in the first night, I will have this sense of disorientation.And at this moment, Sarnath seems to have concentrated all the lonely nights in this life, superimposing their colors and smells together, and the moldy blanket weighed down so heavily, making me more lonely and frustrated than ever before, as if I was trapped The whole world is abandoned, and even the strength to shed tears is lost. But not long after, a white shadow came towards me in the hazy night, and the moonlight coated his body with a silver halo, like walking on the waves, floating like a fairy. My eyes widened, my heart almost stopped, and he came back! My Daxin, he is finally here! for me! At this lonely and gloomy moment, he walked so determinedly, like a ray of light shooting into the night, the whole Sarnath shook accordingly, and the soft grass seemed to be dancing under the moonlight, emitting a noisy light breeze. fragrant.I even saw blue lotus blooming in the pond in the distance. I saw heaven again! Holding a stack of quilts in his hand, Da Xin squatted down gently beside me, and said, "If you want to stay here, it doesn't matter if you put on a thicker quilt. Hot soup." I understand that he didn't abandon me, but just didn't force it.He advised me to leave, but I refused, so he obeyed my wishes and let me stay, but he tried his best to let me sleep warmer, this is "resignation". Buddhism advocates "upholding the self-nature and understanding the living beings." This is the "Dharma", which is Dharma in Sanskrit. The water flow has its own direction, it takes shape according to the vessel, the sun rises and sets, flowers bloom and wither, day turns to night, seasons change, birth, old age, sickness and death, everything in the universe develops and dies according to its own nature and definite trajectory, this is the law. The realm of the Buddha is to realize the nature of all "Dharma" as it really is, without adding or subtracting one point, but to feel and obey equally and universally, and to make others realize it. The wisdom and meritorious deeds of "other senses" that influence believers have reached the highest perfection, that is, when "full senses" or "unsurpassed senses", the Buddha becomes a Buddha. Da Xin, this devout disciple of Buddhism, is telling me with his own words and deeds at this moment, what is the law, what is the fate, and what is the law and the fate.And this self-awareness of his practice is merit. In his eyes, I was just a believer who met by fate. He said: "You rest, I'm going back." The tone of his speech was like facing an old friend whom he had known for a long time. There was a kind of casualness and plainness that did not need to be said. This kindness made me sad for a while, and I felt sad inexplicably.Because the more intimate he is, the more distant we are; the more real he is, the more hopeless the future will be. "Can you stay with me?" I begged, "The Buddha is willing to cut meat and feed eagles, I just let you stay with me for a while, isn't it a luxury?" He sat down beside me and said, "Let me tell you a story." "I don't want to hear it." I knew what he was going to tell would be Buddhist stories that persuaded me to give up my obsession, so I hurriedly preemptively said, "Don't tell allusions, and don't recite Buddhist gatha. If you are willing to tell me, tell me your own story. .” "The monks are empty of all four elements, so how can we use 'self'?" He pondered for a while and said, "Then, let me read you a passage from the Bhagavad Gita, which is a passage from the Mahabharata." I remembered that Xiaoxin said that my elder brother could recite entire paragraphs of Indian epics "Mahabharata" and "Ramayana" at a very young age, and I couldn't help but sigh in my heart.I thought I was unintentionally the mediator of the Sinha brothers, but now I know that I came here for Daxin, and Xiaoxin is the mediator. Da Xin began to recite it gently, first in Hindi, then in English, and I quickly translated it into Chinese in my mind, the general idea is as follows: "Do your duty, even if yours is low; do not do another man's duty, even if his is noble. To die for your duty is to die; to live for another's duty, it is better to die .” I repeated it several times in my heart and sighed: "Why do you think it is similar to Buddhist scriptures?" "All the proverbs and epigrams sound like Buddha's gatha." He smiled, "But all the scriptures are nothing more than the word 'reason'." "I heard the Tao in the morning, and I will die in the evening." I dropped a sentence in my schoolbag, expecting that he would not understand it, but it was just not to be outdone. Sure enough, he repeated this sentence twice, it was clearly the first time he heard it.I remembered Xiao Xin’s fuss every time I heard idioms or Tang poems, and I couldn’t help laughing: “If Xiao Xin were here, he would definitely say: What Tao? What’s okay? You speak slowly.” He paused for a moment, obviously missing his earthly brother too.But he refused to reveal anything, just asked: "Do you understand the meaning of the song just now?" "But what is the matter of duty? Also, the meaning of that song is clearly that everyone should settle down and recognize their own class and caste, but the fundamental idea of ​​the Buddha is not 'the equality of the four surnames', to abolish the class ?" "Yes. But the root of the Buddha's epiphany comes from Hindu teachings, extracting the truth and abolishing ambiguity. All family members are brothers, regardless of high or low. It is not the cause. If you are content with the destiny, you will see death as home; if you expect too much, there will be boundless sea of ​​suffering .” "I still don't quite get it." "It's because my Chinese is not very good." He said in English, "Hinduism emphasizes reincarnation, and Buddhism also talks about reincarnation; but Hinduism requires people to obey, saying that people are born with a distinction between high and low; my Buddha believes that all living beings are equal, high and low. No difference, everything in this world is temporary, like dew, like lightning, like dream bubbles, you should look at it with a normal mind, look at the empty and bearish, there is no need to force it." I was still half-aware, but it was inconvenient to pester me, so I had to drink the soup silently.It is milk mushroom soup, which tastes very delicious.I was a little surprised at the craftsmanship of the incense product kitchen in the temple, and I couldn't help asking: "Does the temple often receive European donors? How can it be French?" "It's a craft I practiced at school in France." I didn't expect to be able to drink the soup he made by himself, and I couldn't help feeling warm in my heart.I remember that the Buddha’s last meal before his death was also a mushroom soup enshrined by the blacksmith Zhun Tuo. Probably poisonous mushrooms were accidentally mixed in it, which caused endless abdominal pain. However, since this is the soup that Da Xin personally made for me, even if it is a poisonous mushroom, I will still regard it as nectar. But then I felt a shock and couldn't remember where this memory came from.Where did I read the allusion about Buddha's mistaken taste of mushroom soup? Suddenly I had a strong feeling that it wasn't just the two of us, there were many other souls around us listening to our conversation and witnessing our relationship.Those thoughts just now were stuffed into my head by them.但不知为什么，感受到周围还有其他生灵并不让我害怕，反而有种心安，仿佛因为有了他们的见证，我与大辛的交往便得到了认可，从此不可抵赖。 一切都不是无缘无故的吧？ 这鹿野苑的重逢，这邂逅相守的夜晚，还有这浓郁美味的蘑菇汤。 大辛收了钵子，再次说：“你休息吧，我回去了。” “再呆一会儿。”我也再次要求。 他停了一下，温和地说：“人生至苦在贪得无厌。佛祖弘法，并非要人人皆出家，但只希望众人得悟，能够'放下'，才有大欢喜。” “那么，再回答我最后一个问题。”我抬头仰视着他，如同五比丘拜见佛陀。“你深谙佛理，自然最明白'缘分'是什么。那么请你告诉我，我们的缘分，到底有多深，多远？” 他摇头：“再深远的大海也是有边界的，只是我们望不见。缘分也一样。” “我不懂。我不懂你的意思是说我们缘深似海，还是说我们的缘分有界定？” “所以才要'悟'。如果你用眼睛看海，就是无边深远；如果你用心想象海，就知道它一定会有穷尽。所以'弱水三千，只取一瓢饮'才是聪明的，不可太执著，只要随缘就好。” 我不知道海在哪里，却已经被无边的海水淹没。我在海中挣扎，不知道哪里是岸，更不知道谁是渡我的舟。我赌气地说：“我宁可在海里淹死，也不愿隔岸观火，临渊羡鱼。” 我连用了两个成语，不知道他能不能听懂。也许这是一种小小的报复——既然他尽说些让我听不懂的禅机，我何不以艰深的中国成语来回应。 他凝视我，欲言又止。我在他澄净如恒河水的眼波中沉溺，绝望地沉溺。如果两千五百年前有个女子爱上佛陀，那么佛便是她心中的撒旦。是与非，缘与孽，情与罪，哪里那么容易分辨？ 乔达摩的妻子在无法唤回丈夫之后，只得也脱下金簪华服随佛出家，成为最早的比丘尼。但是她真的斩断情缘六根清净了吗？她是为了追随他还是为了忘掉他？ 我看着他离去，心里只觉得一阵阵沉陷，仿佛堕入无边深渊。夜色如此幽深，我知道他离开了就不会再回来，我已经不可以再强留他，但是，就这样看着他离开，然后独自留在这荒野里和那些若有若无的鬼魂们相处一夜吗？ 上天仿佛听见我的祈祷，忽然下起雨来。 细雨如丝，织成一张绵密的网。我忽然欢喜起来，因为我知道，大辛一定会再回来。不管他有多么抗拒我，再不在意我也好，哪怕只当我是一只迷路的流浪猫，他也不会忍心把我留给风冷雨急。 我盯着他离去的方向，瞪得眼睛几乎要失明了，终于看到他打着伞匆匆走来。 抢在他把伞递给我之前，我决绝地说：“如果你不同我在一起，那么我不会用这把伞。” 他站住，明显地犹豫。我知道他可以丢下伞转身离开，也预备了他无论怎样劝我开解我都决不妥协，但到底，他什么也没有说，只是挨着我坐下来，将伞遮住我们两个。 眼泪哗一下涌了出来，我将头依在他的肩上，泣不成声。 我终于走近了他。我知道这一刻是我抢来夺来不顾尊严羞耻矜持礼法偷了来的，也知道他的留情只是一种施舍，就像我说的：佛祖割肉饲鹰一般的牺牲。但是我不管，我遇到他，看见他，爱上他，却注定要失去他，那么，能够温存片刻也是好的。 雨水打湿了我们的衣裳，隔着薄薄的衣衫，我清楚地感觉到他手臂的温度。我会记住，这是我们一生中最近的距离，亲密无间，就是这样了。 我将头依在他的肩上，哭泣。然后，终于说，“请带我出去。”